basically, it's this idea that I will be ok no matter what. If i'm alone, i'll be ok. I can be self-sufficient. I need to cultivate happiness on my own without being co-dependent or relying on others to validate my self-worth. We often think love is what will validate us to feel secure and like we're enough.
I fell into a thinking that a relationship is the only thing that would truly make me happy. We think, "If only _________ then I'd be happy." That's not true. that's baloney. Happiness is a choice.
We should walk confidently knowing we are enough. Enjoy things that make us happy and just be true to ourselves. I do still think happiness is only real when shared. There is a sense of relationship or friendship that sparks joy. but the mistake is when we make it our entire source of happiness.
I had daydreaming outcomes n fairy tale expectations that added too much press-chur. i get it now.
I don't think I really knew what I was doing. At least now I do. As two introverts we generally keep to ourselves, but i realized that our energies actually increase when we're together.
I needed to grow a mindset of not having to prove anything, and be perfectly fine if things don't work out.
"Excuse me do you need validation? Oh no I'm fine, my husband said some sweet things this morning."
Cheese-Its are just so addicting that I got too excited. I wanted more. n that screwed me over. i hafta learn to be content and ok even on my own, be fully my own man, with or without delicious cheese-its. It's a lesson of self-love and confidence in myself.
Whether I do or don't achieve a certain happiness and closeness that I want with someone, I will still need to focus on being the best version of myself and keep my eyes on growing in the likeness of Jesus.
yeah, chur i'll still be a little disappointed. but at least i know i'll be alright now. i'm gonna be fine. and i still have u as a friend which is more than I could ask for, and in most circumstances probably wouldn't have happened. so i'm truly grateful for all the good we do have, and that is yet to come.
I really do appreciate your kindness and care. seriously, thank you. I realized that i'm not really losing anything, and in a new way finding deep gratitude for what I do have. I think maybe indirectly, you've taught me to be strong on my own. I can now see how I lacked that inner confidence.
It's prioritizing my own life, instead of just catering to please. I didn't anticipate you changing my life in this way. I don't think you realize how much of a positive impact you've had on me. You legit make me want to be a better person and have taught me to guard my heart. So that's what I'll focus on.
One day after school was over. I saw a classmate with her backpack crying on the stairs. I asked her, "What's wrong??" She responded, "My boyfriend just broke up with me." I said, "oh. i'm sorry. hmm.. I think I might know the perfect medicine for that." She said, "What is it?" I simply responded, "God." Her tears, body and all the snot took a break. You could see she had forgotten this simple truth. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Thank you."
There was this girl in one of my graduate classes. she was a tall Caucasian girl. i wasn't that close with her at all, in fact she sat on the other side of the room. For some reason she sticks out to me right now. She had a very positive personality. she said something i thought was very profound. She said something like, "At the end of the day, i think we're all looking for the same thing. I think in one way or another, I think we're all just looking for happiness. And finding what makes us happy." That was years ago, but it still stands out to me. She would always come up and be like, "HEY CHRIS! and give me a fist bump." This girl had energy, she was just so direct in being friendly.
My point is.. I think we can find this thing happiness in good things yes.. but there's also this sense of cultivating and manifesting happiness within ourselves. choosing to be happy and positive, even if we have no reason to be. Perhaps it's the light that we're called to be. Perhaps this happiness and joy is not from ourselves, but from God.
In the midst of this dark valley, God has been a reminder that He is the one who truly satisfies us. God is the perfect medicine. God continues to lead us and do things in us that I was unaware of. God has not been absent or out to lunch. God has always been right here with me, with u and with us. God is teaching, pruning, refining and changing us by his love to grow stronger than we were yesterday.
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