No Regerts

  

This tattoo makes me laugh. But it's also applicable. When you're inexperienced and don't know what you're really doing, you're likely gonna make dumb mistakes. You're gonna say and do things you shouldn't of, you'll lack patience and wisdom and you'll spill the milk. But it happens. That's life.

I need a break from talking about all my mistakes. I think i'm tired of listening to myself complain about all the wrong things I did. The point is I recognize them and ain't gon' repeat em. Maybe it wasn't just me as well. But yeah, instead, here's a picture of Peewee!

The more I think about it, peewee and I are quite similar. He's always just so eager to play. He loves when I chase him. He loves to look outside and ponder the mysteries of nature. He enjoys the warmth of someone close. He knows how to be affectionate, he's got a silly personality, and he's always knocking things down making a mess. Even tho u were worried about covid, I think it's hilarious how he gave you a straw in your bag.

I can take things too seriously (no duh). I tend to overthink, fixate, exaggerate, and overreact. a computer that processes and analyzes too much will often crash. I often get in my own way. I just wanted to do things right. Perhaps I only saw through rose-tinted glasses. I didn't guard my heart well. The art of letting go requires forgiving yourself. It's giving yourself permission to let it go and move on.

Letting go and detaching is not something I'm good at. I don't know how. It feels like sealing super glue and then ripping it apart. At this point I realize I just need to accept the facts. Accept that we most likely won't continue to talk. I've computed the scenarios and life-long friendship just doesn't seem to be in the cards. You'll eventually cut off communication. We'll go our separate ways. I don't like it. It sucks and it's painful. but looks like that's how the cookie will crumble.

Thank you for the time we did share.

No matter how many seasons or years in life go by, I truly do wish you the best in life. We can meet up in heaven one day and play some bananagrams. 

I need to focus on me. Instead of trying to find the right girl, focus on becoming the right man. It shifts the attention on to personal growth, progress, and being stronger on my own. Whether we have someone next to us or not, pursue the best version of yourself for yourself. 

There's this guy in an anime. He inspires me. When he fails or loses a fight. He doesn't stay on the ground and cry about it. Instead, he ends up getting stronger. First he does what he needs to recover, sometimes that process takes time. He sees how he lacked the strength. He ends up training with higher intensity. He puts in the hard work. He becomes more determined to be better. He doesn't do it for attention or approval. He does it to prove it to himself. Then when he is up against the foe again, his confidence, power and energy level has grown so that he's able to be come out victorious.

Somehow in the midst of my failures, pain and mistakes, I know that God is there with me. He sees the places where I have hurt myself. He is the one who heals brokenness. He restores my soul. He's the one who will empower me to bounce back stronger than I was. 

There's this really important skill I think Christians and myself need to develop more. It's a practice and skill of receiving. It requires faith, discipline, submission and humility. It's saying, God, I really messed up, help me to forgive myself, help me to not hold any anger towards myself, help me to stop trying to do things on my own, fill me with your love and grace. Increase in me. In order to grow, we must first learn to receive.

One day I laid down on my towel and looked up. The sun shined through the trees. The Big Blue covered the heavens. There was something peaceful about lying there in your backyard surround by nate-chur. You were somewhere 12 feet away. But for that moment, i recognized wow this is beautiful. And in that moment I just felt very blessed. Then i think it was later that day or the next day, you looked up, and you were like, "Wow!" and i'm like.. "Right?!" Glad u noticed it too.

God may not give us the full amount immediately in an instant, but over a span of time he slowly pours out into us what we ask according to his will. And it is here in solitude where the Christian recovers, grows and increases in Him. Like a phone charger, we just need to plug ourselves, wait and receive. If you could ask God for one thing, what would it be?

What are my priorities? What areas of my life do I want to grow in? Might be a little of a stretch, but it's this idea of asking God to "enlarge my territory." Asking for more. perhaps not more land, but more within ourselves, to fill ourselves, grow in power and inner strength.

And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, 
"Oh, that You would bless me indeed,
and enlarge my territory,
that Your hand would be with me,
and that You would keep me from evil,
that I may not cause pain."
So God granted him what he requested.
-1 Chronicles 4:10

Everything will be alright. I will be alright. I'm choosing to be content, choosing to be happy. Choosing to be fully satisfied in God. Choosing to have grace for my insecurities, for my shortcomings, my failures, and for not being my ideal self. 

"Stop waiting for something magical to happen, and be magical."

Dwelling does not change things. Learning and applying the lessons is where we find change. Take  steps to move forward in the right direction. Keep moving. Pursue your goals. Find your best self. Stay positive. Do things that make you happy. Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself of all the good you have in your life. Invest in yourself, in your family, friendships, health and walk closer with God. Give it everything you've got, but don't be too hard on yourself Chris.

I've found things in me I didn't know I was missing. I've found a greater sense of confidence and value in myself. I found a greater sense of love, perhaps not in the way I expected, but nonetheless, my heart has grown to love. These things have made me stronger.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." -Ephesians 3:20

"This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the request which we have asked from Him." -1 John 5:13-14

"More than that, I count all things to be a loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ." -Philippians 3:8

When we read script-chur, it doesn't always immediately jump off the pages and smack us in the face. Sometimes it requires a little marination.

There's this underlying thread I just pulled from some of our devotion time.. God can do more in us. So much more. We have so much more potential to unlock. so much more room to grow. Are we coming before him and asking for more? More of Him? Paul ditched everything, because he saw and knew what was of utmost importance and value. That he may know and gain Christ.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. When we are satisfied in the Good Shepherd, we can rest at ease because we know we are in good care.

Baby doesn't like to stay inside all the time. She's eager to play. In the same way, my heart just wanted to run and be liberated off the leash. Although a bit untamed, at least it got to run passionately for awhile. but now it's time to go back inside.

It wasn't just that this meal tasted good. It wasn't the food itself. Nay, what really made it good was you just taking the time to cook it. Same with the chicken toast sandwich. It wasn't about how it tasted. It was about who's hands prepared it and getting to share the meal with you that made it perfect and memorable.