stress

anxiety in the heart

stress turning into pain

dont want to do anything

no strength, too weak, too tired

so much to do

stress from people

stress from school work

next few weeks will be very stressful

2weeks + finals week. 

4 papers, 3 projects, 2 finals

then immediately after it's summer school for 16hrs a week

then we have retreat

then i move
then ike comes up to cali

then i can finally go to hawaii

warning! reading this blog may cause you stress, lol

when i briefly talked to tim today he said, "I can't do anything because i have to do this paper. And i can't work on this paper, so i cant enjoy anything." thanks sunghwa for helping, cough i mean writing his paper. i went home early after church. i jus felt stressed out and tired. i rather remove myself then drag other people down. i almost fell asleep driving i was so tired. I have so many things that im worried about, that sometimes all i can do is worry. i really need to get stuff done. it's sad to admit that my goal right now is to jus pass classes. i started off with the do ur best in everything mentality, to jus survive and finish.

i really need to workout. it's one of my best ways of reliving stress. boba, beach, hiking, media, sleep, are nice. but God dwells in 24 hour fitness for me. Physical exercise, weights, basketball, the swimming pool and the jacuzzi make me feel at home. but lately i havnt had the time.

Avengers was better than my expectations. i kept my expectations low since the hype was so big. i actually really liked it. they coulda changed a few things here and there, but overall the action and small laughs made it enjoyable. i wish i had superpowers..

so wen i slept over gregs, melis and kris made visalus shakes. omgosh. they made banana cream, strawberry banana, peanut butterscotch, and cinnabon flavor shakes. There's a lsit of hundreds of simple recipes that you can do with visalus. So i went to walmart, bought a super cool $20 blender, jello powder packet thingys, vanilla extract, fruits, and milk. Went home and made banana cream.. omygosh.. i didn't think i could be so attracted to a shake. So fresh, healthy and tasty! ahh! gosh jus talkin about it makes me crave it more.. but it's too late to use my loud grinder.. delicious homemade shakes are the only thing keepin my mind off my stress.

God is always the best way to find peace and relieve our anxieties. but for some reason it seems very difficult right now. do i really experience this peace from God? Why is it so much easier to turn to a distraction or to a friend? I don't like dumping my stressful problems and venting to people because it might discourage and bring them down with me. There's a few people who tend to add stress whenever im around them. Some people jus have horrible manners, consideration and interpersonal skills. I know ive already vented about these self absorbed and obnoxious ppl before.. but they still get to me and create anger.. sometimes i jus wanna turn into the hulk and smash things.. God give me the patience and compassion to deal with these people.

Pretty sure i wanna move in to greg's gmas's place. it'd be sweet to actually live on my own and be close to church. I really wanna get a dog. i dont wanna hafta deal with all the responsibilities. but i want a fluffy soft smaller size dog. one that doesn't bark, or smell bad. one that stays still and likes to sleep with me. a happy dog makes a happy boy.

Why is there so much anxiety in my heart. it's so painful. why am i worried about so many things. perhaps im not trusting God in these areas. sometimes it's so easy to talk about God and talk about his truths, it's a whole nother thing to experience and to practice living by them though. God give me strength. Give me discipline. Give me joy. and then some more strength.