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probably gonna go see that lego movie soon, it looks funny. i used to love playing with legos as a kid. man i think i could bust out a box of legos right now. i don't see why we haft stop playing jus becuz we grow older. oh yeah.. responsibilities and surviving in this world chokes out all the fun.

the other day my cousins were outside playing. and instead of plain with phones and video games, they were playing with rocks, and later chalk. i really could use a break from technology. probably gonna take a break from blogging too. anyways, it was really refreshing to see kids play with stuff besides electronics and virtual stuff. kids basically make up their own fun. they have so much laughter. little kids seriously have so much life and joy in them, it's quite contagious. i realized that rocks and chalk without a friend jus isn't that fun. really.. friends are what make playing fun. we don't laugh by ourselves. well… not usually lol..

I guess I'm kinda late on watching the movie, but i jus watched "Howl's Moving Castle." Bizarre, strange and jus a really interesting storyline. I really like the fantasy of new worlds, like with a team of people on a quest. powers and abilities.. good over coming evil. I liked how the girl just accepts everyone with unconditional and geniune kindness, even after the witch put a curse on her. it's a good reminder to treat others well regardless of appearances, age, where they're from, etc. especially the elderly. i think the movie coulda been better with a totoro though. i don't get why that "Spirited Away" guy keeps putting dark shadow demonic spirit globs in all the movies.. jus take them out, they're weird.

if i were in the movie business i think it'd be fun to come up with a story plot and draw all sorts of neat characters and creatures. it'd be awesome to get paid to do something you love. art is kinda like life cuz sometimes things jus don't go the way you imagined, but in the end there's also unique beauty in imperfection. art is like creating life. mkay bye.


I slowly walk in the opposite direction
i turn to look back
you're not there
all i see is sand
and no road in front of me
the skies are grey
the air is thick and cold
my soul is parched
i continue to walk
days go by
i fall to the ground
exhausted
i lay there
unable to move
no one is coming
no one cares
i close my eyes
i see you
smiling

awaken by the storm
i realized it was jus a dream
im still here
in a sea of nowhere 
you're not coming
you don't care

i lie to myself
i close my eyes again

ill hold on because i dont know how to let go
ill fight, ill wait, ill pray
even if u never come back

why do i still feel like i've lost everything?
i thought i really did know you
but maybe i dont
can u please stop the pain
instead of shutting me out
i know i screwed up 
i couldnt control the beating inside me
will u hold it against me forever?
i dont want to say goodbye

cant things jus be good again?
what exactly happened?
things changed so quickly
i dont think i really understand
but i refuse to give up
even the worst storms fade
and cities are rebuilt 
is it not worth saving?
is it not valuable?

i don't like facing reality
there's a reason why people escape
even to their false worlds
because if u can't see the light,
you minus well dream it

sometimes i wonder
am i waiting for a bus
that jus isn't coming?
shouldn't the bus have come by?
its ok, ill jus sit and wait here alone
jus leave me here
ill do my best to wait
how many more days, weeks, months, years?
as long as u don't say never
jus give me another chance

do u ever pretend that you're ok?
sometimes i find myself pretending
even when no one is around
sometimes our best jus isn't enough
sometimes I'm afraid to look inside
because i know there's deep pain
emptiness, despair, loneliness, guilt
and i begin to over think and dwell
so i try not to look inside
but if that's the case
who is my facade fooling?

do i care too much?
or do i jus get too attached to people?
i tell myself, "i'll jus not think about it"
eventually things will get better, right?
it's not like i can do anything else
are things meant to be unresolved?
why does this pain seem to linger?
this silence haunts me
God please fix this, i know u hear me
please save us