inner voices overthinking

it's been difficult to try and hold it all together. have you ever felt like you might just break? ive felt like exploding and just falling apart. ive been trying to do everything responsibly, but im so overwhelmed, and super tired. feeling stressed would be an understatement.

I feel a bit broken. i feel worried and confused. i feel depressed and negative emotions. i feel sad, lonely, defeated, empty, discouraged and angry at myself. i question myself, i doubt myself. sometimes fears overwhelm me.

what happens when i lose ppl in my life? What happens if i end up alone? What happens if i can't make enough money to survive? What happens if i never live up to my potential? What happens if my best efforts just aren't enough?

Sometimes i just need someone to tell me that it's all going to be okay.

I can hear two schizophrenic voices of myself talking to me. i ask myself if i can really do this all? Why am i doing this? Why am i really doing this? how do other people do it? How come my best doesn't seem good enough? it's too hard. i jus wanna drop everything. Im exhausted. im dead tired. im burnt out. i gots no energy.

i know negative thoughts and feelings don't do much good, but should we deny how we really feel? if i feel sad, isn't it okay to feel sad?

i wish i could turn back the time to when i could jus play in the sand as a kid. turn back the time to when i could jus play freeze tag. turn back the time to when i didnt hafta worry about anything.

Maybe you are trying to do to much. It's okay to slow down.

Don't give up. stop complaining. others have it way harder. and ur whining about feeling a little stressed? uve got it good. jus take it one day at a time. you're capable of doing it all. fight back. you can overcome these obstacles. You're much stronger than you think. what's really so hard? What do you really want? What's your goals? what's important to you? somethings must be fought through. and important things must be fought for. because in the end its worth it. motivate yourself. Challenge yourself. dont be afraid of hard work. giving up would be too easy. what would it really be like if u just gave up? things will get better. You'll get better. everything will be alright. believe you can succeed. You can choose who u want to be. You can make a difference for others. You can do great things. hard work pays off. just keep moving. Do your best. Be your best self. stop spendin all your money u fool! listen to music. study hard. eat right. work out. sleep early. balance your life. focus. Pray. trust. find your strength in God. I can do all things through him who gives me strength. persevere. Do not worry.

instead of listening to all ur inner voices, perhaps we should be trying to listen to God's voice. Wouldn't the God of the universe know what's best for us?

Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away  in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers/ lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, you of little faith? So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'what shall we drink?' or 'what shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

thoughts

I seem to have constant reoccurring lessons. it's easy to lose sight of our goals. it's easy to fall into apathy and just go through our daily routines. Ive been busy trying to juggle work and school that it's nice to jus have a day to not worry about anything. Every once in a while it's very refreshing to step outside of our circumstances and reflect on who we are, who we want to be and what we value.

This year i wanted to grow in self-confidence and somehow i think i have. If we grow in confidence we can tackle things in life without doubting ourselves. Who cares if we fail, that's part of the learning process. Who cares what others think, just be yourself. I also want to work on being more positive, that includes killing negative thoughts, how i view myself and how i interact with others. But.. easier said then done. Have you ever met someone who purposely tries to be very positive and smiles a lot? It's contagious. 

There's a verse in 1 Corinthians 13 that talks about how if we do not love, we are nothing. I remember we had to memorize this chapter in junior high and high school. If we don't love God, ourselves and others, really life becomes meaningless and also very empty. So with this it becomes pretty clear what is important in life. Treasure God's goodness, treasure relationships, see yourself and love yourself the way God loves you. And then when we look back at all our problems, anxieties, and insecurities, they really don't seem so bad in the big picture. In fact, life is actually really good!