Acceptance

If we only have this one life, shouldn't we do whatever it takes to become the very best versions of ourselves? If we only have this one life, shouldn't we want to spend as much time as we can with the people that matter most to us and treat them with the utmost love, care & kindness?

If this is our only life (and it is), we must make sure we don't waste it. Focus your time, work, and energy on what's most important + meaningful to you. Tomorrow is never promised. Don't take people for granted. Always give them your very best.

I often get stuck in my head. I tend to overthink and overanalyze. What can I say or do? What is the best choice I can make? What are all possible options? If I do or don't do X what possible ripple effects could happen? What could of happened if I did or didn't say/ do this or that? Trying to consider all the possible what if's will drive you nuts. 

Sometimes the right answer is taking a step back and not having expectations or chasing some sort of outcome. Sometimes the right answer is just focusing on your own holistic health.

I am critical on myself for mistakes. I get anxious when I feel like I walk on eggshells. I get anxious when I don't know what to say or do. This is a result of perfectionism and trying so damn hard to do everything right all the time.

I have high expectations of myself, which often leave me discouraged or in despair because my ideals seem out of reach. Growing up with parents that expressed anger whenever I did something wrong has made me extra cautious to not do anything that might upset someone. I strive to be my best ideal self, but none of us are perfect and we'll end up being our real self.

Overthinkers paralyze themselves by getting caught in contemplation. hence why I write long blogs lol. Perfectionism is not just wanting to be your best self all the time but striving to create the life you want. I don't think that's a bad thing. But I'm learning that it's okay to accept who you are, where you are in life and the problems that you face.

It's easy to dream a perfect life, a perfect relationship, wealth, a successful business, a sense of belonging in community, spiritual enrichment, and holistic health. 

To some extent, social media, culture and movies often paint the picture-perfect life to what it takes to find happiness. It cultivates entitlement and tells us we aren't happy until we have more. After all that's how advertisements work.

In thinking about entitlement, I think it's easy to feel like we're somehow special and ought to have all that we want. It's not hard to daydream about what a perfect job, marriage, family, and life would look like. And the reality is that our lives are not exactly how we'd envision it to be. Our faith and character are not always as strong as we wished it were. We chase after these perfect ideals which aren't always realistic. Can you still be happy not having all the things you wanted? When we chase after things we don't have, we often forget to appreciate all that we do.

At the end of all of this, I think we are all looking for meaning, love, sense of belonging, understanding, and happiness. Our behavior will do anything to feel these valuable things. And when we don't, we can sense something crucial is missing. 

I think we have this idea that we're always supposed to feel fulfilled, happy, and have everything we want. In reality, we must accept our failures, mistakes, insecurities, losses, and imperfections. We must accept that life isn't the way we thought it'd be. 

We all have problems of some sort. Perhaps part of life is finding ways to cope, heal, overcome, and grow through those challenges. 

We think, if only I have X, Y, and Z then I'll be happy. But X, Y, and Z often require sacrifice, more problems, more conflicts, more challenges and hard work. Acquiring anything good requires going through a process. At the end of it you must ask yourself if X, Y, or Z are worth it and what you really want. Is the stress of having your own business worth it? Are the conflicts worth fighting through for relationships/friendships? What are the problems you face if you don't intentionally pursue holistic health?

Can you be happy and okay without having X, Y and Z or other letters of the alphabet? Anything of true value and meaning requires intentionality. If someone or something is truly meaningful and valuable to you, you should give it your very best.

In the past few years, I see how I tend to look for others for approval and validation. To be validated and loved by others. My self-worth is often attached to if someone sees the good in me. It's not just validation.. I think it's wanting to feel loved, valued, wanted, appreciated, and seen. I think to some extent we all desire that sense of connection. 

I naturally developed a people-pleaser & helper/ hero mentality to try and get others to somehow like me or think well of me. I can often be liked, but not truly loved, which still leaves this empty feeling as if something is missing. I know what it feels like to feel.. unloved, unwanted, unseen, unvalued, and unappreciated. However, this does not mean I am unworthy. And the truth is God is faithful to our deepest needs even when we don't always sense it.

I think it's more important to feel love towards yourself than to depend on the love of someone else. See yourself through God's eyes, and how he loves us as we are.

Approval seeking can lead to codependence. If someone loves me the way I want, then I have value. And if someone doesn't love me, then therefore I don't have value. This is completely false. 

I am whole, full, abundant, happy, strong, valuable, and worthy with or without someone's praise or attention. You are sufficient whether or not people see you. You are kind, lovable, good, valuable, and important whether or not someone declares or expresses that. 

As a man, we're told not to ever be needy. We're told to be self-sufficient, and not need anything from anyone. However, as humans, we have needs. And some needs, can only really be filled by other people. I think we're told that we don't need affection. But I think we all deep down do. Feeling loved and cared for is a legitimate need we all desire, and yet many of us realize how much we lack that. 

Interesting enough on Maslow's hierarchy of needs, above physiological, and safety needs, we have a need for belonging and love/ connection. After achieving those, the top of the pyramid are self-esteem and self-actualization and becoming our full potential. It's difficult to pursue the higher levels without the bottom needs met first. 

It's funny because I got on a call with my friends, and they asked, "What's up, How are you?" I responded I think I'm severely depressed. They laughed and said, lol yeah we are too. It reminded me that it's okay to feel down, it's okay to miss talking to people, it's okay to hurt, it's okay to feel sad, it's okay to have gone through loss, it's okay to not have some amazing love in your life, it's okay to not have life exactly how you wanted.

Perhaps its going through failures and pain that help us to pursue stronger and healthier versions of ourselves. 

The hope is maybe one day we will feel better, and we should do what we can to find people/things that cultivate health, healing, and happiness. Life will never be perfect, but you can still find and create a lot of good.

We seek to love and be loved. to know and be known. To some extent, we all have the need to be understood, seen, and appreciated. We all have various needs and expectations we seek from others. In my experience, even after communicating those needs and expectations, we will often be disappointed. 

People will not always treat you the way you'd wish. People will not always love & care about you the way you'd hope. People will not always have the best form of communication or conflict resolution. People will let you down and not be able to meet your needs and expectations. It's common to be angry because someone doesn't treat you the way you'd like. But you must also remember to ask, have I shared and taught others how I'd like to be treated?

If someone doesn't love you the way you'd like to be loved, as hard as it is to walk away, you must, otherwise, you will continue to seek to gain something from them that they aren't able to give. If someone doesn't love you, accept + respect that, and find someone else who does. 

I watched this hypnotist guy work with this girl. And he said something like "Your mind is very powerful and you can obtain anything you want to achieve. When you wake up you will let go of something you've been holding onto and leave it here." 

There's something very challenging about feeling attached and connected to someone and then figuring out how to detach, accept, and simply let go. I think it's in struggling through this challenge that we push ourselves to control our thoughts and emotions. To allow someone you love to not be in your life. I don't think there's a quick and easy solution to detaching. 

Don't plead for friendship or for anyone to stay if they choose to not include you in their life. Focus on being the best version of you, and good people will be grateful to spend time with you. If someone walks away from you, respect and allow them to do so. If they come back, treat them well. If they don't, it's ok, keep walking on your own path. 

I'm writing this blog because I struggle with simply "moving on." I'm still fighting to gain better acceptance. Even with God's love and self-love, there's a component in all of us that seeks to be loved, valued, seen, appreciated, and treated with warmth, thoughtfulness, and kindness. We want a level of intimacy and someone close to support us, check in on our day, and someone we can love and care about as well. 

At this point, it almost feels like an illusion because perhaps my ideals of true love are too high. I think it might exist for some that are lucky to find it, but for most it seems like a rare commodity. 

I obviously have a very hard time letting go. I want to make things better. I want to fully understand what I need to do to be better. I prefer to resolve conflicts, talk things out and gain understanding. It's hard when people don't feel like communicating. Don't force things. As hard as it is, we need to let life go the way it goes and let what happens happen.

I think a lot about life and death. We forget the simplicities in life. When I counsel students, I always tell them the importance of good friendships and focusing on their holistic health. Life itself is a blessing. People forget how privileged we are in America. We forget how much we're blessed with. Life will always have challenges, but we must always remember all that we should be grateful for. Count your blessings.

I've used words like, "He or she was a best friend or a good friend." And then challenged with.. "Well if they really were a good friend, wouldn't they also put in the effort to work things out? And in romantic interest, sometimes friendships really just don't work in the long run. So in a way it's a conundrum to say I lost a great friend.. because great friends would be able to overcome conflicts. And if some choose to not reach out to talk, then maybe it's a blessing in disguise, and can help you to keep moving forward.

My therapist mentioned that I should expect it to hurt and be painful. And as hard of a truth it is to accept, I must realize that I'm not equally wanted or valued. Not feeling that love you seek often leaves me disappointed. How many people in your life have let you down? How many people genuinely love you for who you are and put in the time, work, and effort to show that you're loved, valued, important, seen, and appreciated? 

Letting go and accepting difficult truths requires a lot. Letting go of those you consider important is probably the most challenging thing we'll face. It's why we fear finding love and intimacy. Because when you love someone, there's the risk of losing them, which is excruciating. 

I don't know how to make things better. And perhaps there's nothing I can say or do. I have a hard time burning bridges and not talking. It's a bit frustrating to realize that some friendships just won't be repaired. It's frustrating when you try so hard to give someone your best, and yet you feel like you're not good enough. As we get older, I think our standards and self-worth raise. We know what we want, what we're looking for, and what we deserve. 

A friend who knows he's in love, is starting to get anxiety and fear, because now he knows he has someone good he could possibly lose. It's weird how we desire and treasure feeling love, and yet how scary it is to possibly have someone not love us back or to care about someone who doesn't care about you.

At the same time, there's a deep pain, loneliness, and emptiness with not having anyone to build a relationship with. Some of us will settle for less than we deserve because it seems like it beats not having anyone. In a weird way, sometimes just having someone nearby is better than no one. So then we dream up a perfect ideal someone who can and will meet all our needs and expectations, only to find that perfect people don't exist and that we're all flawed.

We will all hurt and disappoint others in some way. It doesn't mean we're all doomed, it just means we need to learn how to grow in loving relationships and communicate with care and understanding.

I watched an interesting korean dating show. At the end they asked a guy contestant what he learned. He said, "I learned that as much as I like giving love, I learned that I also like to receive love too." With my experiences, I've learned to not give myself too easily. I find it easy to give to others. But I'm learning to not overinvest, but rather match others' investments. If you give too much of yourself with low return, you'll likely end up hurt, resentful and in a form of despair.

My mom watches a lot of hallmark movies.. like daily.. and honestly, it makes me feel sad, because you see two people click, connect, find compatibility, romance, and such a wonderful life, and then we assess our own lives and see that we don't have that sense of intimacy. Wow what a wonderful movie, two people find a passionate and compatible love and work out their differences. I seriously can't watch that stuff anymore.

These are heavy feelings and emotions that indicate to us how we desire for things to be different. We want those who we value and love to stay close to us. It's why we seek long-term commitment and security. To know someone isn't just going to walk out on us.

When someone chooses to walk away, as much as you'll initially fight against it, eventually the hope is we'll come to terms and at peace with it. Even if there's unfinished business and a lack of understanding, there's only so much you can say or do, and the rest is out of your control.

We must do our best to control what we can control. We cannot control how others think or force others to love us the way we'd hope. Rather, we must control the storm within ourselves. We can control how we respond to our thoughts and emotions. We must control our inner lives, or these intrusive/ negative thoughts and emotions will end up controlling us. 

Life will usually throw us curve balls we didn't expect. We must be prepared to be okay even when challenging times come our way. Even when people decide to leave, you must learn to be strong on your own. Closing your heart off to finding love is not the answer, but one must be careful to not give themselves fully to just anyone, because to some extent you may lose part of what you give.

Even when no one is coming to cheer you on, you must press forward.  Even when no one is coming to help you, you must learn to help yourself. Even when no one gives you the love you want, you must learn to find love within yourself. Even when people hurt you, disappoint you,  you must learn to forgive, detach, accept and let go. Disappointment is inevitable, but discouragement is a choice.

What would it look like to be the happiest and healthiest version of yourself? To be confident, positive, content, and energetic? To what extent can we give ourselves the self-love we desire? To what extent can we tell ourselves the words we want to hear. What happens if our self-talk cuts us down or builds us up? What does it look like if we isolate ourselves, fear intimacy, push away friendships, and try to do everything on our own? Loneliness and indifference to others is not the answer either. We must learn this skill of interdependence. 

I have always attributed happiness with being in some ideal relationship. I end up developing a connection, getting too attached and then end up losing them in my life and going back to being just strangers. Isn't that weird to learn about someone, hear their life story, talk to them daily, genuinely love them for who they are and then one day just stop talking or seeing them forever?

I have a hard time coping with loss. Heartbreak takes me years to heal and recover from. I used to have my heart literally ache all day every day. I think of a hundred different things to say, and yet all of them don't make the situation better. The reason why we suffer for so long is because we truly loved.

Loving someone and caring for someone who doesn't want that affection will only push them away further. My superhero strength and kryptonite is caring too much. I'm wired to love deeply, but I now realize that I also want to be loved equally. Instead of focusing on trying to gain something from someone else, I must learn to focus that energy on being happy and proud of who I am becoming. 

The secret to liberation is this art of letting go. It's to stop caring so much. The stress that we develop is because we give too much attention to wishing things were different. Wishing does not change anything. It leaves us feeling like our lives are a failure full of disappointments. 

I desperately want to find closure, to accept, let go and move on, and yet I find myself stuck in self-torment. I find myself having sleepless nights, or staying too long in bed. I say to myself, you don't need closure, you don't need answers, you don't need explanations to why things go the way they've gone. Why did things happen the way they did? I don't know, and that's ok.

Allow life to take its natural course. Practice non-resistance and accepting what is.

Those who leave were not meant to be. And vise versa, if someone chooses to stay then continue to invest and offer them your best self.

Whether or not someone communicates or ghosts you forever, I must learn to be okay no matter what. Feeling ignored is as if the person said, "Oh I see what you said, but you don't matter or mean much to even get a response because I don't feel like conversing with you." It's a little hard to not feel insignificant. People have two thumbs to text you back. And as much as you miss talking to someone, you must respect that they need a lot of space.

If someone no longer wants me in their life, that's ok. Yes, it hurts to accept someone doesn't want to simply talk, but at the same time I know I deserve to be valued and will find good people who appreciate time with me. You can go try wasting your time chasing a cat to grab and hug em. But those cats will claw ya in da face and jump out and run away. Rather find the cats that like to come and snuggle up next to you.

If someone doesn't want you, that might be a sign they are not the right person to keep in your life. You want those who turn inward toward you, instead of those who abandon and leave. You want people who say, "Can we talk this out?" Those who say, "I appreciate you." "I'm grateful for you." "I'm sorry." "I miss you." etc. You want someone emotionally available and emotionally intelligent to communicate in all love languages and overcome any conflict.

A lack of understanding and communication leaves me with unanswered questions and overthinking, which results in depression, stress, and anxiety. What did I do wrong? What was I supposed to say? What was the issue? I saw a perfect and happy life. But reality continues to slap me in the face saying to accept how life really is.

Stop worrying about the things you cannot change. And instead, perhaps work on the things you can change. This is what leads me to self-improvement, holistic health, and finding peace within myself.

This here is the key. Focus on your own personal growth and development. Become the strongest version of yourself. Seek the kingdom of God above all else. Train your mind to overcome cognitive distortions and negativity. Train your heart to heal. Create a healthier lifestyle becoming full on self-love, and you'll attract the right people.

As you can tell, I'm a work in progress. I know my strengths and weaknesses, and I will continue to work on both till the day I die. Focus on who you want to be, find your passions, become more responsible, and spend less time worrying about all the What If's.

I've been reading this book, and I find it fascinating because it contradicts so many self-help books. It's about accepting who you are, where you are, and realizing that we're all sort of messed up with problems and that's ok. It's about not giving a crap about stuff that doesn't matter, and channeling that extra energy and focus into the things we can control.

We all go through mental health issues, dealing with irritating people, stressful situations, conflicts, financial burdens, grief, loss, pain, suffering, and a variety of insecurities. 

The world tells us something is wrong with us. Why aren't you married, own a home, have a successful career, lots of money, and have three kids and a dog yet? Where the heck did all these pressures and expectations come from?

Why do we dream of these things as if they will magically make us happy? Perhaps it's okay to be exactly where you are and who you are even if you don't have everything you want and aren't completely satisfied with your life. Perhaps we can breathe in gratitude for what we do have, and the good people that choose to be in our life.

You don't have to look far to find someone else who has a much harder life. Yet we whine, grumble, and complain about so many little things that have very low significance. These things don't matter. We waste our time sweating the small stuff. Perhaps our time and energy can be better used if we created healthy habits and routines to focus on building a better version of ourselves.

For some reason, my blogs usually take me on this long journey to only end up at discovering that God needs to be my main focus. God is the only one who can provide for all our needs. God's love is perfect and more than we can ask or imagine. Without the power and Spirit of God, we're screwed.

We ought to be more dependent on God than we are for air to breathe. That ain't just poetic, I mean it. God's grace sustains us more than food or water. God is the source for all that is good. He Himself is our highest good.

If God knows the plans he has for us, and only has what is truly for our best, then shouldn't we trust God with all of our concerns and worries?

Even when it seems like God is absent and hard to sense at times, it is our faith in Him that relies on Him regardless of whether or not we can feel him or not. Just because you can't always feel or sense God, does not mean that He isn't with us every step of the way. It makes me wonder why I don't always sense Him, but through faith I know He only has good purposes for me.

Sometimes I wish God would make things a lot easier.. but then I realize, it's through the challenges that he refines and strengthens us. God's purposes, thoughts, and ways are higher than ours. Surrender your ideals and own expectations. God has even more for us than we can ask or imagine. God works all things for our good. That includes what we consider the bad.

You will naturally come across people who disagree with your faith in God, your political views, and how you do things. Do not compromise your values for someone else. You cannot please everyone. You should not have to hide or be ashamed of what you believe in. Yes, I know there are controversial topics, but I think the right thing is to stand up for what you believe. By standing for truth, you must also stand against injustice and the evils of our world.

I put so much energy into relationships and realize I don't really get much back in return. Why give someone your best, and communicate in all love languages when that's not reciprocated? Why invest so much to get very little back? Don't invest until someone is worth investing in and matches your level of interest.  

I'm not perfect. No one is perfect. No one will perfectly meet my needs. I will make mistakes and goof up, but it's okay because we must learn to forgive, communicate, understand, heal, and continue moving forward to pursue better versions of ourselves. Relationships reveal our insecurities, anxieties, immaturities, flaws, and sins. This is a good thing, because it exposes how we can be better. 

The goal isn't to have relationships/friendships that never get into conflict and fight. The goal is to learn how to navigate through those trials to find someone who's willing to stick around regardless of how challenging things get. To find someone willing to fight and grow alongside you regardless of all our shortcomings. To find this compatibility, connection, and commitment is rare.

I'm at a point where I must simply learn to accept being okay being a lone wolf. I'm not actually that optimistic about finding my person. It's easy for things to be fun and exciting in the beginning stages of dating, but who's really going to be committed to growing in love and faith for life? Love isn't some one-time event. It takes time and nurtures to develop love.

So regardless of if we find our person or not, we must remember to be strong and independent on our own not desperately in need of someone to provide attention or affection for us to feel ok. If I die alone, so be it. Keep your standards high, know your self-worth, be picky, teach how you want to be treated, and never stop pursuing your selff-development.

I must accept things even if I don't want to and not have any real answers to why. In the end, it doesn't even matter. I honestly rather be on my own then with someone unequally yoked or who doesn't truly care or see the good in me. I don't think we should ever settle for less or change our standards, and ignore red flags just because we feel lonely. unhealthy relationships won't last. But the best people will fight for you, support you, encourage you, challenge you, and choose to stay.

I may not have the control to repair relationships/friendships, but I can work on healing my scars. I can continue to work on myself to become stronger in my faith, to become proud of who I'm becoming, to overcome difficult tasks, and to become a happier/ healthier version of myself. 

We will all in some shape or form go through loss. It could be a death of a loved one, it could be friends moving away, losing a valuable item or possession, an emotional fallout with friends, or breakups. And when we lose someone or something we love, we go through the grieving process. We look for ways to cope and heal. God works all things for our good.

I did a research paper on the grieving process, and the main thing I learned from it was that everyone grieves differently. The 5 stages are generally, Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, and finally Acceptance. I personally have experienced going through all these stages, and it's normal to bounce around between them and feel overwhelmed. Even when you accepted something, you can still find yourself in heartache. It's part of being human, it's part of grieving and losing someone or something you truly loved. Acceptance isn't a one-time event, but an ongoing pursuit. 

After going through all the pain, you realize there's nothing you can do to change what happened, and all you can do is accept that it did happen, and take any lessons you might of learned from the relationship. I've spent most of my life in brokenness and battling depression. I desperately sought validation, approval, warmth and emotional connection/ intimacy. Even if we don't have someone special in our life at this time, we must always continue to work on ourselves, grow in faith, health, and do what gives us meaning. 

Just because you've accepted the reality, it doesn't magically wash away all the memories and mean you're immune to feeling emotional pain. But you've come to accept that life is not always the way you want and you have gone through a form of deep loss. Expect grieving to hurt and to be hard. Allow yourself to find healing on your own timeline. Grieving & Acceptance can be a lifelong process.

It takes several different avenues of restoring health. But drip by drip, the pain hurts a little less than it once did. If you work on yourself consistently, eventually you will become a stronger, healthier, & happier person. Letting go takes intentionality. It's so easy to want to hold on to people and keep them close, but if people do not want to stay, you must part ways and let go.

One thing we must accept is realizing we all go through emotional highs and lows. Many of us fear intimacy yet it's the one thing we crave. We want deep connection, laughter, and spending time with people who make us happy. But it's unrealistic to expect to feel completely satisfied and happy all the time. You should expect to go through hard times, mundane + boring daily routines, and not always have everything you want. 

Stop chasing X, Y, or Z, before you allow yourself to be happy. Remember and be grateful you have A, B, or C. Do your best to be happy with or without someone or something. Happiness and meaning derive from investing in good things. It requires taking action and enjoying simple moments. Look at all the blessings and good people we have around us and look at how we take them for granted. Learn to appreciate those who choose to stay in your life.

If any of this stuff resonated with you. Don't be so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for the past. Learn to accept both good and bad. It's okay for life to be hard and lonely at times. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to still love people you haven't talked to in ages. Choose to be happy in the present. Be 100% yourself and you'll attract 100% of the right people.

Do what it takes to take care of your mental, emotional, physical, relational, and spiritual health. Focus on becoming the best you can be today for yourself! You deserved to be loved for who you are as you are. You are worthy of love and I hope you find all that you look for.

Even if no one sees your value, you are valuable and loved by God. Allow God to heal your scars. Allow Him to fill you with His peace, power, and joy. If all you have is God, then that's ok and God will take care of you and provide for you. Seek first his kingdom.

Stop taking things so seriously. Stop overthinking. Practice gratitude. You're gonna be alright. You're gonna be ok! Keep giving it your best and all that you got!