counseling 101

avoid trying to share your own experiences and offering quick fix solutions. the goal is to direct them to God and not necessarily solve their problems. by focusing on soul care and growing closer to God, they may come up with their own right answer that works for them

1) Active Listening /  3 Ears

this is kinda hard to do. usually we're already pondering what we want to say instead of really listening to what someone's expressing. We need 1 ear to listen to what is being said, 1 ear to listen to what we may be internally sensing/observing, and 1 ear to listen to what the Holy Spirit is speaking. Listening is also a ministry of presence. it allows you to walk and be in their pain with them, acknowledging and affirming that their trial or pain is significant and difficult to deal with.

2) Concrete Questions

Sometimes we immediately think we understand their situation, when their experience could be much different from ours. Asking for more information using Who, What, When, Where, and How (not Why) questions can help others share more about what their dealing with. These open ended questions invite others to continue telling more specific details. It could help reveal more of their thoughts, feelings, values, attitudes, perspectives, assumptions, expectations, needs, etc.Or they can help them to think about something they haven't given much thought to. It also focuses the attention on the one sharing, rather than on the similar experiences of others.

3) Compassion Statements

mm.. oh yeah.. compassion statements are really just Reflecting back their content to show you understand. You wanna pick emotion words to try and guess to how they might feel. You also want to match the intensity of their feelings. Instead of saying, you must feel a little hurt, it may be more appropriate to say that must have made you feel really devastated or disappointed. basically jus don't undermine people's feelings.

The structure of a compassion statement is something like,
"I wonder if you feel ________ because __________" or
"It sounds like you feel ________ because _______."

ie.

"It sounds like you've been feeling a little anxious lately because you haven't received your test back yet. is that right?"

"I wonder if you feel conflicted because you're not quite sure if you should eat at jackn the box or taco bell. Is that close?"

and then u also want to ask for confirmation to see if your statement is close to how they feel or not.

4) relationship, realization, responsibility

mm... relationship is showing empathy, building trust, showing genuine interest and soul care. realization the "Aha!" moment you want them to find themselves. It's helping them uncover Roots or pattens in their past. what factors could be affecting their situation or behavior? it's like searching / propping for what could be underneath the problem. responsibility is helping them to change a false theological belief, perspective or wrong thinking, and then encouraging their will to respond in faith. After hearing them out, helping them to draw their own realizations, then can one offer possible helpful suggestions.