If we love God as we say we do, then shouldn't it be easy to make time for Him. Shouldn't it be easy to worship God? Perhaps i hardened my heart by not turning to its greatest joy. Instead of seeking fellowship with God and other believers, I sought after temporal lusts and desires to fill a void of intimacy even though they don't truly satisfy. I not only disconnected myself from the Vine, but withdrew relationally to other brothers who are always there to encourage me. I wasn't accountable to others, myself, or God. I allowed my idle state to rule. I backed away from doing any sort of work for God. Even though we aren't saved by works or performance, our lives should clearly display His transforming Spirit. Rather, I sat in my rebellion, refusing to spend time with the One i confess to love.
I guess subconsciously, I still have a habit of condemning myself instead of receiving God's grace. When i suck at being a Christian, when i haven't touched my bible in weeks, or been intentional with prayer, it's a lot easier to be critical on yourself than have grace. You know that you've been distant from God, and that increases your guilt, discouragement, and shame. I'm embarrassed that i haven't been able to step up to the plate. I missed many opportunities to add a word of encouragement, to pray for someone, to be a leader, or to call a friend. I withdrew from God and withdrew from others. I haven't confessed my sins to my accountability partners. Ive skipped church and missed times of fellowship. Ive been shy when it comes to encouraging others. Ive excluded myself when it comes to meeting with other believers. Instead of coming back to repentance, I just hid and threw on a mask. It's not hard to pretend that you're doing alright. Only true friends may know your faking. But God sees right past our defenses. He sees us for what we really are, and yet graciously accepts us with unconditional love. God is always welcoming us back into fellowship.
"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. -1 John 1:5-7
Now that it's winter break, i have all this free time. There is no excuse for running from God. And yet idols, addictions, and other indulgences have filled my heart. My eyes have not been on Christ. Instead of loving God, my conflicted desires chose comfort, fun and pleasure over spiritual blessings. I may have spent an hour here and there pondering the gospel and being thankful for God's love, but overall i have not spent my time wisely. As a representative and ambassador of God, i have been utterly useless. I haven't glorified Him with spending my time with friends, or wasting the day at home watching movies. Now more than ever, i see the importance of receiving and sitting in God's love. Bad stuff happens when relational beings don't seek after relationship with God. We settle for counterfeit, and live for cheap things that have no value. I believe the solution is waiting on God. Sitting and seeking His face. Desperately desiring God's Spirit to empower you to help you live, love and worship. We can't do anything on our own strength. And even though i know this, i have a difficult time putting all of this into practice. I must learn to receive His forgiveness for my sins, to trust in His grace, and to allow His love fix this condition of my heart. When Adam and Eve were asked where they were after they sinned, they hid from God. They ran to cover themselves. They were embarrassed, because they knew they were guilty. This sin disconnected them from perfect fellowship with God. So when we do sin, we shouldn't hide from God. We shouldn't withdraw or condemn ourselves. We are to confess and bring our sins to the light, having faith that we have an Advocate on our behalf. A branch apart from the Vine is useless and becomes withdrawn, but a branch that remains in Him, and abides in the Vine is fruitful and useful for God's kingdom and glory.
"My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world." -1 John 2:1-2
1/10/11
I think i still struggle with the role of obedience. Most people think God will love them more if they are more obedient. That is not true, otherwise it would be based on works. However, obedience is of utmost importance. When you read the Old Testament, it seems like there is more of an emphasis on covenant obedience. But this obedience comes only through faith. Faith without works is dead. Abiding in Him, trusting in Him, and having a strong relationship with Him should be lived out in joyful obedience. It should be our desire. But lately it hasn't been my greatest desire. Lately i've been selfish, lazy and stubborn. I know right from wrong, and yet i do nothing, and dwell on how bad i'm doing as a Christian. Being in seminary almost seems like your expected to be on top of your spiritual life and growth. But it has become very frustrating for me to constantly fall into sin. It seems i've had much more defeats than victories when it comes to battling sin. I guess i still condemn myself, it's hard not to. This goes completely against the gospel of His grace. The bottom line is that i'm not receiving and trusting in His grace. This is vital for any obedience to occur. Although we are saved by grace, i still see a huge benefit in our human efforts and spiritual disciplines. It seems the more we're in His word, in prayer, and have fellowship with others, the more I grow spiritually, and the more i feel closer to God. I have greater intimacy with God when i do these spiritual disciplines. But then, it seems like my entire spiritual growth seems dependent on my efforts, and not the Holy Spirit. I've been wrestling with my conflicted desires, and how we are to desire His will. Again, this probably goes back to being still, and pondering His great love, His salvation, sovereignty, and who He is.
I once heard a great sermon about taking your faith seriously. That most Christians, are either not Christians, don't live like Christians, or are very young in their spiritual walk. Sometimes we'll have a spiritual high, get into a worship mood, or feel closer to God than usual. But daily and continual faith in Christ is something that most of us struggle with. We can talk about faith, have theological models of faith, but at least for me, it's hard to live by faith. I used to say I was a Christian, and not many people would know. I'm not sure anyone knew. I felt God was shoved in my back pocket and I would only turn to Him in my more desperate needs. Then i began to take my faith seriously. Daily devotions, being immersed in His Word, having great conversations with other believers, being in ministry, being discipled, and being rooted in prayer, helped me to live by faith. But again, it seems I've put God back into my little pocket, and have put myself back on the throne of my life. I have been extremely unproductive, and haven't taken much initiative when it comes to living faith out. It's easy to pretend, it's easy to say you're a believer, but how often do we stand for God's righteousness in our lives?
Today my mom accidentally said "I love you when you help me." This was when she wanted me to do yard work, which i really don't enjoy doing. I said "Well then your love is conditional." She then changed it to "I enjoy it when you help me." Parents desire their children to be obedient. Obedience is one of the best ways in expressing our love for the other. When my mom says, "Cook food, do your laundry, or come help me." More times than not, i just sit in front of my computer, or watch a movie on tv. I am so lazy, and it seems i put my own needs first. In the same way, I've been living the same when it comes to obeying God. I sleep in and miss church. I put devotions aside for another day. I don't pray often, or that long. In one way or another, all of us are disobedient in many areas of our lives. The question then is, how can we live obedient and faithful lives? How are we to grow in this area? If we love God, we should obey His commands. If we love God, it should be our desire. But what happens when it's not? One thing for sure is that God lavishes us with His grace, even in our times of disobedience. I need to stop hesitating. I need to take initiative, I pray for boldness, I need to stop being withdrawn from God, we need to desire Him and His will. We need to live as Christians, by following Christ, and obeying His Word.
1/10/11
I think i still struggle with the role of obedience. Most people think God will love them more if they are more obedient. That is not true, otherwise it would be based on works. However, obedience is of utmost importance. When you read the Old Testament, it seems like there is more of an emphasis on covenant obedience. But this obedience comes only through faith. Faith without works is dead. Abiding in Him, trusting in Him, and having a strong relationship with Him should be lived out in joyful obedience. It should be our desire. But lately it hasn't been my greatest desire. Lately i've been selfish, lazy and stubborn. I know right from wrong, and yet i do nothing, and dwell on how bad i'm doing as a Christian. Being in seminary almost seems like your expected to be on top of your spiritual life and growth. But it has become very frustrating for me to constantly fall into sin. It seems i've had much more defeats than victories when it comes to battling sin. I guess i still condemn myself, it's hard not to. This goes completely against the gospel of His grace. The bottom line is that i'm not receiving and trusting in His grace. This is vital for any obedience to occur. Although we are saved by grace, i still see a huge benefit in our human efforts and spiritual disciplines. It seems the more we're in His word, in prayer, and have fellowship with others, the more I grow spiritually, and the more i feel closer to God. I have greater intimacy with God when i do these spiritual disciplines. But then, it seems like my entire spiritual growth seems dependent on my efforts, and not the Holy Spirit. I've been wrestling with my conflicted desires, and how we are to desire His will. Again, this probably goes back to being still, and pondering His great love, His salvation, sovereignty, and who He is.
I once heard a great sermon about taking your faith seriously. That most Christians, are either not Christians, don't live like Christians, or are very young in their spiritual walk. Sometimes we'll have a spiritual high, get into a worship mood, or feel closer to God than usual. But daily and continual faith in Christ is something that most of us struggle with. We can talk about faith, have theological models of faith, but at least for me, it's hard to live by faith. I used to say I was a Christian, and not many people would know. I'm not sure anyone knew. I felt God was shoved in my back pocket and I would only turn to Him in my more desperate needs. Then i began to take my faith seriously. Daily devotions, being immersed in His Word, having great conversations with other believers, being in ministry, being discipled, and being rooted in prayer, helped me to live by faith. But again, it seems I've put God back into my little pocket, and have put myself back on the throne of my life. I have been extremely unproductive, and haven't taken much initiative when it comes to living faith out. It's easy to pretend, it's easy to say you're a believer, but how often do we stand for God's righteousness in our lives?
Today my mom accidentally said "I love you when you help me." This was when she wanted me to do yard work, which i really don't enjoy doing. I said "Well then your love is conditional." She then changed it to "I enjoy it when you help me." Parents desire their children to be obedient. Obedience is one of the best ways in expressing our love for the other. When my mom says, "Cook food, do your laundry, or come help me." More times than not, i just sit in front of my computer, or watch a movie on tv. I am so lazy, and it seems i put my own needs first. In the same way, I've been living the same when it comes to obeying God. I sleep in and miss church. I put devotions aside for another day. I don't pray often, or that long. In one way or another, all of us are disobedient in many areas of our lives. The question then is, how can we live obedient and faithful lives? How are we to grow in this area? If we love God, we should obey His commands. If we love God, it should be our desire. But what happens when it's not? One thing for sure is that God lavishes us with His grace, even in our times of disobedience. I need to stop hesitating. I need to take initiative, I pray for boldness, I need to stop being withdrawn from God, we need to desire Him and His will. We need to live as Christians, by following Christ, and obeying His Word.
1 comment:
Hi Chris, I know all too well what it's like to "live there." It's never fun to look back on.
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