New Years

Sometimes it's hard to sit still and intentionally be with God. I guess it's like going to the gym when you feel so outta shape. And this is the beginning of creating new habits. After awhile it becomes a little easier and more enjoyable. You feel yourself getting stronger. And before you know it you've created a healthy routine. Devotions shouldn't just be a routine, but a deep joy.

I laid in bed and couldnt sleep. So i was thinking about some of the sins I struggle with. What are some of my idols? There seems to be a lot. Having free days means indulging in comforts and pleasures like food, sleep, and movies. Some days i practically live on my couch. These rainy days make it so nice to stay indoors all day tho..

I was thinking, "Do i really hate my sin?" What am i lusting after? I see that the things i chase aren't usually inline with what God wants. Sometimes it's a false intimacy. I struggle with tryin to fill myself with created things to make me happy, rather than running to our Creator who really does truly satisfy. I thought about God for at least an hour, and i realized, dang i havent even prayed and talked to him directly. And it was so good to jus receive from God for 5 minutes. It really is incredible to know that God is right there loving you intensely. He doesn't stop loving, because He is love.

If your reading this blog, try put on a worship song before you go to sleep. Sometimes we jus need to be reminded of simple truths, like, "Wow i am deeply loved by God." I was listening to fire fall down, and it jus made me ponder how incredible it is to commune with the Holy Spirit, the living God. It convicted me because i realized i haven't really called out to him in prayer or really sought after God's heart in a while. Do you really want to know and experience Him? Most Christians would say, "yeah no duh." But do you really want to know and experience Him above all else?? it's only then do we remove distractions and seek Him.

And when we encounter God's presence, we cannot help but be changed. When Isaiah met with the perfect God He immediately recognized all of his imperfections and sins. He didn't feel worthy. And instead of hiding, he surrendered his sins to be cleansed by God. I guess, i have a strong habit of feeling inadequate and sometimes it seems easier to hide in despair. But really God wants to draw us to repentance. He draws us into His light, and says, "Because of my Son, you are forgiven." We are made righteous because of Jesus. God gives us His own righteousness and lavishes us with grace. It feels good to be right with God. I realized that i have had a relationship with God, but i severely lack fellowship with God. It's easy to say, "i believe God," but it's another thing to really trust that he can provide and work in your life. Do you really walk through life with Him? Do i submit to the authority of His Lordship? Do i reflect what I confess to believe with my words and actions? As Christians, is Christ really apart of my daily life?

im rambling and i dont really know what im saying. lol.. I guess i was really broken over how sinful i am. I'm tired of rebelling against God. I'm tired of feeling like i'm always struggling spiritually. Faith is useless without any action. Faith without works is dead. I realized that if i truly love God, then i should desire to obey His word. If i truly love God, i should be after his heart, and conform my desires to his. If i truly love God, i should desire to be with Him.

I asked myself.. "What would it really look like to give everything to God?" What does that really look like? If i truly love God, i need to give up my hidden sins and addictions. Love for God is really passion for God, and desiring his will. True faith is belief manifested and acted upon. What would your life look like if you gave God everything and surrendered yourself completely? What would your life look like? 

I guess i'm beginning to see more of who God wants me to be. And it's not "Chris become a pastor or a counselor." God says, "I just want you. I want you to be with me." He is our loving Father and we are His children. I need to return to the fundamental basics of faith. I need to meditate on the power of His Word and the truths of the Gospel. I need to learn to receive, and to simply enjoy being in his presence. It's kinda like.. forgetting to take in the beauty of God's creation. I look out the window and see life and beauty, how come i don't take walks everyday to explore this beauty? Why do i trap myself in front of the computer screen all day? Christianity doesn't need to be so complicated. Remove all the religious pressures and you'll find a loving God who is simply after your heart.

If my life was a house. i need some major renovation. Cuz my house is kinda falling apart, lol. Even houses need repair and new paint.  I need to clean out the filth and dark closets. I need to throw out a bunch of junk, vaccum the dirt off the carpet, purchase some new good habits, and move some priorities around. I need to invite the holy spirit cleaner to come in and spray some holiness frebreeze around, lol

I guess this new years made me think, "What do i need to change?" How can i experience change and grow closer to God? At first, i tell myself, "well you jus need more self-discipline." but really it boils down to jus spending more time with God and his people. The process of transformation starts by renewing our minds and seeing God's perspective. It begins by training in righteousness and submission to God's sovereign will. Transformation can be broken down to seeing our sin, repenting, embracing grace and forgiveness, trusting God in faith, and then obeying God in faith. But instead of all that, it seems that all we really need to do is to simply be with Him. Christians that have intimate fellowship with God, naturally experience sanctification and transformation by the Holy Spirit. You can tell the Christians that have an deep and intimate walk with Christ. Their faces are normally smiling bright with joy, and it's a dead give away. Our God is large and in charge, He is bigger and greater than all our fears, pains and insecurities. God is mighty to save, redeem and heal us from our sinful selves. God is also a God of fresh starts, new beginnings, and second, third chances. The old is gone and the new has come. Move in faith towards becoming who God created you to be. God created us to manifest and embody the love of Jesus Christ.

1) Spend more time with God and abide in Him daily
2) be more loving to people, esp. friends/family
3) workout like crazy and be more active
4) stop being a lazy butt
5) keep blogs shorter
6) be resolved in staying committed to my goals
7) spend less money
8) floss more