don't judge a book by it's cover

So i got this new teaching/ tutoring job for students with learning/mental disabilities. I guess it's a special ed academy. i mainly teach math, but also teach devotion time, some english and PE. Eventually after training ill teach english phonics / and maybe science.. Jus when i thought i finally got away from school..

Short Term 12

This is how movies should be. it gets so many things right. it hits so many emotions. you actually begin to care about the characters. i think the main character is also in "The Spectacular Now" too. Why are independent films so good?! Anyways, this girl named Grace is a foster care supervisor at this facility for at risk teenagers that deal with some pretty heavy problems. Even tho life can spiral out of control at times, having people who show that they genuinely care can bring about restoration, recovery and healing. There's this one scene where all the teenagers write, draw and make cards for this girl who's going through a hard time. it hits ya right in the heart

the movie is about how people cope when life gets hard. Even when Christians know we have God who is always there for us, it's still not hard to get overwhelmed and breakdown. Imagine how much harder it is for those who don't know the love of God and the love of community. 

I admire how these workers devote their lives to being there for teens who have gone through some trauma. They organically practice a ministry of presence. They listen and use talk therapy. But ultimately, the healing derives from love and friendship. They go out of their way to care about those who are hurting. too often we dismiss those around us, cuz we simply don't have the time or care to reach out. Sometimes it's difficult to be available to others when we're caught up with our own busyness. This movie reminded me that an act of love and presence can really change lives.

The movie is interesting because Grace is reminded of her past when she meets a girl who is going through similar problems. It was touching to see how she finds healing with her own pains and is able to be a bigger sister for those who aren't able to cope. There's something in all of us that tries to withdraw and push people away. We don't want to talk about it and just want to be alone. But healing isn't always an easy process. It forces us to go beyond our comfort zones and trust God and others with our pain. I think we all need at least someone to be there for us. We're all works in progress and we all need support. We all need someone who cares, who understands and is willing to listen. I aspire to be that kind of person to others. I want to protect those who are hurting. i really jus want to do that right. i want to be a good caregiver, a brother and a friend. i really do want to be better at loving others, but sometimes i jus don't know how. In order to be love to others, we must first receive love from God and others. then it overflows. God calls us to love, and that can start by being a good friend. take small steps in the right direction

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i saw a rat run underneath this juice stand in the mall yesterday. it was gross.

guh u ever have a song u hear, but u don't know the lyrics, song or title..

i like to hug my little cat but then sometimes he runs away. this is why puppies are better

oh i saw the lego movie. so awesome. except i was really tired and fell asleep in the middle. batman was funny. I'm inspired to make a lego video

at night when u go to bed, ur brain activity is supposed to go down so u can sleep. my brain activity goes up, and my mind gets wide awake. probably because the night is so peaceful, it's easier to think clearly. but it doesn't help when u should be sleeping

I'm trying to not to worry about it. but what am i gonna do for 40+ hrs a week for the rest of my life? can't i jus hangout with friends, watch movies and play games? guess not.. i was talking to a really smart guy. he said.. maybe ur eager to get ur ideal job right now, when maybe God is still preparing for u to be ready for it. sometimes we think we're ready for something when we really aren't. God pls lead me to the right job u want me to be at. 

u know u like naps too much when u take a nap when ur not even tired.

i really wish i could record my dreams. being in exciting awesome worlds and then forgetting jus bites..

if i slept right now, i would only get like 2 hours of sleep. cuz I'm supposed to wake up at 4ish to get to somewhere by 5am. cuz i signed up for the aloha run which is 8 miles. 1 mile is usually enough for me. i plan to walk most of it. it's supposed to rain. really not excited about it right meow. when i lack sleep, I'm jus not a very happy person lol.. doing laundry at 1 in the morning is never a good idea

u know how u need like 6-8 hours of sleep. what if u took like a 3 hour nap, woke up for a few hours.. then slept for another 3 hours. does that count as 6 hours? Too bad u can't jus sleep for like 24 hours and stack up energy for the week and then jus stay up a night using reserved sleep power. like roll over mins. i decided I'm jus gonna stay up. maybe 1 hour power nap.

do u think everything happens for a reason? are things meant to happen a certain way? its funny how if we could go back into the past. most of us would use it for a selfish reason. i watched a justice league movie called flashpoint, and the flash could've stopped hitler or saved jfk, but he decides to save his mom. but because he does, the whole world and timeline of events are different. jus makes me wonder.. what if i made better decisions and protected the things and people i cared about. how different would life be?  

I'm really craving eggs rice and bacon. with ketchup. maybe some toast and juice 

i also ended up committing to be a speech debate judge, driving a van and helping out a high school retreat, and helping a few people with delivering their presentations. volunteering to help can be good, but sometimes it might be wiser to learn when to say yes or no. Sometimes i ask past chris why he hasta say, "sure no problem" when future chris often ends up over stretching himself.

There are certain people and things that are worth waiting for. protect the things that are most important to u, because u may not always have them. I need to learn to trust God and wait patiently. I'll wait.. no matter how long it takes.

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probably gonna go see that lego movie soon, it looks funny. i used to love playing with legos as a kid. man i think i could bust out a box of legos right now. i don't see why we haft stop playing jus becuz we grow older. oh yeah.. responsibilities and surviving in this world chokes out all the fun.

the other day my cousins were outside playing. and instead of plain with phones and video games, they were playing with rocks, and later chalk. i really could use a break from technology. probably gonna take a break from blogging too. anyways, it was really refreshing to see kids play with stuff besides electronics and virtual stuff. kids basically make up their own fun. they have so much laughter. little kids seriously have so much life and joy in them, it's quite contagious. i realized that rocks and chalk without a friend jus isn't that fun. really.. friends are what make playing fun. we don't laugh by ourselves. well… not usually lol..

I guess I'm kinda late on watching the movie, but i jus watched "Howl's Moving Castle." Bizarre, strange and jus a really interesting storyline. I really like the fantasy of new worlds, like with a team of people on a quest. powers and abilities.. good over coming evil. I liked how the girl just accepts everyone with unconditional and geniune kindness, even after the witch put a curse on her. it's a good reminder to treat others well regardless of appearances, age, where they're from, etc. especially the elderly. i think the movie coulda been better with a totoro though. i don't get why that "Spirited Away" guy keeps putting dark shadow demonic spirit globs in all the movies.. jus take them out, they're weird.

if i were in the movie business i think it'd be fun to come up with a story plot and draw all sorts of neat characters and creatures. it'd be awesome to get paid to do something you love. art is kinda like life cuz sometimes things jus don't go the way you imagined, but in the end there's also unique beauty in imperfection. art is like creating life. mkay bye.


I slowly walk in the opposite direction
i turn to look back
you're not there
all i see is sand
and no road in front of me
the skies are grey
the air is thick and cold
my soul is parched
i continue to walk
days go by
i fall to the ground
exhausted
i lay there
unable to move
no one is coming
no one cares
i close my eyes
i see you
smiling

awaken by the storm
i realized it was jus a dream
im still here
in a sea of nowhere 
you're not coming
you don't care

i lie to myself
i close my eyes again

ill hold on because i dont know how to let go
ill fight, ill wait, ill pray
even if u never come back

why do i still feel like i've lost everything?
i thought i really did know you
but maybe i dont
can u please stop the pain
instead of shutting me out
i know i screwed up 
i couldnt control the beating inside me
will u hold it against me forever?
i dont want to say goodbye

cant things jus be good again?
what exactly happened?
things changed so quickly
i dont think i really understand
but i refuse to give up
even the worst storms fade
and cities are rebuilt 
is it not worth saving?
is it not valuable?

i don't like facing reality
there's a reason why people escape
even to their false worlds
because if u can't see the light,
you minus well dream it

sometimes i wonder
am i waiting for a bus
that jus isn't coming?
shouldn't the bus have come by?
its ok, ill jus sit and wait here alone
jus leave me here
ill do my best to wait
how many more days, weeks, months, years?
as long as u don't say never
jus give me another chance

do u ever pretend that you're ok?
sometimes i find myself pretending
even when no one is around
sometimes our best jus isn't enough
sometimes I'm afraid to look inside
because i know there's deep pain
emptiness, despair, loneliness, guilt
and i begin to over think and dwell
so i try not to look inside
but if that's the case
who is my facade fooling?

do i care too much?
or do i jus get too attached to people?
i tell myself, "i'll jus not think about it"
eventually things will get better, right?
it's not like i can do anything else
are things meant to be unresolved?
why does this pain seem to linger?
this silence haunts me
God please fix this, i know u hear me
please save us

random thoughts 2

This blog will make no sense 

this is a small window into my soul
sorry it's a little messy inside
i really need to clean up
Having a lot of time can be nice

even tho i haven't been getting much accomplished
i probably have too much free time
i feel so down when i jus waste a day
Too much free time makes me over think.. i think way too much
i jus want to turn my head off sometimes