New Years Resolutions
- spend more intentional time with God
- be a better friend
- read entire bible
- be homeless for at least a day
- find work
- read more
- floss more
- draw more
- gain 20 pounds to hit 165
- workout like crazy
- back up everything on dropbox
- grow in character and virtues
- get a better sleep schedule
Even if i don't accomplish all my goals, i hope to at least move in the right direction.. eventually small steps everyday turn into miles of growth
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so i guess I've been waiting to finish seminary after 4 years. and 4 years is considered relatively fast for master of divinity. but i wish i didn't rush through it, and spent more time in ministry. there was quite a bit of suffering. and i guess that's part of the process. i remember wanting to quit so badly after 3 greek courses. but God definitely pulled me through it. I'm glad I'm done with school. i hope there's no more. in the future i may still consider doing a masters in Marriage/Family Therapy or Masters of Social Work. But just not right away. i jus wanna work. I'm not sure what to do with myself with all my time. I've been jus watching movies in bed since I've been sick for the last 2 weeks. i guess i should jus pack up my stuff to ship to hawaii, sell my car, meet with as many ppl as i can, move back and look for jobs. i got no energy to do any of those things.
I'm not saying i did all these things well on this list, but its just things i'd like to focus on.
anyways so what i learned...
1) It's All About Relationships.
community, church fellowship, accountability and friendship. love God, love people. love yourself the way God sees u.
this seems to stick out in my mind the most. and i don't think it was from seminary. but just, how dull and meaningless life seems when we're not involved and growing in the relationships around us. ministry is really just practicing loving on people and being available to them. make time for those u care about, keep them close, don't take em for granted. don't take friendships for granted
2) Soul Care, taking care of yourself in all areas of health
communion with God sanctifies us. we also learn more about ourselves, and our need for him. check your spiritual, mental, physical, emotional, relational health. take good care of yourself and find rest in God. I'm learning that personal spiritual growth is difficult without growing with others, don't try to take care of yourself alone.
3) Trust in God
things will not happen exactly the way we want or the way we planned. we'll encounter trials, times of suffering. but we need faith to trust God in the things that are unknown and unseen. trusting that God really is who he says who is, and that his grace is sufficient with wherever you are in life. faith isn't jus something we profess or declare, it should be the very core of us and how we live, worship and treat others.
3.5) read scripture in it's historical/ cultural/ literary context. pray/ meditate / listen/ receive and apply. use awesome illustrations if u preach/ teach
4) The Importance of Virtuous Character
shortcuts are not always good. they can be harmful. we still sin daily. we need a relationship with God to grow in our character. don't forget the importance of standing for integrity, honesty, and righteous morality. watch out for selfish decisions. practice spiritual disciplines with intention. do things right. be purposeful with ur time. don't be lazy. don't compromise your convictions, center ur life around Jesus and the gospel, stand for your faith.
5) Counseling
counseling really comes down to caring about someone enough to sit in their problems and just be with them. it's about active listening and asking good questions. i wasn't completely satisfied in the counseling courses, but it helped. home of origin/ attachment theory helps us to understand why we are the way we are. i was hoping that they'd integrate more psychology techniques.
6) find good roommates, and pets
7) eat right/ work out like a beast
8) life is expensive, save yo money
9) work hard, play hard
10) worship God, make him your joy
what i didn't learn.
- 8 semesters of language. if it wasn't for the language courses, i woulda enjoyed school more. i had no motivation to study greek and hebrew.
- how to cook.. well maybe a little
- guitar.. one day
- shoulda read more
- shoulda flossed more
my friend robert. he's the guy i bonded with most during chaplaincy hours. he recently lost his wife and suffers from a stroke. he doesn't show too much excitement, interest or emotion. he's a simple guy who jus enjoyed my company. he'd tell me stories of his past. even tho i don't relate to older folks too well Seeing him every week taught me the importance of having a ministry of compassion and presence for those who just need relationship. it was actually the most rewarding time out of my week to go and purposely spend time with someone who doesn't really get many visitors. many patients there spend all day everyday in their beds. and they have roommates and nurses everywhere. i guess this experience not only reminds me of the importance of relationship, but also the need of intention and boldness when it comes to sharing about God. it also taught me to ask questions and listen better. it takes patience to really listen when someone has a hard time speaking. he doesn't have his own teeth too. so i felt bad when i didn't understand him at times. but it was great getting to know him. it taught me to look for ways of how i could be there to comfort others. everyone likes to work with kids, but older folks need people too, we all do.
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Ulcerative Colitis / Day in the Hospital
I think I'm supposed to take about 12+ pills a day. i don't usually take all of them cuz i get sick of jus swallowing so many pills. my ulcerative coltius has really been painful the past 4-5 days. my cold is almost gone, i think. but now i got severe stomach pain episodes. it feels like 100 miniature knives on fire cutting up your intestines. I'm supposed to stay away from dairy products, acidic things like tomato based sauces, orange juice, fruits and sometimes too much meat. but.. that leaves me with vegetables, soup and bread. i had salsa, pizza, ice cream, grape juice and jus stuff i knew i shouldn't have eaten. gah.. when u get a severe stomach attack you can't do anything but cringe and curl up into a ball on the ground and salivate because of the pain.
if i could redo today, i would definitely have gone to the ER. but I'm stubborn when it comes to hospitals and doctors. they charge so much. hopefully the doc can give me some prenizone pills which can help reduce the pain. I've been taking so many tylenol pills. i think I'm gonna get off amoxicillin which helps prevent infections, and get off fluoxetine which is basically prozac. then ill be left with jus apriso which is supposed to prevent these stomach pains. biological inner pains suuuck. i miss being healthy and going to the gym. God please help! please heal me. I'm tired of all the pain and hurt in me. pleeeease.
Edit 12/20/13
my simple doctors appointment turned into a long hospital stay. it was pretty boring, but i guess i jus stay in bed and watch tv/movies at home anyway, lol. it was like a prison with hotel service. I'm still sick, but least i got the right meds now. if ur healthy, don't take ur health for granted! take care of ur health! don't be like me and wait till things get really bad.
here's the story
so i went to the gastrologist on thursday 1030am. all i needed was for him to prescribe me prednisone, which is a strong pain reliever for my stomach attacks. I've been lucky to not have too many ulcerative colitis attacks in the last year. I've been getting away with eating things i shouldn't. anyways, i think the cause of the flare up was cuz my dentist prescribed amoxicillin which kills bacteria to prevent any infections. but my best guess is that it also killed off some good bacteria which my stomach needs to fight off the ulcers. lol but I'm no doctor. so the gastrologist said well I'm gonna hafta directly send you to a hospital observation room. i was like, can't u just prescribe me some prednisone pills. He was like, ppl with ulcerative colitis are at 4x higher risk for clostridium difficile, or (c-dif). apparently C-Dif is a super bacteria virus and contagious.
i jus ate an ice cream cone, and 3 mins later i found myself yelling and pounding the ground and squirming like a fish out of water. my colitis right now feels like… eating glass. it's like drinking lava out of a volcano. or toxic acid burning through your intestines. it really hurts. guess it was my fault for eating that ice cream. i can .. or should only eat vegetables, bread, soup, rice and clear liquids. my UC only attacks me for like 30seconds to a minute every hour or so. but that short time is sharp sharp pain. like a dozen miniature sharks biting your insides. or like digesting a porcupine.
anyways.. so i walk over to the hospital and they put me in a room with another guy. they make u wear a weird gown that exposes my whole back. and it keeps falling off and it's cold. then.. no one has an idea what to do cuz the doctor is always busy. i do some test, they move me to a new private room in isolation and hook me to an iv. i was like can i walk around? they were like, no ur in isolation, we hafta wear suits and gloves around you.
I met so many nurses since i was there for 24hrs. Jennifer my first nurse was funny. i was like u better not miss that needle in my vein. and she said i put too much pressure on her and she missed it. and i was like but i have good veins! and she was like u jinxed it. then she was like, i told u not to eat anything! and i was like.. but i was hungry! she was like, ur gonna get me in trouble! jus don't trip and fall cuz ill get in trouble. lol. then i met an assistant nurse guy named brian. he was cool. he saw me reading the bible and we talked a little about God and faith, and how his parents are christian but go to a catholic church. he was cool cuz he was able to snag me a turkey sandwich. apparently no1 pays attention to what i can or can't eat, since they gave me acidic things. and then in the middle of the night i paged the nurse from this remote thing and she came on speaker and was like, uh how can i help you? and i was like, "NURSE!" and then she was like, uh but how can i help you? and I'm like, "PAIN!"and she was like, oh ok lol. my nurse during that time was hyewon? heywon? like alice! and i was like what does ur name mean? she was like, idk probably like really pretty girl! lol. but she was always in a rush and kind impatient. then there was roselyne? she was nice. she charged my phone.
oh i did call over the chaplain to talk to me, since i know him. i was supposed to do an internship under him. so it was nice of him to read scripture and pray. the doctor later came in and said they're still running lab test, and then he basically jus sat and watched fast five with me and was all into it. and i was thinking.. stop watching the movie and fix me! (i watched the family man, fast five, millionaire matchmaker, two nab games, king of queens, big bang theory, friends, so much tv) he came back later and said, well it turns out ur negative for c-dif. so i can prescribe you prednisone. and i was like, yes finally! so can i leave!? he's like yeah, but then he forgot to sign some discharge stuff, so it took awhile to get a hold of him. then the nurse said she had to wheelchair me out, so got a free ride lol. well not free since they'll probably send a huge medical bill… all i wanted was prednisone and i end up staying over night there. i can't imagine what it's like for older folks who spend 24/7 in their hospital rooms, id go crazy.
then after i got out, i couldn't find my car cuz the parking lot is huge. then i went to the dentist. then i went to goofy cafe with my uncle/aunt/cuzin. sucks cuz i missed going to disneyland, owell. being with my little cuzin is fun, she jus laughs, runs around, tries to sneak up on me, tackle me, kiss me, and i seriously don't like the kissy attacks. but she's getting pretty strong. my dad and step mom are coming over tomorrow. we'll meet with my other aunt. her house got broken into this week and they stole all her jewelry. crazy. then we're going to ontario mall to shop all day for gifts. then i guess ill pack boxes, and my dad wants me to test drive new cars so i can get a new one in hawaii. i think I'm having a hard time trying to process moving back. it's hard to pick up everything and jus relocate far from the life you got used to. but guess it's about time to start a new chapter.
mkay bye
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