possible worlds

Sometimes I see my life like a movie. But more like a book. I start to see the chapters in my life. I start thinking of where I was, who i was and the important people of those chapters. I start thinking, what did I learn from these previous chapters. Instead of reading the present chapter, I find myself over reflecting on the what ifs. What if I could redirect this movie and start from the beginning? What if I could rewrite these past chapters?

I then begin thinking of alternative possible worlds. Imagine all the different realities i could possibly have. They're infinite. We make some decisions that dictate big changes in our life. What if I didn't move? What if I never went to that school? What if i never met this person. What if I pursued or didn't pursue someone? What if i chosen to stay? What if I didn't apply or choose to work somewhere? What if I didn't move in with certain roommates? What if I said this, or that? What if i didn't do this or that? What if..



I start imagining how my life could be entirely different. I start thinking of the butterfly effect. Sometimes over analyzing every detail can be dangerous. There are things that we can't change in the past. But i think we can change how we deal with our disappointment. There are many good decisions, as well as bad decisions. What if I made just one less bad decision? Why do i still hold on to regrets? why do i still feel angry at myself? It's hard to let go of guilt. It's hard to continually try to forgive ourselves and keep moving forward sometimes. Perhaps we're meant to learn something from the past and choose to make better decisions in our present and future.

My old philosophy roommate would often try to sell me on molinism. google it. it's pretty interesting. It attempts to harmonize and reconcile God's sovereignty with man's free will. It can get really confusing. Basically from what i understand, God knows all possible "worlds" of all possible outcomes of all our decisions and what we would do. He then chooses to actualize and make one reality which allows us to still have free will but still have God ultimately sovereign when it comes to doctrines of predestination and election. I still tend to consider myself a five point calvinist. Even though there are way more points then just five. But the main one's have been from the acronym TULIP, Total Depravity, Unconditional election, Limited atonement, Irresistible grace, and Perseverance of the saints.

sometimes i think about and remind myself of Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." the words "all things" seems highlighted in my mind. God works all things, everything, the good and bad, for our good. Sometimes it's hard to see the good. But God even uses sin. He used man's sin in crucifying Christ ultimately for our good. People can often easily miss the condition of "of those who love him." And i ask myself, "Do i truly love God?" and the answer is yes, but i wish i loved him more. And sometimes we can't even say that, because if we really did wish we loved God more, we would already be loving God more. The truth of the matter is that we need God's help to help us to love him. I think when we truly find ourselves in the love of God, we begin to see his righteousness in us. We find ourselves almost automatically worshiping God and an increase in obedience.

So to wrap this blog off, i guess my final thoughts are.. Even though we've all made our mistakes, we can still choose to become better and learn from our short comings. Although uncommon, our lives can change dramatically within a day, a few minutes, or even a few seconds. And instead of pondering and worrying about all the "What ifs" of how we played our cards, maybe we should be pondering the love, goodness and sovereignty of God. We're given new chances, new possibilities and opportunities everyday. The scariest possible world or reality, is one where we don't belong and live in the love of God. So what im tryin to say is choosing to place our trust in God and respond in faith is ultimately our greatest decision. And I think God elects and calls those that are his to himself. I guess i'll end with the verses that follow Romans 8:28

"For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And he those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." Romans 8:29-30