worship night

ugh

man is it just me, or is it like super hard to be responsible. I can be responsible for a really short time, but it just doesn't last. My sleep schedule got thrown out the window. and as much as i love naps, man they'll mess you up. i somehow wake up on time and function alright at work, but it takes all my energy to keep up with little kids. sometimes i feel like im just treading water and trying so hard to give my best. by the time i get home, im so exhausted that i just crash out. i blame AC for making me too cold and comfortable. I told myself i would be hitting the gym more consistently. but who has the energy for that? even though it's like a 3 minute drive away, i just dont do it. You ever see a guy jogging and you say to yourself, "dang i wish i was that dude who goes running early in the morning, i should be committed like that dude," and then crawl back inside your cave to sleep? It takes me hours to muster up enough will and determination to actually get stuff accomplished sometimes. I blame media, video games and all the comforts we have at home. but really it's jus a lack of self-discipline. Another hard habit to get going is eating right. Good nutrition has just been too hard lately. i love sugar and cold sweets too much. i just found my new favorite boba place too. right now im thinkin about portuguese sausage and cheese pizza. After my doctor told me to eat more whole grains, fish, fruits, etc, i was like "yeah you're absolutely right." and then i went to panda express nomnomnom lol..,, if i could jus eat right, get super ripped, and sleep on time, oh and have a social life lol, then things would probably be better  oh and maybe hire a maid or butler to do my laundry for me lol. I think it's interesting how these things that can often seem like chores can actually rejuvenate us. Eating right, sleeping regular human hours and exercising can actually give us more energy. What we put in, is what we get out. i feel like we all kinda know what we expect of ourselves, or what we'd like of ourselves, and we're capable of accomplishing these things, it's not impossible. but becoming better is always an internal battle against ourselves. It's a challenge to make healthier lifestyle changes and to stick to them. Sometimes there's just too much to be responsible for, and that's when something hasta give.. I usually have a good read at how my spiritual, relational, emotional, physical, and financial health is, and usually they aren't doing that great. But i'm still learning to take small steps in the right direction. I have to remind myself of my goals, and take better care of myself. I hafta taken more initiative and have more confidence that i can be who i want to be. I hafta replace bad habits with good ones. otherwise i end up regressing to my default, which is being a lazy childish insomniac couch potato. If only i could just be awesome at everything i do., gosh sometimes i blog and i have no idea what im really saying. this blog needs paragraph seperators, but im too lazy. ok bye