The camp really help me form stronger relationships with some of the boys. I got to lead a team 4 of the boys. Most of the guys have faith, but are still in a stage of maturing in Christ. Our theme of the camp was becoming Men of God by Humbling ourselves. And honestly, it was something i too really needed to hear again.
The most challenging part of camp, was sleeping in the cold tent throughout the entire stormy night. It was freeezing coooold! And somehow water leaked in. So we had puddles of water leaking over in our blankets, n sleeping bags. I got super irritated with little flying bugs biting me, and making me itchy. The pouring rain would drop and hit me in the face. I rolled into puddles of water so my sweater got super soaked. We all tried to avoid da puddles, so we were super cramped with little sleeping space. Basically it was a hard night. I finally jus covered up my face, and dealt with the wet environment. I then started to count my blessings, and realized how lucky i was to actually have a tent, sleeping bag, and friends to sleep next to. Many ppl live with worst every night. I was grateful for God's warm love, that pours down like the storming rain. I started to worship and praise God, for His wonderful peace He gives us. Then i zonked out, got choke hours of rest, and woke up to a beautiful morning.
"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
-Phil 4:11-13
Perhaps the deepest moment for everyone was the campfire on the beach. The moon was huge n bright, the stars were twinkling, the clouds were all illuminated, the ocean was calm, and the horizon made us feel small. I stood with my toes dug into some sand, while the shoreline waters would wash my feet. The boys had earlier taken some time to write on boards of wood. They wrote down their fears, struggles and what the world expects men to be. They then got to karate chop their boards of wood and throw them into the fire. This represented surrendering our fear of the world and what people say men should be. We talked about how the world gives us many wrong views of what it means to be a man. It seems many high school students decided to take a serious oath with God. Many reflected over their hearts, and decided that it was time for a change. I got to pray over some of the guys, and i realized that they will one day take over our generation. We need to make sure that we build our little brothers n sisters in faith and maturity.
Boys will be boys. Of coarse the burping, farting, wrestling, pranks, eating contest, and silly goofiness will always live on, but now these boys are really starting to take their faith more seriously. I think i too need to mature in Christ. I'm starting to realize that i can't get away with being a kid all the time. Men of God need to take charge, and lead with the strength of humility.
Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross! -Phil 2:5-8
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Im reading The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. Ive been learning so much, after jus reading the first few chapters. It talks about God's grace, accepting ourselves, accepting others, allowing Christ to take away our messy sin, and move forward in faith. Ill probably write an entire blog about it, after i finish more. But in short, heres some stuff i picked up. We should all admit to being dirty, filthy, beat-up ragamuffins. We're all sinners, and desperate for a savior. Christ surrounded himself with the lowest of the low. Christ came for sinners, He had affection for the least expected, the tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers, the downtrodden, the persecuted, the hungry, the poor, the blind, the lame, and the smallest of the least. Jesus has a desire for the undesirable. A love for the unlovely. He cares for the lost and broken. As ragamuffins, lets allow Christ to purify us and heal our hearts.
Honestly, ive been feeling kinda burnt out lately. I hit a road block, that shook my faith. Faith is belief manifested. I believe my God is God, but I havnt been putting my trust on Him. There's a difference between believing that the chair exist, and actually sitting on the chair, relying that it will hold you up.
I guess my faith relied a lot on hearing God. I can normally hear God when i truly want to. But it was a few weeks of not really really hearing His voice. I would call upon Him, and i wouldnt be aware of any answer. It was wrong of me to demand God to reveal Himself when i call upon Him. God doesn't have to reveal Himself to me if He doesnt want to. Anywho.. I did get to hear His voice on Friday night during worship. He said "Trust me, my child. I am with you always." So that was super comforting.
And then yet again, i allowed myself to go back to the fear of man. I heard about a guy who was diligently pursuing ministry, and he ended up losing a lot of his faith in God. For some reason i started worrying about conforming to God's will. I feared that i would make bad decisions. I feared that i wouldnt be good enough. And i feared that i wouldnt become a good leader. And you know what, I probably will make dozens of wrong moves, I wont be good enough, and I wont be a good leader. I, I, I. Of coarse I'll be terrible if i focus on I. God is the one, who will direct me to make wise decisions, who will offer His grace for my shortcomings, who will lift me up when im down, who sees me as righteous in His sight, who will strengthen me through His Spirit, and use me to lead His people. God is the one. God jus keeps reminding me how desperately i need to humble myself.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." -Matt 5:3-10
It seems my own fleshy mind tried to get the best of me. I would hear "You wont be good enough. You wont be strong enough." whispered in my ear. And satan or my own flesh would try to tear me down. "Why dont u just live like everyone else!? It'll be so much easier and way more fun!" And i basically let the enemy, allow me to doubt God's will. I condemned myself, and even questioned my trust in God. What if I wont do things right?! What if i just end up making a fool out of myself?! What if i were to lose my faith in God?! I got so overwhelmed with being under confident in Christ. My flesh has won many battles, but in the end God's Spirit will have victory over my heart and soul. God is always, always faithful, His agape never fails. Our God is a God of redemption, and He uses the meek to become strong. Paul was just a man, but become extraordinary because he was willing to comply to God's will. So we need to pray, pray, pray, for true obedience and submission. The Holy Spirit is ready to do it's thing, we just need to walk by faith.
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death"
-Phil 3:7-10
"What if some were unfaithful? Does their faithlessness nullify the faithfulness of God?" -Romans 3:3
"And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God." -Phil 1:9-11
"We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true—even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life." - 1 John 5:20
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