a healthy pace

i realized that i like to do things fast with just enough efficiency. I wonder why i find myself rushing or taking short cuts. Perhaps i don't like wasted time or doing something longer than it needs to take. But then i realized how sloppy i can get. I find myself impatient, and that means i lack thoroughness. Perhaps im hyperactive. And then on other things i find myself really perfectionist. Usually on things that don't matter.

I've always been a sprinter in most things. I like to get things done quick. Im also an expert at procrastination, lol. Some people do things so slowly, but on the plus side, they tend to have better quality. I guess i was jus thinking about when i rush to get things done, and when i slow down to do things more thoroughly. What are the things i want to invest in and do right?

during grad school i trained myself to read extremely fast, even if i have lower comprehension. When i clean i feel like im in a race jus to get finished. Even during workouts i often catch myself skipping a set or taking shortcuts. My friend would say, "You're only cheating yourself."

Im realizing that life is more of a marathon, that takes a lot of conditioning and daily discipline. There's a time to sprint, a time to run, a time to jog, a time to walk, a time to stand still, and a time to sit. That all sounds too metaphorical. but i guess im starting to become more aware when i need to slow down or speed up.

sometimes i want to rush ahead and get to where i wanna be. Perhaps i have too many ideals and expectations. When i look up to great pastors, counselors and teachers, i place those standards on myself. those high expectations and ideals seem to add unnecessary pressure. I think im afraid to commit to any direction right now, because i want to make sure im making the best decision. Vocationally do i pursue ministry, teaching the youth, or counseling? Then i watch tv shows like shark tank and the profit and think, dang there's a lot of smart ways to make money, which is the best? Then i think, well how do you balance passion and fulfillment with work and income? im over thinking this.

Starting January i'll be taking graduate counseling classes at night. i really really dont want to go back for more school and all that debt. but least its a plan.. sigh idunno what im doing.. I jus registered for a personality class and recognized that I have the same psychology teacher I had from UH. I guess i got a little excited because studying psychology and counseling stuff seems fascinating.

I feel kinda pathetic and embarrassed that i can't be finically secure on my own yet. i look up to my parents who successful and hard workers. I dont know how i became the complete opposite. I think im kinda frustrated that i went to seminary for 4 years jus so i could possibly work at a church part time. You dont even need a degree for that. Surviving in this world is jus too expensive. and it seems difficult to find jus the right job. How do u turn ur passions into a career? I'm realizing that if you're really passionate about something, u really dont need to get paid to do what u love. but heck, i need monies too.

Ok, so here's the stuff i really wanted to actually blog about, lol.

This year i want to find balance. You know ur balanced when ur at peace. whenever i walk and hit a wall by accident in the house, my mom yells out, "it's cause you're not centered!" When we're off balanced in life, it may be because we're not grounded and rooted on Christ the Rock as our foundation. We're too busy tryin to get things done on ourselves. Change, growth, and transformation apart from the love of God is reduced to behavioral modification and self help. Sanctification is where we partner with the Holy Spirit to repent of our sins, surrender our past mistakes and put on an armor of righteousness and faith.

When im moving too fast i get burnt out and jus crash out of control. But when im too slow i find myself inactive, lazy and not very productive. This year i want to be balanced and healthy in all areas of life. I want to grow in character and maturity. I want to be content even if im not exactly where i'd hope to be. So this year, im not gonna under or overwork myself, but find a healthy pace. I think change is hard when we've grown accustomed to our comfort zone. but i noticed that once we get in the groove of healthy habits it becomes easier and something we dont need to force ourselves to do.

My favorite pastor is John Piper. His hero, well besides (Jesus, and then Paul) is Jonathan Edwards, And even though he lived back in the 1700's, he has also inspired me. He had 70 resolves that he was very adamant about pursuing daily. It wasn't necessarily his list of resolves, but rather his pursuit for righteousness. Being resolved means being firm, focused, determined, committed, uncompromising, unwavering, with the intent to accomplish one's goals. This is a constant daily pursuit. It usually means sacrifice and willingness to even suffer because its worth the reward.

Edwards wanted to be the best he could possibly be. Im not saying we all turn into perfectionist. I'm saying we should use our potential. Why not be the best Chris i can be? A Chris who is better, stronger, wiser, healthier, patient,  and more compassionate? Why not be entirely who God called us to be? Why not fight our struggles head on and overcome the things that hold us back? i think God gives us the Holy Spirit to empower and enable us to do those things. Why not seek to glorify God in even the smallest of tasks and decisions? Yeah, there will always be a gap between our ideal self and our real self, but i guess that's why we're a growing work in progress.

I keep needing to remind myself that God is really jus concerned with our heart. We dont need to do anything to try and gain his approval or acceptance. Rather spending time at his feet, listening, and abiding in Him seems much more meaningful.

1 Cor. 15:58 "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord."

Acts 20:24 "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me, the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."

New Year's Resolution

im always last minute wrapping gifts for a christmas party. i work so much better under pressure. my dad got me an ipad air. i dont think ill use it much, but we'll see. and i also got a hydro flask thing. And my dad is like, "i don't get it, it's not like they invented the thermos." lol.  I think it's interesting how u can know ur family members for ur entire life, and yet learn something new and interesting about them. May sound strange, but lately ive really admired my parents. They're such good parents.  They're relational, considerate, and hard workers. I don't nearly express enough appreciation.

in the past few days i heard two little girls sing a christmas song, My neighbor's daughter yelling Jingle Bells, and another girl singing Oh come all ye faithful. there's something about christmas songs that jus makes ya jolly and joyful. Do those adjectives mean the same thing? For christmas i jus gave my little cousin tickles and cuddles lol. And she tried to give me kisses and tackles which i usually need to fight off. music and little happy kids are great.

i already came up with my new years resolutions. sure i make similar resolves every year, and tend to fail by February. but hey least it's a step in the right direction. the reason most ppl dont follow through with their goals is the lack of discipline, accountability, motivation, not really wanting to change, or their goal isnt specific enough, or it's just too drastic of a change.. Most resolves if u think about it are all connected to health. so i came up with one resolution that holistically encompasses the physical, emotional/ mental and spiritual aspects of health.

im only gonna have one new years resolution. and im gonna do my best to hold myself to it. My new year's resolution is to exercise/ or go for a jog/walk at least four times a week. At first i thought daily, but that jus aint gonna happen. if i dont make it to the gym, at bare minimum, i need to go for a walk, it's really not that hard chris. it doesnt even take that long. i dont care if its too dark or late. i dont care if u feel lazy or wanna nap. i dont care if its hot or cold. ur excuses suck. mm.. but if it's pouring rain ur exempt. lol. dear God. pls make my mom let me buy a dog to walk with this year.

the old married couple i used to live with for a while used to go walking for a few miles every morning. and they're 80! and then they'd listen to the audio bible while eating their delicious cooked breakfast every morning. talk about healthy habits.

Here's why even taking a 30 minute music walk can help our health. 1) Going to the gym to exercise or going for a jog around the neighborhood is obviously great for physical health. And for the most part i think i eat pretty healthy, i think? 2) It's good for emotional health and probably one of the best ways to relieve stress. If u have a mental job u need a physical hobby outlet and vise versa. 3) exercise is somehow correlated to spiritual health somehow. It triggers meditation, prayer, and at least for me it's so much easier to connect with God. and 4) relational health if i had friends

When i go for a jog, which eventually turns into a walk, I go to my favorite place in the world. it's jus an average park. but it's much more than that. There's only one big tree, a baseball field, and a scenery that looks over all the city lights, pearl harbor, and i can usually catch the sun setting behind the west side mountains. All that's missing is a bunch of puppies to roll around with in the grassy field. There's jus something so soothing and calming about that park. It's where i find the most peace.

My friend always says, "Stay with God." And i kept thinking about what that meant. Staying, being, not removing from, belonging, dwelling, waiting, abiding, remaining and just enjoying the presence of God. "Remain in me, as i also remain in you." - John 15:4  I always saw "devotional time" as reading scriptchur or a devotional book. but no. simply offering your heart and being with God is devotion.

At any moment, anywhere, you can be with God. You dont need to be in deep prayer or reading the bible in church. You can be with God no matter what you're doing throughout the day. And sometimes exercise helps clear out things that may be distracting your mind. And when ur body is pooped out because u did too many squats and lunges, sometimes it makes it easier to commune with our loving God. i dunno why, it jus is. so chris. workout / exercise at least 4 times a week. do it. 

miss the cold

i miss the cold weather because it makes me appreciate warm blankets and warm showers even more. And whoever came up with butt seat warmers in your car is a genius. I can finally make use of all the warm clothes i had hidden away. i forgot how much i miss wearing layers of warm clothes. long sleeves, jackets, sweaters, long pants, pajamas, and don't forget long socks! ah so comfortable. Winter is also the best time for hot chocolate with marshmallows. it never really gets too cold in hawaii, so this is kinda nice. now i miss the snow too. now i feel like a girly man blogging about the weather. gonna go do man stuff lol

wonderment

there's something about wonder and amazement that's connected with joy.
 Have you ever experienced something so simple, yet you found yourself overwhelmed and delighted with joy? i cant quite explain it. Today was jus full of wonder and joy. It's like being able to dance even when theres no music playing. I found happiness in laughter and humor. I was crackin up at a tv show called Brooklyn Nine-Nine, i jus couldnt stop laughing. so silly.

I found contentment, bliss, and peace, but im not exactly sure how. I found pleasure through friendships and simple conversations. I saw pure beauty through nature and animals, (lol mainly my sleeping cat). I tasted awesome food that makes u take a second to appreciate life itself. seriously, like.. awesome food is concrete evidence for the existence of God lol. now that i think about it.. our greatest joy and happiness comes from God. but sometimes we forget to acknowledge that he's the giver of these blessings.

I'm not quite sure why im analyzing and observing my emotions today. it's probably because im not used to feeling this happy very often. Perhaps i just got used to living with all my negative emotions and thoughts. I think it's kinda interesting how we dont really have much control over our thoughts and emotions. With our limited control, how can we direct our thoughts on higher things, spiritual things, positive things? How can we conform our will and emotions to God's heart and desires? Sanctification is growing in the likeness of Christ, and in order to become more Christ-like we must feel the same way God feels. a deep compassion for people, a hatred for sin, and a desire for his glory.

God is love. When we receive this love it drives out our fears, anxieties and worries. there's just this abundant joy that comes from being with him and spending your day with him. I learned to see others how God sees them. But today i learned to see myself the way God sees me. You learn to love yourself. You learn to have grace and forgiveness for yourself.

I realized that the people i enjoy the most, are the ones where we don't even need to talk. Does that make sense? Like.. sometimes it's jus nice to spend a full minute enjoying the moment and the presence of another.

It's amazing how a song can uplift your spirits too. i think we easily get distracted by technology and trying to get things accomplished that we often miss to see the beauty in small things. today i jus blocked out all the negative anxiety, problems and worries about life. i think i spend way too much energy worrying about illegitimate fears. i started thinking. is it possible to find joy and wonder in everything? i think when we have a perspective of gratitude and contentment, we find joy and peace. And in the midst of that, we find God as the source and giver of those virtues.

i think i consider myself very child like because i really enjoy playing and creating. Sometimes i like to play so much that i completely avoid any form of work lol. but if u observe children, they find joy and laughter in the most simplest of things. They dont worry about the past or the future, they simply enjoy the present.

I found myself unable to stop smiling a few times today. sounds kinda obvious but, it feels good to be happy. It's amazing how contagious happiness and joy can be. A candle loses nothing by lighting another. When we're deeply satisfied in and with God, our heart automatically desires to worship and praise him. I noticed that i never intend to blog about God or spiritual things, but usually end up going that way. I'm wondering if everything good in our lives ultimately derives from God. I think that statement would be true. 

we really are our own worst critic. I think im starting to change my view of myself. Im starting to kill any negative self talk towards myself. I know i can usually be very pessimistic and pick at all the negatives. I can easily point out all my flaws within myself. But someone reminded me today that im perfectly incomplete. We're all a work in progress, and God accepts us and loves us because we're his.

i know these lessons kinda sound no brainer, but theyre things i need to relearn. I normally try so hard to fix all my insecurities and issues. I become obsessed with sanctification and trying to overcome discouragement. I have so many resolves, ideals and high expectations for myself that it causes morbidity. So.. instead of tryin so hard to fix myself, i must relearn to simply receive from God. And it is the power of God's love that changes, transforms, restores and heals us.

Instead of seeing the world in black and greys, i think God can give us supernatural sight to see an entirely different world filled with bright colors. Sometimes i can see beyond this physical world. I feel like i can see the invisible and metaphysical at times. And it's there i find wonderment.

Process of Decision Making / Vocation

Lately i've been thinking a lot about how we make decisions. If you're anything like me, making decisions can be a headache. I over analyze, over think, over critique and over reflect. hence why i write such long blogs XD. Instead of over thinking, u could call it regret or worry. I realized that maybe it's best to not think so much lol.

One of the most common questions i hear peers ask is, "What am I going do with my life?" We have so many different opportunities and options to pursue whatever we want. But how do you really pick a vocation and path that's right for you? After a few months into a job i kinda jus get really tired of it. How can i find something that I want to stick to? Sometimes i get so concerned with "What do I want to do?" that i completely forget to ask, "What is God's will for me?" Two quick lessons i learned is
1) It's okay to not have everything figured out, things will be alright 2) Things don't always go the way you expect, but God is still sovereign.

Out of all the jobs and ways of making money in the world, what's the most efficient? I'm sure there's gotta be something creative that fits me just right. Speaking of money, i really need to make better decisions with how to manage money. The older i get, the more I see how difficult it is to manage money. It's easy to spend and so hard to invest and save. And i can't jus keep turning to my parents for help. I need to start self-motivating myself to accomplish handling responsibilities on my own. ive ran and avoided adulthood for as long as possible, but guess it's time to start facing it head on.

In terms of vocation, maybe we're not meant to be stuck doing just one career path. Some will say follow your passion, others will say follow the money. I say, follow God. I noticed following God usually means the more challenging path that isn't so straight forward. And even more importantly then where we're going, we ought to ask, "Who do I want to become?" The journey and who we are in the process may actually be more important then just getting to a certain destination.

In America we're given the luxury and freedom to choose what we would want to do with our life. Compared to the past, most people would grow up just having to become farmers. I've been a little stuck with finding exactly what I want to do. I find myself in the middle of a crossroad, lol or more like treading water in a dark scary ocean. I know i'm not the only one with irrational fears of sharks, esp when ur in a swimming pool lol. How do you harmonize serving and doing ministry for God's kingdom and at the same time, making a living to survive?

I noticed that i really want to pursue a job that feels fulfilling, and that actually makes a difference in helping people grow or learn. If it's stressful and not fulfilling, the pay better be hella good lol. I also like working with kids because their laughter is a joy. There's something about kids that just make me come alive. Perhaps it's because i'm still childish and immachur.

For a long time I thought i was supposed to be a pastor, and I believe that's still true. However, I learned that a "pastor" isn't just the guy who preaches on Sunday morning. Rather a "pastor" can be a shepherd who cares for people and proclaims the gospel. So really, just because you're trained to do ministry, it doesn't mean you need to work at a church. In fact, i believe Christians can do ministry in the everyday workplace. Ministry is not bound to bible studies and church outreaches. Ministry can really be defined as compassion. The love of God and the compassion for others is what really brings about change and transformation. All that was completely off topic.

I'm applying to more grad school after 20yrs of education. -_- It's to pursue a Marriage and Family Therapy degree. It's actually called Master of Science in Counseling Psychology, which sounds really weird lol. I got an interview next week, so hopefully i get accepted. I guess it'll help train and license me to become a better counselor.  In terms of counseling, I strongly believe that Christian therapist need to integrate both Theology and Psychology. But that's an entirely different topic.

I really wanted to talk about how indecisive I can be, and how I'm learning to be more confident in the my decisions. I developed perfectionism from both my parents. I can be a discouraged perfectionist, because I know i can't be perfect, and can't do everything right no matter how hard i try. And it means i'm critical of failure. However, making mistakes is part of the learning process. Perhaps this is why I constantly need to receive God's grace for myself. constantly.. again and again and again.

I've been playing a few games of chess everyday against a really smart friend. He's one of those guys that just seems so intimidating and impressive because he's speech, knowledge and IQ are on a different level. Surprisingly I haven't been able to beat him in chess. I thought i pretty much mastered that strategy game. Last night i was so close to winning, like super close. But then i made a stupid stupid decision and ended up losing. The reason I bring this up is because I believe chess relates to how we go about making decisions.

For big important decisions, Time is a big factor. When there's a clock and time limit, we're much more prone to make foolish rash decisions. The reason time is important in making decisions is because it gives us a moment to analyze and weigh the pros and cons of all our options. In the decision making processes, I was taught to 1) Seek God's word, will and way, 2) Seek wise counsel, 3) Meditation through prayer and contemplation.

 Sometimes God doesn't give us the exact details of his future plans. In fact that's kinda rare. But we get a better vision of his plans when we draw close to him. Sometimes the time of not knowing, is where God may want us. Because in that time, he is after our heart, he calls us towards deeper relationship with him, and challenges us to grow in faith/ trust / dependency on him. However, eventually we need to take a cut off turn and make our best God honoring decision even if we don't know if it's God's perfect will.

There's a verse in Romans 12:2 that says something like, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will." I read that verse every time before i start my car. i keep pondering what it really means to "renew your mind." I think it has something to do with constantly refreshing our thoughts and desires towards God's will.

We've all made bad decisions, and sometimes it's best to learn from it, let it go and just move on. Stop looking back and look forward. The reason I get paralyzed when trying to make decisions is because I've often made horrible ones. And consequences to bad decisions can be severe. Sometimes the fear of making a wrong choice disables us from making any decision. My mom likes to watch the Suze Orman show, who's a finical advisor. She always signs off saying, "And folks, Remember.. People first, then money, then things." And if I could add to it, i would say God first. But i think she's right, that although decisions with money can be costly, making bad decisions with relationships is far more worse.

The concept of morality also comes into play with decisions because ethically we usually know right from wrong, and still often choose to do the wrong. When we're about to make a sinful choice, we ought to learn to take a moment to renew/ refresh our mind and align our desires with God's will.

Perhaps the toughest question and decision to make is, "Where do you want to go eat?" "i dunno, you choose."

Forgiveness

for some reason ive been thinking a lot about the concept of forgiveness. We all sin, and sometimes we often hurt and sin against those we care about most. Then we experience guilt and shame cuz we know we've screwed up. I think we've all made a mistake that greatly damaged a friendship. But im realizing that there's a lot we can learn from it. We're able to learn how to rightly treat others better. If we really have remorse for our wrongs, it can actually increase our morality and integrity if we're intentional about not making the same mistakes. Perhaps next time we'll make wiser decisions, or resist a temptation. sounds cliche, but there's a lot to learn from our mistakes.

Colossians 3:13 says to, "Forigve as the Lord forgave you." This verse has kept in my mind all year. Other translations include "Bear with one another" or "make allowance for each other's faults." Bible narratives like David forgiving Saul, Esau forgiving Jacob, the woman caught in adultery, Peter betraying Jesus and repenting, and the prodigal son come to mind. Throughout scriptchur we see a theme of forgiveness and examples of God's grace. As Christians, the reason we're able to forgive and offer grace to others should be because we ourselves have received such grace and forgiveness.

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "How many times should I forgive my brother or sister who sin against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy time seven." Jesus kinda confuses me sometimes. but basically i think he's saying a whole darn lot.

When i think of forgiveness i also think of my old cat Snowball. I got really mad at him cuz he bit me. So i smacked him on the butt and pointed my finger at him and said, "NO! Bad kitty!" lol he was such a trouble maker. His ears went down and he gave a grouchy face. I felt horrible i hit him so hard. he just ran away. but then like a minute later he walks back into my room as if nothing happened. I was shocked because i just hurt him, and he forgave me so quickly. it's like he jus forgot about it, or jus wanted to repair friendship. i learned that day, to not hold grudges for too long. why hold unforgiveness? it does no one any good.

The reason ive been thinkin about forgiveness so much is because i had a few experiences these past few months where a good friend lied to me. He continued to lie to me, and i continued to forgive him again and again. I was obviously upset, but God kept convicting me to just let it go. I figured it was better to jus forgive then throw away the entire friendship. I think strong friendships aren't jus the ones that don't have much conflict, but those that are able to overcome and repair when there is conflict.

I had another example where a friend wronged me, and did things to break my trust. I even apologized even when i feel like i didnt do anything wrong.. She didnt talk to me for months, and then suddenly she talked to me recently telling me i was right and she was wrong and shoulda listened to what i was trying to tell her. It was refreshing to gain a friend back. sometimes u dont know how much u miss someone till u start talkin to them again...

There were times in both scenarios where i was tempted to get even, or get revenge. And i easily could have, but i chose not to. Hebrews 12:14 says, "Make every effort to live in peace with all men.. etc" and the bible is clear about not repaying evil with evil. Forgiveness liberates the forgiver. Instead of holding in resentment and anger we can experience peace when we forgive. I think when we also forgive ourselves we experience a peace with ourselves.

 Just because you forgive someone it doesnt mean u hafta be best friends. Of course the friendship and trust was damaged, but i believe no mater how far off or how bad things got, restoring a friendship is still possible. Gaining trust and starting over is always possible because God is a God of fresh new starts and new beginnings. He gives us second, third and millionth chances.

 When God forgives us it's like our sins are completely cleared. Like we sin right in the face of God, and yet because of Christ we can come directly to God and not fear condemnation. i think thats pretty awesome. So instead of hiding our sins in the dark, it's better to confess them and bring them to God in the light. There's jus something really restorative and healing about God's grace/ forgiveness.

I found it kind of confusing why i cared to respond in forgiveness and love when someone pissed me off so much. Perhaps its because losing a friend is just much more painful. When you really love someone, it means you want the God's best and God's will for them. To love someone, means u want them to be close with God and for them to be immersed in God's love.

 Ive been pondering what it really means to love someone unconditionally. Like there are times when God's love and blessings are based on condition, there's examples of that in scripture. However, God's love for us is also very unconditional and not based on anything we do. How can we love not based on appearances, performance, background, behavior, etc etc?

 I think receiving God's love for us, helps us to love the way God loves people. My old professor once gave an example of a married couple on the verge of divorce. They said there was nothing attractive they found about the other, nothing appealing or good they saw. The counselor then responded, "Well then now you can truly learn to love unconditionally." In the same way, God loves and accepts us because we are simply his.

Some of the most lonely people, understand the great value of friendship. Mainly because they know what it's like to not have any real close friends. My dad once told me.. One good friend, can make all the difference. Sometimes it takes us to lose friends to actually appreciate how important friendships really are. I still have some broken friendships, but i do truly believe that they can still be restored.  But it'll definitely take God's help. I , time and very small steps.

 "Accept how things are, Let go of what was, and have faith for what will be." Instead of dwelling on the unchangeable pass, or feeling discontent/discouraged with the present, we can have hope by trusting that God's love is the power for us to change. There's no time machine to go back and change the past. but i still have the opportunity to work on myself today and be who Christ calls me to be.

Im learning to fight for the people i care about. im learning when to give space, when to communicate and when to apologize when im wrong. Im learning to forgive, to repent, and to pray for others. And in all circumstances we should give thanks to God, and give praise to God. Praise God even when we're suffering. Praise God even if things dont go as we planned. Praise God because he's worthy of all the glory.

quick tangent. i got to talk to two close friends today that i havnt really kept in touch with. and idk.. theres jus some friends that jus restore good health jus by being them. i think a common trait i see in all my closest friends is that they're all very others' minded, relational and pretty intelligent. good friends challenge u to be your best.

mm.. kinda off topic.. but i met a high school kid yesterday. And i was just really impressed with his manners and empathy towards others. He seemed very mature, and really grateful for everything. i cant really explain it. He was a good listener, and conservationist. I mean.. u ever randomly meet someone and u jus observe how they interact with others, and theres jus somethin about them that makes you want to copy their good attributes? I think i need to be a little more confident in myself and learn to show more genuine interest in others. I usually just cross my arms and be a shy asian kid.

mmm.. So.. i realized that.. thinking i need to have my entire life together by now jus paralyzes me. I think about work, or the future, and money and i jus start freaking out too much. It's okay to not be where u thought u'd be. It's okay to not have everything exactly figured out. It's better to wait patiently and listen for God's sovereign direction.

lately ive been thinking.. what should i dedicate my life to? and the idea of Christian counseling keeps coming up first. i ask myself, how can i be used for God's glory the most. and instead of preaching, i think counseling actually helps people at a deeper level. When u think about it, we're all basket cases, we all have a bunch of issues that we struggle with. And wouldn't we all benefit from a good christian counselor who comes along side us to support us? A good christian counselor listens well to others, shows compassion, and directs them to how God can help bring about change, restoration and healing.

i was gonna write something about how i miss having that crazy intense passion and joy for God. like where did it all go? When i was younger, i think i was much more passionate. Now that im gettin older, i feel consumed with adulthood worries and responsibilities. And then i over think everything and get anxious about the future. Sometimes i consciously have to tell myself to not think about it all. I think when we're most full of joy for God, we're most passionate to seem him glorified. And the closer we come to the Father, the closer we see his plans for us. sometimes i blog, and my brain becomes all sore and then my words jus dont make sense cuz im too tired..