I had a great childhood. I had so much freedom and energy. In elementary I remember after lunch we would have a long recess. I remember our class would challenge another class to a battle of freeze tag. Everyone would be so hyped to get out on the big field. People knew who were the super fast sharks to stay away from and to not bother competing with. The soccer girls were always way too fast. I wasn't the fastest, but I knew how to juke people really well. We'd always yell at each other, "Hey no puppy guarding!" but we all knew that was the smartest thing to do. It was pretty dirty, but sometimes I would hide behind a tree or stand still like I was already frozen, and then unfreeze everyone once people weren't looking lol.
We used to crush raw saimin for snack and put it in a zip lock bag, eat straight up sugar candy, or go to the snack stand for ice pops. We'd come back to class all sweaty, and our teacher was so cool he'd just let us watch mtv music videos. I remember we had like over 10 school dances in 6th grade. I don't think anyone really knew how to dance or slow dance, or actually talk to girls lol. So it was kinda awkward yet super fun. Tamagotchis had there quick fad. then Pokemon cards came along and ruined my life.
i don't think i ever really wanted to face adulting. I still don't tbh. But at this point, it's not a choice. everythin costs money, and there's aways too much stuff to take care of. Responsibility hits you smack in the face. And I really just want to be a kid and play freeze tag at school again. lol i used to do that with my little preschoolers and i wouldn't last 5 minutes against those little rascals. cuz now we're old and running is exhausting and too sweaty.
I had a co-worker tell me.. not to make it sound bad, but you spend too much time helping your clients.
and it got me thinking.. well yeah i've been trained that way. to let people talk if they want to talk and just sit there and listen. to trust others, to show empathy, compassion and care. to respond as soon as you can when someone calls
and in most scenarios those are usually good things, but with the population i work with, things work differently
i'm learning.. some folks are attention seeking, sometimes you're enabling their behavior. sometimes ur working harder to help others than they are willing to help themselves, and that doesn't help them become more independent
a lot of times i say, well, maybe, i don't know. uh, i guess, possibly, im not too sure. i'll hafta check to make sure, uh i think so, i'm not 100%.. there's a time to be tentative and a time to show more certainty
sometimes the right answer is to do to brief solution focus therapy
sometimes the right answer is to let people pay the consequences
sometimes the right answer is being more assertive, decisive, direct, and not letting people just take advantage or speak to you however they want
sometimes the right answer is to call people out on their BS if they're lying
sometimes i doubt my ability.. yeah i don't know every answer to people's questions and needs, but i am learning to speak with more confidence, even if there are times i feel incompetent.
i seem to beat myself up too much for my mistakes. and this is why im usually so indecisive. i hafta learn to let go of my mistakes
