I forgot to do a new years resolution blog, which i always seem to do at the beginning of every year. I think the reason I haven't blogged as much is because 1) i've been super busy. 2) I didn't really come up with a new years resolution, till now.
Trying to meet all the responsibilities is quite exhausting. i've felt the burnout. I even got sick more than once, and had the flu back in november. I literally felt like dying, it was so bad. so i'm still doing church ministry work, an internship at a retirement home, and then graduate night class. Oh and an online class. All of this is more than enough to keep me busy. Everything is going well, but I can't wait till i'm done with school. it's jus way too many requirements. After I graduate I'll need 3000 more hours. crazy right? oh not to mention having to take comprehensive exams and a national mental health counselor licensing exam. The study guides are as big as an encyclopedia.
It's good to stay busy, but man I'm so happy when i get to take a day off or can sleep in. there's a lot of good netflix shows i've watched lol. Stranger Things, Atypical, Black Mirror, and i just finished La Casa De Papel. Netflix is killin it! so good. It's so nice to just escape into a show sometimes. then u realize, dang its 3am lol. I'm also watching Full Metal Alchemist, Dragon Ball Super and Boruto.
i'm taking this class on cognitive behavioral therapy. It's great so far. It's all about restructuring our thought process. We have so many automatic negative thoughts, and that affects our behavior and mood. We may likely have thinking errors. These distortions or unhelpful beliefs and false ideologies can lead to mood disorders like depression and anxiety. So in short, therapist are to help clients identify what negative thoughts are accurate or inaccurate. If they're accurate then the question is posed, "Are they helpful in anyway?" Because we have so many negative thoughts that really do us no good. Then on the flip side, how do we cultivate more positive thinking, and how does that affect our mood. When we really pay attention to our environment, our daily habits, health choices, social, spiritual life, we can see how they affect our internal thought life. i think i like to think about what i'm thinking.. we have so many thoughts everyday, sometimes it's best to turn em off. Sometimes it's best to analyze them. Sometimes it's best to question and try to change them.
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What behaviors increase positive thoughts and reduce stress? I would argue that the best ways to reduce stress and generate a more positive mood would be 1) exercise/ nutrition/sleep habits 2) meditation/ breathing 3) a social support system. I definitely think these three are the core.
one thing i like about blogging, is that I don't have to force myself to type correctly. Although school has embedded in me to always have proper punctuation. Even though when i read other people's writing sometimes, seeing obvious grammatical mistakes can make me cringe. Or seeing that our president used "their" instead of "there".I dont like rereading my blogs, but i notice so many spelling mistakes. owell
anyways.. what i meant to say is that I like blogging because it really helps me flush out everything in my head. I live in my head way too much. And this is probably the best way I can vent a little and organize my thoughts, instead of having them all floating in my head. cant believe im blogging about my thoughts on blogging.
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anyways.. here's what i really wanted to blog about
Oh yeah, now i remember. my new years resolution! i have a buddy who's finally talking about nutrition and exercise. Listening to him reminded me of how I used to be much more disciplined. So guess it's time to get back on that horse again. To me, practicing healthy eating, sleeping and exercise habits should almost always be a given.
Last year my goal was to grow in confidence. I thought this was very strategic. Self-discipline, almost sounds like forcing yourself to do stuff you wouldn't do naturally or organically. However, confidence is more about believing that I can succeed and accomplish my goals. And for 2017, i can proudly say that I did grow in confidence. It's a bit subjective because confidence isn't the easiest thing to measure. However, i see i grew much more confident in my self-esteem and self-worth. Sure I still have some insecurities. But I feel confident enough to approach people in conversation, and speak up when I want to. I have the confidence to be honest with others and myself. I have the confidence in myself that I can do what I set out to achieve. I also have confidence that God is real, personal, intimate and always with me, leading me.
okay gosh, i feel like i've already gone on a dozen tangents. Owell. who cares.
uhhhh.. oh yeah.. So for 2018, my new year's resolution or word is "hearing". I know that sounds kind of strange. It's not really growing in a character trait, but rather a skill. I think being able to hear and recognize God's voice is definitely a skill I would like to grow in. And sometimes it's not so much about hearing. It's more about being, experiencing, and embracing.. So scratch that.. instead of hearing, lol.. my word is "Being". or the phrase is, "Being with God." sitting, waiting listening and simply being with him. This year, I will focus on being with God more.
There's this app called, 10% happier. And it's not a spiritual meditation, but I used it to slow myself down. It's cool cuz it has some guided meditation recordings, where a dude jus tells you to sit, breathe, close your eyes and relax. And there's just something to slowing down, that helps me relieve the stress and enter into a form of meditation where I can be more receptive to God.
I once heard the term Christian mysticism used. And it's basically a christian who seeks after God to know him not only through scripture alone, but through spiritual disciplines. We say, it's all about faith and not by feeling. Well yes, we are saved by faith, but that doesn't mean all our feelings are garbage? We are to discern our feelings, because we should be able to feel and sense God. In a way our experiences with God give evidence for our faith. Because I've felt God's love, I believe and trust that God loves me. We can have reasonable faith, instead of blind faith. The witness of the Holy Spirit gives us faith. When we can see God move in our lives, that increases our faith. I'm not saying we should be entirely lead by whatever we feel is right, because even our feelings and emotions have been tainted with sin.Our mind and thoughts as well. I'm not sure if all that makes sense.
I think what i'm trying to say is that it's a good thing to feel God's presence. As Christians, I don't think we orientate or open ourselves enough to being in tune with God. We don't take enough time to slow down, and meditate. Prayer is often just us speaking. Rather, I think we ought to do more listening.
When I can sense God in me, I feel like i'm able to do so much more. I'm able to love, give and care for others more. I'm able to understand myself and be sensitive to hearing God whisper his will. I feel like he gives me spiritual eyes to see things I would completely miss looking through natural lens. I can't quite explain it well. When you feel God, you actually know he is within you, for you and strengthening you. My heart somewhat trembles and beats a bit faster. No it's not just coffee. It's this calm understanding that your connected to God in unity. Communication with God is clear. It's like having really fast and strong wifi.
The thing is. We won't always feel super close with God. Out hearts wander, different sins can draw us away from him. However, like the prodigal son, he is always there welcoming us in fellowship with him. A big part to sensing and experiencing God, is experiencing God with God's people, the church. When we're in worship, or really having fellowship with other believers it can be easier to sense God. The thing is.. we will also go through times where hearing God and feeling him is difficult. In a way, it forces us to seek him and rely on our faith, and not by what we feel. It forces us to chase after him, to wait upon him, and to grow in ways we didn't quite expect.
If you could have a personal intimate loving God communicate to you, wouldn't you be curious what he's saying? Wouldn't we want to hear his provision, guidance, and sovereign will?
When I was younger.. maybe a decade ago, i began to really hear God clear. I was learning so much, and i felt so much peace being able to receive from God. I would look forward to just staying in bed and spending time with God. Just absorbing his love, and being consumed in awe of who he is. God's voice was easy to hear. I would go for walks and knew without a doubt what God was saying to me. For big decisions, and even smaller ones, I could hear God communicating his will to me. I not only could hear him, but could feel his presence.
if a loving God exists. wouldn't you want to sense and know him? If he were constantly fully loving you, wouldn't you want to feel that intensity? Often when I feel God, I can feel this sort of heart burning sensation. God presses his power where you feel deeply loved.
So yeah.. back to hearing God's voice. Sometimes, it's actually normal for Christians to go through long seasons of silence. Where hearing God in the same way we're used to is very silent. Some call this, The Dark Night of the Soul. God sometimes takes a step back and isn't as easy to hear as he once was. There's tons of examples of how God spoke to people in scripture, and even some examples where people expressed difficulty in hearing God speak. What made a lot of these people in scripture noteworthy, was not that they were extraordinary on their own, but rather that they not only heard God, but obeyed God.
Yes, God communicates his truth and general will primarily through scripture. But God also reveals the application of these truth through other various ways that we can experience. Many Christians rationally understand the Bible and the gospel, and the character of God. But would say, "No, God doesn't speak to me, I've never heard him." Well the truth is that God is and has spoken to us. Maybe not an audible voice, but through other means. God speaks as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God speaks through scripture, nature, angels, dreams, visions, prayer, prophets and people, his church, signs and wonders, and other various ways.
God speaks to reveal his character, purpose and his ways. And we shouldn't just pray or listen to God only when we need something. i think that's somewhat of a habit. Ultimately, God wants our heart. And even though he stands outside of time, he created this concept of time where we can enjoy moments with him. It's hard for me to think of how God is outside of time and always was, is and will be. It makes me curious what heaven with him is like and how perfect communion with him will really look like. But yeah, at least in this life we already have the capacity to not only know him through intellectually, but also through experience.
"However, when we ask him for guidance according to what is on his heart and when we ask how we can adjust our lives to his plans, the Bible says we will hear him clearly." -Hearing God's Voice, Blackaby
"People are meant to live in an ongoing conversation with God, speaking and being spoken to." Hearing God, Dallas Willard
Okay, so i know my thoughts are a bit scattered all over the place, but i do want to say that I do feel like I've heard God speak to me quite often recently. In fact, at times, it's even more of a conversation. Those are the best. And when God speaks, sometimes i immediately know, and other times I need to keep asking and checking because it takes me some more time to distinguish my thoughts from his voice. And in a way, what's a bit mind blowing, is that God can do inception on our thoughts and feelings. So sometimes, not always.. God puts these God given thoughts and visions in us. trippy right?
So i guess... recently, i've come to realize, that i'm not really afraid of things not going the way I would expect. I'm not afraid of failure. I'm afraid of not hearing God correctly. Because if my compass is off, that throws everything off. My fear is thinking I heard God speak and instill his will into me, when in fact he hasn't, and that it was just my own thoughts distorting what's real. My discernment has usually been on point, so I guess i shouldn't question and second guess myself too much. But it can be confusing to know if I'm truly hearing God. . And that's what kind of worries me. I feel like God has reaffirmed me and given me constant confirmation, and even if things don't go as I thought it would, sometimes God's will was for us to just obey and trust. Just because God tells us to take a certain path, it doesn't mean that path will always lead us directly to where we thought it went. I'd like God's will to be easy to follow, and things just make sense. But sometimes, he purposely picks a path that is difficult and challenging, which will require even deeper faith to trust him every step of the way.
Man there is just something so edifying about sitting in silence with God. it's beyond comprehension, when you can encounter God directly and intimately. Usually, I can talk about God, think about God, discuss scripture, teach theology, and read books about him. But how often do we commune and abide in him? How often do we intentionally spend time in his presence? prayer and worship can often be intertwined to help us connect with him. And even if we don't "feel it" in faith, we can know that God is with us and find joy spending time with him. A professor always used to say, "Quality time comes out of Quantity time". If we can attune and synchronize our hearts to his I think we will not only be able to hear directly from God, but that we will naturally begin to change and transform. God tends to do that, the closer you get to him. So yeah..
I think it's been a long time since i've actually felt this close with God. i mean, sometimes there's short pocket moments, but it's great when a spiritual high lasts. But like all spiritual highs they seem to fade away over time. And again, we don't necessarily always need to feel God, to know he's there with us, but when we do, it's a good reminder of how amazing and awesome he truly is. I think we can practice disciplines and cultivate space where we can be more receptive. We can calm the noises within us so we can hear him speak. Turn off our own thoughts and the busy world around us. God's love is very real, and it's why God sent Jesus. Jesus died because he loved us.
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this; while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8
This is what makes the gospel so attractive. all other major and minor religions don't offer a solution to the problem of sin. All other religions focus on work righteousness, things we need to do to "be good" When in our total depravity, no one is good, no one can do good. Except Jesus. And Jesus saves. He redeems. He intercedes, He comes after us. He says, "You are mine."
14 For this reason I kneel before the Father, 15 from whom every family[a]in heaven and on earth derives its name. 16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
- Ephesians 3:14-21
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