Mental Prison

My old roommate and I used to have a term to describe how it felt to be really stressed out about school. We called it, "mental prison." When you have an exam to study for or a huge research paper to write you're not physically enslaved, but mentally stuck in prison because you can't fully enjoy anything knowing you need to study or finish school work. I've been in mental prison the past two weeks. I also got sick, so ive been pretty miserable.
Sometimes i can get so stressed out about something that I just end up avoiding it until the last minute. Good thing i'm an expert at procrastination. I can pull all-nighters p easy like it aint no thang. lol. Im still pretty jacked on caffeine. I could probably run a marathon. maybe like a 1-mile marathon lol.

anywho.. i had a big statistics exam i've been stressed out about. it was just information overload, and lots of stuff to remember. I just finished the exam tonight, so i finally feel liberated from mental prison. I feel like i can finally breathe. My brain can now start mass deleting all the stored data in my head, hallelujah. I think i actually aced it, thanks to a good study group and tutoring. (Edit: I actually scored 100%!) It feels good when hard work actually pays off. It's doing something you can be proud of yourself for accomplishing. I also have two big research papers due this term, so i'm not out of the hole completely. i wish we didnt have to take classes that weren't directly relevant to your career field. if im gonna learn something, just teach me what i need to know.

A key approach or perspective to handling difficult task is to attribute the appropriate amount of stress level to it. In other words, we need the right amount of stress to tackle work / school. Too much we go crazy and become avoidant and too little we become apathetic and idle. For me, physical exercise is one of the best ways to manage and relieve stress. We all need some sort of outlet.

I can't remember exactly who i was talking to, but i remember they came up with a term that means to be resilient, to persevere, and to never give up. She called it "grit." Grit is having the ability to fight. This is such an important skill to have because it applies to so many things, such as work, school, relationships, goals, etc. On a metaphysical construct level it also applies to fighting our inner darkness. Some might call them "inner demons," but i think that goes a bit too far. I see depressive moods and negative thinking about my circumstances as a huge multiple headed dragon beast. In order to slay this dragon, i have to fight back. If you already give up because of the intimidation, and feel defeated, you got no chance. You hafta put in the effort to fight back against negative thinking and pessimism. once u let it get a foothold, we become very unhappy people to be around. We become easily overwhelmed and critical on ourselves.

I think one of my fears lately is not living up to my potential. What if i don't become my best self, and instead give up and become my worst self. What if i don't accomplish my goals, what if i just cant handle being a responsible adult? what if i end up super poor and alone? I think that thought really scares me.

In conclusion, we'll all hafta face mental prison and our inner darkness at times, but it takes grit to fight back and to slay our dragons. It takes an inner depth to overcome and persevere through them, and in the end it'll make us stronger.