The Battle

As a young child begins to walk, he or she will constantly stumble and fall. We try so hard to walk on our own. We need a parent or someone to help guide and support us, teaching us to take one step after another. In the same way, we need to rely on God's hand to direct, teach, guide, and support us. Our Father loves us, and tells us to look out for sharp dangerous table corners. He holds us up so that we dont trip over the small things. But when we slowly drift away from Him, thinking we can walk on our own two feet, thats when the falls hurt the most. We fall down, cry in anger and pain, get upset at ourselves, upset at the world, upset that we arnt moving forward. So we try to pick ourselves up, and stumble again, realizing that we really can't do it on our own. So then what do we do? We finally cry and reach out our hands, begging for God to pick us back up. And the amazing thing, is that He is always there ready for us to turn to Him. He then dusts off the filth, cleans our tears, and calms us with His words of love. "Don't worry, I got ya. It's okay, I'm right here. It's gonna be alright. Trust me. I'll take care of you." Wow, how great of a Heavenly Father do we have, that He would always pick up the broken pieces. This is the Father we need to run to with everything, because He knows best. We need to run to Him in desire, just wanting more and more of Him.

Why am i talking about the lows and highs in our relationship with God? Because lately i fell down, and didnt know how to get back up. I got caught up in myself. Caught up in others. Caught up in the world. Caught up in prideful sin, thinking i could walk on my own. I was running on my own fuel, and my spirit started to fade weak. The truth is that i lost sight of intimacy with Him. I had a hard time spending time with Him. I didnt make time for it, I was too lazy, too distracted. I lacked so much intimate prayer. I did things to get by, and didnt focus on Him. When i tried to pray, i either fell asleep, got distracted in thoughts, or thought of how to pray in public. I thought of right words to say, and how to be a people pleaser. When God is the only one we should seek to please. I guess my head got a little big, and i got in my own way of God. I got concerned about my own image, about what people think, and basically got full in myself. Sure i could say nice prayers, speak theology, quote verses, sing worship songs, be humble to others, and do the christian religion walk. But for quite awhile, I lost my reliance on God. I lost that extreme intimacy with Him. I forgot that i cant live without Him, that He breathed in me eternal life, and that i need to make my will and desires that of His. I forgot how worthless, meaningless, hopeless, and lost we would all be without Him. Love, Life, and Light are only found within Him.

Our Thoughts, need to be focused on Him, because thoughts lead to acts, acts into habits, habits into character. If our thoughts are lustful on other things, we will lose sight of Him. How then can i control my thoughts?? It seems our minds, automatically think thoughts of pride, lust, greed, power, hate, self gain, and are focused on building up ourselves, or feeding our own desires. Sin has corrupted our minds. We cant help but categorize, stereotype, and make judgments about people. God needs to reign in our thoughts. Because if satan gains control of our thoughts, our flesh and spirit will have to battle it out. If ur mind tells u left, and ur spirit tells u right, you're definitely gonna experience some internal conflicts. The bottom line is that we need to love what God loves, and hate what God hates. We need to set our minds and desires on Him.

Ive found an awesome accountability partner. His name is Dean. i really admire his integrity and honesty. I can see the Holy Spirit work through him. he's never afraid to pray or ask God for help. We have long talks about our struggles, ways of how to equip ourselves to fight temptation, what works, and what doesnt. We have a long list of common problems, and it really does help to talk things out, and renew our minds. Im really working on sanctifying all areas of my life. And it really isnt easy, changing our behaviors and character for the better. How can we die to ourselves? How can we cut and rid ourselves of our sinful nature? We cant be perfect, but we can strive towards holiness, purity, righteousness and lives that shine Jesus. Sanctification is cleaning and repenting so that we don't just fall right back into our old selves. Dean really has been building me up in a lot of ways, and not just helping me to remember a bunch of bible verses, lol. Ultimately we need to come to God with our sins. But it really does help having someone we can confess to, support, learn, and pray with. We figure out ways we can deny ourselves, kill off and stop sins, live by the spirit and continue to grow in Christ.


"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." - Phil 3:7-8

i have choke more to talk about, (relationships, children, books, bottling up my thoughts, Epic, the upcoming conferences) so ill finish it up later, but for now, im super zonked out, so ima gonna go crash. zzzz..