Soul Care

Hello blog,
I was up till 5am studying for hebrew. So much stress tryin to study for one test. The test was pretty hard, but i felt like i understood all the concepts. i jus wish i studied the vocab better. it was kinda challenging cuz we had to write out and translate the english into hebrew.. guhhh why! I could understand needing greek n hebrew if there were no english translations.. but we already have translations so why!!

anywho.. today i found out we have torry conference next week. Really it jus gives me next wednesday off. but i kinda wanna skip monday and/or tuesday. my goals have become to jus pass.

im really thirsty... today i went to cvs.. and u wouldnt believe how many snacks, candy and junk food i bought.. im always so tight w/money and hate compromising my diet with junk food. but i needed a little splurge.

I find myself having to go pee like every 15 minutes! gah.. it's crazy how many more times in my life i hafta do laundry, use the bathroom, brush my teeth. i need a clone or robot to do everything for me

so i titled this blog "Soul Care" because i think we all need to take care of our souls. We take care of ourselves to an extent, but sometimes we overwork ourselves and push ourselves to get so many things done. And usually the thing that gets sacrificed is rest and time with God. I've been having stomach attacks daily for two weeks. it's probably ulcerative colitus again, but i really dont wanna hafta go to the doctor and do a bunch of test. Anyways, during a time of suffering, i think it helped me depend on God. Sometimes God allows trials, challenges, and even pain to get our attention.

Instead of tryin to figure out and do everythin on our own, we need to come to God in prayer. I actually prayed out loud, which kept my focus better. My thoughts are usually so scattered. sometimes writing it out helps too.

Instead of trying to manage our time and schedules, we need to manage ourselves. What's most important? Are we compromising our devotion to God? It's easy to say, "Oh yah, God is first." But do our actions and lifestyle really mimic what we confess? When we really think about it, we have a lot of idols, addictions, and other things that consume our thoughts more than God. One of my friends posted on their fb, "God i want to know your heart. I want to denounce mine and know your heart." When we desire God we desire  His will. When we see God, we just want to be with Him and stand in awe. We must not forget the explosive and relentless love of our God.

If you feel like you haven't experienced Him in awhile, you may want to ask, "where have i been? have i really been seeking Him with all my heart, with all my soul and with all my strength?" I struggle to make space for God. I struggle to sit in silence, slow down, listen, wait, and receive. I honestly jus spent 5 minutes with God, and it felt so intimate. He reaffirms us, he listens to all our complaints, worries and fears. He carries and lifts our burdens. we simply need to surrender and trust in faith. i think worship music really helps me focus and makes it easier to come before God.

I kinda relearned something about myself today. If i have the option of being independent or dependent, i almost always rather be dependent. I enjoy doing activities and things with other people more than jus tryin to do them alone. I guess that's most people. but.. i guess what i'm tryin to say is.. if no1 is around, i can be very independent. but if there is someone i can turn to, i rather rely on them. I know i have a hard time asking people for help, but honestly that's what christian brothers and sisters are for. I need to strengthen my support group, and also be there for others.. We should rely and turn to our church family for help. How often do we really pray for others, or ask others for prayer? Tryin to get through life alone is jus too hard. We need to find people who we can trust. People who can invest into us and be supportive. And i guess it really starts by being there for others and offering compassion. God's love flows through us so we have the power to minister with His love. stay connected to the vine, and find other branches who can support you.