isn't it strange how at one moment you can feel great, and then at another moment you can feel pretty horrible? Within a day our moods change so much. Our hearts can be swayed so easily. Circumstances can be good and easy, and then they can suddenly turn bad and difficult.
My mom feels really depressed right now because her cat got ran over by a car. They had to amputate his tail. It lost complete feeling in it's tail, and my mom said it was bleeding a lot. She feels really bad because she didn't take him to the vet immediately, when she noticed he was sick with something. She felt she coulda done something to help him.
I have a friend who's been goin through some relationship problems. and it sounds really frustrating and stressful. Sometimes it's hard to do everything to please someone. Sometimes people have too many expectations of us.
For some reason i feel a little stressed out too. I'm not quite sure why though. I think the heat just makes me angry sometimes. I also wish i was better at planning. I feel disorganized, confused, and tired. I hate when you have a problem that you can't find a solution to. You feel so conflicted because you're not quite sure what to do.
the new 24 just opened today i think. It's a super sport, so im excited they have bball courts and a pool. I jus hope it doesnt get super crowded.
You ever get bored, and ur not quite sure what to do, so u go to the refrigerator and jus start eating. Im not even hungry and i feel like i need to stuff my face or snack on something. Sometimes i jus dont know what to do with myself.
A few nights ago i was super bored. So i thought it'd be good to try praying. I usually don't have much patience or focus to really pray. but I felt God was somehow reassuring me and comforting me. It felt good to meet with God. In hawaii i didn't make much time for God. I usually take walks, and God usually speaks to me. But this time, i jus indulged in other comforts and didn't give much devotion to God.
Anyways, between 4-530am, the other day i really felt God speaking to me. Reminding me how great it is to be a child of God and how much He loves me. I couldn't stop thinking about how awesome God's love for me is. how much he delights in me and how i belong to Him. These truths are so simple and yet so profound and deep. I actually felt held by God. And i get this good heartburn feeling. It's a consuming, overwhelming joy to jus be in intimate communion with Him. I could feel His embrace keeping me safe and secure. Actually being aware of His presence and receiving how much He loves me was jus incredible. What's strange is that as awesome as that experience was, i still find myself struggling to go back into this prayer, waiting, worship mode.
It's weird that we have the opportunity to meet with God 1 on 1 at any time, anywhere. And yet we don't. Sometimes worship music helps. But i usually find myself super distracted, searching for something else to fill or occupy me. Why is it so difficult to give God my attention? I need greater patience in seeking God. I want to find that place where there's absolutely nothing you rather be doing than spending time with God. His love is so great and powerful, and yet i turn to a silly iphone game instead. God please give me greater focus. Increase my love for you. Help me to slow down. Help me to spend more time with you. Help me to pray for others. Help me to find rest and peace in you.
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