So I have two really big test coming up. One is a comprehensive exam of all the classes I've taken at Chaminade. They take 10 multiple choice questions from each class. Then there's other material to remember in regards to mental health. And i got my hands on tons of study material and printed it out. I literally have hundreds of condensed notes, terms, concepts and things to remember. It's pretty intimidating when I think about it. There's so much.. The second exam is for counseling licensure.
I don't think i've been this stressed out in a long time. I can pump out research papers, I can deliver presentations, but test have always been my weakness. It does give me anxiety. The root of that anxiety is fear of failure. So today I tried to study, and i didn't get anything done. .I just distracted myself and avoided studying. This blog is really just a prep talk for myself, and to write everything down in my head.
So then i started to watch youtube videos on how to study. And they gave a lot of helpful tips. And now im blogging while i procrastinate. Some of the tips were to get your stuff and find a good place to study. usually that means getting out of the house, like going to the library or starbucks. I also need study music. I also find anything with caffeine. It's hard to force yourself to do something painful, stressful, draining and to do something you just don't want to do.
I think i lack the motivation and discipline to push myself to start. Starting is the hardest part. There's tips like creating a time to start and stop. to ive yourself breaks, reward yourself, make your notes colorful and pretty. The best tip i liked was to create habits. It's like exercise. if we create a que that triggers the beginning of a habit, it becomes easier to do. Another trick is to condense the material or goal into smaller goals and chunks. Instead of studying for ten hours, perhaps one hour ten times is better. Instead of studying 3 chapters, maybe just one chapter at a time. Heck even if its saying i'll study for 15 minutes straight. Or read 5 pages. Usually once you begin and get in the zone it's easy to continue.
Counseling psychology is interesting for me to study. So why am i avoiding it all. It's not like im studying a subject that is irrelevant and uninteresting. i also think of the purpose of why I need to do well on these exams. I don't want to retake them, and they are necessary for me to achieve my counseling career goals.
Quick tangent, while i think about my career goals, I think dang, i'm almost 30, single and still not on my own feet. I got nothing to really show for. I need to finally accept adulthood, instead of trying to hold onto childish behaviors and habits. I need to change. I need to be healthier and sleep earlier. I need to have more discipline and get my life together. I need to focus on what's important so I can achieve my long goals. Sometimes i still see myself as a child, because there are so many childish things I still enjoy. but these things are distracting me and moving me steps backwards instead of forward. i need to get more serious about making and saving money.
Anyways, back to the topic of studying and having the discipline to do things that aren't very fun. Sometimes just having the confidence makes a difference. If you see yourself as in control, then you can control the situation, rather than be a victim to the task. Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches to think about your thoughts, control and change your thoughts. We have such negative thoughts that affect our mood. Thoughts are not facts. Cognitive distortions and thinking errors can lead to false core beliefs about the world others and ourselves. If evidence shows that our thoughts are indeed accurate, we still may need to ask ourselves, what are these thoughts doing for us? Are they helpful? We may need to change our perspective on our thoughts in order to change our behavior and feelings. Sometimes we just overthink, and we need to practice mindfulness and ways to calm down our mind from these negative self talk voices and thoughts.
Gosh i go off on too many tangents. I have this super cool study light, that I only turn on in a dark room, and it helps me to study. Also chill study trap music on youtube helps me. I think i need to blog this out so my head can empty instead of all this garbage i store in my head. For some reason i study so much better at night. I'm a night owl and im able to focus so much better. the sunlight jus messes up my head. At night theres less distractions, everything is quiet. A huge distraction is technology. We put things off, because there's too many other competing desires or leasures at home. even our phones, social media, youtube are super distracting.
I've been thinking of wearing a bracelet thing as a reminder. It will remind me of words that I want to focus on. Community, discipline, confidence, relax, breathe, save money, study. and to be the best that I can be. these are things I try to remind myself since i pretty much suck at doing them. I do have a study group this sunday, so it'll be nice to not feel so alone in this last few months of school I graduate in May. So i just need to push a little more. Even though i came down with a cold. I may need to take some time off just to study. But i fear that I don't use my time very wisely. It's difficult to force yourself to study. crap, i just remembered i still need to do taxes.
What's interesting about counseling and studying psychology/ theology, is that you learn so much about yourself. But sometimes doing too much self-reflection and introspection can make you see a negative view of yourself, because you see all of your weak points. Rather I need to learn to speak and think more positive thoughts and words of affirmation to myself. I need to remind myself of self-love. it's a lesson i keep forgetting. I think i also need to boost my self-confidence to believe that I can do the things I set out to accomplish.. internal locus of control. efficiency expectation. our minds are so powerful. If we can believe it, we can achieve it.. you can do it chris. you can, and you will. u got this. you can do this. just focus and take it a step at a time.
my motivation is that I want to become a great counselor, therapist, and do care ministry. But in order for me to get there, i need to work hard and really start taking care of myself better. In counseling, i like that there's counseling theories to pick from to develop your own counseling style. It's interesting but I still don't know all these concepts and theories well. it's funny how education is really just memorizing stuff and putting it into practice. If I can just study one or maybe two hours a day, I will be okay. I don't need to stress out. I just need to put in the time and have the focus.
I was watching naruto. one of, if not my favorite anime. Well i also like full metal alchemist brotherhood. It's interesting that these two main characters in these animes, are so set on achieving their goals. They do whatever it takes to become stronger and to move closer to their making their dreams a reality. In the same way, If there was ever a time to crack down and get serious about school, it's now.. if anyone is reading this, please pray for me.
I can feel the pressure and stress in me lately. that even my body is tensed up and i came down with a darn cold. i need to relax. It's so easy to direct anger at myself. i can't believe i wasted a whole day that i should've used to study.. Guess this is a lesson. So that i use the next coming days better. I need to figure out how to get through these next few months, and to trust God with all my worries. God please help me.
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