Adulting / Trip to CA

Today was a busy day. Traveling all over the place, going to meetings, making appointments, doing work stuff, and trying to do everything right. And surprisingly, I was able to do everything right. Usually something goes wrong, ppl cancel, i forget something, or im running late. But today everything went right. And i kept thinking.. how much of trying to do things right is me being a perfectionist, and how much is me just trying my best to be responsible and professional. know what i mean? I started making a long mental list of things i'm constantly trying to do right.

taking care of your health
do all the things work requires
eating right consistently and avoiding all da sugar and junk food
going to church and being intentional with being with God
sleeping early, ugh that's kinda hard for me
managing money, saving money and investing money
do chores like laundry, cleaning house, yard work etc.
good hygiene practices ofc
dental care actually requires more effort then ppl think
Working out at the gym at least twice a week
being positive, caring and kind to others

like there's just too much stuff that adulting requires. something usually hasta give. i ain't even married or have kids..just a cat. and like.. how the heck am I supposed to take care of everything and make a healthy routine.. it requires so much energy, discipline and intentionality. i'm already hard on myself as it is. and then i pile these expectations on myself. i mean it's good to try your best, work hard, focus on holistic health and be disciplined. but man.. sometimes i just need to chill

it's funny that i feel so tired on a day off when i accomplish nothing. and yet when i hit the gym, go to work and i'm out doing errands i actually have more energy. 

So my old roommate, finally proposed to a girl... in the Biola school library lol. such a great idea lol. My old roommate is definitely one of the coolest guys. I can't speak enough praises about him, and he found a really godly girl too. So I gotta go up to California in October for a week. I'm definitely excited for him. and they're such a good example of Christian courtship, and i know they'll have a strong Christian marriage putting God first, and idk.. it just makes me feel behind in life. ah nvm, let's not dwell on that lol.  so yeah, i booked a flight, and hotel etc. It'll be like 5, almost 6 years since i've been back to CA. It'll definitely be nice to see some old friends. crazy how distance on this globe can really make friendships grow apart. My family is in Hawaii, but part of me is still in CA. And i guess that's why i feel torn. I definitely overthink and over analyze.. so for now, let's not do that lol. 

Distracted to Focused

You ever stop whatever you're doing and realize, wow i just need to take a moment to do nothing. And then while doing nothing, you automatically start to think, and then while thinking you realize.. I really need to talk to God, and come before Him.

Like.. i realized I go through most of my day preoccupied. And for some reason I feel so distracted from what's truly important. I feel like i've been absent from communicating with God. I feel like i've drifted away concerned about work, or hobbies, and all sorts of random things. And then i realized how much I block out the things that make me feel hurt or down.

signachuurs

Responsibility and tryin to grow up

I had a great childhood. I had so much freedom and energy. In elementary I remember after lunch we would have a long recess. I remember our class would challenge another class to a battle of freeze tag. Everyone would be so hyped to get out on the big field. People knew who were the super fast sharks to stay away from and to not bother competing with.  The soccer girls were always way too fast. I wasn't the fastest, but I knew how to juke people really well. We'd always yell at each other, "Hey no puppy guarding!" but we all knew that was the smartest thing to do. It was pretty dirty, but sometimes I would hide behind a tree or stand still like I was already frozen, and then unfreeze everyone once people weren't looking lol. 

We used to crush raw saimin for snack and put it in a zip lock bag, eat straight up sugar candy, or go to the snack stand for ice pops. We'd come back to class all sweaty, and our teacher was so cool he'd just let us watch mtv music videos. I remember we had like over 10 school dances in 6th grade. I don't think anyone really knew how to dance or slow dance, or actually talk to girls lol. So it was kinda awkward yet super fun. Tamagotchis had there quick fad. then Pokemon cards came along and ruined my life.

i don't think i ever really wanted to face adulting. I still don't tbh. But at this point, it's not a choice. everythin costs money, and there's aways too much stuff to take care of. Responsibility hits you smack in the face. And I really just want to be a kid and play freeze tag at school again. lol i used to do that with my little preschoolers and i wouldn't last 5 minutes against those little rascals. cuz now we're old and running is exhausting and too sweaty. 

brief thoughts

I had a co-worker tell me.. not to make it sound bad, but you spend too much time helping your clients.

and it got me thinking.. well yeah i've been trained that way. to let people talk if they want to talk and just sit there and listen. to trust others, to show empathy, compassion and care. to respond as soon as you can when someone calls

and in most scenarios those are usually good things, but with the population i work with, things work differently

i'm learning.. some folks are attention seeking, sometimes you're enabling their behavior. sometimes ur working harder to help others than they are willing to help themselves, and that doesn't help them become more independent

a lot of times i say, well, maybe, i don't know. uh, i guess, possibly, im not too sure. i'll hafta check to make sure, uh i think so, i'm not 100%.. there's a time to be tentative and a time to show more certainty

sometimes the right answer is to do to brief solution focus therapy

sometimes the right answer is to let people pay the consequences

sometimes the right answer is being more assertive, decisive, direct, and not letting people just take advantage or speak to you however they want

sometimes the right answer is to call people out on their BS if they're lying

sometimes i doubt my ability.. yeah i don't know every answer to people's questions and needs, but i am learning to speak with more confidence, even if there are times i feel incompetent. 

i seem to beat myself up too much for my mistakes. and this is why im usually so indecisive. i hafta learn to let go of my mistakes 

Keto Diet

Since I had success with keto and intermittent diet, i'm probably gonna go back on it. Cuz it definitely worked for me. and like all my co-workers are all hyped about it still. When it comes to our physical and biological health, nutrition really is everything. And once u get into the habit, it makes ya feel really good. I lost like 17 pounds in 6 months. 172 to 155, then i got off it and basically ate whatever.. then slowly gained back like 10 pounds.. so now im at 165. which is still comfortable.

for working out it's tough to build muscle and bulk and also want to cut fat. it's why body builders usually do one at a time than both at the same time. But gonna try get back onto the keto craze. I wrote up some keto foods that will basically make up my entire diet. Ideally, you want to have 70% Good Fats, 25% Proteins, and 5% Carbs. To me you don't need to count calories or macros. but generally follow the plan like 80% of the time. The trick is just finding foods you like and then cycling through them and avoiding the junk stuff.

Cooking is always kinda challenging for me because I just make stuff up and pray it turns out good. And like once u got all good stuff, cooking dinner can be kinda fun. Especially when the food comes out super bomb. It does take more thought and time but at the end it's always rewarding.

Chicken Breast 
fish, Salmon  - omega 3s
Eggs
egg whites
water
Greek Yogurt, Fage, Oikos 
Avocado
ground turkey
80/20 ground lean beef 90% or higher

tuna
Sardines
Bison 
salad 
broccoli  
cauliflower
celery 
asparagus
sweet potato
spinach
fruits apples bananas
macadamia nuts
cashews and almonds
berries blueberries
kim chi
bone broth 
coffee

whey isolate protein
creatine
Multivitamin
perfect keto
branch chain amino acids bcaa
probiotics
eat quality saturated fats

keto friendly but keep minimum
bacon
peanut/almond butter
cottage cheese
vegetable oils, olive oil, coconut oil
tacobell

low to zero dairy
low to zero carbs, bread

low to zero sugars, and processed food

Ketogenic Macros
70% fat
25% protein
5% carb

Coffee, Lessons and Other Good Stuff Too

Good point, thanks Snoopy.

Man. coffee is great. i feel like my mind is moving twice my usual speed.
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Hope

a lot happened today. once in a while i'll have those days where it's like.. oh snap.. i cant wait to go home to blog about this before i forget all my awesome thoughts. lol
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Soul Care

Work Hard
Save Money
Workout
Eat Clean
Sleep Early

Community
Virtues
Self-Love
Self-Discipline
Confidence
Positive Affirmations
Holistic Health
Power & Peace from God

Choosing to take control and responsibility for my life. One day at a time. One brick at a time. One step at a time. Laser point focus on my goals will make me stronger, happier, and healthier.

Fight to be the best version of yourself.

Dealing with Stress

I like to think that I can handle stress pretty well. But lately, i've been starting to question that. I can definitely feel when i start to build up stress. It's not good to hold it all in. This is why exercise is such a good therapeutic outlet for me. But the past few days I've been so tired, all you want to do is knock out..

"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:8-9
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Taking a Break

You ever tell yourself, "hmm I think I really need a break from everything." lol and part of me also wants to include "..and everyone" but i know that's not true. An old friend once described it as taking a mental or internal vacation into your own mind. It's like taking time to purposely do deep self-reflection, self- exploration, meditation, and soul searching. I find myself contemplating my goals, ambitions, and resolves of who I want to be. Really I just need to re-center myself so my mind isn't so stressed out.

This year my goal was to find a greater sense of peace. So I wanted to take a few weeks of metaphysical solitude. lol whatever that means. Usually I fill up my free time binge watching shows, spending too much time playin games or on youtube, or on my phone texting or watching endless videos just out of boredom. i kinda get why old folks are always complaining about our millennial generation. I definitely need a break from screens for a while, maybe I might be a little more present. i don't think this will last very long. lol

It's funny how when u have too much time to yourself, you want to be busy, productive, out with friends and out pursuing your dreams. But then when your at work, or out with people too long there's really nothing you want more than to just go home and chill.
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Tidying Up and Facing Challenges

you ever try to log into something, but you cant remember your login name or password. You start to have way too many passwords and variations of it, with capitals, numbers and symbols? lol well, that's not what i wanted to talk about.

i usually think to myself, oh yeah I definitely need to blog about that... and then when i get on, im like.. now what did i want to say again?

oh ya, so I watched a show on Netflix called Tidying Up by Marie Kondo..