Forgiveness

for some reason ive been thinking a lot about the concept of forgiveness. We all sin, and sometimes we often hurt and sin against those we care about most. Then we experience guilt and shame cuz we know we've screwed up. I think we've all made a mistake that greatly damaged a friendship. But im realizing that there's a lot we can learn from it. We're able to learn how to rightly treat others better. If we really have remorse for our wrongs, it can actually increase our morality and integrity if we're intentional about not making the same mistakes. Perhaps next time we'll make wiser decisions, or resist a temptation. sounds cliche, but there's a lot to learn from our mistakes.

Colossians 3:13 says to, "Forigve as the Lord forgave you." This verse has kept in my mind all year. Other translations include "Bear with one another" or "make allowance for each other's faults." Bible narratives like David forgiving Saul, Esau forgiving Jacob, the woman caught in adultery, Peter betraying Jesus and repenting, and the prodigal son come to mind. Throughout scriptchur we see a theme of forgiveness and examples of God's grace. As Christians, the reason we're able to forgive and offer grace to others should be because we ourselves have received such grace and forgiveness.

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "How many times should I forgive my brother or sister who sin against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy time seven." Jesus kinda confuses me sometimes. but basically i think he's saying a whole darn lot.

When i think of forgiveness i also think of my old cat Snowball. I got really mad at him cuz he bit me. So i smacked him on the butt and pointed my finger at him and said, "NO! Bad kitty!" lol he was such a trouble maker. His ears went down and he gave a grouchy face. I felt horrible i hit him so hard. he just ran away. but then like a minute later he walks back into my room as if nothing happened. I was shocked because i just hurt him, and he forgave me so quickly. it's like he jus forgot about it, or jus wanted to repair friendship. i learned that day, to not hold grudges for too long. why hold unforgiveness? it does no one any good.

The reason ive been thinkin about forgiveness so much is because i had a few experiences these past few months where a good friend lied to me. He continued to lie to me, and i continued to forgive him again and again. I was obviously upset, but God kept convicting me to just let it go. I figured it was better to jus forgive then throw away the entire friendship. I think strong friendships aren't jus the ones that don't have much conflict, but those that are able to overcome and repair when there is conflict.

I had another example where a friend wronged me, and did things to break my trust. I even apologized even when i feel like i didnt do anything wrong.. She didnt talk to me for months, and then suddenly she talked to me recently telling me i was right and she was wrong and shoulda listened to what i was trying to tell her. It was refreshing to gain a friend back. sometimes u dont know how much u miss someone till u start talkin to them again...

There were times in both scenarios where i was tempted to get even, or get revenge. And i easily could have, but i chose not to. Hebrews 12:14 says, "Make every effort to live in peace with all men.. etc" and the bible is clear about not repaying evil with evil. Forgiveness liberates the forgiver. Instead of holding in resentment and anger we can experience peace when we forgive. I think when we also forgive ourselves we experience a peace with ourselves.

 Just because you forgive someone it doesnt mean u hafta be best friends. Of course the friendship and trust was damaged, but i believe no mater how far off or how bad things got, restoring a friendship is still possible. Gaining trust and starting over is always possible because God is a God of fresh new starts and new beginnings. He gives us second, third and millionth chances.

 When God forgives us it's like our sins are completely cleared. Like we sin right in the face of God, and yet because of Christ we can come directly to God and not fear condemnation. i think thats pretty awesome. So instead of hiding our sins in the dark, it's better to confess them and bring them to God in the light. There's jus something really restorative and healing about God's grace/ forgiveness.

I found it kind of confusing why i cared to respond in forgiveness and love when someone pissed me off so much. Perhaps its because losing a friend is just much more painful. When you really love someone, it means you want the God's best and God's will for them. To love someone, means u want them to be close with God and for them to be immersed in God's love.

 Ive been pondering what it really means to love someone unconditionally. Like there are times when God's love and blessings are based on condition, there's examples of that in scripture. However, God's love for us is also very unconditional and not based on anything we do. How can we love not based on appearances, performance, background, behavior, etc etc?

 I think receiving God's love for us, helps us to love the way God loves people. My old professor once gave an example of a married couple on the verge of divorce. They said there was nothing attractive they found about the other, nothing appealing or good they saw. The counselor then responded, "Well then now you can truly learn to love unconditionally." In the same way, God loves and accepts us because we are simply his.

Some of the most lonely people, understand the great value of friendship. Mainly because they know what it's like to not have any real close friends. My dad once told me.. One good friend, can make all the difference. Sometimes it takes us to lose friends to actually appreciate how important friendships really are. I still have some broken friendships, but i do truly believe that they can still be restored.  But it'll definitely take God's help. I , time and very small steps.

 "Accept how things are, Let go of what was, and have faith for what will be." Instead of dwelling on the unchangeable pass, or feeling discontent/discouraged with the present, we can have hope by trusting that God's love is the power for us to change. There's no time machine to go back and change the past. but i still have the opportunity to work on myself today and be who Christ calls me to be.

Im learning to fight for the people i care about. im learning when to give space, when to communicate and when to apologize when im wrong. Im learning to forgive, to repent, and to pray for others. And in all circumstances we should give thanks to God, and give praise to God. Praise God even when we're suffering. Praise God even if things dont go as we planned. Praise God because he's worthy of all the glory.

quick tangent. i got to talk to two close friends today that i havnt really kept in touch with. and idk.. theres jus some friends that jus restore good health jus by being them. i think a common trait i see in all my closest friends is that they're all very others' minded, relational and pretty intelligent. good friends challenge u to be your best.

mm.. kinda off topic.. but i met a high school kid yesterday. And i was just really impressed with his manners and empathy towards others. He seemed very mature, and really grateful for everything. i cant really explain it. He was a good listener, and conservationist. I mean.. u ever randomly meet someone and u jus observe how they interact with others, and theres jus somethin about them that makes you want to copy their good attributes? I think i need to be a little more confident in myself and learn to show more genuine interest in others. I usually just cross my arms and be a shy asian kid.

mmm.. So.. i realized that.. thinking i need to have my entire life together by now jus paralyzes me. I think about work, or the future, and money and i jus start freaking out too much. It's okay to not be where u thought u'd be. It's okay to not have everything exactly figured out. It's better to wait patiently and listen for God's sovereign direction.

lately ive been thinking.. what should i dedicate my life to? and the idea of Christian counseling keeps coming up first. i ask myself, how can i be used for God's glory the most. and instead of preaching, i think counseling actually helps people at a deeper level. When u think about it, we're all basket cases, we all have a bunch of issues that we struggle with. And wouldn't we all benefit from a good christian counselor who comes along side us to support us? A good christian counselor listens well to others, shows compassion, and directs them to how God can help bring about change, restoration and healing.

i was gonna write something about how i miss having that crazy intense passion and joy for God. like where did it all go? When i was younger, i think i was much more passionate. Now that im gettin older, i feel consumed with adulthood worries and responsibilities. And then i over think everything and get anxious about the future. Sometimes i consciously have to tell myself to not think about it all. I think when we're most full of joy for God, we're most passionate to seem him glorified. And the closer we come to the Father, the closer we see his plans for us. sometimes i blog, and my brain becomes all sore and then my words jus dont make sense cuz im too tired..