For some reason that quote in "Wild" still lingers in my mind. A mother tells her daughter, "If there's one thing I can teach you, it's how to find your best self and when you do, hold on to it for dear life." No, I wouldn't say I found my best self, but I think i've taken a few steps closer to it lately. I can see the areas where i need to improve. When you begin to find your better self, your base self, you start to notice that you're naturally in a better, happier mood with more energy. I think i stumbled on a few simple, yet important realizations of self discovery. I'm not quite sure how to word it all. But i think it has to do with holistic health, self-fulfillment, self-actualization, growing in self-love, overcoming self-defeat, and taking control of your life. Finding your best self also includes believing in yourself and having confidence in your faith.
Self-fulfillment.
This was the closest term I could find to describe reaching our full potential. It has to do with personal fulfillment and self-worth. This isn't about achieving success to please or impress others. It isn't really concerned with your career or relationship status, or how much money you have, or lack of. True success and the american dream are quite different. "Don't climb mountains so the world can see you, climb mountains so you can see the world."
Finding your best self has to do with challenging yourself, pursuing your dreams, maximizing our potential, overcoming obstacles, and fighting for personal growth. We need to treat ourselves with the best for us to become our best. How can we grow to treat ourselves just a little bit better? In chur's dictionary, self-fulfillment is basically doing things to become our best, so we're capable of giving our best. However, it also means we'll have to sacrifice and change our old habits. Usually it involves changing how we think about ourselves. Our thoughts and feelings about ourselves can strongly affect our will.
It can sound sort of selfish to be obsessed with your own holistic health, but really the greater our faith grows, the more balance and maturity we'll have. If it were possible to be one step closer to God, what would that take? If it were possible to be just one percent happier, what would that take? It's really hard to love others and have their best interest when we don't love ourselves and receive God's love first.
Try asking yourself, "What does my best self look like?" "How am I when i've been at my best self?" Sometimes it helps to visualize who you want to become. I find my best self more energetic, relational, responsible, patient, thankful, resolved, silly, creative, playful, and carefree. I find myself closer to God, invested in community and able to be more others minded. It's taken me quite a long time to try and see myself in a more positive light, and to stop condemning myself so harshly. Sometimes we automatically deflect our positive attributes and qualities in attempts to remain humble and not become narcissistic and prideful. Rather we ought to embrace and accept both our strengths and weaknesses as we improve on them.
I can see a big difference from when i'm operating from my lower negative self and from when i'm functioning from my higher positive self. You might call this self-esteem that also involves good or bad habits. i think the main difference is changing and restructuring my thoughts in regards to how i see myself and also how i deal with worry, anxiety and stress. There's a breaking point where one realizes that they don't just want to survive, but rather thrive. Killing unhealthy destructive thoughts about ourselves can be pretty liberating. it starts with believing in yourself and then taking initiative.
Rather then suffering from past pain, regret, guilt and loss, we ought to focus more on God's grace and forgiveness in the present. It's there that we find healing, redemption, peace, and transformation. Matthew 16:25 seems somewhat relevant. "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." In a sense, we must forfeit and surrender ourselves to God before we can truly receive. One person said, "The deeper we dig into ourselves, the more we begin to see God at work. The more we grow in our knowledge of God, the more we begin to know ourselves." mm something like that.
I had lunch with my dad, and I made a comment of how goal oriented he is. How can he be so determined, disciplined, and have a strong work ethic? He told me a quick story of how when he was younger, how his teacher asked the class, "who believes you can achieve anything and be whatever you want?" He was the only one to raise his hand. My dad believed he could do anything he set his mind to, as long as he put in enough work and effort. He told me another optimal experience story of how he rode his bike down our hill to Aiea Bowl and then back! Riding up the hill to my house on a bike almost seems impossible, just walking it can be difficult. He told me he did it to prove to himself he could.
Who do you want to be like? Who are the people you admire? what sort of skills could we practice to cultivate? Imagine you're standing over a coffin and you see yourself. What sort of things would you like to say about yourself? what practical steps could we take to invest more in the things we say we value?
Goals.
Sometimes we can be listless, and walk around aimlessly. What is it that we want to pursue? The first step is making our goals, and then taking the initiative to accomplish and grow in them. This passion and determination i what propels us to endure any pain, hardship and sacrifice it takes. Narrowing down our priorities, often means sacrificing distractions and giving up some indulgences. I feel like once we stop pursuing personal growth, it's almost as if we decay. We become apathetic, slothful, idle, lazy, low functioning and numb. What are the few things in life we want to excel at? How can we most effectively apply ourselves? What do we want to invest ourselves in to? Who and what is most important to us?
Instead of complaining, be proactive. focus on the things you can control. There's a lot of things we want, but sometimes we don't really want it. Because if we really did, they're wouldn't be anything holding us back. Goals test our self-discipline, to excel beyond our comfort zone, and to apply our willpower. Growth and conditioning doesnt happen overnight. long term goals are a grind we need to embrace. we're not always gonna be fired up to tackle the world, but i think this is where consistency is key. instead of thinking too big picture, how about thinking one small step at a time. this usually helps me get started, and then, the next time i do the same exercise, maybe i'll do one or two reps more than last time, maybe it's even just walking an extra minute, and this way we expand our capacity. each time we fail, it's a good thing. well least when it comes to exercise. it means we've used our max energy, and our muscle needs to adapt to heavier weights. it's better to try and fail then to never try at all.
There were a bunch of teenage boys in the gym. maybe about 5 of them huddled around one guy doing some chest presses. And all of them were cheering and rooting for him to push just 2 more reps. We can accomplish a lot on our own, but to excel and be most effective, we need the help and support of others.
one of my favorite, if not everyone's favorite dragonball z character is vegeta. He's always training to get to the next level and keep up with super saiyan goku. When he gets defeated, he bounces back refusing to give up and to get even stronger. lol yeah this is the sorta things i think about..
Self-love
one of my goals lately have been to grow in self love. i know it sounds strange, but i think it makes a big difference. Some lessons i just keep needing to relearn. God is infinite in grace and mercy, so why am i so hard on myself? God forgives me, why do i struggle to forgive myself? i harbored a lot of pain and regret for so long. i made mistakes, and i hated myself for them. but i guess that's what it took for me to learn. when we truly come to repentance i think it's important to know that God understands us. he sees us entirely with all our dark sins we hide, and he still embraces us with such incredible love. he became sin for us, baring all our sins on the cross. in him we find anew. we find forgiveness.
i feel like there's a process where we need to realize that we don't need to hate ourselves or think too negatively towards ourselves. most of us probably feel somewhat apathetic towards ourselves. how do we get from feeling jus meh or okay about ourselves to actually liking ourselves?
Doing what you love.
I forgot where I read this, but it talked about spending our life doing what we love. It's great when you can find a career out of it. Ask yourself, "What activities make me most happy?" We need to make time for those things. if it's cooking, then cook! For others it may be writing, singing, drawing, dancing, playing games, running, basketball, surfing, or another recreational hobby. Maybe it only takes a cup of coffee and a good book. maybe it's just time listening to music. Figure out what you love to do, and find people to do them with. Every day look for small ways to enrich your life. Take at least one small step to strengthen and better yourself. Our attitude, beliefs and values shape how we perceive our experiences. i think we can find happiness even in things we don't necessarily enjoy. We can take pride in mowing the lawn, cleaning your room or doing the dishes. There's satisfaction in doing a job well done. This definitely isn't easy, but something i need to work on.
Living in the moment with Gratitude.
instead of thinking about things we don't have or want, maybe we should spend more time thanking God for what we do have. I keep having a thought that the people and things around us won't live forever. It's a sad thought. Maybe it's a family relative, friend or pet. In the back of our minds, we know we won't have them physically on earth forever. I think that means we need to cherish and savor the present moments. Too often, we miss opportunities, or are too preoccupied with things on our mind. We think about the past and future, and forget to enjoy the simplicity and joy of the present. Kids are the best at this. All they do is laugh and smile, they don't worry.
How can we live life more fully? To me i think it has to do with taking care of our health, growing in virtues and fostering healthy relationships. We are nothing if we do not love. We all need a relational support group, i guess u might call them deep friendships. Thankfulness in my mind seems to create more contentment. i was watchin a survival documentary. it really made me appreciate a bed, a shower and a cooked meal. it also made me realize that we can live without a lot of extra materialistic things. What are the big and small things that you are thankful for? Take care of those things.
Exercise and Right Nutrition!
much more important than we often think. these two can make a huge difference. at first, making healthy lifestyle changes can seem like struggling to do a chore. But eventually, the rewards make it a worth while investment. You begin to enjoy eating healthy, and getting in some exercise.
there's something addicting about physical training. it's like an internal war of often wanting to give up and compromise, or push yourself to accomplish and achieve personal goals. wanting to become your very best requires us to dig deep to self motivate. shortcuts are just cheating yourself.
there's jus something super therapeutic about physical fitness. sometimes i use a jacket when i go out for a jog/ walk. it's really a power jacket.. silly but it works. i get my headphones, shoes on tight, and suddenly i start to gain energy. in order to train the body, we must first train our mind. you'll be surprised how much even 20 minutes of exercise a day can do for you.
Stop comparing yourself.
I guess i struggle with this more than i think. Maybe age comes into factor. We all have our ideals for where we think we should be. From a young age we're conditioned to look for social comparisons that focus on status and appearances. We want to one up the other person or not fall too behind. but life isn't a race. it's difficult not to compare. But comparing ourselves can be dangerous because it usually leads to pride or despair. We look to peers and think they got it all together, or they're ahead of the game, why isn't my life moving like theirs? facebook, instagram, and constantly being updated with everyone's social life with pictures might not always be a good thing if u think about it. sometimes, instead of being busy with our own lives, we take more concern with thoughts like, "Oh someone's getting married, someone's making more figures in their dream job, or has more friends at a party and living a better life." It's okay if we're not where we expected or don't have it all together. everyone has their own pace. instead of where we should be, maybe it's who we should be. Regardless of others, we can choose to be happy and enjoy where we are in the present.
Friendships.
Surround yourself with positive people who encourage and believe in you. we become much more fruitful. Mentors can be great. Maybe it's seeing a therapist to work on any emotional baggage. Maybe it's plugging into a small group. Maybe it's calling up a friend. Do what it takes to get a good support system. It's far too easy to isolate ourselves, and to live lonely lives, that's not how it's meant to be. I think this is why it's crucial for us to find solid christian friendships. I may not have tons of friends, but the close and deep friendships i do have are worth more than gold.
Learn about other people, serve other people. Grow together, support and encourage one another. fight for the people that are important to you. Find people who bring out the best in you. For some reason kids and animals seem to do that in me. Great people bring out greatness in others. happiness is contagious. perhaps my biggest mistake was making certain people i cared about, my only source of happiness.. i had to learn the hard way. sure we often feel happiness when we spend time with people we love, but at the same time we need to find our best self independently, if that makes sense. It can be tricky to find the right balance.
I think if we're not serving or trying to bless others, i dont think we've quite found our best self. I look up to my parents as role models, and they both have a good quality of having a genuine interest in others. I'm normally a shy guy and keep to myself. but i guess im tryin to be a little more intentionally relational. just improving someone's day by just 1% can really mean a lot. Even the smallest of gestures can go a far way. Im noticing that sometimes the best way we can help others is to just give them our full attention and be present with them. it can often take a lot of energy, and we can only give out of what we have, so taking care of ourselves holistically, just seems that much more important.
Spend time with God.
Daily meditation is important. 2-3 minutes of just being in still silence or in prayer can make a huge difference. Our busy lives need to slow down to find rest in God. to be honest, i feel like i often undermine how great our God is. i often undermine the power of prayer. He deserves all our praise, and yet too often i find myself distracted with idols. We forget to abide and remain in Him. He's our source of power, restoration and healing. He empowers us to go beyond our limitations. When we are empty and tired, he fills us with overwhelming and contagious joy. How would our lives look like and transform if we intentionally spent just a little more time with him? sometimes i forget how simple it really is to talk to God. If i can write long blogs about a hundred different thoughts, shouldn't i be able to talk to God about them? And even if we dont have any immediate things on our mind, it's nice to just enjoy his favor and presence. how often do we forget to simply be.
Beyond self help, natural formation, human intellect, behavior modification, and positive self talk, is faith in God's work in our sanctification. This transformation goes back to receiving God's infinite love, it goes back to the gospel of his grace. He gives us peace that surpasses all understanding, he gaurds our hearts and minds, his mercy is unending. and yet sometimes we dont even know we miss it.
When God is involved in our life, he overflows out of us. We begin to hear and feel God. In him we find strength, in him we find joy. I know this will sound like a no brainer, but i still need to constantly remind myself. i need to remind myself who i am in Christ, and that im a child of God, and that he loves me. Instead of lookin at all my problems and insecurities, perhaps my focus should be on him who is my solution and security. Jesus constantly points to himself as the way, truth, and life. He makes it obvious that he is sent from God, to do the will of God, and in fact is God. If we feel weary or burden, he says to come to him. He says, "Let anyone who is thirsty come to me and drink, whoever believes in me, as scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within them." John 7:38-39. He fills us with himself in the form of the Holy Spirit. This is where we can begin to flourish and be fruitful.
Save yo money!
seriously though. save your money. or be a good steward and use it wisely rather than jus throwing it away on stuff u really dont need. i know it sounds like im teaching life lessons, but it's really jus a long note to self. ive been a big idiot when it comes to money. but i guess sometimes it takes going through mistakes to learn how to be a bit smarter the next time around.
I was watching a show called Hard Earned. it was a documentary of how so many people struggle to make a living and survive. Some ppl have school loan debts, some people got laid off from their jobs, some have to take care of their parents with medical conditions, some are single parents, and the list goes on. many of us are lucky to have stuff given to us, but not everyone is that fortunate. the people on the show share their daily struggles and basically have had to work their butt off just to make ends meet. it's crazy how expensive life can seem sometimes. and i guess im learning to be more prudent with money and at least try to limit spending to only necessities.
Taking Control.
I already mentioned this before, but it's been very helpful for me lately. Look up Internal Locus of Control, and Efficiency Expectation. It's basically believing in ourselves, growing in confidence that we can make choices to control and change our lives. It's about applying yourself and taking responsibility, while trusting God. We can let depression, helplessness, anxiety, worry and stress swallow us alive, or we can fight back. There's a point where we come to realize that we're in need of self-interventions. We're much stronger and more capable than we think. Sure we all need the help and support of others, but we forget how much we can do to help ourselves.
For a long time i allowed pessimism and negative thoughts to hinder and limit me. I was angry at myself, dealt with loss and guilt. I had a negative view of self, was spiritually dry, and sort of lost my identity. I lost sight of my purpose, and forgot to take care of myself. I still struggle with over thinking, perfectionism, and forgiving myself, but i know im headed in a brighter direction. I need to stop condemning and doubting myself and start believing and affirming the good that i can do. Sometimes it takes a while for us to simply accept and let it be. There are some things we can't change, control or fix, but we need to focus on the responsibilities and opportunities that we can seize today. sometimes we slow down too much to try and heal. sometimes we need to keep moving and take more initiative to restore ourselves.
We all need soul care. And that comes from the love of God and the support of others. It's not enough to just know ourselves well. There are also things within us we need to intentionally defeat. We need to kill the negative thoughts that destroy us. In a sense, we need to lose ourselves and often give up idols in order to find ourselves, to see the things that are really important. We can remain the same, or we can fight to change and better ourselves. We also need to love ourselves, and i think that involves trying to forgive ourselves of our past mistakes. Sure there are areas where we need to work on, we're not perfect, but we can still accept ourselves, challenge ourselves and choose to be happy. What challenges stand in your way? Believe that you can overcome them. When we help ourselves and take care of ourselves, we have the ability and capacity to give to others. Find and keep your best self, and then help others find their best self too :)
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