a healthy pace

i realized that i like to do things fast with just enough efficiency. I wonder why i find myself rushing or taking short cuts. Perhaps i don't like wasted time or doing something longer than it needs to take. But then i realized how sloppy i can get. I find myself impatient, and that means i lack thoroughness. Perhaps im hyperactive. And then on other things i find myself really perfectionist. Usually on things that don't matter.

I've always been a sprinter in most things. I like to get things done quick. Im also an expert at procrastination, lol. Some people do things so slowly, but on the plus side, they tend to have better quality. I guess i was jus thinking about when i rush to get things done, and when i slow down to do things more thoroughly. What are the things i want to invest in and do right?

during grad school i trained myself to read extremely fast, even if i have lower comprehension. When i clean i feel like im in a race jus to get finished. Even during workouts i often catch myself skipping a set or taking shortcuts. My friend would say, "You're only cheating yourself."

Im realizing that life is more of a marathon, that takes a lot of conditioning and daily discipline. There's a time to sprint, a time to run, a time to jog, a time to walk, a time to stand still, and a time to sit. That all sounds too metaphorical. but i guess im starting to become more aware when i need to slow down or speed up.

sometimes i want to rush ahead and get to where i wanna be. Perhaps i have too many ideals and expectations. When i look up to great pastors, counselors and teachers, i place those standards on myself. those high expectations and ideals seem to add unnecessary pressure. I think im afraid to commit to any direction right now, because i want to make sure im making the best decision. Vocationally do i pursue ministry, teaching the youth, or counseling? Then i watch tv shows like shark tank and the profit and think, dang there's a lot of smart ways to make money, which is the best? Then i think, well how do you balance passion and fulfillment with work and income? im over thinking this.

Starting January i'll be taking graduate counseling classes at night. i really really dont want to go back for more school and all that debt. but least its a plan.. sigh idunno what im doing.. I jus registered for a personality class and recognized that I have the same psychology teacher I had from UH. I guess i got a little excited because studying psychology and counseling stuff seems fascinating.

I feel kinda pathetic and embarrassed that i can't be finically secure on my own yet. i look up to my parents who successful and hard workers. I dont know how i became the complete opposite. I think im kinda frustrated that i went to seminary for 4 years jus so i could possibly work at a church part time. You dont even need a degree for that. Surviving in this world is jus too expensive. and it seems difficult to find jus the right job. How do u turn ur passions into a career? I'm realizing that if you're really passionate about something, u really dont need to get paid to do what u love. but heck, i need monies too.

Ok, so here's the stuff i really wanted to actually blog about, lol.

This year i want to find balance. You know ur balanced when ur at peace. whenever i walk and hit a wall by accident in the house, my mom yells out, "it's cause you're not centered!" When we're off balanced in life, it may be because we're not grounded and rooted on Christ the Rock as our foundation. We're too busy tryin to get things done on ourselves. Change, growth, and transformation apart from the love of God is reduced to behavioral modification and self help. Sanctification is where we partner with the Holy Spirit to repent of our sins, surrender our past mistakes and put on an armor of righteousness and faith.

When im moving too fast i get burnt out and jus crash out of control. But when im too slow i find myself inactive, lazy and not very productive. This year i want to be balanced and healthy in all areas of life. I want to grow in character and maturity. I want to be content even if im not exactly where i'd hope to be. So this year, im not gonna under or overwork myself, but find a healthy pace. I think change is hard when we've grown accustomed to our comfort zone. but i noticed that once we get in the groove of healthy habits it becomes easier and something we dont need to force ourselves to do.

My favorite pastor is John Piper. His hero, well besides (Jesus, and then Paul) is Jonathan Edwards, And even though he lived back in the 1700's, he has also inspired me. He had 70 resolves that he was very adamant about pursuing daily. It wasn't necessarily his list of resolves, but rather his pursuit for righteousness. Being resolved means being firm, focused, determined, committed, uncompromising, unwavering, with the intent to accomplish one's goals. This is a constant daily pursuit. It usually means sacrifice and willingness to even suffer because its worth the reward.

Edwards wanted to be the best he could possibly be. Im not saying we all turn into perfectionist. I'm saying we should use our potential. Why not be the best Chris i can be? A Chris who is better, stronger, wiser, healthier, patient,  and more compassionate? Why not be entirely who God called us to be? Why not fight our struggles head on and overcome the things that hold us back? i think God gives us the Holy Spirit to empower and enable us to do those things. Why not seek to glorify God in even the smallest of tasks and decisions? Yeah, there will always be a gap between our ideal self and our real self, but i guess that's why we're a growing work in progress.

I keep needing to remind myself that God is really jus concerned with our heart. We dont need to do anything to try and gain his approval or acceptance. Rather spending time at his feet, listening, and abiding in Him seems much more meaningful.

1 Cor. 15:58 "Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord."

Acts 20:24 "However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me, the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."