tired of this old chris. time for a new. i didn't realize how many issues i have lol. I can easily be a depressed and negative person. I'm so fed up, that it's time to change. I need to change my thoughts and behaviors. I need to stop feeding my bad habits and start creating new healthy habits. change is hard and painful. How do you really change what you think and feel? How do you care less about things that are important to you.
I need to step outside my problems and see things in a different perspective. I need sanctification. I want to be secure and rooted in my identity in Christ. I need to stop all my shanangins and jus simply be. i want to be so in love with God, that really nothing else matters. God help me to surrender to your love. Help me to trust you more. Help me to make you first.
I would describe myself as someone lying in the mud right now. I've ran from God and lost everything, i have nothing left. I'm tired of doing things the same way and making the same mistakes. Trying harder jus makes my issues worst. It's time to break these idols i've set up. I need to simply let go and move on from things i can't change or control. I need to give up these fairytale desires that aren't realistic.
I need to grow in maturity by investing into right things. I need to engage my will and conform it to God's will. I need to seize each day and enjoy the present. I easily feel defeated with not much energy. But God says, with whatever you got, jus move your pinky just a little and hold on to me and i'll pull you through this mess. It will be a slow process of healing and relearning and it won't happen over night. But a pinky finger in the right direction is better than staying face down in the mud.
I feel like i could seriously blow up right now. my mind and heart are so overwhelmed i can't seem to function. there's so much pain in my heart it physically hurts. I'm so consumed with inner thoughts and emotions, Im tryin so hard to keep it all together. i don't know what to do. i feel sick, i hate feeling so lost. i feel helpless. cant seem to concentrate on anything. i need to control myself and jus keep looking forward.
I allowed my emotions to dictate a lot of my actions. I don't think too clearly when everything is about how i feel. I want to be a better person for God and myself. Im usually overly concerned about what others think. I'm usually a little too dependent on others because i feel like friends sustain me. But i see that i need to be okay with just God.
Sometimes it's hard to be alone and not talk to people. Sometimes it's hard to see that other people have a different way of coping, and I need to respect other people's decisions. I didn't realize how attached to people i can get. I need to learn to be happy without seeking attention from others. and eventually i need to grow in a spiritual community as well. i need to take baby steps again. I have such negative views of myself and i allow my emotions to dominate how i spend a day. I need to place my hope in God and stay active in my role of faith. God pls give me self control. oh and peace too. minus well fill me up with joy too
Chris you're not perfect, you make mistakes, you're a work in progress. Pull yourself together, stop beating yourself up so hard and just move on, God will heal the wounds. Let go of all your condemnation and baggage you lug around. Tryin to hold my sins against myself isn't trusting in the Gospel. but sometimes all i see are my wrongs. i wish i had a redo. you can't change the outcomes of the past, but you can work towards changing yourself in the now.
Chris don't let your negative thoughts even begin occupying your mind. Fill yourself with positive good things and move in the right direction. stop pursuing and forcing things if they aren't working. keep your head up and stop over thinking so much, stop your dwelling and analyzing, you're too serious all the time. take it easy, jus chill out and listen to music. sleep early, take care of yourself and be present with God, be thankful, purposeful with your time, oh and don't forget to clean ur room and do your hw
I allowed my emotions to dictate a lot of my actions. I don't think too clearly when everything is about how i feel. I want to be a better person for God and myself. Im usually overly concerned about what others think. I'm usually a little too dependent on others because i feel like friends sustain me. But i see that i need to be okay with just God.
Sometimes it's hard to be alone and not talk to people. Sometimes it's hard to see that other people have a different way of coping, and I need to respect other people's decisions. I didn't realize how attached to people i can get. I need to learn to be happy without seeking attention from others. and eventually i need to grow in a spiritual community as well. i need to take baby steps again. I have such negative views of myself and i allow my emotions to dominate how i spend a day. I need to place my hope in God and stay active in my role of faith. God pls give me self control. oh and peace too. minus well fill me up with joy too
Chris you're not perfect, you make mistakes, you're a work in progress. Pull yourself together, stop beating yourself up so hard and just move on, God will heal the wounds. Let go of all your condemnation and baggage you lug around. Tryin to hold my sins against myself isn't trusting in the Gospel. but sometimes all i see are my wrongs. i wish i had a redo. you can't change the outcomes of the past, but you can work towards changing yourself in the now.
Chris don't let your negative thoughts even begin occupying your mind. Fill yourself with positive good things and move in the right direction. stop pursuing and forcing things if they aren't working. keep your head up and stop over thinking so much, stop your dwelling and analyzing, you're too serious all the time. take it easy, jus chill out and listen to music. sleep early, take care of yourself and be present with God, be thankful, purposeful with your time, oh and don't forget to clean ur room and do your hw
I have a lot of anger towards myself because i've inflicted so much pain. Do you ever feel like a complete failure? I've made such stupid mistakes. I see the person who i want to be. but am struggling to change and become that chris i'm striving for. The chris i want to be isn't concerned with approval, acceptance, affluence, achievement or appearances. But i see that so much of our identity seems attached to how we interact with others. And that I don't always see my identity rooted in Christ.
There's a scene in zoolander where derek looks into a muddy puddle and asks his reflection, "Who am I?" His reflection responds, "I don't know."
I guess i'm just not quite sure who i really am anymore. I thought i knew myself well. I thought i was a brick wall who held to my convictions. But i've broke many of them. I almost dropped an F-bomb because i couldn't open a stupid granola bar wrapper. I was like, "I can't open this FA! ..." Can a granola bar really cause me to be so frustrated that i start cussing? I think there's a lot of anger bottled up inside me.
There's a scene in zoolander where derek looks into a muddy puddle and asks his reflection, "Who am I?" His reflection responds, "I don't know."
I realized a few things. I need people a lot. I have a hard time doing things alone. This might go back to home of origin attachment theory issues with my mom because my mom practically baby-ed me and was usually there to help me with things and do things for me. But once i moved up to CA, there's a bunch of things that force you to be independent.
I think i'm co-dependent. It's not a good thing. I not only need people and friends. But I also like or desire to be needed or depended on. Think about that for a second. Don't we all want to know and be known? Don't we all want to be needed? There's something fulfilling when we can offer help or care to others. There's something appealing about self-sacrifice, being able to help others and being a caregiver to others.
i don't think it's wrong to need people. Our relationships sustain us. But sometimes I become too dependent on needing others to keep me happy. Perhaps i need people more than they need me. I think that's true. I think we need a healthy balance of something in the middle. Not fully independent nor completely dependent on others but mutual interdependence. Perhaps God is revealing my need for Him above all else. God is saying depend on me.
"People who are codependent often take on the role of martyr; they constantly put others' needs before their own and in doing so forget to take care of themselves. (yup) This creates a sense that they are "needed"; they cannot stand the thought of being alone with no one needing them. (yup)"
"People who are codependent often take on the role of martyr; they constantly put others' needs before their own and in doing so forget to take care of themselves. (yup) This creates a sense that they are "needed"; they cannot stand the thought of being alone with no one needing them. (yup)"
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What does it mean to know God and to know ourselves? I thought i had knowledge of who i was. My identity is in Christ. Yeah, that's still true, i'm a child of God. But what if most of my days don't reflect someone with the Holy Spirit? What if most days i look and act just like the rest of the work? It's not the spiritual activities we do that make us "Christian." Isn't it our relationship with God? But what if we really struggle to communion with God? Why does it seem so challenging to spend intentional time with God?
I think it's interesting how God's power and Spirit in the old testament would kinda come and go. David would say, "Do not cast me away from your presence. And do not take your Holy Spirit from me."Ps. 51:11 Does the Holy Spirit within us still come and go? 1 Cor. 6:19 says that our body is the "temple of the Holy Spirit." Eph. 5:18 says to "be filled with the Holy Spirit." uhm.. ok. but isn't he talking to the church? Does this imply that Christians can be very low or empty on the Holy Spirit? That sounds kinda confusing. Gal. 2:20 says, "And it is no longer I who live, but Christ living in me." Does Jesus and the Holy Spirit live within us? Or does Christ living in us something figurative? And then, if we say that just the Holy Spirit dwells within us, can you really separate the trinity? Idk if that all makes sense.
I guess i'm just curious what it means to be filled by the Spirit. If i had a phone app that read my Holy Spirit level would it be at 5%? lol. If i'm not filled with the Holy Spirit is there something else that fills me? Do Christians still live in the flesh? Or is that something referring specifically to the world of non-believers. idk. the bottom line is that i need more of God. I need to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
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