too hyper

I went to workout with a friend these last two days. ive been really inconsistent. ive been sick a lot since the beginning of this year.. them children keep coughing in my face. it's hard to be consistent with exercise when there's too much stuff to do. perhaps i just make excuses. i usually say, "im too tired today." but, when you think about it, getting to the gym or forcing yourself to do some physical exercise really fuels you with more energy somehow.. change really takes a lot of commitment and discipline. it usually takes at least 3-4 weeks to build up new habits and changes to our lifestyle. it's not hard to try new things. it's sticking to them that's the challenge. eating healthy, sleeping early and working out for a day or two really doesn't do much if we don't have the consistency.

i bought a new pre-workout called "Pre-Kaged" and man.. a few gulps and im like "GWARaaaAAAHHHHHE%VET$sjlsf!!!!!!!" and then i do kung fu and shoot fireballs and go super saiyan, and then i yell in my car like a maniac.. I yell, "RWARRRR!! YEAHHHH BUDDDY!! LIGHTNING!! WHOOO!! YAHHHHHH!!! LET'S GOO!! RWARRRAAHH!!" and then have to pee like crazy, and will have insomnia later, but man.. a good hard workout never makes you feel more alive. and there's something really spiritual to working out too, i can't quite explain it.  and then it wears off a little and ur like, "dang these weights are heavy."

my friend is much stronger than me, he lifts like almost everyday and does a lot of power lifting. It's crazy how much weights he moves so easily. doing anything with 300-400 pounds is jus nuts. his type of routine is really different from mine. I'm usually doing higher reps and more exercises then just a few max strength ones. we jus did squats, dead lifts and bench press. i was able to bench press and squat 200 pounds. And for not being in the gym conditioning or training myself these past months, i was really impressed i was able to do that much, i guess my extra fat gave me extra power lol.

The pre-workout had so much caffeine in it, i could still feel it the next morning rushing in my blood. I couldnt sit still. I had more energy then all my kids, which is a never. Having so much extra energy made me really really hyper, yet really happy and much more relational and silly with everyone. It felt good to be alive and energetic. It's so fun when i get to just spend time with kids and give them big hugs. All i wanted to do was dance and laugh and make jokes and greet everyone. I think everyone could tell i was definitely out of my usual sluggish demeanor and norm since im usually half zombie in the mornings. then by the afternoon i went from having way too much energy to crashing down to zero and wanting to take a long nap.

going back to working out. There's something about challenging yourself to be better and stronger that really lights a fire within. Pushing yourself to accomplish something hard and doing it well is really rewarding. With weights, it requires you to focus and summon all your physical strength and mental energy to lift something friggen heavy. The physical discipline really does increase and challenge your inner strength as well. one of the reasons i really enjoy lifting, sports and exercise is because it's fun to do with friends. training in the gym or doing a sport by yourself just isnt nearly as fun.

It's interesting how failure is often a good thing when working out. It requires our bodies to get stronger to handle the weight. I think challenging yourself to be better applies to many areas of life. Difficult challenges force us to give our best. Change is difficult, but very possible. It can sometimes be discouraging to take steps backwards, but sometimes that's part of the process. it's picking yourself up and continuing to press forward. Sometimes it's enduring the painful process that makes us stronger.

This past year i've really been contemplating what I really want to do in life. lol and if u know me, i think about that a lot. Perhaps the question should change to who do I really want to be? Even though our careers aren't necessarily our purpose, we spend a long time doing them so i think it should be a part of what we hope to achieve in this life. As much as i do enjoy teaching preschool, deep down, my heart keeps going back to counseling and ministry. There are more conversations that are much deeper than the shallow surface level. It's these conversations that inflict change, healing, inspiration, and transformation... the important stuff. Listening to someone bare their issues, hardships, thoughts and feelings about something is where we're really able to connect and bond with each other. I have a lot of self=doubts about pursuing mental health counseling. Sometimes climbing mt. Everest seems easier than the thought of going back and finishing school.

school is expensive. imagine having debt and then digging down at least 60k more in debt. not to mention the mental torment going to night classes for several hours a week, writing papers and taking test for a few years. does that really sound smart? is it really worth it? it's gonna take a long time to graduate and get all the internship/ clinical hours done which might not even be paid. even after i graduate it's another 2 years of racking up 1200 hours, then it's joining an agency for awhile before i can even think about a private practice. And then even after i've done all that, do i really want to work my butt off to schedule consistent clients that are dealing with severe issues and listen to 20-30 clients a week? mm.. idunno.. sounds a bit much dontchya think? so it's either that, or... ??? yeah the original plan was pastoral counseling and ministry, but.. that's another story.. man when u think about it.. work is a huge bulk of our life, and if we don't really like what we're doing, or find much purpose to it, it's easy to get burnt out.

when i think about what i want to do in this life, i really want to make an impact in people's lives, and help them grow to be better, and to encourage them to be their best. Counseling and ministry stand out to me because those seem to be the best two option for me to offer care to others. However, we must first take care of ourselves, and love ourselves before we can really help and be there for others. im learning that one of the best ways to express love to others is to just be more present with them. To enjoy being where you are and who your with at that moment. we have the ability to be a positive influence and to build healthy relationships. we have the ability to praise God in everything and anything that we're doing, no matter the situation, we can choose to be loving and kind, or we can choose to just think about ourselves.

This morning i got to talk to a friend who's been going through a lot of stress with her problems. i can tell she's been holding it all in for a while. I usually shy away from saying bold things like, "Hey, is it okay if I pray for you now?" but i did, and was able to support her even if through a short prayer. Because it's common for my co-workers and i to get burnt out, i started this thing where at our break time we share one verse with each other, and it's really been a great way to encourage and remind each other of how great and sovereign our God is. it's a reminder that He's ultimately in charge and in control. It shifts the reliance of ourselves to a reliance on God, and that really does make a big difference.