Taking a Break

You ever tell yourself, "hmm I think I really need a break from everything." lol and part of me also wants to include "..and everyone" but i know that's not true. An old friend once described it as taking a mental or internal vacation into your own mind. It's like taking time to purposely do deep self-reflection, self- exploration, meditation, and soul searching. I find myself contemplating my goals, ambitions, and resolves of who I want to be. Really I just need to re-center myself so my mind isn't so stressed out.

This year my goal was to find a greater sense of peace. So I wanted to take a few weeks of metaphysical solitude. lol whatever that means. Usually I fill up my free time binge watching shows, spending too much time playin games or on youtube, or on my phone texting or watching endless videos just out of boredom. i kinda get why old folks are always complaining about our millennial generation. I definitely need a break from screens for a while, maybe I might be a little more present. i don't think this will last very long. lol

It's funny how when u have too much time to yourself, you want to be busy, productive, out with friends and out pursuing your dreams. But then when your at work, or out with people too long there's really nothing you want more than to just go home and chill.
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I think i'm just tired of the constantly wasting too much time on my computer, tv and phone. We really don't need to be connected to everyone all the time and be up to date with the latest social media feed. we really don't. And filling my mind with too much entertainment and games can sometimes just make me go numb. I mean no we don't hafta always be productive, but i know starring at screens for hours really doesn't better me in any way so sometimes it's so refreshing to just unplug and take a break. I think I purposely want to take a step back from all of that, and re-assess all my priorities. At least for a good while. Sometimes even just taking 5-10 mins to sit in silence and purposely meditate can make a big difference to help center and refresh yourself.

My old roommate would often try to prioritize just a two or three important things. And sometimes certain areas just require that much attention. I think right now the two things i need to focus on are work (which includes saving money) and health (which includes nutrition, fitness, and getting enough sleep.) that's basically gonna be my life for a while.. work, workout, eat, sleep, repeat.

so the last show on Netflix I binged was "The Umbrella Academy," and man that was pretty good, better than i expected. im a sucker for superpowers. man it'd be so cool to not worry about real life problems and just fight crime with cool superpowers. lol but yeah, unplug and moderation. gotta get my life in order and stop being a big baby, man-child, lazybutt sloth.

I need to refocus on my goals. Holistic health has become more and more important to me. Sometimes it really helps me to write it out and put words to it.

I've been trying to put better intention into eating healthy. Good nutrition is definitely a game changer. Bad eating habits and choices lead to bad health. no duh. I used to eat whatever i wanted.. and yeah.. u could tell lol. Eating right can sometimes take a lot of extra thought and intentionally. but if u eat good, you'll feel good. It takes practice to know how to grocery shop and cook the right meals on a budget. It's something I need to work on. Cuz when i go grocery shoppin, ho brah i jus buy all kine goodies and snacks like a 5 year old. then im like, dangit i didn't get any real food to survive. The tough part is that trying to eat right can really get expensive. But if i'm gonna spend money and invest in anything, i think spending money on good foods in the long run is definitely worth it.

specifically, i need to eat more eggs, avacado, fish, ground beef, chicken, salads and vegies ofc, spinach, cauliflower (nahh no need cauliflower blehhhh!), broccoli, asparagus, sweet potato, apples, bananas, blueberries nuts, yogurt, celery juice, unpasteruized kefir for probiotics, and more avacado. gotta avoid sugar, salt and trans fats. When i was on the keto / intermittent fasting, i basically cut out carbs, but now i'm at a point where it's fine for my macros to be 25% carbs, 25% fats, 50% protein. i jus got this super good protein shake. it's chocolate peanut butter flavor and it seriously gets me excited it's so good lol.

Physically I'm pretty proud that I've been consistently going to the gym 2-3 times a week for the past 9 months. It becomes easy once it's a habit. The gym has actually been very therapeutic for me. it really helps me to relieve any stress. You don't gotta kill yourself in the gym, u just gotta be consistent. even walking like 20 minutes resets and refreshes the chemicals in your body and brain. I still have some medical conditions that ive struggled with for like 13 years. it drains my energy daily and I need to do everything I can do to get most of my health back so i can function normal.

Emotionally, valentine's month wasn't the easiest. it never really is for me. And not to be too much of a downer, but 30 and single can be pretty rough at times. I usually just stuff it down and ignore it, but the truth is being a lone wolf often really hurts. sometimes it feels like i've already wasted so much precious time. I think feeling a feeling of despair is somewhat of a natural response to knowing that something crucial in your life is missing. My buddies are married or getting married soon. For whatever reason, things jus never work out the way i hope or expect. In any case, I still need to remember to love myself, and as cheesy as that sounds, it's really important. Usually staying busy helps me to not overthink and spiral into dark depressing moods. it is an issue, but the best way i handle this is just don't think about it much. gosh lets just stop talkin about this lol

Cognitively, I need to rewire a lot of the negative and critical thoughts. This can be difficult for someone who isn't the most optimistic. I have supervisor who's also kind of my therapist who let me borrow a book about how to consciously change our thoughts and inner self talk. of course we know we should, but putting it into practice is another thing. I really think daily intentional forms of meditation are vital for our mental health. It's like preventive measures to make sure I at least stay in a neutral state of mind.

I need to make a better sleep schedule. naps screw me up so much.

For Relational health I need to put more intention into plugging into a church community. I've been going kinda off and on to this one church. a lot of the time I rather just stay home and chill cuz sometimes getting ready to go out and driving into town is such a hassle, but I guess I know it's better if I push myself to go to worship services. It's just not always easy. But I know I need a better support system. investing into community is really like anything else. It takes time and intentionality.

Spiritual health is something we often miss or neglect. If one is planning to go on a mental mind vacation journey, i think it's important that somehow God is involved in helping us along the way. For Christians, we pretty much know what we believe. But actually living our our faith in trust and in intimacy with the Living God is a whole other thing.

So practically, I have to figure out what steps I need to do to draw closer to God. And usually it involves not doing anything but stilling ourselves and seeking him in silence. But guess that still requires intention and the awareness to say, "Father God, here I am. I'm present and waiting." And even tho God is always with us, there are times where He just really shows up and replenishes our spirit. idk if that makes sense, but u know what i mean. If you could sense God's loving presence with you throughout the day, wouldn't your day be so much better? God is the highest source of power, healing, transformation and sanctification.. so it only makes sense that we ask Him for help as we go through whatever life throws at us.

I got to see an old friend I haven't seen in like 9 months. It was good to catch up and just hit the gym, watch some sports and play ball. sometimes 1 or 2 really good friends can really make a huge difference. u really cant crack jokes or poke fun if you're all by yourself. its jus crazy how meeting up with friends becomes somethin u intentionally hafta schedule now days.

hmm..  

Too much going on. This is why I need to go on a mind vacation and find some sort of inner solitude, rejuvenation and peace. so yeah, please pray for me.

shoooooots