Sometimes we need to change our perspective. Sometimes I need to change my perspective. I tend to focus on the negatives and be a critical pessimist. In psychology one is taught to analyze, observe, critique, crunch information, and do lots of introspection. In theology one is also taught to spend lots of time in meditation, reflection and to gain knowledge/insight about God and yourself. I spend so much time over thinking. I spend so much of my day weighing options and possible solutions. I do everything i can to make my future certain, and to have the best results. This is part of perfectionism, and trying to make everything in life just the way you want it. I get angry at myself sometimes because i feel like i screw up so much. I hurt people. I say or don't say things. I fall into the same holes. Even when we try to make the best decisions, we'll still make mistakes. Even the best boxer will get knocked in the face and hit the ground. It's not about if you'll get knocked down, it's about whether you have the ability to can get back up and to keep fighting. Giving up, feeling defeated and lying on the ground never gets me anywhere.
Sometimes I feel like i have some core problems that just follow me. it makes my heart ache. I try to avoid or not think about them. But that's not really trusting them to God. When we have faith in God, there really isn't much reason to worry, fear and become consumed by all the what if's. If God is sovereign and works all things for our good, then why should i get anxious?
Yesterday i was watching a follow up episode on True Life and how all these teenagers go through some pretty challenging obstacles. there are so many mental disorders, addictions, relational problems, self-esteem social pressures, behavioral issues, disadvantages, and difficult challenges that other people face. One guy became paralyzed from a hockey accident and is in a wheel chair, one guy was born deaf, one girl had allergic reactions to anything she ate, one guy was in jail for 6 years, and i kind of forget the rest. And so the true life documentary follows all the emotional chaos and break downs that they face, and for the most part, people overcome it by finding a way to deal with their challenges.
I have my grandma who is struggling just to breathe. and then here i am complaining about minor discomforts.
I remember watching a video of a guy getting shot three times while in Afghanistan. And then i think, wow my life really isn't bad, in fact there are a lot of positives. There are many blessings that we jus simply take for granted. There is always someone who has it worst, someone who has it harder. So my failures, loneliness, anxiety and major depressive moods really aren't that bad. When i failed my hebrew class, my dad told me that it wasn't the end of the world. Sometimes things jus don't go according to plan. It's easy to condemn yourself up for your mistakes, inadequacies, and sin. No one's perfect.
But actually there is one who's perfect. One who always unconditionally loves, and offers free grace. One who forgives, strengthens us and lifts us from our despair. When we've exhausted all our options you come to realize that God has been patiently waiting for us to repent and trust Him. There is no other hope. Who else can change us? Who else can save, redeem and deliver us from our depravity? Maybe God's will is for us to not have everything all together on our own. Maybe we're exactly where we're supposed to be.
Sometimes i think God allows us to go through difficult muddy situations. Maybe God wants us to put less confidence in ourselves and more confidence in Him. Maybe God allows things to break so He can fix it. Maybe it's to test how we'll handle these circumstances. Maybe it's to give us an opportunity to trust him even deeper than before. Maybe it's to teach us something and make us better? Maybe it's to reveal his sovereignty and power? Sometimes God doesn't reveal Himself immediately the way we expect Him to. But he makes all things work together for our good. As bad as things get God can still restore us and heal any brokenness. Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, and just a drop of his love can heal our disappointments. Imagine what faith the size of a coconut seed could do. Imagine what an ocean of His love could do. Perhaps I need to change my perspective.
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