Counseling Psychology

"It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart."

There's something about the field of psychology that i've always found so intriguing. I think i noticed this back in high school when i had my first psychology class. I find that i really enjoy observing human behavior. Why are we the way we are? What factors make us who we are? Why are our personalities different and unique? How can therapy help us to change, learn and grow? How do we see ourselves? How might others perceive us? I always found sciences like chemistry, biology and physics kind of boring. Throughout college, it was the social sciences that stood out to me. I find it fascinating when psychologist do experimental studies to draw causal conclusions. Even when it comes to conditioning animals with stimulants, we're able to learn more about our human nature and behavior.

In college there was something that attracted me to counseling. But i felt God was leading me more towards serving in ministry. However, in seminary it was the counseling classes that again stood out to me. I used to ask myself, "How can I be of most use to God during my time here on earth?" And the answer i got was loving people and leading them closer to God. But a second realization i was able to make was that i seem to help people at a deeper level through short periods of counseling. Sure a sermon message is great, but most people forget them by the next day. In order to inflict change and positive influence in others, i found that i'm more useful in listening to people's struggles and walking along side of them.

At the core of change and growth, I see this need for God at the center. This relationship with God isn't just a compartment or one aspect to our lives. Our faith shapes our worldview. We live by these values and beliefs. Sanctification or spiritual formation is a term for this continual growth in our relationship with Him and becoming more like Him. Surrounding this there are aspects that can be considered natural formation. I think this is where psychology comes in.  I think our faith somewhat dictates our decisions. If we love God, we should also want to obey God. We have a responsibility to take care of ourselves and to make God-honoring choices. All of this is to say that in my opinion, Faith will always trump Psychology in regards to knowing ourselves, growing and helping others.

It's been my first semester in Chaminade doing the Counseling Psychology: Marriage and Family Therapy track. A big chunk of me is super tired of school. All the test, papers, reading, homework assignments, due dates, attendance, long classes, being graded on performance, and all the time, money, and stress that comes with those things. However, i remember what a pastor once told me. He said, "Chris, education is a blessing." Not everyone has the opportunity to learn from these great teachers. Anyways, i wanted to share a little about the stuff i've been learning.

In my personality class, we're learning of all these different ways to assess and measure our personality. What's more interesting is learning different approaches to therapy. Everyone in our class does a presentation on a given psychologist. The main approaches are the Psychoanalytic approach, Trait approach, Biological approach, Humanistic approach, Behavioral approach, and Cognitive approach. A lot of these overlap, and i think the best approach would be something that integrates them.

 Out of these different approaches to therapy I like the humanistic approach in particular. This approach is also sometimes referred to as existential or phenomenological. It's emphasis is on personal responsibility, the here and now, the experience of the individual and on personal growth. The goal is to move closer towards self actualization and becoming fully functional. This means identifying our true self and reaching our full potential. Other needs include meeting and satisfying our physiologial needs, safety needs, belongingness and love needs,  and self esteem needs. Three aspects to the humanistic approach stand out to me. One is the person-centered therapy that is focused on just listening, asking concrete questions, clarifying information, matching the intensity of the clients feelings, and reflecting back the content to help them explore their thoughts and feelings. Secondly this approach includes unconditional positive regard. This is setting up a non-judgmental atmosphere so the client feels safe to disclose their personal thoughts and feelings. This includes demonstrating empathy and compassion unconditionally. I think one of my biggest pet peeves in counseling is when you disclose a problem to someone and within a minute that person is already giving you advice on what they think you should do. This can show a lack of understanding and be harmful in therapy.

In my Abnormal psychology class we're learning how to diagnosis certain mental health disorders. These include schizophrenia, bipolar, depression, anxiety, ocd, eating disorders, sexual dysfunctions, gender dysphoria, substance related disorders, personality disorders, etc. So we're going through this workbook that's full of case studies. And basically we're looking for key symptoms and environmental factors that can attribute to these disorders.

I stumbled upon a website called 7cupsoftea , and it's been really helpful. I think it can be helpful for everyone. Basically, within seconds you can talk to someone that's been trained to be an active listener. People are honestly quite helpful and understanding. I've become an active listener on there and try to help people when i have time to kill. I've talked to people with very difficult circumstances. I've talked to people who've been abused and raped. People who have family dysfunctions, People who struggle with homosexuality, People who are angry or hate God, People with thoughts of suicide, to anxiety about possible pregnancy, people who cut themselves, people who have relationship problems, people who deal with depression because of loneliness, and a whole rainbow of different problems. It not only helps others, but sharpens one's skill to actively listen, and to help others cope. It's basically free therapy. Sure it's largely talk therapy but it gives a space to have someone support you regardless of what you may be going through. What's really great about the site is that it has a tab for self help information. They go through all the categories of mental health disorders and offer some useful techniques in overcoming the symptoms.

I've noticed something that seems to be a common thread among those who seek counseling. Most people who are looking for counseling don't have a strong support group of friends/ family members to help them. Usually when we have a troubling problem these are the people we seek for help. But in the absence of that, or with the lack of understanding, people need a trained therapist. And for the most part, people just overall benefit from someone who cares to listen.

goodbye crowcrow

 

Yesterday one of my old roommates told me that crow passed away at the vet. he got sick. and after a few days at the vet, my roommate got the call that the procedure went well and was ready to pick up. By the time my roommate got to the vet, the doctor said he had a heart attack from all the stress and removing the tubes. my roommate had his for over 12 years since he was a kitten. im sure its 10x harder for him.

Crowcrow dont tell the others but you were always my favorite cat. you were the best cat in the entire world. you were one of a kind. you were more than jus a cat. you were a warm and fluffy friend. u seemed more like a stuffed animal cuz you barely went anywhere. You gave us so much love.. maybe you were just too fat and lazy to run away. crowcrow you were such a sexy cat, but you still could of exercised a bit more though. you seriously were the best. you would keep me warm at night and sleep right next to me. you were such a fluffy pillow. you seriously got fur everywhere possible, but i didn't care. Even though you were so heavy, you were so gentle and kind. Whenever one of us had a rough day you'd always cheer us up somehow.

i really miss you. im sad that you're really gone. remember when you'd give me hugs everyday? we used to take long naps and watch tv all day. we would spend so much time jus hanging out lying down by the heater. i remember you would wake me up early in the morning by lightly patting me on the face. I remember how you would wait in the shower tub because you liked to drink the drops of water. i remember the time someone stepped on your tail and you bolted like crazy. I remember when mike yelled at you for sneaking into his room lol.

i remember u didn't get along with snowball for a long time. you seemed to win all the cat fights. you were definitely the alpha cat. snowball was a punk and a trouble maker i know. but eventually you guys became good friends. your schizophrenic son wildthing was always off in his own world. i remember the last day i saw you. you were in your favorite spot sleeping on top of the couch. i didn't want it to get all emotional so i quickly said goodbye. but i guess this is really goodbye now. thank you for such great memories. you were such a good crowcrow.

changing negative to positive

at times i find myself over reflective. is that possible? mm yes. it can be a strength and weakness. I like to assess, strategize, analyze, and observe things. But the weakness is that i have trouble turning my mind off. Over thinking everything just leads to anxiety. i find myself contemplating and introspecting way too much. perhaps its why blogging out thoughts helps me destress. didja know the average person says like 300-1000 words to themselves per minute? sometimes our brains jus think way too much.

Laughter

uhhh.. i wanted to talk about how some of my best friends, are friends who laugh a lot. Time out. Is it possible to have more then one best friend? like at once? are guys supposed to even say best friend? sounds too girly.. anyyyways.. i noticed that i get along really well with people who really like to laugh. I mean.. i make so many lame jokes, and yet they burst out laughing. Does that mean they understand and relate to me better then other people? or is that jus their personality?

did u know children laugh between 300-400 times a day n adults only laugh on average 17 times? didja know 28% of the statistics i give are jus made up?  have u ever met someone, who u tried to make them feel comfortable by adding humor, and they jus never laugh at anything? like why so serious! i think the best teachers, are those that make learning fun and interactive. i think theres something about laughter and music that both help us to distress and jus enjoy the present moment.

lol i was in an interview and i was about to make a funny joke and i realized, noope lol wrong situation. my friend also went through something really really traumatic, and in order to be sensitive to wut he was goin thru i had to withhold a really funny joke. sometimes i wanna reference or say somethin humorous when its completely not the right place to. Have you ever had a laughing attack? like one of ur buddies turns super red and he cant stop laughing for like 5minutes and then ur stomach hurts, and u cant even talk properly. laughter is super contagious. u ever realize how hard it is to laugh when there's no one around? loneliness and the absence of friends and laughter, is seriously the worst. 

i like when only ur group of friends have a inside joke or saying. an example is when we were all at a friends house and someone said, hey you guys wanna go hiking? and my bro ike says, "brah so sweaty!" lol and ever since then it's jus somethin we say when somethin is too much work. some times we say, "brah so chi-sai" lol and originally it referred to somethin small, but now we jus use it randomly out of context for anythin. when we play league we jus howl like wolves when we celebrate and yell "pop-pop tooeasy!" lol so random. When you can jus be your silly comfortable self, sing like a maniac and talk pidgin, i think u know ur among great friends.

c "mom can u pass me some chips?"
m *grabs giant assorted bag "which ones?"
c "any one besides firtos"
m "doritos? oh no maybe we should save those cuz theyre better with cheese"
c "fine give me those lays then"
m "well unless u want cheese on it?"
c "are u gonna put cheese on it?"
m "do you want cheese on it? are u gonna put cheese on it?"
c "i rather not get up, grab a plate and sprinkle cheese and then microwave it, it's easier to jus open a bag of lays"
m "fine ill put cheese if u want cheese"
c "ok, well u minus well do 2 bags then"
m "are we "gonna share?"
c  "...."
m "maybe ill get two plates."
c " maybe ill jus eat yogurt"
m "eww"
m "hey shouldn't u be reading your book?"
c "yeah but i gotta finish this movie first!"
m "you can put it on pause!"
c "you cant start a movie half way and not finish it! ill never know what happens!"
m "you can watch it later!"
c "but the whole time ill be wondering what happens!"
m "sigh"


so im kinda watchin dumb and dumber two, and harry says, "i hate to burst your butt hole.." lol lol lol

I was walkin to the gym the other day and i saw a bunch of kids that just got done with their baseball game. Baseball is fun and all, but really its the after party pot luck that's really fun. Everyone still in their uniforms, parents preparing food, everyone's siblings gettin to finally run around too. I remember we used to bust out our gameboys or go exploring and climb trees. So anyways, i saw the two teams enjoying a pot luck and all of a sudden a burst of screams and laughter fill the air. Little boys and girls all running around playing tag or something. And it made me miss the simplicity of being a kid.

In one class we're studying anxiety disorders, and the prof. told us to write down a few things we do to relieve stress. I said exercise, meditation, and deep breaths. i realized that one of my best ways of relieving stress and anxiety is by playing a game/sport with a buddy. shooting hoops by urself or playing a video game by urself jus is not the same. I remember me and some old roommates used to play xbox and we would yell so loud. i mean so loud neighbors would have to come knock on the door and say, "hey keep it down lol." i really miss playin NBA2k with friends cuz it's fun to play something highly competitive that youre both good at. We would smack talk so much and try to jinx each other during free throws. I mean sometimes games got so competitive that we'd storm out of the room in anger yelling, "That's so gay!" lol. side tangent, but another great quality about a friend is the ability to overcome conflict and differences, usually involving grace and forgiveness. like u can only really stay mad at a friend for so long.


jus cuz i never documented it, i wanted to highlight a few really funny memories i had. One was where my friend kyle put shoyu in my other friend's coke when he wasnt looking. seriously ill never forget that moment. One time we were on a field trip and my friend mark snickers because cain and able were naked in a picture. and then me and a few other guys couldn't hold in our laughter when the museum lady was talking. i remember playing the no laughing game in religion class when everyone was watching a movie, oh man.. its so hard to hold in laughter when ur friend does something stupid. i remember the first time i introduced the no laughing game to some friends, and the second right after we started i bursted out laughing within the first second. ill never forget when my friend punched my other friend in the stomach and he farted lol. i wish i had a recording of the most funniest moments in life.

i remember i did intramural basketball with all these big grad school students. i mean they were big.. and we all brought white t-shirts, and before the game we passed around a small black sharpie and started writing numbers on the back of our shirt lol... Then the ref comes up to us at the start of the game and said, "boys u cant wear those, u need real jerseys. here.." He gives us a box of PE fish net jerseys that the girls use. they were pink, tight, and dirty.. So we put on these tiny pink fish net jerseys, and then the other Biola Team walks in, they're gigantic and all have all star USA blue and white jerseys with matching pants. LOL.. then the worst part is we sucked and lost 85 to 20, and they were doing alley ops, dunks and half court shots jus playing with us. we did so bad, the other team's undergrad fans actually cheered for us out of sympathy lol.

 but all in all, i think games bring out the child-like laughter in me, but games and sports without great friends jus seems boring. Other games like LoL, speed runners, and anything related to multiplayer zombies are jus too fun. Did you know more money is spent on video games more than music and movies combined? I think games really help us to relieve stress and not think about serious stuff, its like a world to escape into. whenever someone brings up the topic of chess, pokemon, nba, tetris, connect four, marvel vs capcom, mario kart, i let myself be prideful and boast lol, pssh wuts ur high score? hah i could beat u any day! i think playin silly games with others are the best way i make friends. my weakness is that i like to play play play, and i just hate working lol.


okay, to all the people who like to read.. i mean.. i jus dont get it. It jus doesnt entertain me enough. It's way to slow. i dont see how people have the patience. In games, u level up, get bunch of cool items, get to kill stuff, ride giant mounts, get to interact with others, theres jus so much more action and adventure. I bet the future kids will get "stupider" lol, because we live in the now / technology generation. books are for boring dinosaurs lol. my dad asked me, so why don't you jus start your hw reading first so u dont hafta worry about it. and i say, well because there's 100 other things i rather do lol. my friend would say, "you know why i want kids?" So i can have a good excuse to continue playing video games.


 i think i jus had an epiphany.. i always said, "working with kids isnt really work for me, because ur basically getting paid to have fun." Yes i want to pursue helping people through counseling and ministry, but really, i think im at my best when it comes to jus being a kid, laughing and playing. so guess ill find a new job that relates to workin with kids soonish. when u look at all the great comedians, like will farrell, jim carrey, or people like jimmy fallon, or conan, they all have a few things in common. They're spontaneous, and have an authentic childish personality. I think some humor is so profound, it really takes a unique and creative genius that thinks outside the box to come up with funny material. it's okay to be old and child-like, i guess as long as u know when to be a responsible adult too.
When u think about honing your skills or getting better at something, one of the best motivators is competition. When youre chasing someone, it forces you to become better. When your bro lifts 20pounds more then you, maybe its a sense of pride that says, dang i need to get better to not jus keep up, but to get ahead. Its always better to play a sport with someone who's better than you, so that way u rise to the challenge and get better. or jus get whooped a lot, lol

i was thinking.. out of 100 people, why do we connect so well with only a certain few? Even when we try to strike a conversation and try to relate to someone, it seems off. Then with other people it's so easy. Is it because of similar experiences? similar hobbies and interest? similar thoughts or personality? It's probably a little of all of the above. Also the fact of just spending time together, really helps people understand similarities and differences. I think one of the best ways i relate and connect to people are when they have a very similar sense of humor. i miss living with certain roommates, because they jus got me. They knew all my puns, sarcasm, and silly movie quote references. I think one of my fears is losing the people who i feel like i connected well with. But i guess eventually everyone grows up. Yet i still find myself fighting to preserve shared memories and friendships.

 I think what separates the good friends from the great friends is when they not only know how to have a good time and laugh like crazy, but when they also know how to be sensitive, understanding and serious when life happens. When you look at sitcoms like HIMYM or Friends, you'll notice that the longer the series progresses, the more of a serious tone is needed, because life also comes with conflict, death, relationships, loss and other serious issues. ah too tired idk wut im even saying