April 2009

[Contents]1) 04.13.09
- Motivation
- Rekindled
- Human Nature
- Born Again
- Lady Macbeth
- Darth Vader
2) 04.16.09
- Extreme Joy
- Spiritual Puberty
3) 04.17.09 - 4.26.09- Drifting
- Feelings
- Pursuit
- Coming Back
- Worship
4) 04.28.09
- Appointments with God
- Meditation

04.13.09
Motivation
Lets talk about psychology. The reason i find psychology so intriguing is because it studies human nature. Lets take a good look at the human race. What motivates our behavior? What motivates us to do something? Why do people run for governor, why do ppl volunteer at a church, why do people murder, what motivates someone to lose weight, what motivates one to take a shower, what drives athletes to train for sports, what motivates someone to commit suicide, why do people get married, why do people have kids, what determines what gender we like, why do students attend higher education, what motivates us to go to school, why do people get addicted to drugs, why do people drink alcohol, what causes someone to like their same gender, why do people like dogs more than cats, why do you dress the way you do, whats the motive behind date rape, why do people get road rage, why do people pursue God, what makes humans behave the way they do?

Is it due to internal causes? Such as the design of our genetics, hormones, physiology and biometrics? Is it due to our self esteem, such as feeling better about ourselves? Is is due to external forces of our environment and nurture? Perhaps it's is mixture of many motives? Why do we make goals? What's our incentives? I asked these questions to my PSY100 class today, and we brainstormed tons of concepts, such as Money, Security, Power, Sex, Fame, Pleasure, Pressure, Emotions, Acceptance, Appearance. But it normally boils down to the conditional love of others, or our own selfish gain/love of ourselves. Conditional love for others, is ultimately still selfish love for ourselves. Much of our behavior n actions follow our deepest n ruling loves. All other actions that dont come from our deepest love, streams from acting on our sinful lower pleasures. Just think about it, it'll make a lot of sense.

Why do ppl want to know God? Theres a long list of selfish ambitions n motives behind why people desire God. We want to be seen as morally righteous. We want forgiveness. We want the feeling of joy. We want to discover truth. We want freedom of guilt, fear, shame and sin. We want a better self esteem. We want to know our identity, significance and purpose to life. The bottom line, is that we as humans, do things for our own pleasures. It's always about what we want. How can we change our desires to God's desires? The failure of man, is not that we seek our own pleasure. The failure of man is due to not seeking out what gives us the utmost, and greatest pleasure.

Our pride in free choice allows us to treasure whatever we want, even if it may not be the greatest treasure out there. We settle for worldly desires and pleasure, instead of seeking out our best and highest pleasure. Why do we settle for little swimming pools, when God best is giving us the entire ocean beach. When our highest pleasure is set on God, we encounter a dramatic transformation of change and a relentless passion for more. When we make time to come to God, we honestly shouldnt see it as sacrificing our time for Him, it should be seen as our highest pleasure to spend time with Him.
All men seek happiness. This is without exception. Whatever different means they imply, they all tend to this end. The cause of some going to war, and of others avoiding it, is the same desire in both, attended with different views. The will never takes the least step but to this object. This is the motive of every action of every man, even those who hang themselves. –Blaise Pascal

All of us not only seek, but also ought to seek, our own happiness. Our mistake lies not in the intensity of our desire for happiness, but in the weakness of it. –C.S. Lewis
It is not a bad thing to desire our own good. In fact, the great problem of human beings is that they are far too easily pleased. They don’t seek pleasure with nearly the resolve and passion that they should. –John Piper

Rekindled
If you havnt figured it out yet, these blogs are a witness to what God has done in my life. And in my entire life, the highest pleasure that i have ever experienced is in the intense joy of the Lord. This weekend i found myself rekindled with relentless passion for Jesus. I couldnt get my mind off God. I couldnt help but ponder His amazing love and being. I was captured by His sufficient grace and mercies. I was swept by the message of the cross, and experienced a rush of freedom in Him.

Listening to worship music greatly helped me keep my eyes on Jesus. I fell in love with His love for us. I feel in love with His love for me. I was enraptured with surpassing delight, extreme excitement and exultation. My heart continues to bleed for Him, and races with overwhelming awe and reverence. I found myself worshiping, praying and singing to His glory. I started to hate sin more, and rejoice at the praises of God. Life is good cuz God is always faithful.

So how do u desire God? k well listen up, heres the big secret!! The trick is seeking out God's love for us. Because knowing God's love for us => leads us to love Him back, love ourselves, and love others. When we are rekindled with burning love for God, it not only brings us closer to Him, but it becomes contagious to others. As God freely gives us His love, we begin to freely hand out His love to others and have a harder time withholding a smile. I dunno if it's just me, but Jesus is pretty addicting.

Every time i fall away, God draws me back. God continues to prove that He is always faithful. God continues to prove that His love is beyond anything we can even imagine. Money can burn, cars break down, houses fall apart, relationships break up, friends can come and go, and even family cant always be there for you. But wherever you go, God will be there for you. He's calling us to reach out for Him. He's a God of comfort, peace, healing and restoration. If your human, you got problems like everyone else. Whatever you're going through right now, i dare you to cry out to God. You'll be surprised at the power of prayer.
"And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name (according to His will), and I will do it." John 14:13-14

This past weekend we had Good Friday, and Easter. I was greatly impacted at the reminder of the cross. Our church took a closer look at the life, death, and life of Jesus. We examined his life leading up to His death on the cross, but it didnt stop there. Our Savior has risen! The tomb is empty! He conquered sin and death. He's our Messiah who is mighty to save. He resurrected from His death, and reigns forever. This is the main point to the entire gospel. We too have new life in Him. When we are spiritually baptized in His death, we can receive the assurance of new life. Being "born again", requires us to die to the old, and focus on the new. Start fresh, and look forward. Jesus washes the pains of our yesterdays, and brings us hopes for each tomorrow.
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"
- 2Cor 5:17

"He told them this parable: "No one tears a patch from a new garment and sews it on an old one. If he does, he will have torn the new garment, and the patch from the new will not match the old. And no one pours new wine into old wineskins. If he does, the new wine will burst the skins, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, new wine must be poured into new wineskins. And no one after drinking old wine wants the new, for he says, 'The old is better.' " Luke 5:36-39

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." -Philippians 3:7-8

Human Nature
Another reason why i like psychology is because you basically tell it as it is. Observe yourself. Observe how others behave. Observe society. Observe nations. Observe the world. And observe Human Nature. Well, for as long as i have been living, i have noticed that Human Nature is widely corrupt. I am corrupt. I betray and disobey God everyday. We are all sinful and rebellious by nature. We have all back stabbed God. Sin is missing the mark. We make bad decisions, unwise choices, think, speak and do evil of all kinds. We are tainted with sin. We are flawed and imperfect. No one is good and no one is righteous. Even the lack of glorifying God is a sin. We are completely depraved without God.
"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
each of us has turned to his own way;
and the LORD has laid on him
the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:5-6

"Everyone has turned away,
they have together become corrupt;
there is no one who does good,
not even one." Psalm 53:3

God took the worst deed of history
and turned it into the greatest victory

We try our best to cover up our shame. We hide our darkest secrets of guilt and sin. We are afraid to reveal our wickedness. Well, news flash! We all have heavy burdens and baggages of a dark past. We continue to screw up and fall short from God. Here's my point, Stop trying to hide your pain, grief, sorrow, brokenness, struggles, shame, guilt and sin from God. He sees all. So just come to Him with it. When you bring your sin to Him, He brings you out of darkness and into the light. Jesus offers redemption, and His love drives out all fear. Christ commands us to believe and trust Him in faith, so that we may be healed and become the righteousness of God.

"There is no one righteous, not even one" Romans 3:10

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"
Romans 3:23
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 6:23

"Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you."
Psalm 55:22

Born Again
We are dead in our sin. We all deserve death. Since Adam's fall, we are born spiritually dead. But through the atoning sacrifice of the one who laid down His life for us, we can become "born again". We have new life through Him. The curtain was torn during His death, resembling that anyone can now have a direct relationship with God. The sin that once separated us from God, can be washed clean through Christ, so we can live in the communion and presence of the living God.
"And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." Gen 2:16-17

"It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two." Luke 23:44:45

Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit." John 3:3-5

God took our sins away for us through faith in Christ. And if we are born of God, we can no longer go on sinning. So if one claims to be Christian, and yet hasnt seen a change, doesnt follow God, and is still living in their sins, I would argue that he or she isnt really a Christian. We are called to expel the immoral brother. The most loving thing we can do is call people to repentance and rebuke the sinful lifestyles. If we love the Lord, we must hate evil.

"No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother." 1 John 3:9-10

"Salvation is free, but not cheap." -Waxer Tipton

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Cor 5:21

We dont do good works to gain salvation. Christians do not follow a list of do's and dont's because good morals get you into heaven. Our God died for us, and gave us freedom, He gave us victory over death and sin, That is why we worship God with our lives. We seek to live a life that glorifies Him. All our self righteous acts look like dung/manure and filthy menstrual cloths to God. Basically everything good we do for ourselves, looks like doodoo to God, lol. Everything should be done for the glory of God, and not to ourselves. God never needed sin offerings, good works or religious laws. He's much more concerned with man's heart.

God doesnt desire or require stuff, but only the regeneration and desire of our hearts.

"All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;
we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.
No one calls on your name
or strives to lay hold of you" Isaiah 64:6-7

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith." Phil 3:7-9

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Col 3:15-17

God can no longer remain as just part of our lives. Christ must become our lives. We must surrender everything. What does it look like to give God your all? What happens when you give God every drop and once of who you are? You would probably begin to follow God's will more often, and seek to bring Him glory and praise in everything. Surrendering everything to God, grows us to look increasingly more like Jesus. Well, where would we get such a tremendous amount of faith from? I'm pretty sure God would be able to help with that.

Lady Macbeth
Acknowledging our sin, leads us to the need of a Savior. Da bad news is sin, da good news which is the gospel is God's forgiveness. When i think about our deep and dirty sin, i think of Lady Macbeth. If you're familiar with the famous Shakespeare play "Macbeth", then you'll recall the scene where Lady Macbeth is sleep walking in da castle. She begins to have nightmares and uneasy sleep because of the tremendous amount of guilt. She was indirectly responsible for the death of King Duncan. So both Macbeth and Lady Macbeth have restless nights because they are haunted by the evil crime they committed. Sleepless nights represent the lack of peace on their minds. Lady Macbeth unconsciously stumbles to the ground while sleep walking, and expresses her guilt. She imagines the red blood on her hands n dress, and desperately tries to wash it off, but she just ends up in more despair and misery.
"Out, damned spot, out, I say? One. Two.
Why then, “tis time to do “t. Hell is murky. Fie, my
lord, fie, a soldier and afeard? What need we fear
who knows it, when none can call our power to
account? Yet who would have thought the old man
to have had so much blood in him?"
"Here's the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand." -Lady Macbeth
I think this paints a good portrait of what sin is like. I can relate to feeling the dark guilt of sin. It seems like nothing will rid us of the sinful stains on our hands. What was Lady Macbeth's solution? She eventually killed herself because of her agony and unclear conscious. Well unlike her, we have a better option. In our lives, we have a perfect Savior who freely offers the forgiveness of sins. Imagine Jesus walking into the scene and cleansing our filthy hands. The local Jesus would probably say something like, "Gimmie your hands, i can wash em. Der you go braddah. All gone, no mo' sin. Brah no worry, beef curry! u stay clean now." Eh, i should start writin' plays yah? Wutchu tink? Anyways.. my entire point is that God not only washes our sin, but our guilt and shame. He's the only one who can set us free from the bondage of sin.

Darth Vader Reflecting on Star Wars III, we can see the fall of Anakin Skywalker. In order to gain more power he turns to the darkside. Attempting to fix things on his own, he gives into his anger, and turns on the jedi. He is then consumed and controlled by this dark power. In a choice between light and darkness, Anakin chooses the darkside.

Soon Anakin becomes Darth Vader. In the final scene of Star Wars VI, we see Luke trying to overcome the temptation of the evil emperor sith lord dude. Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker then have this epic lightsaber battle on the Deathstar. Suddenly, Luke refuses to fight Darth Vader because he still senses some good left in his father. So then the evil sith lord goes crazy on Luke with his electricity force thing. At this point, we see Darth Vader realizing the wrong he has committed. Vader begins to see the darkside for what it is. Darth Vader then throws the evil emperor dude down to his doom. So even though Anakin Skywalker fell into the evil darkside, we can also clearly see his redemption. All of mankind is guilty of sin, and offered redemption through Christ.
04.16.09
Extreme Joy
I consider this probably to be the most important section of this blog. Recently i have stumbled on a HUGE truth. I have found the secret for spiritual growth. This will probably only work if you have experienced redemption through Christ already. The trick to growing deeper and closer to God, is having extreme joy in Him. Now i know that it doesnt sound like a huge secret, but this simple truth has greatly opened my eyes, and increased my relationship with God. If you're a Christian you probably understand the difficulty in trying to desire spiritual growth. Often times we feel so far away from God. We constantly struggle trying to get closer to God. We can get burnt out, distracted, and frustrated at ourselves.

One of the most common mistakes that we as Christians make is putting working for God before worshiping God. Doing church and ministry can easily become our god. The church now days is very good at making new converts into evangelist, servants and workers, But it's not always about doing things, but just being. All ministry must flow from intimacy. Slow down, and appreciate the goodness of God. Take joy not only in His blessings, gifts and riches, but in His supreme n sovereign being. Reflect and ponder on His love. Remember the story of Mary and Martha? Martha was busy tryin to prepare a meal, which was good and all, but Mary found what was more important. Mary sat at His feet and just worshiped Jesus. Her priority was the to the act of worship and praise.

Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." -Luke 10:41-42

The order is Worship God, Walk with God, and then Work for God. Why is it so important to worship God? Because worship leads us to joy, and joy leads to worship. Think of your parents. What would bring them more happiness? A) doing the laundry, dishes and yard work, or B) spending quality time together and expressing your love to them. In God's case, the answer is B. God would rather have us coming to Him in prayer, worship and adoration, than doing anything else. God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

Today i came to realize that my biggest and quickest amounts of spiritual growth have been when i have the most joy and pleasure in Him. The way you find Joy is by desperately desiring Him and by being incredibly moved by Him. Knowing who He is and what He's done for you will lead you to overwhelming joy. Focus on the love of God, and watch what happens.

I was walking through longs today, and i stopped while walking into an isle. I was greeted with a sudden rush of joy for some reason. I caught myself singing, rejoicing, and praising God. I started to automatically love on others. I was filled with Joy because i was spending intimate time with Him. I found delight in who He is. I was full of gratitude and awe. I was happy just staring at the medicine shelves in longs. I felt all warm and jittery inside. When you're full of joy, you cant contain the awesomeness. Life jus seems easier and more enjoyable. He begins by constantly being on your mind. You start to smile a lot more, and sing ur favorite hymns/songs. You truly begin to taste what is sweeter than honey. When you find extreme joy, the Holy Spirit jus takes over like wildfire. He becomes your ultimate treasure of infinite worth.

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." -Col 3:15-17

"If I were to ask you why you have believed in Christ, why you have become Christians, every man will answer truly, "For the sake of happiness." -Saint Augustine

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. -Matt 13:44
Spiritual Puberty
LoL, i figured that title would grab ur attention. Anyways here's some stuff i noticed today. Throughout the last few weeks, i have grown a lot spiritually. I have become more more mature in Christ. I am more confident in standing up for truth, justice, holiness, righteousness, purity, character and integrity. I have shaped my values around God's principles. I have found a deeper identity in Christ. I am becoming above reproach, and more transparent. I am also starting to hate my sins more and more. Once we can identify temptation, we must do our best to combat it, flee from it, repent, and turn to God with it. Pursuing sanctification will always lead to more maturity. Another important thing to remember while we experience intense growth, is to make sure we focus on maintaining our close relationship. It's far too easy to get distracted and side tracked when pursuing God.

I also observed that i feel refreshed and empowered through the Spirit. I am noticing a better consistency in self control and discipline. I feel rooted in the love of God. For the rest of my life, i wish to seek what it looks like to glorify God in everything, die to self, and love others. I am obsessed with increasing in passion and filling my head with knowledge and truth. I want to know Christ more. We must never stop growing. Press forward towards the goal. Train in His word, will and way.

When u experience gains in growth, you'll want to grow even more. Right now i feel like i am at one of the highest points, mentally, physically and spiritually. I am not only maturing spiritually, but also in my daily responsibilities. I will probably always be very child-like when it comes to having fun, but i do notice that i am becoming more like an adult. That sounds kinda scary, lol.

Lately, ive been noticing a change in my effort. I am training harder in exercising, watching what i eat, reading and studying more books, and actually taking care of my health n hiegine! Im starting to be wiser in my decisions of how i spend my money and time. Im also starting to love interactions and conversations with others. And ive also been able find a deeper passion to teach and lead others. But even though im finally growing up, i still have much to learn and improve on. One of the things i need to work on, is being more punctual, and disciplined in my sleep patterns. But it really seems my relationship with God, has pushed me to monitor myself more and grow in maturity.

Even though i feel strong in the Lord now, i know i'll probably hafta face some rough trials soon. Every time i experience spiritual highs, it's not surprising how easily i can get distracted and lose that burning fire. We must constantly prepare ourselves to handle problems in the best way. We must never grow comfortable, idle, or paralyzed. We must seek to make godly choices, and good decisions. We must put on the full armor of God, and worship Him in all seasons.

04.17.09 - 04.26.09
Drifting
As the last paragraph anticipated.. A little after Easter, i experienced a dramatic stumble in my spiritual walk. I had few ups and tons of downs. Nothing really went wrong. It was more of an internal spiritual crash. Some of you will probably be able to relate to the season im in.

If u keep up with my blog, then u could see that i was on a spiritual super high. I felt super connected to God. I felt super close, and full of the Spirit. Then day after day i caught myself slowly drifting. I started to put things in front of God. I got distracted, and lost a lot of my focus. My laziness also contributed to much of my backsliding. I had a super hard time trying to spend time with God. I felt like i gave up on all my resolutions. I felt irresponsible and paralyzed. I felt like i lost that extreme devotion to God. I felt frustrated and angry. That burning flame got blown out way to easily.

Let me describe how i felt. See if you've ever felt this way too. I was burnt out in faith. I was tired and upset. I had a lack of understanding. I had a lack of repentance. I had a huge lack of intimacy. I wasnt disciplined to follow out my goals. I felt unproductive and the opposite of accomplished. I felt prideful and stubborn in my ways. I felt tremendously sinful. I felt all the guilt, fear and shame that follows my sin. I felt discouraged from the difficult path. I condemned myself for not being able to follow God as i wanted to. I had a lack of pursuit, confidence and energy. I lost my extreme desperateness for Him. I got pissed at myself. My 3 bible studies we're really inconsistent, and basically got flushed down the toilet. I got flakey with attending church service and reading the bible. I felt lonely in this battle. I felt depressed. I felt inadequate. I lost my self control. I was weak in the Spirit. I was ungrateful and bored. I felt lukewarm and carnal. I had a difficult time meditating and setting aside time for Him. I couldnt do anything right. God seemed so far away. I felt like my entire drive was shut down. My motivation and communication with God disappeared. I fell into the comfort of my own flesh. I put God on hold, and pushed Him aside. I wanted to be first in my life. I wanted what Chris wanted, rather than what Christ wanted. And then i wanted God to work like i wanted Him to. I put myself above Him, rather than submitting.

I basically got mad at God because it seemed so hard to consistently come to Him. I got super angry at Him and at myself. I had a pretty big argument with God. And pretty much demanded that God make it easier for me. He answered a lot of my questions over time. But i still felt resentful, because of the inadequacy of man's own strength.. of my own strength. I knew i couldnt do anything on my own two feet, but i still relied on myself.

Okay.. so not on my own strength. So how do you rely on God's strength??? You hafta seek and trust Him. Okay.. so how do you do that? You cant even seek or trust on ur own strength. Well just pray, cry out, and die to yourself. Yeah.. but you cant do that on ur own too. You honestly dont even possess the power, motivation or desire to seek God. How exactly do you live by the Spirit? You cant live by it all the time, no matter how hard you tried. You honestly start feeling like a mess without God. The answer became to just strive and rely with all your strength. Direction not perfection. Christ makes up for all our failures, and becomes our strength in all our weaknesses. It's possible to never drink alcohol, or smoke another cigarette for the rest of your life. It is not possible to never sin again.
"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." Deut 6:5

The higher you reach towards God, and the closer you get to Him, the more drastic and farther the fall seems. When u reach a state of constant joy, constant communion, constant prayer, full of adoration and worship, and suddenly you lose sight of His supreme love, power, and sovereignty. You basically crash hard into the ground, and have a hard time getting back up. You take ur reliance off God, run away from Him without realizing it, and choose to put idols in front of Him. God becomes less important to us when we follow ourselves.

I discovered the two sides of me. I have the Holy Spirit of God who dwells within this Chris, who moves me closer to God, and seeks to glorify God. Then i have sin that tries to enslave this Chris, and follow fleshly selfish pleasures. The Holy Spirit Chris is peaceful, passionate, loving, joyful, faithful, guarded, resolved, committed, and strong in the Lord. The Flesh Chris lives in sin, becomes lazy, idle, unproductive, discouraged, stubborn, self doubtful, selfish, angry, tired, and weak in the Lord.

I constantly have a spiritual battle that takes place within me. I have a response to God and am held responsible for the choices i make. I am offered life or death. And sometimes i desire both. Most times i hate my sin, but sometimes i start to like it. I can become addicted to Jesus, and then fall away into being enslaved by sin. I know i cant serve two masters. But my prideful self refuses to surrender everything completely. I wish i could always choose life, righteousness and truth, but we are still meant to learn by overcoming our flesh. I struggle to live completely for God. Even if i wanted to follow God in all my actions, i couldnt do that correctly. But with God all things are possible. He gives us a hope, and a redemption from our sins. God sees us as perfect, blameless, holy and pure. Because of Jesus we are righteous in His sight and without sin. So yeah, knowing Jesus is kind of a big thing.

I got to wrestle with God for a few days. Jacob had good intentions and motives for wrestling with God. He never gave in, and demanded that God bless Him. So it was good for Jacob not to let God out of his sight. In my case, wrestling with God also helped me. It probably wasnt as epic as Jacob seeing God face to face, but it was still kinda interesting. I didnt physically wrestle God, but spiritually got to work things out with Him. When you argue with God, you realize how much you need Him. You may try to pick out the things you think are unfair, but then get reminded of all the things He has done for you. We try to blame Him for life difficulties, but He remains perfectly just, and we realize that it's our own sinful ways.

Feelings
Actually i may be wrong on the role of our feelings and emotions. Please read the blog above chapter "Feeling Like God." We're actually supposed to trust and follow our right God given feelings, instead of denying them all. We need to have a coequal balance of our mind, will and emotion. Read the blog for July 2009. The following is the experience of falling into extreme emotionalism and only relying on feelings.

I've always heard not to follow your feelings. Well i did. I feel into emotionalism. I learned the hard way. I became reliant on experiencing God. I was boosted by getting a touch of God everyday. I fell in love with hearing His voice and guidance. I needed to feel the spirit, in order to trust it. I needed to feel God's love to be motivated. I relied on feelings to follow God. And then what happens when you dont feel close to God? Well then u start to stop following Him, because u dont "feel" it anymore.

I wanted reinforcement, signs, visions, revelations, guidance, and to feel engulfed by His loving Spirit. I used to be able to "feel" God practically everyday. And it's perfectly okay to desire these, but not okay to rely on these super natural highs of feeling. I relied on these intense feelings to spark that fire within me. And for the most part this worked. Moments with God filled me up with the Spirit. But over time my head got clogged with other stuff, and i lost my need and hunger for God. I started to rely on myself. Then when i wanted to come back to God, i was ready for that exciting feeling to pull me out, and i had a really hard time finding it. I was desperate to hear His voice, and still couldnt hear it. I wanted to hear God the way i expected Him to speak to me. But God works in ways higher than ours.

God is teaching me to follow Him whether i can feel Him or not. God is telling me to be devoted whether i feel like it or not. He's asking me to trust Him, even when it seems like He isnt there. I need to live for Him, even when i dont feel like it. I need to chase Him, even if im not motivated to. I need to worship Him, even if i cant find the desire to. I need to praise Him, even if im tired. I need to read my bible, even if i dont hear His voice. I need to love others, even if i cant always feel His love. But i do believe God is always speaking, guiding, and loving us whether we know it or not. So i do encourage everyone to seek Him in the quietness of our hearts, but not rely on that emotion or experience.

So is it wrong seeking to experience God? No. But we shouldnt rely on our feelings. Our minds and hearts are tainted with sin. We cannot be lead by ourselves, or by moments of experience. Hearing God, feeling His love, and receiving revelations is like a couple giving gifts to each other to show their love. But flowers shouldnt be needed to know that they appreciate and love another. God doesn't need to prove anything, because He has already demonstrated His perfect love on the cross. We must never, never, never, never, never, never grow old of the gospel. We often take Jesus for granted, and forget to appreciate who He is. We have trillions of cells moving within us right now, but we dont see any of them. God's love is even deeper than those cells. We really dont need to see or feel anything, to know that God loves us.

I hated living apart from God. I hate disobeying God everyday. My sin damages my close relationship with God. I got in the way of myself. I rationalized and compromised the way i wanted things. I took my eyes off Jesus, and like Peter, fell into the raging sea. I grew impatient. I went astray like a lost sheep. And then God proved Himself time and time again. He comes to rescue us, even when we drift everyday. He shows His faithfulness. He never stops loving us.

Pursuit
A great example is the enslaved Hebrews that were saved out of Egypt. Remember when God used Moses to split the red sea, and escape the Egyptians? God's people, the future israelites cheered, shouted, rejoiced, danced, and sang a new song of praise. Then what happened as the years grew longer? They became restless. They moved away from the redemption and saving power of God. They had forgotten the life God had gave them. They became distressed and angry at God, demanding food, comfort and leadership. Many of them lost confidence in Moses and wanted to turn back to Egypt. They were rebellious towards trusting God, and created false idols for themselves. As a pastor once said, the golden calf was a lot of bull, lol. The desert was difficult to continue traveling through, but God used it to grow their perseverance and faith. This is exactly how we as Christians tend to be. We get excited that Christ saved us, and then grow weary and stubborn because of the difficult road. But we must stay strong in God, because He is true to the promised land.

In my argument with God, i got mad most because i couldnt always follow Him. I blamed Him for making life so hard. My faith needed support and reassurance. I cried out to God, demanding answers, and asking Him to just make everything easy. But He then showed me how much more i was learning because of this challenge. For instance, imagine if school was a breeze. How much would u be studying? How much would you be learning? We wouldnt put any effort if none was needed.

We try harder for more challenging tasks. But in this life, we cant always get A's when it comes to God. No matter how much effort you put into following God, you can still end up with an F. We still resort back to relying on ourselves. I got mad cuz i couldnt even ask for God's strength on my own strength. But God still demands our best. He knows we cant be perfect, but He cares about our pursuit. He calls us to strive towards holiness. He asks us to die daily. He knows we're gonna constantly fail, but helps us back up each time. Every time we go in our own directions, God draws us back.

Coming Back
Read Jeremiah Chapter 2, it talks about how we once loved Him as His bride. Then how we stray and exchange Him for worthless idols. We forsaken God. We constantly run away to dig our own cisterns, when God is the spring of living water. We try to find something else that will please us, and find that our own cisterns are broken and cannot hold water. He pleads that we come back to Him, no matter how far off we've gone. He will always take us as we are, just like a loving father will always forgive His child.

So how did i get out of this rut? Well like the answer to all problems, God is the solution. There is no problem to big or too small for God to handle. No matter how tough life gets, God is always sovereign. He's always there, and accepts us just as we are. He always draws us back to Him. And repentance helps us to turn from our sins. If we dont repent, we allow the sin to separate us. Holding onto fear, guilt and shame will just slow down the fullness of God. I dunno if u heard this but God is a God of infinite love and grace. His forgiveness is never ending. He heals all wounds, catches each tear, and comforts us by taking our burdens. God has set us free from self condemnation. We must learn to forgive ourselves of our sin, and move forward. Allow God to wash you, and He will cleanse your heart. He tells us to live clean lives, with pure hearts, and find peace and joy in Him.

God often saves those who arnt even seeking Him. God is in charge of salvation. He redeems freely, and brings refuge to the helpless. He doesnt just help those who help themselves.
"For You have been a defense for the helpless, a defense for the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat." Isaiah 25:4

"I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me;
I was found by those who did not seek me.
To a nation that did not call on my name,
I said, 'Here am I, here am I.'

All day long I have held out my hands
to an obstinate people,
who walk in ways not good,
pursuing their own imagination." Isaiah 65:1-2

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them, he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Ps 34:17-18

"As for God, his way is perfect, the word of the Lord is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. For who is God besides the Lord. And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." Ps 18:30-32

God pulled me out of my self condemnation again. He has set me straight back on His path for the zakillionth time. Discipline normally isnt tons of fun, however it's necessary for growth and learning. We must see our sin for what it is. Imagine a life without God. Look at the depravity of man. We have fallen, But God has lifted! We must become desperate for change. Only when we reflect on our need for God, will we stir up a desire for seeking Him. God wont answer all your questions, but He will save you from yourself. We must now seek to live new lives, free from sin and condemnation.
As of now, im in the process of getting back on the resolved boat. God is still picking me up, and building me up to stronger faith. He has given me a hope for the future, freedom from fear, and a comfort of peace. He is training me to keep my eyes focused on things of eternity. He is expanding my quality of love, and feeding me knowledge. I will continue to pursue righteousness, communicate with Him daily, dive back into studying His Word, and seek to glorify Him with my life.

WorshipIve been really learning a lot about worship lately. Sometimes the best worship is wordless. Worship often brings a wave of transformation and healing. Worship allows us to lower ourselves and lift Him. Worship can be just spending time with Him, or praising Him in whatever we do. A heart that grows in gradient and joy will find its highest satisfaction and pleasure in worshiping God.

It is not our job to work on our character, holiness, purity, and integrity. It's not our duty to love, teach or live for God. It should be our pleasure and highest joy to worship and bring glory to our King. It's not what we can Do for God, but rather what God has Done for us. We love because He first loved us.

We shouldnt see Christianity as a set of rules we hafta do. That would be religion. We dont hafta do things to please God. We do things because it gives us the highest pleasure to love Him back. Christianity isnt just a bunch of morals, good teachings, and how to look righteous. Christianity is seeking to live a life for God and Allowing God to regenerate our hearts, and have Him as our personal Savior. Christianity is accepting God's love you. Christianity is not a phase, where u experience God for a few moments, and celebrate that u got saved. Christianity is a life long devotion, daily transformation, and relationship with the living God.

One of the greatest things we can do to glorify God is to just spend time with God. Allowing the Spirit to shape out hearts towards adoration, intimacy, gratitude, and joy will bring praise to His name. Submitting to His ways, thinking about Him, praying, pondering His love, and singing to Him should become a lifestyle. We must worship Him in Spirit and in truth.
"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth." John 4:23-24

04.28.09
Gosh having so much stuff on my mind makes me hafta blog all the time, lol..

Appointments with God
Lately i have been struggling to keep my appointments with God. My devotions have been very sloppy, and i havnt been living out my determination. I continue to get easily distracted by other stuff. Having my friend John call me up for accountability yesterday really encouraged me. Having someone who believes in you really helps. We both want to break free from any bondage of sin. There's alot of pruning to be done in my life.

I tend to make goals, and dont stay true to them consistantly. Everyday it seems ive been trying to straighten out my life. There's so many things i want to accomplish, but find a lack of urgency or motivation to follow through with daily tasks. I defintely need to be more productive with my time.

Ive been reading this awesome little book called "Keeping Appointments with God". I've only read 10 pages, but it's been really insightful. Heres some cool quotes...

"Devotions are a matter of our heart more than a discipline of our daytimer."

"The power of self-control; to practice abstinence."

"Everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things" 1Cor 9:25

"Manageable bite-size devotional times can lead to greater consistency."

"Those who wait on the Lord shall renew [exchange/subsititue] their strength"
Isa 40:31

"Our personal quiet time should cause us to praise God."

"Expect God to act outside your own limited perspective."

"Its important to set a quiet time for God, because it not only praises Him, but strengthens us in the Holy Spirit. These daily meditations will bring transformation, consentration, and discipline. It's about progress rather than perfection."

"An amazing characteristic of being in love is wanting to please the one you love. Our ongoing daily time with the Lord will help to increase our love for Him and enable us to please Him in all that we do."

Meditation
I want to practice giving God my best. I want to seek Him in everything. God constantly reminds me to STOP, and pray my heart out. I need to learn how to wait upon the Lord. I need to grow in deeper passion for God's Word. And the more we meditate on God's word, the more it will be written on our hearts. There is so much truth and knowledge to soak up. Lately i have set my eyes on the book of Psalms. It's just compacted with songs of praise. Reading a few Psalms a day will defineitly help one to stay focused on the glory of God.

Gonna try fasting 2-3 meals every week or so. I think it a good idea, because it helps one to deny human pleasures. It's a way of dying to fleshy needs and disciplining the heart. Food is good, but God is better. I need to practice being hungry and devoted to seeking God. Fasting doesnt hafta be food. I thought about fasting tv, computer, and money. In sanctification, we must always be fasting out sin. We must die to our selves, deny temptation, practice self-control and set our minds on Jesus.

One thing that helps me get out of spiritual ruts, is thinking about the forgiveness of Christ. I once heard a pastor say it like this.. "God crashes down on my sins like a giant wave of mercy."
"I have swept away your offenses like a cloud,
your sins like the morning mist.
Return to me, for I have redeemed you." Is 44:22

God has forgiven me of ALL my sin. I have 0 sins now, because Christ already paid for them on the cross. God cherishes His children. He redeems and saves us from all fear, sin and death. He's s a perfect Savior and the solution to all of our problems. We must turn from our own ways, and let God reign as King in our lives.
"I will put my law in their minds
and write it on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.
No longer will a man teach his neighbor,
or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,'
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest,"
declares the LORD.
"For I will forgive their wickedness
and will remember their sins no more." Jer 31:33-34

See if you can solve my math problem. (Hint: God is the solution to every problem)

1.) f(Jesus)= - All sin + infinite love

5,643,787 sins + Jesus = 0 sins + freedom