thoughts on friendship

"Love that gives upward is worship, love that goes outward is affection; love that stoops is grace." Donald Barnhouse

hmm.. there's been a few things on my mind..

I was shortly thinkin about friendships and how relationships really do require communication and spending time together. So far i haven't really gotten to reconnect with old church people and some other friends. It's kinda strange.. when u grow up and u become close with some people.. then a few years pass, and now you barely have any contact..

sometimes it seems hard to reach out to people. You wonder, if i never try to hangout with this person, I probably wouldn't really see them. I think it's interesting how there really is different levels of friends. I mean.. You could really value a friendship, and that person only kinda cares, but not really. Know what i mean? Relationships that arn't equal. You go 80 yards, they go 3 yards. It just doesnt work. A 50/50 or even 60/40 relationship would work. In marital counseling class, my teacher kinda shook my ideal of marriage, cuz he said, it should be 100/100.

Do you know anyone who would go 100 yards for you? Even if you didn't make any effort to sustain a friendship? I can only really think of my parents. Then i was thinking, wow i actually ignore or don't put much thought into some other friends. It seems like, the older you get, the more difficult it becomes to find true friends, who have mutual respect for a balanced friendship.

A lot may have to do with location or availability. But still yet. It's hard to really care for someone who doesn't reciprocate much back.Eventually you give up. friendships fade.


winter and summer break, usually mean sins of omission. meaning.. I basically become a sloth on the couch, eat junk food, watch movies and spend way too much money on ebay. It really is about moderation. Too many lazy days make you go insane.

Today was fun tho. mark n devin picked me up, and we went to drive into town to meet with a bunch of other guys to play ball. We went to a YMCA, the one i learned how to swim at, like 15 years ago. Anyways.. some old ppl were doin zumba on the courts, so we ended up waiting, but then i found their gym. and i was so happy. Exercise is the best therapy. Then we finally got the courts, and i played 5 games, i sat out after the first game cuz i was so winded from being outta shape.

It really is fun to play with people who joke around about everything. Some other dudes came in and some games got really competitive. Everyone seems to play better pissed, lol. I was gettin angry at myself becuz i was missing such easy shots. And i got capped twice. I missed two eaaaasy game winning shots. if i just made simple shots, we woulda won. I usually dont beat myself up for these mistakes, but for some reason i did. I looked at some other guys, and they have so much skill. I look at some of my buddies, and they're huge and strong, and i think, man i wish i kept up lifting heavy and training hard.

I know its bad to compare, but.. sometimes i kinda feel like a failure when you know you could be better. but on the bright side it was good exercise. im so sore. Then we went to this pho place i havnt gone in awhile, and it was seriously the best pho i ever had. and im not even big on pho. Goin out beats being lazy at home.

spiritually.. it's easy to not spend time with God. It's easy to not read anythin or pray. However, i noticed that when i listen to worship music, watch good sermons, or pick up a devotional book, my entire day is better. I'm back to baby steps. small steps of obedient faith in the right direction trumps going the wrong way or not doing anything.