We used to crush raw saimin for snack and put it in a zip lock bag, eat straight up sugar candy, or go to the snack stand for ice pops. We'd come back to class all sweaty, and our teacher was so cool he'd just let us watch mtv music videos. I remember we had like over 10 school dances in 6th grade. I don't think anyone really knew how to dance or slow dance, or actually talk to girls lol. So it was kinda awkward yet super fun. Tamagotchis had there quick fad. then Pokemon cards came along and ruined my life.
i don't think i ever really wanted to face adulting. I still don't tbh. But at this point, it's not a choice. everythin costs money, and there's aways too much stuff to take care of. Responsibility hits you smack in the face. And I really just want to be a kid and play freeze tag at school again. lol i used to do that with my little preschoolers and i wouldn't last 5 minutes against those little rascals. cuz now we're old and running is exhausting and too sweaty.
As I've grown up, I've always been wanting to preserve my childhood. I wanted to stay a kid forever and just play all day. Call your friends up at night, go to the mall, watch movies, play basketball, hit the beach and just have fun with friends. And I guess I just miss that. Now days, "fun" is basically eating and talking. I was thinking, dang i havent gone bowling or surfing in several years. basketball is my favorite sport and yet it's been years since i've played. We used to sleep over each other's house and make too much noise playing poker. I dunno. i just feel like i've lost so many things I used to enjoy. People get married, move away and then you never hear from them again. Even though I'm 30.. I still think i'm 11. or sometimes 17. idk if that makes sense.
gosh i'm having a hard time tryin to figure out the right words. I think i'm allergic to responsibility. I start to complain or just end up being lazy. Can't just chill all day. There's appointments and things to clean up. Gotta sleep early or you'll be a zombie tomorrow. Gotta drive in traffic and not be late. Gotta make money so u can grocery shop and cook. gotta buy healthy food so u dont get too overweight. Gotta go to the gym.. well actually, the gym is still p fun. uhhh... u know what sucks.. having to fold clothes and do dishes. I think i have a negative perspective about responsibility. because yes it does take discipline and it does take energy. But i was watching Knocked Up recently, and even tho i don't care for seth rogen, it's about him jus wanting to chill with his bros, but now he hasta grow up and get his act together.
i guess what i'm trying to say is.. sure we can still have times where we can enjoy the things we did when we were kids. but in order to preserve that, we gotta actually face the music and take responsibility for ourselves. but throughout each day, i think i constantly try to find ways to jus try to have fun or joke around.
there's so much conflict within me, cuz the "super ego" is like my dad's voice of reason and responsibility. dont take shortcuts, do things with quality, make sure ur ready for etc etc. den ders the kid inside me or "Id" that's jus like nah nah brahhh jus chill and play, have fun, no worries beef curry, u can do whateva u want, no need do hard stuff, jus take em eaaaasy. so den im like caught in the middle . i can only do so much, or ma'ke, and go burn out cuz too much stress n all dat. so i tink da answer is no need be serious all da time. like dat aint no fun. at da same time, cannot play all day bruh, u is gettin old and need to make good choices so u dont die. omygosh im so tired, note to self, never blog when u delirious. why am i always so thirsty. u no what sucks warm water. like i wish water was always ice cold. hydro flasks are great.
ok so super off topic.. but like.. i realized that i have some very huge regrets in life. like i already knew that, and thought i've processed it all and just "let go" of all my regrets. but the reality is that you don't jus "let go" of everythin that easy. sure u get over it for a day or week or month. but u see, it's not a one time thing, u hafta constantly continue to remember to let go and move on. I was so angry at myself for doing or not doing things. And then okay, time to forgive yourself. but then if u don't continue to forgive yourself and have grace for yourself, it jus comes right back. in the same way, our walk with God isn't just a one time commitment, it's really this constant returning to Him. I jus feel so stupid for several of my big mistakes in life. cant live in the past. gotta continue to let go and look forward. I was thinkin about how my home lunch has never been that great. But part of growin up is actually having to cook and prepare stuff so u got somethin fo da fu-chur. bruh bak in da day i use 2 talk lyk dat and rite supah irriz lyk dis. anywayz yeah, i was thinkin, ho what if i jus get eggs, avocado, sweet potato like everyday fo lunch. and den get salmon, or chicken with one salad or sumtin. den get some blueberriez and almonds fo one snack. hmm.. but den dat wud require me to constantly go shoppin for all dat stuff. and den how u gon bring one avocado to lunch everyday? cuz like bruh u need to cut the da kine or bring utencils and all dat, and like der aint no legit kitchen ya' know.
gosh i'm having a hard time tryin to figure out the right words. I think i'm allergic to responsibility. I start to complain or just end up being lazy. Can't just chill all day. There's appointments and things to clean up. Gotta sleep early or you'll be a zombie tomorrow. Gotta drive in traffic and not be late. Gotta make money so u can grocery shop and cook. gotta buy healthy food so u dont get too overweight. Gotta go to the gym.. well actually, the gym is still p fun. uhhh... u know what sucks.. having to fold clothes and do dishes. I think i have a negative perspective about responsibility. because yes it does take discipline and it does take energy. But i was watching Knocked Up recently, and even tho i don't care for seth rogen, it's about him jus wanting to chill with his bros, but now he hasta grow up and get his act together.
i guess what i'm trying to say is.. sure we can still have times where we can enjoy the things we did when we were kids. but in order to preserve that, we gotta actually face the music and take responsibility for ourselves. but throughout each day, i think i constantly try to find ways to jus try to have fun or joke around.
there's so much conflict within me, cuz the "super ego" is like my dad's voice of reason and responsibility. dont take shortcuts, do things with quality, make sure ur ready for etc etc. den ders the kid inside me or "Id" that's jus like nah nah brahhh jus chill and play, have fun, no worries beef curry, u can do whateva u want, no need do hard stuff, jus take em eaaaasy. so den im like caught in the middle . i can only do so much, or ma'ke, and go burn out cuz too much stress n all dat. so i tink da answer is no need be serious all da time. like dat aint no fun. at da same time, cannot play all day bruh, u is gettin old and need to make good choices so u dont die. omygosh im so tired, note to self, never blog when u delirious. why am i always so thirsty. u no what sucks warm water. like i wish water was always ice cold. hydro flasks are great.
ok so super off topic.. but like.. i realized that i have some very huge regrets in life. like i already knew that, and thought i've processed it all and just "let go" of all my regrets. but the reality is that you don't jus "let go" of everythin that easy. sure u get over it for a day or week or month. but u see, it's not a one time thing, u hafta constantly continue to remember to let go and move on. I was so angry at myself for doing or not doing things. And then okay, time to forgive yourself. but then if u don't continue to forgive yourself and have grace for yourself, it jus comes right back. in the same way, our walk with God isn't just a one time commitment, it's really this constant returning to Him. I jus feel so stupid for several of my big mistakes in life. cant live in the past. gotta continue to let go and look forward. I was thinkin about how my home lunch has never been that great. But part of growin up is actually having to cook and prepare stuff so u got somethin fo da fu-chur. bruh bak in da day i use 2 talk lyk dat and rite supah irriz lyk dis. anywayz yeah, i was thinkin, ho what if i jus get eggs, avocado, sweet potato like everyday fo lunch. and den get salmon, or chicken with one salad or sumtin. den get some blueberriez and almonds fo one snack. hmm.. but den dat wud require me to constantly go shoppin for all dat stuff. and den how u gon bring one avocado to lunch everyday? cuz like bruh u need to cut the da kine or bring utencils and all dat, and like der aint no legit kitchen ya' know.
bruhhhhh i hate bugs. like it's kinda hot in hawaii lately, and at night these termites start to come out.. they come out in hoards and then jus start crawling on you. bruhhhhh i cant stand bugs
so ye back to responsibility.. so much stuff fo do. butt cannot chill 4evaz. still gotta ma-chuur, n grow up. u cannot stay up too late bruh. cannot leave yo clothes all ova da place bruh. shoots.. lol i so delirious. i took melatonin so i can knock out. man i wish coffee wasn't a diuretic. like i seriously get why ppl addicted to caffeine. if i take Imodium would that counter balance the coffee? i wish i knew how to save money. i so bad and jus spend any kine. bruh gotta be more responsible man. u always jus complain and say, ah i no like do anythin cuz take too much energy. but u gotta do 'em brah. time fo grow up already. i so tired i go sleep now.
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