Withdrawn

It's been obvious to me that I have been idle and withdrawn from living for God. The last 6 months of school have been so crazy that i basically pushed God to the side. Every moment of free time was used to recover from the stress of school. Instead of turning to God to find rest in Him, i turned to idols. I filled my mind with media, flooding it with movies, television and other mindless games. I felt like a sluggard, doing nothing meaningful. I resorted to doing easy things and avoided anything that required work. I felt useless to God. I wasnt purposeful. I found myself making excuses and putting blame on distractions, when it was really the condition of my heart.

2011 Resolutions

This is about the time of the year when people make new year's resolutions. I've already been convicted about which goals, disciplines, and resolves I am to prioritize for this coming year. These goals have been the same goals for a few years now. Ever since seminary, it seems my determination, commitment, focus, and consistency of these goals have dwindled. I pray that now more than ever, God would empower me with the strength of His Holy Spirit to continue to grow in these areas. I know when you make goals, it's best to be specific and have realistic time frames of measurement. I tend to be successful for a short while, then tend to give up completely on keeping them daily.

Reflection of 2010

Moving up to California was a big transition.
This year had many trials.
I went through a time of depression
but was strengthen by fellow peers, classmates, counselors, and the church body
I faced a tough living environment, which lead to daily frustration
But was also able to forgive and approach the situation in love
I became defeated, discouraged and extremely stressed out at times
But was lifted and encouraged by God
My first year at Talbot just finished today, and I realized that God has been growing and strengthening me through these trials

Church as a Family

One thing ive been learning is seeing the Church as a family. The best terms Jesus gave us for seeing other believers in the church were brothers, sisters, and mothers. Usually our priorities are God first, the family, the church, and the world. However, the service of God is never separated from serving God's people.

My teacher, Joesph Hellerman, who wrote "The Church was a Family" argues that we are to put a greater emphasis on treating the body of the church as our family. 57 times, Paul says "our God" and only once writes "my God." We normally see our sanctification and spiritual growth as a very personal experience. Even at our conversion of justification we have seen it as a very personal and individual relationship with God. However, when a believer steps into faith, he or she in a sense has become part of a new family. We find a relationship with God, but don't have the view of giving our lives to the church and the gospel.

‎"The ultimate goal of life is that God be displayed as glorious because of all that he is and all that he has made and done, especially the grace he has shown in the work of Christ. The way we glorify him is by knowing him truly, by treasuring him above all things, and by living in a way that shows he is our supreme treasure." -John Piper

Jesus Christ

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."-Acts 4:12

"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world." 1 John 2:1-2

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning...
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." 1 John 1:1-2, 14

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 6:23

"That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile—the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." -Romans 10:9-13

"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." -Ephesians 2:1-10

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." -Eph 3:14-21

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me." -Psalms 63:1-8

The Mathematical Odds of Jesus Fulfilling Prophecy

"The following probabilities are taken from Peter Stoner in Science Speaks (Moody Press, 1963) to show that coincidence is ruled out by the science of probability. Stoner says that by using the modern science of probability in reference to eight prophecies, ‘we find that the chance that any man might have lived down to the present time and fulfilled all eight prophecies is 1 in 10¹⁷." That would be 1 in 100,000,000,000,000,000. In order to help us comprehend this staggering probability, Stoner illustrates it by supposing that "we take 10¹⁷ silver dollars and lay them on the face of Texas. They will cover all of the state two feet deep. Now mark one of these silver dollars and stir the whole mass thoroughly, all over the state. Blindfold a man and tell him that he can travel as far as he wishes, but he must pick up one silver dollar and say that this is the right one. What chance would he have of getting the right one? Just the same chance that the prophets would have had of writing these eight prophecies and having them all come true in any one man."
Stoner considers 48 prophecies and says, "We find the chance that any one man fulfilled all 48 prophecies to be 1 in 10¹⁵⁷, or 1 in 10,00,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 000,000,000."
The estimated number of electrons in the universe is around 10⁷⁹. It should be quite evident that Jesus did not fulfill the prophecies by accident. He was who He said He was: the only way (John 14:6).

"Listen, O heavens, and I will speak;
hear, O earth, the words of my mouth.

Let my teaching fall like rain
and my words descend like dew,
like showers on new grass,
like abundant rain on tender plants.

I will proclaim the name of the LORD.
Oh, praise the greatness of our God!

He is the Rock, his works are perfect,
and all his ways are just.
A faithful God who does no wrong,
upright and just is he." -Deuteronomy 32:1-4


"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge." -Psalm 62: 5-8

Random Thoughts

Finding myself in Starbucks attempting to get homework done..

I pulled a "forgot to bring my earphones to starbucks"

Ran into a blogging mood

This semester I'm taking Old Testament Survey, Spiritual Formation, Exegesis, and Intro to Field Education.

Bummed cuz I hadta drop Patristic and Medieval Theology, cuz Exegesis is way too hard.

Ive been very stressed out with trying to form a comfortable school schedule. I musta switched my schedule 3-4 times, and I'm still not very satisfied with it.

I sense that this semester will be overwhelming, largely due to greek class.. i put 4 times more energy into that one class than for the others and still have a hard time

I find myself impatient and fidgety at times. i realize that my hands are normally playin with something

I had jack in a box today for the first time in 10 months

My roommate made me ice cream on top of a warm chocolate cookie, best desert ever

I would like to become more consistent with my disciplines and goals

Although I am trying to conserve money, I am spending money that I dont have

I have been somewhat absent from exercising and eating healthy, but tryin to get back into it

I am realizing how deceitful my heart is when I try to rob glory from God

I am realizing that my vocabulary, spelling and reading skills are that of a 7th grader.

I would like to be more intentional with relationships. I am seeing a deeper need to evangelize, disciple, listen, and love.

I would like to work on becoming a stronger leader by being a sacrificial servant

it's hot outside! 100 degree weather is no fun

I want to swim and play more basketball

I like shooting zombie games

I want to trade my cat in for a dog

In humanity, truth and love are seldom combined

Obedience to God should be a product of Faith and not Legalism

Sin is an inadequate way of trying to satisfy an adequate need

Conform your desires to God's desires, synchronize your heart to His values and His principles

I am diligently trying to grow spiritually mature, but finding myself greatly distracted by the idol of academics, knowledge, and theology

I want to change my perspective of enjoying the blessing of education.

I need to slip away in secret prayer more often, and grow in my hunger for God's Word

God's grace is sufficient

The purpose of Christian doctrine is not merely to make us more knowledgeable but to make us more mature as followers of Jesus Christ, to make us more like him

Although I have a productive mentality, I find myself worrying about things i need to do, rather than actually accomplishing them

So now I'm blogging instead of studying

I really have to pee, but dont want a risk a bathroom run, in fear of someone jacking my precious mac laptop

I want to go see scott pilgrim again

I really like veggie chips, so addicting!

This week i have a 5 day weekend! i gotta make the most of it!

You never, never, never, never, outgrow the need to preach to yourself the gospel

I always look forward to my 24 hr fitness cycle class

I am enjoying the great fellowship at church, home, and school

I need to get back to doing homework.

"But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul." -Deut 4:29

"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." -Deut 6:4-9

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." Deut 7:9

"He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." -Deut 8:3

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." James 3:18

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at this face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like." James 1:22-24

"In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead....You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did." James 2:17, 22

"We love because he first loved us." -1 John 4:19

Summer '10

My summer is coming to an end. It felt way too short because of my summer greek classes. I passed both by a few percent! I've never been so happy to pass with a C! The thought of having to retake it next semester was enough motivation for me. It was by far the most challenging and brutal class ive taken thus far. I wanted to cry, pull my hair out, light things on fire, and go to the extremes. Sometimes i'd pray for Christ to return just so i wouldnt have to suffer through an exam. lol.. In the positive light, i feel less confused about greek, and a little more confident in interpreting scripture. Reading the Bible in it's original text is quite fascinating because you'll pick things up you don't see in english, but for the most part i'll let the greek theologian scholars handle it.

Well... after i finished summer school it was off to Hawaii! I missed home dearly. It was great to see all my favorite restaurants, drink clean tap water, hit the beach, visit all my church friends, eat breakfast with old buddies, go to greg's house and get so excited for video games, go to the rec center and cruise like old times. It definitely brought back memories, even if i was only away for 7-8 months. It was especially refreshing to see my family and to see all my cuzins grow up. Theres a 4 month, 2yr old and 13 year old. They seriously do grow up too fast! I only got to spend 3 weeks in hawaii, and for 2 weeks i got sick with a cold, so that was a summer bummer. Vacation went by way too quickly and before i knew it, i'm back in cali, and off to school again.

Now that i'm backed in cali, i realized how much i missed my roommates, church, and my cat snowball! I find myself to be much more disciplined and independent in the mainland. When i was in Hawaii, my mom would do most of the cooking, chores, and garden work. I think that makes me lazy because that lets me get away with doing absolutely nothing, except focusing on having fun. But being sick for 2 weeks really made me miserable and sluggish. I ate tons of junk food and custard pie, i didnt wkout cuz i had no energy, i would sleep at weird hours, and become unproductive. I think it's easy to compromise your values and disciplines when life is easy and comfortable. But as we grow older, it seems we are forced to mature and take care of responsibilities. But sometimes it's great just being a kid.. i don't think i'll ever stop watching cartoons. lol

One think i struggled with this summer was truly desiring God, and how to desire him when i had a conflict of desires. I felt like i made a lot of excuses for myself and allowed myself to get distracted. I went in circles with trying to figure out how i could increase my faith and desire in Him. I felt like I couldnt hear Him, but it turns out I just wasnt listening. In order to desire Him, i normally need to be motivated by His love, in order for me to effectively embrace His love i normally have to spend quality time in silence and in prayer, which requires more desire.

So I didn't know how I would discipline myself, but it turns out that I really just needed to come back to repentance and worship. The more i condemned myself, and hid in my dark sins, the more i withdrew. Although I know God forgives all sin, I couldnt forgive myself of my failures. Once i was able to surrender and let go, trusting in His forgiveness I was able to move on. When we have a hard time trusting Him, we first need to turn to Him, and it is then His Spirit and love will motivate us to continue walking in faith. Our relationship is not based on performance, feelings, or our own efforts, but rather it is just abiding in Him and trusting His sovereign grace. I guess i just needed to preach the gospel to myself and remind myself of His good salvation and redemption.

Living in cali has made me more disciplined and organized. I try to focus on my goals daily. Some actually got accomplished, some i was inconsistent, and others i just sucked at. Here's some of my resolved goals and disciplines

cleaning my room
managing my time wisely
reading
going to the gym to get some cardio,
doing my devotions in God's Word
spending time in prayer/worship
eating healthy
improving my sleep habits
limiting computer/tv,
flossing and brushing my teeth more
decreasing the massive amount of money i spend
learn guitar

so my disciplines and goals vary in priorities but they've challenged me to grow stronger and more responsible as an individual. One goal that i've been working on is building on relationships. I realize how valuable it is to truly love others and enjoy spending time with them. I often take for granted how blessed i am to have such a great family and friends. Playing games, laughing, joking, having fun and catching up on old times really does make life more enjoyable. I guess it took me to move to the mainland to realize how lucky and fortunate i am. Once you're on your own, you realized how easy and simple life was. Lately i've been seeing how treasured relationships are, and how valuable it is to keep everyone close in touch. And the more we focus on absorbing God's love for us, the more we can extend that love out towards others. Well overall it's been a great summer, and now it's time for another semester. ah blogging really is good for the soul. till next time.

His Bride

So i jus finished my intensive Greek 1 and 2 at Talbot. I passed both by decimal points! Praise God i dont hafta take it again! lol.. So happy!

Ive been back home in Hawai'i nei for 3 days now! Ill be here till Aug 21st. It feels so good to see friends and family. I really missed a lot of them. I still have to see a bunch of church friends. Some Jehovah Witnesses came by Saturday, so we're planning on meeting again to discuss the person/deity of Jesus, so that'll be fun. It's great kicking back and jus playing a bunch of video games and eating local food. I also missed the weather (even nice rain) and i forgot how good hawaii's tap water is. Although i also forgot how expensive everything is ova here.

My first semester and summer at Talbot was surprising more difficult than i expected. I am glad that I have learned a lot of theology and practical ministry, but at the same time i feel that it can also become an idol for me. I really need to focus on my quiet devotional time. I'm also growing in faith by preaching the gospel to myself daily and jus resting in God's grace. It really feels great to have an advocate in our defense that draws us into intimate fellowship with God. I do feel a little more stable in my walk with God. I am still battling temptations of pride, lust, and laziness, but I do feel that God is pruning, sharping, refining me and preparing me for his work.

I am lately very astonished by the body and bride of Christ, His church. We are a new creation, adopted sons and daughters, and holy saints. I am jus amazed at the unity and great worship that i have witnesses in the church. A korean pastor once said, "The church is not a hall of fame or museum for saints, but rather a hospital for sinners." And i would agree that the church really does offer healing and restoration. I am learning to trust in the power of prayer for others, and not jus by words but in actions. Faith without works is dead, and whoever does not love his fellow brother does not know God. God's love and spirit of truth is becoming more and more manifested in the church. I am so overwhelmed and thankful for such a loving community. I now understand the great joy Paul felt when he spoke of seeing and worshiping with the body.

I really do see God's spirit at work and drawing his people to Him. I have been experiencing the bond between brothers and sisters, and great discipleship that is taking place. I noticed that the closer we draw to Christ, the more God uses us through His spirit, and the easier it becomes to love on others. I believe the key to healthy spiritual growth is really just abiding in Him and remaining steadfast in His almighty and sovereign grace. Friends, i pray that we would continue to press forward, confessing our sins to another, and being the church that God wills. Let the light of Christ shine in our lives, do not cover under a bushel, for love conquers over a multitude of sins. Pray for each other, offer our lives as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to Him. For we are created to grow in His likeness. Find rest, peace, and joy in His glorious Name, and praise Him who is mighty to save.

Father, i pray that we would die to ourselves, and that you would increase in our lives. We surrender our pride, we cry out for Spirit. I pray for consistency and immediate obedience. I pray that his church would be the salt and the light of this world, and that people of all nations and races would come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior. Father we thank you for your amazing love and grace, help us to trust and desire you when we dont. Heal our scars, forgive our sinful thoughts and actions. Change our hearts, conform us to your Son, and glorify your Church. Thank you for never letting go of us, You are so good! We praise you in Jesus Name! Amen!

HEALTH

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3cDktWJl2Y

"Rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." -1 Timothy 4:7b-8

I feel like a million bucks right now. I had such an awesome day. Eating right and exercising has changed my life. I've somehow become a health freak, lol.

Physical, Spiritual, Emotional, and Mental Health all interrelate for your well being. Hopefully this blog will inspire you to start taking your health and nutrition disciplines more seriously. Try to incorporate some of these health tips into your lifestyle.

PHYSICAL
I signed up for a cycling class that 24 hour fitness offers. It's free for members and super fun. I probably burnt about 1000 calories in an hour. You do some stretches, take quick breaks, and do the workout as a whole. Our instructor really pushed us to our limits and made us work really hard. I like how he makes us visualize as if we're actually biking. His encouragement was the best part. "He would be like, k single file, we're making a turn up the hill, NOW! break away! push! faster! don't give up on me! dig!! feel the burn! don't get comfortable! You don't come here, if you're not gonna push! now baby! crank it up a notch! give me all your energy, all you got! breathe! steady.. 3, 2, 1, now baby! lets go! power! kick it up! common!" It was such a blast, and the music really gets you in the zone. And then after you feel super refreshed and lighter.

Make a goal to do something physically active everyday. At least go for a 20-30 minute walk. Biking, swimming, plyometrics, synogistics, (dont do yoga, that's hinduism idol worship) stretches, aerobics, jump rope (10mins jump rope = 30min jogging), any martial arts, dance classes, hiking, any sports that require running, taking the stairs, and try to hit the gym at least 3 times a week. Swimming, cycling, treadmills, circuit training, basketball, jump rope and weight training are my favorites. Watch youtube videos to learn nutrition facts, and new exercises.

If you're tryin to lose the belly fat, like i am lol, then you really hafta focus on cardiovascular exercises. Doing abs and sit ups will help, but you can't isolate where you lose fat. If you're gonna focus on your gut, i would highly recommend leg lifts, those babies are killer, but great for the abdominal. It's more important to do full body exercises, and diet right. My roommate gave me a copy of P90X, but i get too bored staring at a screen, i suggest leaving the house to wkout.

FOOD & NUTRITION
I lost about 10 pounds in the last 2 months. But i know losing anything more than 1 or 2 pounds a week isnt healthy. So it's definitely is a long term commitment. The funny thing is that i wasn't even trying to lose weight. My main trick was to start eating organic and healthy. Here's some foods you should incorporate in your diet. I'm no nutritionist, but i've done some research. And these foods have worked for me. It's not necessarily how much you eat, but more of what you eat. You'll also start to enjoy your meals more and have more energy. Make your changes slowly and in small ways, doing everything dramatically all at once will probably be too overwhelming. Take baby steps till it becomes a habit.

Eggs
are probably natures best food, (boil 'em, add ketchup and seasoning if u like, and eat the yolks too, most of the nutrients and proteins are in there. Plus it's actually good cholesterol for you.)

Vegetables
eat lots and lots of vegetables with your meals. They are also fresh snacks. (broccoli, cucumbers, corn, tomatoes, carrots, celery, avocado, cauliflower, peas, etc) Eat yummy salads, but keep dressings at a minimum. I hear vegetables are the best for your digestion, skin, and mind. You can also make a good pasta and add choke vegetables.

Fruits
I love fruits. Find a cheap market if you can, and stack up on peaches, apples, oranges, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, watermelon, you name it. Best snacks are definitely fruits. cherries and berries are super healthy.

Go Nuts
I like cashews, almonds, and macadamia nuts. Sunflowers and cranberries are good to add. Jus don't eat too much, cuz den you'll get stomach ache. dark chocolate is also good for you, juz make sure u brush them teeth after.

Yogurt
one of the best snacks is yogurt with mixed berries, and nuts. Get flavored yogurt cuz the plain organic one is kind of gross.

Lean Meats
For meals, try to eat healthy meats. Stay away from processed meats and fatty ones. Turkey, chicken, steak, salmon, are great. Add tofu too!

Grains
Asian rice is super healthy. I don't like brown rice, but i try to mix it in. Dont over eat in starchy carbs tho. I also don't like brown bread, but small changes like that really help. If you have a weak stomach i would also watch out for fiber, cuz it's tough to digest.

Water
Drink plenty water, and keep yourself hydrated. This is probably my number one greatest tip. I can't stress H20 enough. ionized purified water is probably best, but i jus buy bottled. A gallon of water a day is a lot, but very vital. Drinking water instead of sugary drinks or sodas is key. You'll lose a lot of fat and probably won't get sick.

Big Breakfast
Always start the day with a big breakfast. Small 5-7 meals a day, but emphasize a healthy breakfast. healthy cereal, a fruit, toast, or muffin are great. Your body needs energy right when you wake up, this also helps u burn more calories throughout the day. Force yourself to wake up early, you'll feel better. (this is coming from a guy who cherishes every minute of sleep.)

No Fast Food
I limit myself to once a week, becuz peers always influence me to eat a burger. It's okay to eat your favorite deserts and comfort food here and there, jus keep it in moderation. After you learn about the fat in burgers and fries, you'll be sick of them anyway. Knowledge of how much exercise it takes to burn calories really helps. If you hafta buy out, try subway or something light, or asian food.

Dairy Products
I think it's wise to stay away from too much milk and cheese, altho they are needed according to the food pyramid. Ice cream has choke trans fat, so jus keep it for occasion. You don't have to give up your favorite snacks, jus don't indulge.

Grocery Shopping
In california they have Sprouts (my fav), Trader Joes, Henery's, Fresh and Easy and Korean Markets. Other markets tend to be pricey anyway. Try to shop only on the outer side of the market, cuz processed snacks like chips are deadly, so no buy em. Also stay away from microwavable foods, even tho i heart hot pockets.

Eating Late
Preferably it's better to eat smaller dinners. Eating late isn't necessarily bad, that's just a myth. Your body needs energy while you sleep. Just don't snack super late, like past 11. Always eat till your satisfied, you don't want to be overly full.

Read Nutrition Facts
calculate what your daily intake is, and how much you calories you burn. This is if your really serious. You can also prepare meals before hand (like healthy snack packs in ziplock bags). Avoid foods high in sugar, salt, and saturated fats. Prepare salads and meals without tons of condiments and dressings.

Calorie Intake
to lose weight and body fat, you need to burn more calories then you intake. I dont count calories, but i'm always conscience of what i'm eating. I try to eat smaller meals and in moderation. If you burn an average of 500 calories more than your intake, you'll lose approximately 3000 calories in 1 week, which is 1 pound.

Motivation
It's important to stay consistent and determined in your goals. The best part is seeing results, so make goals for yourself, and stick to them. Visualize a healthier you, and leave no room for compromise. Try to measure results every few weeks, this may help u stay motivated.

Consistency
stay with it! Most people give up way to quickly. Dont give up! Go to the gym at least 3 times a week. Exercise and run even when you don't feel like it. Push yourself to your limits and then some. Try to do something physical everyday, but more importantly watch your diet! You should probably find a reliable wkout partner and someone to diet with ya, it's more fun that way.

Sleep
Have a good sleeping habit. I tend to sleep late, but i hear a good night's rest really boosts your health and mind. Stress really does affect the body negatively, so take a walk, warm shower and dont stress out too much. If u have trouble sleeping, try counting backwards (slowly) from 100 by 4's. works like a charm.

Habits
Don't watch tv when you eat. Eat slow and chew well. It's good to take your time and digest your food properly. Find friends that eat healthy too! Taking poops after meals is also super healthy, so go when nature calls!

Supplements
Doing all natural is fine, but i like to take protein shakes, and multi vitamins (try to find small ones, cuz if ur like me you probably don't like swallowing giant horse pills). I'm also taking glucosamine pills (cuz i got weak joints/bones), acai berry pills (healthiest fruit on this planet) , and kre-alkalyn diet pills that actually work well (make you burn fat, and gain muscle). Don't take hydroxy cut, they're being recalled cuz it's dangerous for your lungs and liver. I don't like to rely on supplements, just make sure u find safe ones. Healthy fruit drinks and bars are good too, but they can get expensive. Also stay away from energy drinks, alcohol, coffee. Eating an apple works 3 times better.

SPIRITUAL
Spiritually, I just got back from a camp retreat, and I really got convicted about a lot of things. I don't really have a spiritual high, but I feel as if I rekindled my first love. I forgot how focusing on God's love for us, motivates us to love God and love others. I especially learned how we are to love the church. Because when we criticize the people of the church too harshly, we are really criticizing His bride. But perhaps one of the best ways to worship God is to genuinely having a loving heart for others. I really need to practice praying for others, and reaching out to others.

I got convicted about truly loving others. Sometimes after I go grocery shopping I see a poor old lady sitting at the gas station, or at least homeless people that are genuinely just really hungry. I often just avoid contact and ignore them. God convicted me about loving the poor, sick and needy. He also convicted me about loving the rich, wealthy, proud, arrogant, selfish, and people who are often irritating. He reminded me to love my enemies, and those who don't treat others with respect. He taught me to truly become a servant for others. To lay down my life for others and to act upon my faith. I am often so concerned with my own spiritual growth and own troubles that I don't pay attention to others. I realize that i really don't pray for others.

I realize that i grow spiritually dry when i don't set aside time to do devotions. I learned how powerful worship and prayer is. God is worthy of all glory and praise. I am even more convicted with being a good steward of my life, time, money, and resources. I often see spiritual disciplines as something i hafta do. But now i am starting to see the intense joy, passion, freedom, and fruit from having communion with God.

I am deeply touched by the church i've been attending. Na Sung Wesleyan church has greatly impacted my faith. From the recent camp retreat I observed true believers that lived out their faith. I saw godly correction and rebuke among brothers. I saw sisters praying together. I experienced the holy spirit speak through people's lives and testimony. I watched the body of the church come together in fellowship and have genuine love for another. I enjoyed many God filled conversations. Laughed among new friends. Stayed up late talking about God's wonders. I was encouraged to press toward the goal, continuing to pursue Christ as my treasure.

God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him. When we are delighted in Him, He receives the most praise. There is a deep transformation for those who surrender their sins in repentance. There is a power like no other for those who walk in obedience and abide in Him. There is absolute truth in God's Word. I have fallen in love again with my Bible and seek to keep Christ the center of my life. I am blown away by God's salvation. I have experienced the lavishing grace that God pours out. I have trembled at His intense love that never ever stops pursuing us. God chases us relentlessly, breaking away all our obstacles, and builds us up through all our trials. He sharpens and refines us through the burning fire of His spirit. He enters our hearts, heals us from our sin, offers inexpressible joy, strength and comfort. He never gives up on us. And always loves us just as we are. He is God almighty.

I realize that the less control i have in my life, the greater God can move in my life. God empowers us in our weakness. He becomes our strength when we come humbly before Him. When we live in Faith, we trust that God works everything for our good. Practice having less control, and allow the Holy Spirit to work in your life. Do you continually receive His love and grace in your life? Apart from faith it is impossible to please God, so live by the Spirit and you will bear fruit. Die to sin, surrender your fears, because God is greater. As a Christian, we have freedom in His Spirit. We have victory and a mighty counselor. Yet why do we suffer from low self esteem, addictions, unhealthy guilt, vain regrets, anxieties and other issues. As Christians we should give those things to God and live with joyful freedom in Christ. We are no longer a slave to sin, but a slave to His righteousness.

Emotional
when I first moved to California, I became depressed. I missed my home in hawaii. I missed my family and friends. Plus muggy California weather can get you down too. But emotionally, I feel a lot of joy. I feel extremely blessed to have made new friends at school, church and to have awesome roommates. If you're ever down in the dump, one of the best things to do is find someone who understands you and just express your feelings to them. Writing in a journal helps too. I'm also tryin to learn the guitar, so if u got skills then teach me! I think worship music is also really good for the soul.

Mental
I've been struggling in this area the most. I shouldnt even be offering any advice. My summer greek class is so intense. I often get frustrated with the overwhelming homework and memorization that I just procrastinate and avoid it. Finding a good studying environment outside of home is the best way to get things done. And listening to music always helps me stay alert and focused. I haven't been reading nearly as much as i want to. It's hard to read at home when it's so easy to be lazy. I would suggest turning off the tv and internet. Technology is just too distracting now days.

K im jus rambling on now, so till next time :)

snowball

Seems like it's time for another blog

Recently I got to move into a new apartment and it is wicked awesome! it's so sweet having my own room and having a big comfortable bed. I haven't had a tv for the past 4 months, so watching tv again has been pretty exciting. Tv can become super distracting, esp when theres tons of good movies on. And it's strange how i can spend hours sitting in front of a screen and yet i cant sit down for 5 minutes in front of a book.

I'm really happy that i have two super bomb roommates. John and Mike are super solid christians, and i'm really blessed to have such strong brothers that live out their faith. We also had 3 cats, wild thing, crow, and snowball. Now we just have snowball and he's the coolest cat ever. Most cats jus run away from me, but this one is super playful and loves my attention.

right now im in summer break and taking two weeks off from school (when i should really be in a Theology class), but ill be takin Greek 1 & 2 for a month or so. But i still go to school to eat at the cafe or hangout with some guys. It was either summer school & work or go back home. Harder, yet more productive.

Oh today i shopped at a korean market for the first time. I didn't realize how much stuff ive been missing out on. tonight i made a shabu shabu meal, which is meat, cabbage, and super bomb rice with sesame seed sauce. I also bought tofu, furikake, lychee, kim chee, and a bunch of onolicious fruits. I also tried nutella for the first time. And my roommate is introducing me to some other foods that he cooks. So i've been having a lot of fun experimenting with new foods. its like being a child again, experiencing food for the first time, lol, one day i'm gonna attempt to make curry. I also wanna try cookin more chicken, salmon, beef, and juicy steaks. i'm pretty decent at pastas and noodles. I also didnt realize how complicated it can be to make korean rice, sometimes its purple, sticky, and has beans (its super yummy). I also wanna try make rice soup (jook) and also fried rice. Who knew i would miss rice so much, lol.

I've also been taking two loong showers a day. Its so refreshing and relaxing. Nothing like a nice warm shower.. back in my old apartment the hot water would only last for a few minutes. now i fall asleep leaning on the wall. After swimmin at 24, i usually like to talk to God in the jacuzzi. Feelin relaxed really helps me communicate better with Him. It's so crazy having such a relentless and intimate God constantly pursuing my heart. His love jus blows my mind away sometimes.

Mike went back to arizona for a while and john hangs with his wife on the weekends, so i felt really lonely at home. But least snowball is always here. He's such a silly cat. I normally don't like him in my room cuz he might pee in it, but i think he's matured. So we we're both kinda lonely, so i let him sleep in my bed with me. He's great company and usually really happy to see you, esp if u feed him, lol. Then i woke up to a bunch of fur all over my bed, lol. even tho im still a dog person at heart, this funny cat has really grown on me.

Lately ive been spending choke money. Least John hooked me up with a free tv, table, chair, AC, couch, lava lamp, and he pays for the gas, water, elec, internet, cable, and other accessories. So living here has honestly been a blast. I might have my parents visit me if I can't go back this summer. I'm hoping to get a job at a church soon, so that'll probably be keepin me in cali. I'm honestly kinda home sick and maybe even a little depressed. I really really miss the beach, family and friends. LOL its funny how i mentioned the beach before family n friends. Im tired of having to always judge the weather, cuz apparently i always dress wrong. I still talk pidgin here too, and no1 gets me. Instead of adapting to california's culture, im on a mission to hawaiian-ize as many as i can, lol. I also miss zippys chili, shave ice, and chicken katsu curry.

Even though i should be takin a summer class right meow, i realized that God has given me the perfect opportunity to find rest and solitude in Him. I've been so stressed out this last semester, that i really just need to spend more quality time with God. I'm really interested in learning more about spiritual disciplines, and actually consistently practicing them. Cuz honestly i've been pretty sloppy with devotions and putting God on hold, so i hope to be more intentional with my free time. This break is my chance to get serious with my goals.

One of my goals is to become a better servant. I have a hard time serving others sometimes. John is a really good influence, and likes to evangelize a lot. So sometime we plan to go feed the homeless and help them out in anyway. I realized that God has blessed me with a lot and i want to become a faithful steward, not only with money, time and resources, but with my life.

Ike and Giana will probably visit over the summer. Me and barocks have been workin out more. I'm starting to really enjoy the gym and playin ball. Exercise has become kinda addicting because i love the burn after a hard wkout. i also like driving around fullerton and lookin at all the appealing restaurants. Ive been spendin a fortune at walmart/target. And one day ill go check out this huge mall thats near by.

The Broken Heart

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There is a fragile place deep within
This place has been broken and fractured
This place bleeds relentlessly for a deep love
Who shall offer such peace?

It sits alone, waiting in the cold
aching for just a little warmth
Externally it pretends to look fine
Internally it cries to be held

It reminisces on those happier, easier times
When life was simple and most abundant
It holds on to moments of melting bliss
Where time once stood still

It has locked up these memories
shut deep within its hidden chambers
Never to be reopened or revisited
No one knows about it, and no one seems to care

What was truly precious and valued
has now been taken away and lost forever
days, months and years go by quickly
and yet the matter still urgently remains

It is oppressed with heavy burdens
And haunted by vain regrets
It dwells over the past
And is consumed by its failures

It finds no rest
It knows no peace
The sleepless nights just get longer
Who shall heal these wounds?

It lays by the ashes
holding on to photographed memories
never being able to say farewell
while the rest of the world moves on

It sets sail to a future unknown
where there is nothing but shattered dreams
it begs for a second chance
a chance to go back and make things right

But what's done is done
Nothing can be said or done to make it any better
there is no easy answer
there is no easy escape

It refuses to let go
It doesn't know how to move on
Its uneasy, afflicted, and damaged
Who can cure such a condition?

It has blinded itself from the light
And is consumed by dark thoughts
It has been swallowed into the abyss
Where time cannot heal its scars

It is like an abandoned child
sitting on the street curb
An orphan that no one seems to want
A dirty face with dried up tears

Left alone, he sits in the pouring rain
clinging to his filthy rags
he screams for an ounce of tender love
Who shall bring salvation?

Longing to hear a voice
it drowns in exhaustion
It suffocates, chokes, and gasps for just a single breath
Who can offer such hope?

It observes the crowds of people
Each one walking by without a single glance
It weeps in desperation
wishing for just a single friend

What used to burn with fiery passion
Has become dull and apathetic
Its world has become blurry and colorless
It is abandoned, rejected, and ignored

What used to be full of electric flavor
is now tasteless, plain and bland
It is withdrawn, downcast, and gray
It is isolated in its lonely and empty prison

Wrapping itself in a hollow cocoon
it numbs itself from feeling
It drifts off into a daydream
Because the truth hurts too much

It tries to hold it all together
But realizes that it wasn't meant to be
These happy endings only exist in fairy tales
Who shall deliver it out of its misery?

It has forgotten the sound of laughter
It guards itself from being hurt again
It doesn't know who it can trust
So it turns to counterfeit promises

It is troubled with anxiety
It is restless and weary
It beats uncontrollably
Hoping that someone might come

It desperately tries to change its circumstances
and yet any effort just leads to more suffering
All its shields have been stripped away
It is left vulnerable, unprotected, and defenseless

It is tossed by the raging sea
And swept by the frantic wind
It surrenders to the inevitable
Who shall calm this storm?

It covers itself in shame
And is eaten away by guilt
It wallows in its despair
And pleads for an once of forgiveness

It hides itself from the truth
and is lead astray by lies
It is trapped in delusions
and false realities

It searches its depths for a way out
But each road leads to another dead end
The world has come crashing down
and no stars remain in the sky

These fallen branches
are deserted and without green
They lie lifeless on the ground
where they rot and fade away

It has been trampled on
kicked, beaten, and neglected
It goes left unheard and unseen
Who shall bring an end to this pain?

It whimpers in the shadow of loneliness
It sees nothing but dark emptiness
It has lost its willpower to fight
It is bruised, crushed, and defeated

Its has become numb to its senses
unoccupied, paralyzed and petrified with fear,
It remains motionless, absent and idle
anxious, afraid, trapped in a realm of chaos

Does such a power and grace exist?
Is there such a love that can fully satisfy?
Will someone come to redeem the lost?
Is there a place without suffering?

Who shall grant it stability?
Who shall be its eternal security?
Who shall make it whole again?
Who shall heal this broken heart?

"O to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee
Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for Thy courts above"

God is..

God is holy
God is faithful
God is sovereign
God is almighty
God is compassionate
God is omnipotent
God is omnipresent
God is omniscient
God is one
God is everlasting
God is eternal
God is infinite
God is incomparable
God is amazing
God is wonderful
God is glorious
God is intimate
God is relentless
God is gracious
God is kind
God is passionate
God is our healer
God is our comforter
God is our freedom
God is our forgiver
God is jealous
God is just
God is unchangeable
God is dependable
God is large and incharge
God is patient
God is strong
God is mighty
God is merciful
God is our satisfaction
God is a foundation
God is trustworthy
God is deeper than the oceans
God is wider than the skies
God is stronger than the mountains
God is brighter than the sun
God is warmer than the sandy beaches
God is more peaceful than the wind
God is more infinite than the galaxies
God is more creative than music
God is more soothing than the rain
God is more beautiful than creation
God is the spring of life
God is the bread of life
God is alive
God is personal
God is our provider
God is most high
God is righteous
God is divine
God is the way
God is truth
God is our friend
God is our defender
God is our redeemer
God is our rest
God is our confidence
God is mind blowing
God is breath taking
God is the author of our salvation
God is the finisher of our faith
God is a consuming fire
God is the same yesterday, today and forever
God is the Creator
God is the Alpha and Omega
God is the beginning and the end
God is the King of Kings
God is the Lord of Lords
God is the good Master
God is the Word
God is outside time
God is all-knowing
God is our Father
God is Christ
God is Spirit
God is our counselor
God is within His children
God is the resurrection
God is the cleanser of our soul
God is the pursuer of our heart
God is the solution
God is our remedy
God is our peace
God is the ruler of all authority
God is the conquer of sin and death
God is our victory
God is our Shepherd
God is the Lamb who was slain
God is the Light
God is pure
God is above all
God is the cornerstone
God is the solid rock
God is our treasure
God is our reward
God is our heaven
God is our perseverance
God is the potter
God is the vine
God is with us
God is our Messiah
God is the Prince of Peace
God is our High Priest
God is the door
God is our guide
God is our refuge
God is our deliverer
God is the head of the church
God is the great I am
God is our Judge
God is our hope
God is our overflow of blessings
God is Jehovah
God is El-Shaddai
God is Emmanuel
God is Adonai
God is our Savior
God is the atonement of our sins
God is our teacher
God is our joy
God is our peace
God is our giver
God is our path way
God is infinitely wise
God is transcendent
God is immutable
God is our reconciler
God is our strength
God is magnificent
God is unlimited
God is abundant
God is perfect in all His ways
God is great
God is worthy of all praise
God is supreme
God is more than enough
God is awesome
God is good
God is gracious
God is love
GOD IS.

The Power of the Gospel

I jus got back from a small group with a bunch of guys, which was pretty sweet. It's great to have christian brothers that know how to be vulnerable and honest with each other. It seems like most people walk around lugging their baggage with them. It's great to just unload and have people to pray with.

In psychology, they study all about the behavior. Studying how to modify behavior helps, but Christianity cuts to the core issue of why we turn to sin. The condition is of the heart. We only observe behaviors because it's what we can see. But below is a gigantic iceberg that needs to be dealt with. Bringing all our shame, guilt, low self-esteem, addictions, pride, pain, regret, depression, loneliness, anxieties, failures, and heartache to the light is the only way we can really be true with ourselves and with God.

The cool thing is that God sees all our sins and still loves us. He sees us for who we really are. Stop hiding behind your false self and find your identity in Christ. See yourself how God sees us. He values us more than the moon and the stars. We no longer have to live in bondage to our sins. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. God is relentlessly chasing and pursuing us. He desires and invites us into the most intimate love. No one else can offer such an authentic, amazing and unconditional love. No other source can offer such peace, satisfaction, hope, grace, redemption, transformation and salvation. Jesus is the solution, because in Him is life.

Some of us went to see a premier of Jaeson Ma's 1040 movie. That was cool since Biola was one of the first schools it was released to. I didn't realize how much is going on in Asia. It was inspiring to see thousands and thousands of people praying and worshiping. There really is a mass awakening going on in Asia right now, and they really do play a strategic role in spreading the gospel.

God recently pressed on me that I am doing exactly what He has called me to do. I am training to equip and disciple others. I realized even more so, that our church today is in need of correct, biblical, and sound doctrine. Many are being led astray by false teachings, idols, cults, and religions because we have distorted our view of God and misinterpreted His Word. I realized that I am to invest my life drawing from His infinite source and to be pouring out the power of His Spirit. The world is in dire need for the truth of Jesus and the love of God. We are to reach families, children, the rich, the poor, all people, from all nations.

I am definitely thankful for the blessing of education. Even tho it's super duper hard. I see Talbot as training grounds, preparing me to lead, save, nourish, teach and minister. I can see how God is equipping me to build and strengthen His church in faith and worship. The church will become a place for restoration, comfort, and healing. Many Christians are planted, but not many are rooted. There are tons of young Christians who are spiritually dry. We need to be drawing from the well of His living water. The more we abide in Him and the deeper we cultivate the Holy Spirit, the more we'll overflow with God's powerful love. God is Good.

The Raw Truth of Altar Calls

copied this from a friend's blog

Danger #1:

Individuals can easily be led to believe that their trip down the aisle during “alter call” is somehow equal to salvation. The public act of going forward can intimately associated with the genuine act of faith that confusion result. People begin to believe that they are saved by this act rather than by Christ.

Danger #2

Requiring a public act at the point of salvation can lead a person to think they have done something to get salvation, which compromises the doctrine of grace.

Danger #3:

"Alter calls" can lead to an over-emphasis on the public aspect of decisions. But a public decision for Christ is not always a reliable indictor of true conversion. In fact it is usually the opposite. History has repeatedly shown that public decisions frequently prove to be quite unreliable as barometers of genuine conversions. And Scripture itself teaches that the fruits of true conversion will only be evident in the life of a believer over time.

Danger #4:

"Alter calls" can eclipse the real cause of conversion. The real cause is not the decision or the appeal or the walking of an aisle nor the sinners prayer nor the felt emotion of the moment as emotional music is softly played in the background. True conversion is caused by THE HOLY SPIRIT OF GOD, who draws some to believe as the Gospel is proclaimed. And that will happen whether or not an "alter call" is given.

Danger #5:

Some churches think that they are evangelistic merely because they use "alter calls." But, in reality, many churches are lulled into an evangelistic passivity where their only attempts at evangelism as a church are the "altar calls" at the end of each service. Many of which are so diluted and unbiblical in their presentation of the whole gospel that they are consistently fruitless, regardless of how many people come forward and appear to receive Christ.

Danger #6:

The historical record is indisputable; alter calls(started in 1800’s) have produced mischief.

Gospel presentations have grown increasingly diluted, much shorter and less complete, false conversions have become epidemic in the modern church, and God’s truth and way are being maligned as a result. And countless thousands have been led into emotional response without a clear understanding of just what they’re doing. As a result of this: false conversions have abounded.

2 Corinthians 13:5 says "Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.

Spiritual Formation

Spiritual Formation
I. Sanctification Gap
II. Spiritual Depression
III. God's Discipline
IV. Camp Retreat
V. Sufficient Grace
Man there's so much that happened over this past week. Sorry but you might want get use to my long blogs. I just got back from a camp retreat and God revealed some pretty powerful stuff, so hopefully you can take something from it. During this past week I've felt like a David in many ways, so that's my reason for flooding this blog with choke passages from Psalms.

"I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart;
I will tell of all your wonders.
I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing praise to your name, O Most High." -Psalm 9:1-2
I. Sanctification Gap
i guess ill start off by sharing what ive been learning in my spiritual formation class. Spiritual formation is jus another fancy way of saying Sanctification, and sanctification is jus another fancy way of saying growing closer into the likeness of Christ and deepening one's relationship with God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Spiritual formation also highlights the Christian mystic's practice of spiritual disciplines. It would be wrong to see these disciplines as a works-righteousness, but rather they are ways of cultivating the Holy Spirit and opening our hearts to just receive from Him.

As i described 3 or 4 blogs ago, the Christian often experiences what is called a Sanctification Gap. We have all our ideals of what a Christian should be and look like, but in reality most of us are far from our own ideal of our self. We want to strive to be that Christian who has it all together, who has an intimate relationship consistently; we wanna be that Christian who is disciplined in reading their bible daily, the Christian who is faithful in prayer, the Christian who has tremendous faith, and a Christian who unconditionally loves on others. We want to deny our sinful habits, meet all our own expectations, and do everything to worship the Lord. We could go on naming where, what or who we would like to be, but the matter of the fact is that we greatly struggle with our spiritual growth. We may obtain godly desires, and try with our right intentions, But God is the only one who can fill us with the power of His Spirit, and He is the only way of achieving any spiritual growth.

Many Christians pretend that everything is fine, and this mask can even fool themselves. A Christian can also find themselves burnt out from trying to meet the standard of righteousness and holiness. We want to be good trees who bear good fruit, but what happens when we don't produce anything but shrived up oranges? Hmm.. Maybe this has something to do with branches abiding in the Vine?? Btw, have u ever thought that good fruit, might mean fruit of the spirit? And why does God want us to produce good fruit for??

"Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit." - John 15:4-5

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." -Galatians 5:22

Lastly, when God prunes a branch, it might be a little hard for us to endure. When a branch that bares no fruit is cut off and thrown in the fire, it isn't talking about hell. It's saying that an idle or paralyzed branch needs to be refined through the fire, so that it can enrich the ground. God who is the gardener keeps a close watch on His vine garden and makes sure that it gets well nourished.

When a woman gives birth to a child, i'm guessing she goes through a lot of stress and pain. When one has to gulp down yucky medicine, it might taste really gross. When a sheep runs astray and continues to do so, the shepherd might break one of it's legs so that he can carry it back. When a child lies or steals, the good father might show him the consequences in order for the child to learn. Trials, correction, rebuke and disciple might be intense while your in the heat of it, but we must know that it is for our best interest and out of His perfect love for us.

William Lane Craig, was asked "If God is such a loving God, why is there so much evil and suffering in the world?" His response was that there are multitudes of reasons. One being that He gives us the choice to choose him or reject him. He also mentions that God doesn't see us as pets and that we should expect a easy, comfortable and luxurious life. Rather God's main intent is to draw us closer into a relationship with Him, in order that we might be redeemed and have eternal life in Him. Our best life is not now.


II. Spiritual DepressionI've been reading a great book by D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones called Spiritual Depression. Here's what i've learned thus far.

What happens when we go through months, seasons and years without much spiritual growth? What happens when the Christian becomes idle and paralyzed from their communication and obedience in God? What happens when we see tons of Christians who are depressed, miserable, unhappy, distressed, dejected, frustrated, discouraged, anxious, and have an absence of joy? Why is this phenomenon such a common trend? What are the causes and cures for this condition? Considering Christianity is the one and only true path of having God in your life, don't you think this picture of a Christian is a horrible witness to unbelievers? A depressed Christian is a contradiction.

There are many ways of diagnosing this common problem, but because everyone is unique, each situation is always different for how an individual should handle their specific condition. Some causes could regard a conflict with one's temperament, it could be from physical exhaustion, or from bombarding anxieties. Two of the main factors that contribute to spiritual depression are past regrets and future fears. But we must learn that we are exactly where we're supposed to be in life, and that God is always with us.

Another reason for spiritual depression is loneliness. I never really felt that lonely in Hawaii, but moving to Cali, i realized how much i am on my own. It sharpens one's maturity because you're forced to be independent. But at the same time, it's quite challenging to go through life without deep relational contact with others. I think i was meant to go through a season of loneliness, so I could really experience how many, if not most people feel. The good news is that we never really are alone. Although God is with us, the church should be a warm place for people to find fellowship. This is why i strongly believe the church needs a stronger bond of unity and doors that welcome others with grace. As His people, we are to love one another.

Sin can also greatly cause spiritual depression. The main reason we turn to idols, addictions and sin is because we aren't satisfied in Christ and we suffer from an unbelief at times. As John Piper says "God is most glorified, when we are most satisfied in Him." In order to be satisfied in Him, we must believe that His love and grace is more than sufficient. This relational transformation requires nothing but trust, and faith that He is more than enough to satisfy us. We need to rely on the Bread of Life to sustain us and abide in His love to grow in His likeness. We need to rely on God in the same way we rely on food to sustain us. God needs to be our nutrition. The desire above all other desires, needs to crave, thirst, and long for an intimate relationship with God. Turn from your sin, pray, seek His face and abide in Him. Take a walk and wait upon Him. Ponder how wide, how long, and how deep is God's love for us. Do whatever it takes to meet with Him.

"Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?
Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave ?
I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears." -Ps 6:2-6

"Why, O Lord, do you stand far off?
Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" -Psalm 10:1

One book that has always caught my attention was the book of Psalms. In fact one of my favorite characters in the Bible is King David. He obviously had a great struggle to commune with God. Read Psalm 44:23-24, 77, perhaps u might be able to relate in feeling distant from God. Then read Psalm 40, 107 and see how God is a God of sovereign deliverance. He pours our his heart; crying sleepless nights for deliverance. He wrestles with his sin and calls out for God to rescue him from this pit of despair. He is overwhelmed with an unhealthy guilt. If you recall, he had Uriah sent to the front lines of war because he craved Uriah's wife, Bethsheba. He also had enemies constantly pursuing his life. There is evidence that he was even rejected from joining in worship with his people.

It seems David has a hard time accepting the forgiveness of God and of himself. He torments himself for the guilt of his sin. He obviously undergoes a sense of spiritual loneliness. However, he knew that his redemption and stronghold was in God. If there was any hope for peace and for healing, it would have to come through God alone. He pleads with God for comfort, protection, guidance and most of all deliverance.

Sometimes I think God purposely withdraws himself from our senses. His presence is always there, listening to our every need, but out of His perfect love He will often allow us to experience hardship, turmoil, and suffering. Why one might ask? Well i believe this sharpens one's faith. He purposely reveals and redeems us from the bondage and slavery of sin; but will then hide Himself from us so that we might chase and seek. Have u had countless prayers where you feel like it's leaving a phone message for God? Well perhaps this is so we might Wait upon Him and Listen for His Spirit. Perhaps it is to increase our longing, to humble ourselves, and to make us desperate for His comfort.

We are like babies crying, and God doesn't always immediately pick us up. Sometimes He allows us to meditate on what He is trying to teach us. Sometimes it is to test our faith. There are normally a kajillion of reasons why God allows or does anything. But one thing is for sure, is that it's according to his good purpose and for His highest glory, even if we are limited to understand why.

Where will we seek comfort and security? What or who will we run to? Who do we turn to in our time of need? Where will we place our trust in times of distress and loneliness? Behavior modification? Pop psychology? Self help books? Work? Business of ministry? Your own effort? Addictions? Will we seek the approval of others to fill this empty void? What is it that will satisfy you? Or rather who? Who is it that will truly Satisfy you?

"Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

"Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
Psalm 51:1-3, 10-12

"Yet for your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.
Awake, O Lord! Why do you sleep?
Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever.
Why do you hide your face
and forget our misery and oppression?
We are brought down to the dust;
our bodies cling to the ground.
Rise up and help us;
redeem us because of your unfailing love." -Psalm 44:22-26

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God." -Psalm 43:5

When David says "Why are you downcast, O my soul?" He see's his unrighteousness, he wrestles with his sins, but he reflects on the Almighty One. He uses a self talk to counsel himself. We must talk to ourselves instead of allowing 'ourselves' to talk to us. Does that make sense? This actually does work. Remind yourself of your Identity in Christ, the freedom, love and grace of God. Stand up against your discouraged self and preach to yourself. Remind yourself who God is, what He has done in your life, and what God has pledged Himself to do. God is working in our lives, He promises to do so. He calls us His children, would a Father not do everything for our best interest?


III. God's Discipline
Sometimes growing in this process can be hard, but it is only because of His love that He allows us to encounter these circumstances. We may not see the reasoning for why things happen, or why we can often feel distant from God, but normally it's to teach us something that we need to learn. This will produce growth, perseverance, godliness, and a stronger faith in God.

The sanctification package will include suffering and many trials. This is required and necessary to grow us in spiritual maturity. But He will not give us more than we can handle. When someone pisses you off and has conflict with you, How will you respond? Maybe God is telling you to learn to love on those that are hard to love. When we are confronted and challenged will risk, fear, and failure, perhaps God is telling you to step outside your comfort zone and to trust Him.

There's something unique with being transparent with others. I think it allows us to be honest with ourselves. I think confessing our brokenness, struggles, and weaknesses allow us to be vulnerable before God. In our sin and failures, God walks in and says "You're mine. I want you" He purchases us with His precious blood and beautifies us, cleans us, and works us according to His good purpose. This is a great imagery of the doctrine of God's adoption.

For guys it can be hard to show weakness. But hey we got emotions and feelings too ya'know. We do need to talk and discuss what's going on in our troubled hearts. We are not meant to do it all alone. I think it's because our culture portrays the ideal man as tough, strong and independent. The Bible on the other hand, is full of humble men who saw their weakness as their strength. For when we are most weak in ourselves, that's when God becomes our entire strength.

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Cor 12:8-10


IV. Camp Retreat
This past weekend I went to a spiritual formation camp retreat up in the snowy mountains. The hilltop resort was amazing, comfortable and peaceful. The whole place was designed for students to come and find solitude, rest and communion with God. The beds were super comfortable, oh and the food there was also super ono. It was also great to fellowship and bond with a group of believers. The foundation of Christ is really the one and only thing that unifies the body of the church.

I got to do an exercise called footprints. This is writing down all the events, experiences, people, books, places, transitions, and anchors of your faith. This exercise helped me to see how God has been working in my life, how He has been there every step of the way, and how everything has brought me to where i am now. The collection of experiences with God, helped me to see how God really did pursue a relationship with me, and how He intends to do so much more with my life. Pretty gnarly stuff.

We later had a looong group discussion of what people were dealing with lately. I didn't think i had any really hard struggles or problems, but when it came to my turn I basically ended up ballin my eyes out. As a psych major i thought i would normally know what's going on with me internally, so crying uncontrollably in front of everyone was definitely a huge surprise for myself and also kinda embarrassing at first. I think i did fall into pretending that my entire spirituality is alright and doing good. Everyone spoke words of encouragement, laid hands and prayed for me. That love really helped me release a lot that I was holding in. It also brought our group closer together somehow.

But in reality I have been really struggling to communicate with God in prayer. I can spend a lot of time reading about God, I could speak hours about Him, I could think about Him all day, and you guys know I can write hours about Him, but i realized that i struggle to communicate with Him directly. I've been having a really hard time with being intentional with prayer. I desire to talk, wait and listen to Him, but it's just been kinda challenging. So getting away to a place of solitude, simplicity and finding rest in Him was greatly needed for the restoration of my soul.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30

I also think the new transition to California on my own has contributed to a lot of the hidden pain and toil i was experiencing. I guess I was home sick, but too prideful or shameful to admit my own inadequacy. I guess I wanted people to think that i had everything together and I was independent on my own. I guess you could say i was suffering from a sense of loneliness. Leaving my home church, friends I serve with in the high school ministry, my group of friends, and especially my parents was harder that i anticipated.

I figured everything would be alright as long as Christ is my home, and that all i really need is Him. This is true, but i believe God doesn't want us to go through our spiritual growth challenges alone. He purposely gave us the Holy Spirit so that we might have a fellowship with one another. Christians need to be supportive of one another, we need to confess to one another, we need to pray and worship together. I guess I felt alone and troubled, so by God's grace He did provide that community for me. I think there's also something with eating meals with a bunch of Christians. This greatly uplifted my spirit. Lately, great godly discussions over meals or hang out times have been super great. I got to room with a guy named mike, and might even become a roommate at his apartment next semester. We had some great talks stayin up pretty late over the nights. I love discussing the wonders and glory of our sovereign God. I also had a bunch of theological talks which got super deep into many doctrines. (Angels, Sheol, Problem of Sin and Evil, Christology, Origin, Time and Space, God's Wrath and Justice, Free Will and Predestination, Eschatology, Apologetics, the Human Soul, Religions, you name it) In our carpooling of 3 hours travel each way, a smaller group of us really got to bond. Me and mike are kinda younger guys, and Rena and Shaun were almost like another Mom and Dad to us. Going to seminary and meeting people tons of years older than me is really great, because I am really learning and soaking from what they've experienced in life, family and ministry. It's jus fantastic.

I also struggled with my calling for leadership. I often feel like an inadequate Moses. There is absolutely no leadership qualities in me, and I guess that's why God wants to use me also. When we decrease, He increases in us, becoming our strength. I often feel that my introvert skills prevent me or at least make me hesitate to act on what God calls me to do. Because i am so collective and reflective I tend to overly self examine and analyze all my words and actions. To an extent this is very powerful in synchronizing with God, hearing His voice, and constantly checking on the condition of my spirituality, but at the same time it can be my weakness because I have a difficulty taking that risk of speaking what God puts on my heart. Why doesn't a boy participate in a school's basketball try outs, why doesn't he ask a girl out, why doesn't he commit to a act of leadership, why is there such a fear of this failure? Why are we so concerned with impressing and pleasing others? Only God's approval and opinion really counts. It's better to try and fail, then to have never tried at all. It's our failures that are often the best life lessons.

"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are" -1 Cor 1:25-28

Where God guides, He also provides. God never calls us to do something without empowering us with His strength. I foolishly ran away from under the hand of God. I figured, I know what I want to do to live for God, and apparently this didn't line up with God intended. For a few weeks if not months, I've been trying to do a lot of spiritual disciplines on my own effort. Perhaps that's why I've been so terrible at it, lol. I felt paralyzed, idle, unproductive, and just dry of the Holy Spirit at times. A relationship with God really does require a constant dependence, and trust in His grace. God who has infinite power, needs to be our source of living a life of worship. It's impossible to love, pray, desire, or even seek Him without His help. Kinda strange when you really think about it. We are responsible for all our sins and failures, but He is responsible for anything good in us.


V. Sufficient Grace
This leads me to the lesson of God's Grace. This is the biggest gift that mankind has rejected. We think our religious activities, self-efforts, own good merits and performances will somehow gain us favor with God. The thing is, God's grace is unmerited favor, it's a free gift of forgiveness. Grace is an imputation or great substitution of trading our sins and receiving Christ's perfect righteousness. One should stop and tremble when they come to receive this. It is not enough to acknowledge the grace of God, we must absorb, receive and accept this grace by faith.

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

As born again Christians, we should no longer see ourselves as "sinners". We are not sinful by nature, because we have been redeemed and have a new nature in Christ by the Holy Spirit. "But hey Chris, don't Christians still sin?" Yes, we still break God's commands of not loving God with all our heart, mind and soul. Yes, we don't always love on others. Yes, we often disobey God and worship idols. It's clear that we still sin, but that doesn't mean God considers us sinners, because Christ already died for ALL our sins. We are therefore saints who still sin. Yes i know it's confusing, but those in Christ should see themselves as adopted children of God. We are no longer orphans, no longer lost sheep, no longer stuck in our sins. We have been redeemed, reborn, regenerated, saved, justified and forgiven.

But if you don't know Jesus, don't have a relationship with God, have zero faith in God, reject Christ as Lord and Savior, follow other man made religions, worship false gods, have no repentance or conviction of sins, then it would be right to consider oneself as still a sinner in rebellion to God. You can either accept or reject Him. To have no say, or no stance is still denying Him. Why not trust in His grace? What's holding you back? Taste and See that the Lord is good. Take refuge in Him. Pray, seek and cry out to Him.
We did a short study of some passages in Romans in my Hermeneutics (Biblical interpretation) class, particularly chapters 6-8. Understanding our identity in Christ is not only huge for our justification (salvation) but also necessary for our sanctification (spiritual growth). Romans ch 1-3 is mainly about Paul's argument of how we are all guilty of sin. 4-5 discusses the transformation and justification through Christ. Romans 6-8 talks about our new nature and sanctification in Christ. 9-11 is about God's sovereignty /supremacy and 12-16 about our service.

I would like to focus on Romans chapters 6-8 because our new nature in Christ is huge! Romans 6 discusses how we are dead to sin and alive in Christ. We are no longer held captive to our nature of sin, we are freed from this bondage of slavery and now made bond servants to righteousness. We are told to count ourselves dead to sin, being crucified with Christ, and now alive by the Holy Spirit. Chapter 7 is one of the most debated passages amount theologians and scholars because it is hard to see if Paul is speaking as an unbeliever or a believer. He talks about how sin reigns in him, how he is held captive to a sinful nature, and still under the law of sin. In Chapter 8 he discusses the law of Grace and how a new covenant of the Spirit has freed him to live a life by the Spirit!

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." -Romans 8:1

I have recently realized that I am way too critical on myself. When God forgives me of my sin, and I refuse to, I am really not trusting in God's grace. I analyze, self examine, and constantly check on my spiritual growth so often, that I can become morbid. I go crazy because I dont always hit my expectations and I dont always live a life of worship. I get angry at my laziness and gluttony. I begin to rely on my own willpower and unconsciously hide my guilt from God. I have learned that instead of always taking my spiritual temperature, I need to be simply going to God as a child and receiving His love with an open heart.

God loves us no more or no less based on our spirituality. He desires us to grow, but he has already forgiven us of our sins on the cross. We are no longer sinners! We by nature are Saints and children of God who do still sin. But now that we are in Christ, God no longer has any wrath or anger against us. We are a new creation in Christ, and it is He who lives within us.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." -2 Cor 5:17-21

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"-Galatians 2:20

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
-Colossians 1:9-14

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" -Ephesians 2:8

"You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and loving toward all he has made.
The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them. "
-Ps 145:16-19

"I will sing of the LORD's great love forever;
with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.
I will declare that your love stands firm forever,
that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself." Psalm 89:1-2
"I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.
I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing."
-Psalm 34:1-9

Brennan Manning