Draw Me Close

had less than 4 hours of sleep. Woke up at 630am and now im feeling awake.. Taking pills with caffeine yesterday really confused my body. then i took half a sleeping pill and i was out cold. i havnt woken up at 630 in a long time. it's usually, closer to 11 or noon, lol.. i woke up wishing i didn't put that banana bread back that i was gonna buy. man.. what a bad decision chris.. you shoulda jus spent the $3.50 and bought the banana bread! 

well.. sometimes when i gather enough courage, i walk down a block to a breakfast cafe called "Kimmie's" It's so good. Country fried steak, eggs, pancakes, oh man. But anyways, i actually decided to cook rice, and cook breakfast. i got eggs and turkey sausage links ready to go! Man i'm actually feeling responsible waking up early and cooking breakfast.. i have a few hours before my class at 1030.. so im gonna do some stretches take a long hot shower.. snap! i should really sit down and be intentional with having a early quiet time. hmm...

random thought.. i kinda wish i was like other people who drink coffee. well not those addicted starbucks type of people. but kinda like the guy who walks into a cafe orders a hot cup of coffee and opens up the newspaper. sometimes coffee makes my stomach sore, even when i've eaten. Since my stomach has become sensitive to so many things now and i've felt the consequences of consuming the wrong things, i'm slightly paranoid of trying things that might upset my insides. sometimes i wonder if what i write is coherent, or if im the only one who really understands what i'm saying..  

i also kinda wish i was a runner. like those people who make it a daily habit to put on their jogging shoes and run at 6 in the morning. lol.. nvm i don't wish that. that's crazy talk. sleep is best. 

anyways, i saw anyways too much

but uhm, i say but uhm too much

so yeah, ya'know.. hah cool, awesome, really? lol 

sometimes we really overuse the words and phrases we're comfortable with.

i really like beef jerky. since i like to bite my nails, i think beef jerky somehow comforts me, the chewing and the gnawing.. but then it gets stuck in my teeth.. then my tongue goes to a 27min war with it.

 i like the song.. Everlasting by Chris Tomlin, it's playin on my itunes.. i like the lyric, "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"  sometimes worship music really makes it easy to.. worship, haha


okay, better go check on my rice and cook breakfast! WHOO!

_____
Haiku time..

Ah my back is sore
Insomnia keeps me up
Don't want to go school  


Cat why you so fat
want me to make you salad
make sure you brush teeth


Pheobe- Smelly Cat

Smelly Cat, Smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, smelly cat it's not your fault...

They won't take you to the vet.
You're obviously not their favorite pet.
You may not be a bed of roses,
And you're no friend to those with noses.

Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault



Today i went to issues and ethics class, our case was about how a Pastoral Counselor can get sued for claiming to work with specific psychological disorders, when they don't have the right credentials and licensing of a clinical psychologist. They can however address the spiritual aspects of those problems. There is a dire need for both clinical professionals and spiritual counselors.

Then our professor started to talk about the Korean guy who shot and killed 7 students at a school She said that the guy lost his mother and brother in the same year. He was also teased at school for not being able to speak English very well. He was probably not involved in any therapy and was most likely experiencing depression from severe trauma. If he had sought more help or was surrounded by a stronger community he probably wouldn't have committed his crime.

I guess this all made me think of if i should go for further education in psychology after the mdiv, so would be more competent in ministering to those troubled with various issues. Could i see myself as a licensed christian counselor.. perhaps.. could i be a pastoral counselor in the church, yah i could see that. But what is God's will for me? How will he use me?  How will he prepare and train me to minister to people? How can i be most effective for his kingdom?

____

after school i went to Stater Bros, and bought lots of food. I gotta start eating healthier. I always say that. Eating healthier takes more time and is kinda expensive. I guess i'm gettin a little tired of my cycle of Dennys, Jack n Box, Subway, Panda Express. Later i watched young justice. cuz i like superhero cartoons. so good. lol.. i also secretly started playing pokemon platinum again. forgot how fun pokemon is, lol, so addicting.. then i went to workout with sunghwa. (wow this is the first time i'm mentioning anyone by name from church in my blog. You and my friend Tom are like the only ones who actually read my blogs. So thank u 2 for caring enough to read what i write)

 Today I was still sore from yesterday's 24 set class. It was a class full of women, i was the only guy. and i was really struggling, maybe i had too much weight, but then again, some girls were carrying more than i was. I guess i assumed i could do more. These girls were like the most coordinated and athletic ppl ever. We did a lot of squats and lunge thingys. I'm also working on perfecting my new impossible workout that include fun full body exercises. lol, i took these creatine multivitamin pills that also made me full of energy. I had so much stamina, focus, and concentration even 8 hours after working out. I don't like to take them often cuz it makes me too energized that i can't sleep at night. So now im dizzy and my stomach feels funny. I was wondering if i should now take melatonin to help me sleep, cuz i kno i'll be up to 5-6am.

Uhhhh.. then i came home, and started talking to my roommate mike at 830, we didn't stop talking till 1230. That's 4 hours of deep talk. lol. We usually lose track of time and get into great conversations about God, life, the future, anxiety, scripture, etc. Tonight we talked a lot about spiritual disciplines. We talked about my struggle of making time for God. He began talking about visualizing ourselves in how we'd like to be. Followed by the intentions of how we'd accomplish the specific goals. And then finding the correct means to carry out our sanctification. For instance, i visualize myself having more peace and joy from God. My intentions are to practice spiritual disciplines of solitude, and meditation. The means are having the time, place and energy to complete those intentions. It was kinda confusing but it was really interesting. He brought up a good book by Dallas Willard, which is called Renovation of the Heart. How do we transform our emotions, will, thought life, etc to those of Christ. How do we grow closer to God? Stuff like that..

Then my other roommate Jon came in. The subject kinda got changed, and i still really wanted to talk about my own questions.. but somehow we began talking about the spiritual discipline of fasting. Exactly how does fasting work and how should we go about practicing that spiritual discipline. Then we prayed, which is always encouraging. We also talked about a lot of other things that i jus don't remember now. Oh we talked a lot about Romans. About Jews, Gentiles, the Mosaic Law and how we're under the new covenant. Then i made a tuna sandwich, and we're gonna watch Wonder Years since it speaks to the soul of our youth. Omygosh, kevin arnold in the show always thinks about himself first. he's selfish, individualistic, usually a bad friend, occasionally tries to do the right thing, usually says the wrong thing, and is way to obsessed with his self image. I guess that is kinda how i was in high school too though, man that show is way too deep for me.

Give Us Clean Hands

We bend our knees

Oh Spirit come make us humble

We turn our eyes

From evil things

Oh Lord we cast down our idols

So give us clean hands

and give us pure hearts

Let us not lift our souls to another

Oh give us clean hands

and give us pure hearts

Let us not lift our souls to another

Oh God let us be

a generation that seeks

that seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob

Oh God let us be

a generation that seeks

that seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob

We bow our hearts

We bend our knees

Oh Spirit come make us humble

We turn our eyes

From evil things

Oh Lord we cast down our idols

I was listening to this song in the shower, cuz i blast my iphone. but it was really refreshing because it makes me think of all these great reasons to come to God and praise him. Let us cast our idols. Let him break down our walls and deliver us from our sins. What joy it is to come with clean hands and a pure heart. Christ cleanses us of our sins, and we get to have deep intimate fellowship with a God who loves us intensely. My prayer is to be with God. Abba you are so wonderful. You love us so much. Thank you. Fill me with joy.

jus a few verses i've kinda been thinkin about.. i definitely need to meditate more on scripture and continue to apply these biblical principles and truths to my life. I want to train in righteousness, be consumed by God's love, and walk in purity. I want to have the correct image of myself, and see myself how God sees me.

"But Gd demonstrates his own love for us in this; While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

 "In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus." -Romans 6:11

 "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." 1 Tim. 4:8

 "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win." -1 Cor. 9:24

"For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." -Heb. 12:10-11

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand" -Romans 5:1-2

"Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you" - Psalm 55:22
"Now, brothers and sisters, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand.  By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you." -1 Cor. 15:1-2

oh yah, Easter is coming up. When i was younger i didn't really care much about Easter. But for the past few years, Easter has been a huge reminder of our daily need of the gospel and the power salvation, grace and resurrection. Now that you're done reading my blog, try taking a few moments to reflect on your relationship with God. See how much he loves you, How much He values you. What a loving God we have. Receive his tender love. Walk in the freedom of His Spirit. Rejoice! Delight in Him. We are redeemed in Christ! The ransom was paid! We are accepted, reconciled and made righteous in Christ! Find rest in Him. Be satisfied in Him. Give Him all the praise, for He is worthy.