Kobe Bryant the Legend

My friend texted me that Kobe passed away. My first reaction is.. Are you serious? This is some sick joke right? then it started showing up on the news everywhere. Not only Kobe, but his 13 year old daughter and 7 others in the helicopter crash. Apparently there was bad weather, but they were still given the go ahead to fly to their basketball game.

I never met Kobe in real life, or even seen him play in real life. And yet, it feels like I lost a close friend. Whether you liked the LA Lakers or not, it was obvious that Kobe Bryant put everything he had into being the best basketball player he could be. He had a tremendous impact and influence on a lot of us. We looked up to Kobe, and everyone would yell, "Kobe!" before they took a shot. Some may only see him as a great basketball player, but even off the court, his mentality applies to several aspects to life.

Kobe was a fierce competitor. When fourth quarter came, you of course gave the ball to Kobe, because that's when he most thrives. When the pressure is on, he wants control of the ball. He wants to defend their best player. No one could beat his work ethic. He had more Drive than anyone. He'd train more hours and work hard everyday to achieve his goals. He was committed, determined and passionate to be the best version of himself. He taught self-belief and that there is no substitute for hard work. That also applied to business, and taking care of his family. He would know how to relax and have fun, but when it's time to work, he's maximizing his advantages and grinding at his craft. He'd chase down mentors to learn from them, and ask them questions on how to develop his game better. He'd learn from his failures and challenge himself to grow stronger.

 Again, I probably wouldn't be this torn up about any other celebrity or athlete. It shows how much his philosophy, hard work and mentality really influenced my life. On the court he was an assassin. He was aggressive, quick and paid attention to detail. If it weren't for Michael Jordan, it would be no contest that Kobe Bryant is the G.O.A.T. But for a lot of millennials, he was our Michael Jordan. We grew up watching Kobe on TV. He was our greatest for our generation. He literally played on a different level and tier than anyone else. But this goes beyond just the sport of basketball. Kobe represented a way of life. Kobe was persistent, dedicated, resolved, and had confidence. You attack and fight for your attaining your goals. You don't take short cuts and cheat yourself. You develop the discipline to make your dreams a reality.

His passing is tragic. He was only 41. and really just started his retirement. He had still had so much left to give. His daughter had potential to go to the WNBA one day. Words have a hard time expressing how much he meant. The whole world became devastated with this news. It brings up so much emotions. You feel sick, and even angry that he's gone. Some guys want to change the game of 21, to 24. Many basketball games that day ran out the 24 sec clock and ran out the 8 second backcourt penalty to pay honor and tribute to him. He was really one of a kind and we'll all miss him.

Dimensions of Health

I know some folks that have been dealing with depression, isolation, loneliness, helplessness, loss, regret, emptiness, discouragement, and negative thoughts. It's very easy to see the difficulties of life. It's not always easy to be optimistic and to push yourself to grow, transform and pursue a better life. Setting goals, pursuing them and consistently fighting to become the best version of yourself is not easy. It's challenging. 

When I help folks with these sort of issues, I relate with them well because it's things I also struggle with. It's easy to make excuses, it's easy to stay comfortable and to not want to change. Sometimes we lack the means, the motivation, inspiration, or energy. Or so we often think. The truth is that we really do have the strength and power to change ourselves and our circumstances. Sure there's external things outside of our control, but much of what we can manipulate, cultivate and grow comes from having a strong internal locus of control. You can see this in ambitious people you might know. It's a mindset. A work ethic. A devotion and commitment to achieve their goals. 

As Christians, we honestly have the greatest source of power we can tap into. At any moment, anywhere, anytime, we can be present with the living God. Sure there are some natural formation things we can do to improve ourselves. But there are things that we really cannot do alone. There are things we can only develop, achieve and obtain by surrendering to God. True strength, virtues, holiness, power and love all come from Him. God's grace does not only cover our sins, God's graces sustains us and empowers us to live for his glory.

I know I tend to blog about holistic health pretty often. But it really does apply to all aspects of my life. Sanctification does not just seek God in our spiritual disciplines. Sanctification also seeks to apply spirituality to all areas of health in our life. There are several spheres of health that are all interconnected. When one area of our health is lacking, it impacts us in other ways. And vise versa, when one area of our health is thriving it helps us to flourish in our other categories of health.

This stuff can kinda seem like a no-brainer, and yet I still find myself having to remind myself to focus on all aspects of health.

Spiritual Health
Arguably the center of our health. Drawing closer to God. Being present with God and finding Joy in Him.

Physical Health
A huge aspect of health that can be broken into subcategories that I'll explain. Exercise! Our bodies were meant to move! Hygiene. Medication management. Actually seeing the doctor.

Nutrition
This deserves it's own category. Eating right consistently is critical to our entire well being. We generally already know what's good and bad for ourselves.

Sleep
Nothing good happens after 2pm. Go to sleep early and get the rest we need. Setting a consistent routine sleep cycle.

Emotional Health
Our mood really does effect our day to day choices. This aspect of health is closely tied to our behavior. Sometimes we let our emotions get the best of us. It takes some introspection to understand ourselves.

Cognitive Health
Also known as intellectual health. We need to think about our thoughts and often change the way we perceive and think.

Financial Health
The discipline of saving money, investing, budgeting and not over spending.

Occupational Health
What we do for a living isn't our identity, but our vocational calling does play a role in pursuing our purposes. Not everyone has the luxury to work doing something they love. But regardless of what career we're in or pursuing, we can make a difference. Hard work pays off.

Environmental Health
I consider this one's living situation. Maintaining a orderly home. A safe place of peace, restoration and not of conflict.

Relational Health
A vital aspect of health that often gets neglected. It often takes intentionality to reach out to friends, grow in community and create opportunities of kindness. Quality time comes out of quantity time.

I remember..

I remember being so deeply in love with God. I remember being filled in awe. I remember God non-stop speaking to me and drawing me closer. I remember tasting the depth of his love. I remember being so fascinated by the things unseen. I remember wanting nothing more than to spend just a few more minutes being synchronized in communion with God. I remember a burning uncontainable joy that I used to have. I remember listening to worship music non-stop, and hearing God whisper to me in so many different ways. I remember encountering the power of his Holy Spirit. I remember my faith being stronger than how it's been lately. I remember having tons of christian friends and having long deep conversations, reading and studying the bible daily, listening to different authors, pastors and teachers,, going to bible studies, going on retreats, doing ministry, being discipled and making disciples. I remember not needing a reason to do something, except to glorify God and make him first. I remember pursuing obedience and holiness because I desired to grow in intimacy with God. I remember the energy I used to have. I remember seeing and feeling God through the midst of dark depression days. I remember getting tons of visions and dreams. I remember always having worship in my heart, and learning to die to myself. I remember God's grace covering all of my sins, guilt and shame. Why are these only things I can remember and not more present with me today?

Sometimes i can't tell if i'm too hard on myself.. or not hard enough.. Seminary filled me with a lot of head knowledge, but somehow I've forgotten a sense of heart knowledge. Somewhere I began seeing going to church, reading the bible, and other spiritual disciplines feel like it was more of a chore rather than a desire. Somewhere the the idols of this world crept in more and more. Pursuing a relationship, seeking material wealth, seeking entertainment and comfort more than anything else. Somewhere down the line, I became less passionate, less confident, less in tuned with putting my faith in God first. I made excuses. I stopped, "feeling it." I became a fat lazy sloth. I lacked community and accountability. I had a much harder time sensing God, and only focused on living for myself. Seeking something to fill the void and yet never being satisfied. I wrestled with my sinful ways and in a sense closed myself off from seeking God. I fell into despair, depression and a negative attitude. I feel like I lost my way and ran off like a prodigal son. I ran off trying to seek happiness in people and things. God has been with me the whole time, but I have not acknowledged him and treasured him as he deserves. I guess my heart hardened and I wandered in a dark ocean. Sure there are always a few moments when I run back to the Father. But then why do I continue to run away again like a prodigal son? Why am i so inconsistent? Why do i continue to struggle to live for him? Why does my heart keep seeking idols before him? Why have I drifted so far? Why have I become so blind and deaf? Open my eyes and ears to see and hear you Father.

I had a co-worker mention how he is against "organized religion" and going to church. There's a lot that I completely understood. There's leaders in ministry that don't set a good example. there's bad examples of christians for sure. There's cults and distorted teaching. There's so much division and controversy surrounding the Bible. My friend thinks, "well if the Bible was written by flawed men, (who apparently are inspired) then how exactly can we take the Bible as reliable and true?) He had several arguments and personal beliefs and legitimate questions and concerns. in listening to his different beliefs, it made me realize how important my beliefs were to me and how I haven't been matching up to my beliefs. He talked about how Christians are hypocritical. And i completely understand that. He didn't like being told what to do or how to live. And i dunno, it just feels like God used a conversation to remind me of all the things that I do hold to be true. There's somethings that require faith that I can't explain well. There's One True God, the Bible is true and Jesus really did die for my sins to give his church salvation and reconciliation, justification and sanctification. Life isn't pointless. This life isn't the end. There is a loving God, not just waiting in the afterlife of heaven but a loving God outside of time that is always with us at every moment. My friend didn't get the point of knowing who God is. He didn't want to go to heaven forever. He just wanted to live for himself and then die and have that the end.

 Somehow hearing his very different views, increased my faith. Two other Christian co-workers also jumped in the conversation and were trying to convince him of the positive things of church and the truth of scripture. My other friend wasn't interested in subscribing to Christian things. He believed that there were or are several different gods. Trying to argue the truth and reality of scripture and God isn't always easy when they haven't really experienced God, or have only experienced a negative view of church. He ended up leaving because he had to go. And even tho he didn't really change his mind about things, maybe he will at least give it more thought. He likes basketball, so i said, "Yeah there are definitely some bad coaches and you can have bad teammates, but that doesn't mean there aren't good coaches and good teammates out there." And he said, "yeah that's actually a good point." that he understood. so even if we may not break through to someone.. in a way we have to let the Holy Spirit do his work. idk.. somehow, it reminded me how important it is to actually be confident in my faith and what I believe is true, and who i believe God is. God used this conversation to really remind me what is valuable and how our spiritual life far surpasses this physical world. So if God is who I believe he is, and the God of the Bible is very true, my life should follow in accordance and in joyful obedience. Ask and it shall be given to you, Seek and ye shall find, knock and the door will be open unto you.. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Consistency, Faith, Holiness in 2020

Christmas and New Years was good. Lot of my buddies came back home for vacation. Always fun to see friends you haven't seen in years. Too many get together parties to count. So much good food. I got to take off over two weeks of work. It's was nice to not have to worry about anything. Having a nice long break makes it hard to return back to the real life grind.

Resolutions throughout the year are important. But I guess even more so during the start of a new year. In a way, it feels like it's an opportunity to reset. Technically, we can choose to make a decision of change at any minute. The difficulty of making certain goals is that they are hard to measure and hard to stay committed to. Anyone can write a blog listing their goals, but few can actually maintain their resolve. Sometime goals aren't specific enough, sometimes they just aren't realistic, or there's a lack of consistency to keep up one's motivation and intention. 2019 had it's share of difficulties. At least next year I'll finally be able to see 20/20. lol. it's weird how we have to strive to be content in life, and yet also push ourselves to be better and happier. if we were fully content and happy in the present, then would we really need goals? my buddy told me, bruh i think u overthink all dis stuff. 

i started using one word to encapsulate my general goal for the new year. I've used words like confidence, health, self-discipline, self-love, grace, community, flourishing, being with God and peace. to an extent i grew in those areas. But I definitely need to continue focusing on these in particular. It is possible to be too critical on yourself and that's no bueno either. But at the same time, I think it's important to keep pushing yourself to strive to become the best version of yourself. In a way, a new year is a reminder of all these goals that I need to keep focusing on. a lot of these goals are achieved by consistency. As I contemplate on these goals, I really think my word this year should be Consistency. This year instead of starting up some new goals, i think i'm jus gonna work on being more consistent with my pre-existing goals I made. it's easy to try really hard for a day or week. But to continually work on your goals day in and day out is where you'll really see growth, change, and transformation. Creating good habits take weeks or longer to truly develop. Exercise, nutrition, sleep, meditation, etc.  
...

Looking for Alaska

Yesterday I finished a Hulu original called "Looking for Alaska". Alaska is one of the characters. and it's based off a novel by John Green. It's basically a high school drama show, but it really got me. They go to school in like a camp ground. They basically try to pull pranks without getting busted. It's a mixture of fun yet dealing with some heavy topics in life. It covers things like love, friendship, betrayal, coping with their mistakes in life, dealing with loss, world religions, etc. It has pretty good character development and dynamics. Too bad it's only on Hulu. I'm also excited to watch Jack Ryan season 2! on Amazon prime when it comes out. so good. 

CA, Enneagram, Greatest Goal

CA

There's kind of been a lot on my mind lately. usually that means it's time for a blog. So recently I let go of a part time job. that was a huge weight off my shoulders. then i went through some very challenging weeks dealing with a lot of pain, anger, depression and loss. Then I went up to California for my old roommate's wedding, and also a mini vacation. It was really nice to be part of the wedding party and getting to meet some really god honoring Christians. Some Christians just go above and beyond and you can see how genuine and authentic they are. Anyways, it was such a positive thing to witness a marriage focused on honoring God/ Jesus. 

There was a moment during the wedding, where the wedding music started to play, the bride started to walk down the isle, and all their friends and family stood up to surround them with love and support. Then I looked at my friend's face, and I could see he was also getting choked up and teary too. And I've never seen so much raw emotion jus hit at a moment. it was powerful to witness such a deep love, not only between the bride and groom but everyone present as well. And they purposely were intentional about making the wedding/ marriage about God more than themselves. 

Anywho... uhhh yeah, it was also nice to just relax and not have any work to stress about. I think I really value my personal free time. I enjoy freedom, rest and recreation. (I mean who doesn't, lol). I kinda already knew this, but it's becoming more evident in my life.. I put so much priority on protecting my free time. Sometimes it can lead to slothfulness if I end up being too much of a couch potato. 


So here's the 9 types of the Enneagram.

1. The Reformer/ Perfectionist - Principled,  "I do everything the right way"  
2. The Helper - Generous, Giving,  "I must help others"
3. The Achiever - Adaptable, Driven, "I need to succeed"
4. The Individualist/ Romantic - Expressive,  "I am unique"
5. The Thinker/ Observer, Investigator - Innovative,  "I need to understand the world"
6. The Loyalist - Engaging, "I am affectionate and skeptical"
7. Enthusiast/ Skeptic - Spontaneous,  "I am happy and open to new things"
8. The Leader/ Challenger - Self-confident,  "I must be strong"
9. The Peacemaker/ Mediator - Receptive, "I am at peace."

The Enneagram is this psychological archetype thing, kinda like a myer's brigg test of personality types and distinguishing differences of individual's core motivations, (if that makes any sense.) Uhh so apparently, out of the nine types, I'm a number Nine which is "The Peacemaker". I value interpersonal skills, relationships, communication and being aware of my body and emotions. I think exercise does a lot for all aspects of my self-awareness. 

"Nines are accepting, trusting and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They are able to bring people together and heal conflicts."

I don't fully understand a lot of it, and I know that none of us can be summed up in one personality type but it's interesting to study. A lot of these types are interconnected, and we can move towards a certain type depending on our most healthy or unhealthy self. If anything, it sheds a little light to help people understand themselves and others a little more. 

Greatest Goal

When I think about the 8 dimensions of wellness, I really start to advocate that our Spiritual health is really the core. If any aspect of our health is struggling, it definitely effects our other dimensions of wellness. 

I was listening to someone's testimony.. and idk, it kinda hit me. They said, "Drawing closer to God should be our greatest goal." And I was like, "Yeah.. I agree with that statement." But then I look at my life and think.. hmm my life really doesn't pursue that goal as my top priority. If you were to look at how I spend my time, money and energy.. u'd see that I prioritize just being a lazy sloth who just wants to play and have fun. I guess, i feel convicted, because I know I want to put God first.. but my life really doesn't demonstrate that.. And i say, "Well God is so metaphysical.. and abstract sometimes." Yeah.. but that doesn't make our relationship with God any less important, real or true.. hmm ..perhaps I just make excuses of why I don't want to commit my time and energy into it because really I'm selfish and just want to stay home and chill. 

yeah.. so .. i feel like i have this inner conflict within myself of wanting to change, pursue what God has called me to, and strive towards being the best version of myself, and.... then.. also just being lazy cat who just wants to rest and not do anythin that requires energy.. lol that sounds pathetic. When I look at my spirituality.. I honestly don't feel close to God.. and that's cuz i don't put much focus towards growing closer to God. 

So to summarize... I think these are the questions I need to ponder more.. "What am I focused on? What is my greatest goal? Am I being purposeful to achieve my goals?" What do I need to do to flourish and thrive in all aspects of my health?" 

One Day at a Time

Have you ever had to make a big decision? well ofc u have. I can be super indecisive. There's always pros and cons to weigh. There's trying to predict what each possible future might look like. and well.. in short.. after a lot of contemplation, prayer and talking to a bunch of people, i decided to accept another part time job on top of my other job.

My previous jobs had a lot of flexibility. There's a lot of great things about this new job. But one of the tough parts is that it starts at 530am. Which means I hafta get used to sleeping around 9-10pm and waking up around 4am. I'm definitely a night person and not a morning person, so this will be challenging. This new job will basically involve individual counseling in mental health/substance abuse and group therapy groups. It's smething I feel that I can do, but sometimes I worry if I have what it takes to be faithful to everything, and juggle two tough positions. I know it'll get overwhelming and stressful, so part of me is just preparing myself to be ready for the challenge.

If i mess up my sleep schedule, i know life is gonna be hard. I gotta fix my sleep habits. Part of my personal philosophy is to be and become the best version of myself. And that ultimately requires me asking God for help, to receive the strength and energy to accomplish everything. And it's when I'm at the top of my game, I have the ability to educate, support and encourage others to grow in their holistic health and self-care. but yeah, lack of sleep makes me p miserable.

Just take one day at a time Chris, you'll be okay. You can do it! lol or not. we'll see.

Adulting / Trip to CA

Today was a busy day. Traveling all over the place, going to meetings, making appointments, doing work stuff, and trying to do everything right. And surprisingly, I was able to do everything right. Usually something goes wrong, ppl cancel, i forget something, or im running late. But today everything went right. And i kept thinking.. how much of trying to do things right is me being a perfectionist, and how much is me just trying my best to be responsible and professional. know what i mean? I started making a long mental list of things i'm constantly trying to do right.

taking care of your health
do all the things work requires
eating right consistently and avoiding all da sugar and junk food
going to church and being intentional with being with God
sleeping early, ugh that's kinda hard for me
managing money, saving money and investing money
do chores like laundry, cleaning house, yard work etc.
good hygiene practices ofc
dental care actually requires more effort then ppl think
Working out at the gym at least twice a week
being positive, caring and kind to others

like there's just too much stuff that adulting requires. something usually hasta give. i ain't even married or have kids..just a cat. and like.. how the heck am I supposed to take care of everything and make a healthy routine.. it requires so much energy, discipline and intentionality. i'm already hard on myself as it is. and then i pile these expectations on myself. i mean it's good to try your best, work hard, focus on holistic health and be disciplined. but man.. sometimes i just need to chill

it's funny that i feel so tired on a day off when i accomplish nothing. and yet when i hit the gym, go to work and i'm out doing errands i actually have more energy. 

So my old roommate, finally proposed to a girl... in the Biola school library lol. such a great idea lol. My old roommate is definitely one of the coolest guys. I can't speak enough praises about him, and he found a really godly girl too. So I gotta go up to California in October for a week. I'm definitely excited for him. and they're such a good example of Christian courtship, and i know they'll have a strong Christian marriage putting God first, and idk.. it just makes me feel behind in life. ah nvm, let's not dwell on that lol.  so yeah, i booked a flight, and hotel etc. It'll be like 5, almost 6 years since i've been back to CA. It'll definitely be nice to see some old friends. crazy how distance on this globe can really make friendships grow apart. My family is in Hawaii, but part of me is still in CA. And i guess that's why i feel torn. I definitely overthink and over analyze.. so for now, let's not do that lol. 

Distracted to Focused

You ever stop whatever you're doing and realize, wow i just need to take a moment to do nothing. And then while doing nothing, you automatically start to think, and then while thinking you realize.. I really need to talk to God, and come before Him.

Like.. i realized I go through most of my day preoccupied. And for some reason I feel so distracted from what's truly important. I feel like i've been absent from communicating with God. I feel like i've drifted away concerned about work, or hobbies, and all sorts of random things. And then i realized how much I block out the things that make me feel hurt or down.

signachuurs

Responsibility and tryin to grow up

I had a great childhood. I had so much freedom and energy. In elementary I remember after lunch we would have a long recess. I remember our class would challenge another class to a battle of freeze tag. Everyone would be so hyped to get out on the big field. People knew who were the super fast sharks to stay away from and to not bother competing with.  The soccer girls were always way too fast. I wasn't the fastest, but I knew how to juke people really well. We'd always yell at each other, "Hey no puppy guarding!" but we all knew that was the smartest thing to do. It was pretty dirty, but sometimes I would hide behind a tree or stand still like I was already frozen, and then unfreeze everyone once people weren't looking lol. 

We used to crush raw saimin for snack and put it in a zip lock bag, eat straight up sugar candy, or go to the snack stand for ice pops. We'd come back to class all sweaty, and our teacher was so cool he'd just let us watch mtv music videos. I remember we had like over 10 school dances in 6th grade. I don't think anyone really knew how to dance or slow dance, or actually talk to girls lol. So it was kinda awkward yet super fun. Tamagotchis had there quick fad. then Pokemon cards came along and ruined my life.

i don't think i ever really wanted to face adulting. I still don't tbh. But at this point, it's not a choice. everythin costs money, and there's aways too much stuff to take care of. Responsibility hits you smack in the face. And I really just want to be a kid and play freeze tag at school again. lol i used to do that with my little preschoolers and i wouldn't last 5 minutes against those little rascals. cuz now we're old and running is exhausting and too sweaty. 

brief thoughts

I had a co-worker tell me.. not to make it sound bad, but you spend too much time helping your clients.

and it got me thinking.. well yeah i've been trained that way. to let people talk if they want to talk and just sit there and listen. to trust others, to show empathy, compassion and care. to respond as soon as you can when someone calls

and in most scenarios those are usually good things, but with the population i work with, things work differently

i'm learning.. some folks are attention seeking, sometimes you're enabling their behavior. sometimes ur working harder to help others than they are willing to help themselves, and that doesn't help them become more independent

a lot of times i say, well, maybe, i don't know. uh, i guess, possibly, im not too sure. i'll hafta check to make sure, uh i think so, i'm not 100%.. there's a time to be tentative and a time to show more certainty

sometimes the right answer is to do to brief solution focus therapy

sometimes the right answer is to let people pay the consequences

sometimes the right answer is being more assertive, decisive, direct, and not letting people just take advantage or speak to you however they want

sometimes the right answer is to call people out on their BS if they're lying

sometimes i doubt my ability.. yeah i don't know every answer to people's questions and needs, but i am learning to speak with more confidence, even if there are times i feel incompetent. 

i seem to beat myself up too much for my mistakes. and this is why im usually so indecisive. i hafta learn to let go of my mistakes