thoughts

...thoughts

Over Relational

church ministry, pastoral care and counseling all teach us to be highly relational. We're to show compassion, empathy and supportive concern. However, in doing some informal lay counseling lately, i see that many people are overly relational. Like they become dependent on a few people too heavily and it just weighs others down, namely me. I want to offer care for others, but sometimes it lays a toll. When someone struggles with loneliness, they really just need a good friend, and someone to be there. Some people just need someone to talk to and someone who cares enough to listen. I think we all do to different extents. However, I think there needs to be a healthy medium and mutual balance.

When someone is too relationally needy, it just gets irritating. It's exhausting. Too much attention and care jus comes off as kinda clingy and smothering. I admire those who have enough self-confidence, discipline and willpower to get through trials without much help from others. I admire those who are self-sufficient and independent. These are normally older siblings, or kids that's weren't babied. I feel like this is a tough subject, because in a sense, we're all relationally needy. We all need the love of God and others to support us. We're created for relationships. But sometimes it just goes too far. I think I appreciate small group and basketball days with some christian guys because there's a time to have serious real talk, and a time to jus play and joke around. When we feel loneliness, a common trap may be to just latch on to a friend too heavily. don't do that. just don't.

If you're in a serious relationship there's this mutual dependency and intimacy and that's perfectly fine. But in friendships, sometimes it becomes just one sided or unbalanced. The reason ive been thinkin about this is not just because others have been overly relational with me, but also because i see how too dependent i was on others in the past. I wish i knew this lesson years ago. It's definitely not a bad quality to care too much for others, but i hafta learn to contain and regulate my emotions better and not be too dependent on others. i say this a lot, but the christian faith is impossible apart from the support of other brothers and sisters. We can't get through life alone and we're not supposed to. But at the same time, if ur drowning, don't pull others under with ya. Again, i'm learning that I need to pursue friendships without going too far to one extreme. I either socially withdraw or become too relational. Find the healthy medium and keep it simple stupid.

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edit 7/30

Compassion
Im starting to see how almost everyone goes through a dark period or season. Sometimes they can last years. As we grow older, we'll hafta face unexpected obstacles and trials. And like most ppl we turn to wrong ways of coping. Ive been consistently tryin to help 4-5 people that have been struggling with depression. I guess its more common than i thought. Everyone's story is different. For some its loneliness, broken relationships, finical issues, the list goes on. Some turn to alcohol, sex, cutting, suicidal thoughts, and other harmful avenues. There's something that attracts me to help those who are hurting. I want to minister to those in pain, because i know hurting alone is very hard. But it can possibly become dangerous if u become their only friend. But sometimes it's even more dangerous if u choose not to be a friend.

Scripture calls us to show compassion on everyone. And when someone is hurting, we need to go out of our way and do everything we can do to help. And by "helping" that doesn't mean jus smack them with all the advice u would do yourself. No. Instead of tryin to fix people's problems, we're to simply point them to God. That's it. God is the one who heals and restores. So when people turn to you, tell them to turn to God.

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Look Up
I was lying on my back in the ocean for a few minutes the other day. And i felt the depth of the dark ocean below. Not being able to touch the bottom kinda freaks me out. So i jus floated there looking awkward. Then I stared up at the sky. I didn't know which way was north or south, well sorta.. but i knew which way was up. Sometimes we freak out not knowing which direction we're going. But im always reminded to look up. And i saw the giant bright blue sky with some white clouds. The vast heavens which felt like God was right there with me. And for just a moment, i felt God's presence reassure me that God is sovereign and he loves me. We can get freaked out about the waves hitting us in the face.. but ultimately, we know we're safe when God is watching over us.

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Ministry

I wrote this blog cuz i was kinda overwhelmed with someone i was tryin to help. And so i slowly started to withdraw from helping as much. But then one of his family members told me how grateful and appreciative she was knowing i was helping him. apparently i had a big influence on drawing his curiosity towards seeking God for healing, truth and salvation. When i was helping him it felt like we were going around in circles and wernt getting anywhere. we respectively disagreed a lot. It's a little frustrating when people have no basis or grounding for their beliefs.

Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves, and forget that it's really God using us, and God that ultimately changes one's heart. Even if people don't express or communicate gratitude, that doesn't mean they're not appreciative. Look for opportunities to listen and be a friend.

 After our conversation i was surprise to hear he went to barnes and noble and bought all the christian books i recommended. From a conversation someone can go from an athiest, to agnostic, to a thiest, to even a christian wanting a relationship with God. But it happens in small tiny tiny steps. He opened himself to the idea that God is a God of grace and truth. There has been so much struggle in his life, it seems God has become his last option. For many of us, we don't come to God till we're desperate. He desperately needs a change, but more than that he needs a support system. It's the love of God and the love of others that empower us to change.

So i guess this is a reminder that even when it may not seem like it, we can plant little seeds that deeply impact others' lives. Sometimes, we don't even need to talk about God, Jesus, the Bible, Church stuff, and we can just be a relational supportive and prayerful friend. It's important to be intentional and relational and not just one or the other. More than all the intellectual arguments and scientific evidence, love is more powerful. Love is a motivation that desires to see others close with God. Love is sacrificial, it means going out of ur way to be there for someone, not just when it's convenient or comfortable. Love for God is passion, a passion to desire Him. To love the blessor and not jus the blessings. We must first receive power and love from God so that we can be better ministers to others. Small acts, conversations and prayers can make a huge difference.