When you think about yourself, do you like yourself? For awhile I hated myself. I had a low view of myself. I saw myself through very negative lens. I had a negative self talk, which does me no good. I was very angry at myself. very angry.. I still struggle to forgive myself and move away from obsessive guilt. i wrestle with myself daily. and i still seem to stumble over myself. But I'm starting to see the value of changing the way i think about myself. It's not about if we'll face trials, mistakes and failure. It's about choosing how we'll respond to them.
If we think negatively, we fill ourselves with negative emotions, which also affects our will. I wallowed on the past, was unmotivated in the present, and had pessimistic thoughts about the future. As we grow older, we'll all have to face the darkness of walking through valleys. We won't immediately get our dream jobs, debt will pester most of us, we'll lose friends along the way, and life will throw unexpected curve balls. But even if things don't meet our ideal, we can still be satisfied in Christ. Trials, hardship, suffering and pain are meant to direct us towards trusting and depending on God. It wouldn't have taken peter much faith to walk on the sidewalk on a sunny day. God allows storms in our life so we can grow in faith.
If God is always sovereign, with us, and for us, then what can stand against us? We have such a loving God and yet most of us including myself are ignorant of how awesome he really is. God's love transforms us. I think i found an important key.. Receiving God's love is the only true way we can love ourselves rightly. When we're filled with God's love, we have love to give. We need to have confidence in our relationship with God.
I'm usually quick to give an excuse of why i feel my spiritual life sucks. im hard on myself. I tend to condemn myself for not being more "spiritual." It's real easy to fall into a cycle of feeling disappointed, discouraged and defeated. And i don't think God wants us to feel that way about ourselves. If God loves me, so should i. If God graciously forgives, so should I. feeling crappy about myself gets me no where. I think God's love motivates us to change and grow. Love motivates us to repent of idols and sin. As we draw closer to God, the more we can love ourselves and others.
We are stewards of our life and our time. I ask myself, "Am i really living for God?" noope.. not so much. "How much do i really love God? Do i seek God in secret? Do i make time to worship him and spend time with him? Do i talk to him? Do i listen to him?" I say I believe in God, but am I really trusting in him? God is very patient. And change doesnt happen over night. We can start with small steps. Small steps in the right direction. listen to a good worship song, memorize one verse. take a walk. pray for someone. stop focusing on your hurt and focus on your healer. God trumps everything, and he's on our side. So what are we really worried and anxious about? Love God, love others, love yourself.
Soul care integrates our entire being. It's easy to be a sluggard and just not care about yourself. Our spiritual, physical, emotional, cognitive and relational health is all interconnected. When one area suffers, our entire self suffers. If we love ourselves, we'll take better care of ourselves. it's not about surviving, but thriving. As Christians we have the Holy Spirit. most of the time we're not too aware what God is doing in our life. But even in the midst of pain or apathy, God is at work.
Sometimes when we focus too much on ourselves we begin to dwell on all our flaws and all the things we're not happy with. When we focus on the things we want, we often forget to be grateful for the things we have. When we focus too much on our own problems, we're often oblivious to caring for others. We tend to go to church thinking, what am i gonna get out of this, rather than how can i be a blessing to someone else. God is challenging me to be more others minded and to love more unconditionally. Happiness is connected to virtues. And virtues are connected to being relational in community. In order for us to pursue true happiness.. 1) we need to die to ourselves, 2) love ourselves, 3) be immersed in community, 4) be salt and light, 5) make God our deepest joy.
i think there's a big difference between just having good theology and having a relationship with God. We need both. But lately i find myself just a little big headed about knowing fundamental truths that get repeated over and over again. Truth is absolutely necessary. But a friendship and dependency on God is different. The disciples probably didn't understand everything, but they trusted anyway. We get caught up with questions and forget the simplicity of just being with God. I find it strange how we live in such a beautiful world, and yet we spend hours in front of a computer absorbing information or entertainment.
God
u know my heart. u know my struggles. remind me that ur there to catch me when i fall and trip over everything. help me to love myself. help me to love you more. help me to be more others minded. I have too many things in my head sometimes and i guess i jus need to stop taking everything so serious. so pls heal me from any scars or wrong perspectives. help me to trust u. God.. help me to rely on ur strength.. fill me with joy once again. remind me of your love. speak to me and give me ears to hear. help me to be obedient and less distracted. help me to release any anger i have towards myself. help me to become more grateful for the things youve blessed me with. help me to be a good steward of how i live my life. i pray that ud be my gretest desire. thank you
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God.. help me to worship you even when i feel like i cant.. help me to be happy even if things aren't the way i'd hope. i want to praise you, but my pain seems to disable me. Sometimes i feel like i don't know who i am anymore, or where i belong. Sometimes i feel like im just fading away. Sometimes the thought of not existing seems more peaceful than walking aimlessly throughout each day. God please fill the emptiness within me. There's a lot of things that i don't understand and a lot of things that jus dont make sense. im sorry for blaming you sometimes. I'm sorry that ive been impatient and try to rush ahead of you. help me to forgive myself, even when i make the stupidest mistakes.. help me to be content and satisfied in you. my heart really hurts. I ask that you heal me and make me whole again. i know you can restore me. fill me with your love and remind me that i'm not alone.
i know ive been resistant towards growing up. life just seemed easier back then. help me to grow in maturity. im sorry for turning to idols. sometimes i just dont want to deal with all the emotions and thoughts that stir within me. please give me self control. crush all the darkness within me. and even tho it seems like i repeat my mistakes.. i want to repent of my sins. I want to be more present with you. help me to trust in your sufficient grace. please use me to encourage and care for others. help me to become more others minded. help me to be grateful and positive, even when it seems hard. just lead me one tiny step at a time, i'll do my best to follow in faith. even tho im not always aware of you, i know that you're with me. help me to make wiser decisions. i surrender God. i surrender myself and all my petty desires. use me for your will and for your desires. i belong to you. my identity is rooted in you. make me thirst for you. strengthen my faith. surround me with the right people. help me to stop trying to do everything on my own. awaken me, renew me, restore me. overflow in me. speak to me and remind me of your great love. thank you
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