highlights

ive been sick for a while now. and these two girls that come to preschool early in the morning decided to play doctor. I was picked to be the patient, lol. They started to take random toys off the shelf and started to give me shots. They pretended to hear my heart beating and also took my temperature. i feel pretty blessed to have such playful and loving students.

During afternoon snack, i also had two boys taking their shirts off and putting them on their heads, it was too hilarious to tell them to stop fooling around lol. Then this one girl had a laughing attack and wouldn't stop laughing, it was too contagious and priceless. kids are way more fun than boring adults.

Mm..oh we also went to the zoo for a field trip. that was exciting since it's not everyday you get to see tigers, elephants, monkeys and giraffes. They had a lot of fun in the petting zoo, but the rest of the zoo was quite a bit of walking for them. I was so worried of losing one of my kids the whole time, lol. i kept doing headcounts like every 10 minutes.

We do language arts, math, science, social studies, and art, but it's nice to just relax and watch a fun movie. Our class just got this dvd player that has netflix, hulu, and youtube. So we get to watch stuff like Finding Nemo, Frozen Fever, Kung Fu Panda, and some other educational stuff. I wanted to watch Wreck It Ralph, but i got out voted by Inside Out :/ Im gonna bring a bunch of DVDs so we can party! I also really wanna watch The Incredibles again. We have May Day and our graduation performances that we hafta prepare for. For our graduation we have a Disney theme! I know im gonna end up missing my kids..

there's these youtube videos of a game called Just Dance. I play a bunch of silly songs with dances to follow and it's pretty fun to do with all the kids. We basically just end up doing our own uncoordinated dances. it's a blasty blast.

Striving to Flourish

This past year i wanted to find more balance and peace. I wanted to grow in maturity and in inner strength to overcome obstacles. I wanted to become more responsible and independent. And I think i did grow in these things. Sometimes progress is never simply moving forward. Sometimes we really need to face ourselves and ask ourselves who we are and who we want to be. I feel like i often have to confront myself and challenge myself to be better. I sometimes wrestle with pessimism and perfectionism which can be very self-defeating. I'm either angry at myself, too critical on my mistakes or too lazy to try and change. But it's in the process of overcoming our internal battles, our pain and times of discouragement that makes us stronger. Ultimately it's finding our identity in Christ that really gives us the power to change. Overall I think the two things i really learned this year were self-love and self-confidence, and i guess they're very interrelated. These are definitely areas that i still need to work on.

Making new year's resolutions is easy. Keeping them is the hard part. 

quote

"It is one thing to know Jesus Christ loves us and another thing to realize it.. Everything has been given to us by the Father in Jesus. All we need now is to experience what we already possess. The most precious moments of prayer consist in letting ourselves be loved by the Lord." -Brennan Manning

gingerbread cookies

Have you ever heard the phrase, "But Mom, I just want to stay home and bake cookies with you." Well that's exactly what i did. I just had the gingerbread mix. So my mom and i went to a few grocery stores to find cookie cutters, sprinkles, frosting, eggs and butter. Although we ended up buying much more than that. Anyways, after we got home it was like 6pm already, (and we didn't end till like 11pm). So i started mixing the cookie stuff. btw ive never really made cookies, so this was kind of a challenging first for me. I usually jus mix the stuff and my mom would always do the rest. 

The cookie dough was too sticky and mushy to do any cutouts. And we realized we didnt have any flour, which was pretty important. We put it in fridge to solidify a bit, but the oven was already good to go. My mom found lemon cake mix, so we ended up using that for flour. We made christmas trees, snowmen, stars, hearts, gingerbread men, and bears. Some of them came out really.. unique. I think we made about 70 cookies for my class and to give out. The kitchen quickly became a mess. Baking cookies was much harder than i thought.

Then today it took the kids like 3 minutes to decorate them and to gobble them up. I'm glad they came out good and everyone enjoyed them. i love gingerbread, but man it was way too much work! tomorrow we're going to Chuck E Cheese's for a field trip! So that'll be fun. And then i get two weeks off! whoo!

reoccurring lessons

take risk in confidence and be bold
step outside of your comfort zone
try not to let the expectations of others to get the best of you
sometimes we get too concerned with how others think of us
choose your words carefully
know when to speak up
be intentionally relational
greet others
show interest in others
listen to others
enjoy the present
savor moments
laugh, play and be silly
set aside intimate time for God
find rest and joy in him
love yourself
know what you want
set goals, challenge yourself
stick to them/ perseverance
take small steps in the right direction
be grateful for all that you do have
go the extra mile
take care of your health, eat healthy
do things that make you happy
save yo money cuz everything is too expensive
naps will mess your sleep schedule


"Consider it all joy my brothers when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have it's perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." -James 1:2-4

worship night

ugh

man is it just me, or is it like super hard to be responsible. I can be responsible for a really short time, but it just doesn't last. My sleep schedule got thrown out the window. and as much as i love naps, man they'll mess you up. i somehow wake up on time and function alright at work, but it takes all my energy to keep up with little kids. sometimes i feel like im just treading water and trying so hard to give my best. by the time i get home, im so exhausted that i just crash out. i blame AC for making me too cold and comfortable. I told myself i would be hitting the gym more consistently. but who has the energy for that? even though it's like a 3 minute drive away, i just dont do it. You ever see a guy jogging and you say to yourself, "dang i wish i was that dude who goes running early in the morning, i should be committed like that dude," and then crawl back inside your cave to sleep? It takes me hours to muster up enough will and determination to actually get stuff accomplished sometimes. I blame media, video games and all the comforts we have at home. but really it's jus a lack of self-discipline. Another hard habit to get going is eating right. Good nutrition has just been too hard lately. i love sugar and cold sweets too much. i just found my new favorite boba place too. right now im thinkin about portuguese sausage and cheese pizza. After my doctor told me to eat more whole grains, fish, fruits, etc, i was like "yeah you're absolutely right." and then i went to panda express nomnomnom lol..,, if i could jus eat right, get super ripped, and sleep on time, oh and have a social life lol, then things would probably be better  oh and maybe hire a maid or butler to do my laundry for me lol. I think it's interesting how these things that can often seem like chores can actually rejuvenate us. Eating right, sleeping regular human hours and exercising can actually give us more energy. What we put in, is what we get out. i feel like we all kinda know what we expect of ourselves, or what we'd like of ourselves, and we're capable of accomplishing these things, it's not impossible. but becoming better is always an internal battle against ourselves. It's a challenge to make healthier lifestyle changes and to stick to them. Sometimes there's just too much to be responsible for, and that's when something hasta give.. I usually have a good read at how my spiritual, relational, emotional, physical, and financial health is, and usually they aren't doing that great. But i'm still learning to take small steps in the right direction. I have to remind myself of my goals, and take better care of myself. I hafta taken more initiative and have more confidence that i can be who i want to be. I hafta replace bad habits with good ones. otherwise i end up regressing to my default, which is being a lazy childish insomniac couch potato. If only i could just be awesome at everything i do., gosh sometimes i blog and i have no idea what im really saying. this blog needs paragraph seperators, but im too lazy. ok bye

thoughts

It's really hard to give yourself fully to anything when you don't feel full yourself. I've been pretty sick with stomach issues lately. i got diagnosed with ulcerative colitus back in 2009, and for the most part i've able to control it pretty well. Some flare ups would make me end up in the hospital, but i try not to go to the ER since it's so expensive. I know no one really cares to listen to someone else's medical problems, but dang, i really miss being healthy. it's just been getting worse. it's hard to function normally when it feels like you're carrying weighted chains around. Being sick, really does help ya to appreciate health more.

Health is usually a goal and concern for people who are getting older. When i was young, i didn't really need to think about eating healthy, enough exercise and sleeping early. Taking care of yourself really isn't that easy. it's so hard to eat right and make healthy lifestyle choices everyday. i really like sugar and just cant seem to cut down on it.

i saw my regular doctor for a check up, and he's so wise. He always considers holistic health. He doesn't just look at the physical symptoms and issues. He thinks about my emotional and spiritual well being as well. I talked about how it's kinda hard to always have the energy to exercise and the discipline to eat healthy. But he told me, what we put in is what we get out. Daily exercise and nutrition knocks out so many health issues. it jus comes down to overcoming our excuses. He asked me where i saw myself in 10 years. i said i don't really know, im not sure. I would like to become a counselor but all the school it takes to get there is exhausting and requires a lot of sacrifice. He said, then we need to work around those obstacles, because i would hate to see you not become what you want to be. We have the ability to accomplish what we want to, sometimes it just comes down to sheer determination.

I have a friend who made a few bad choices and had to face the critical consequences of those choices. It was hard to see someone in so much remorse. For some reason it really affected me. Sometimes i think we make a lot of bad choices because we don't truly know the consequences. We all make bad choices here and there, and i think it'd be nice if we all had more grace for each other.

Here's a few things i noticed about myself lately, well even more so. I'm actually pretty shy. i definitely don't have as much personal and relational skills that i thought i had. I guess it's not uncommon to be shy. maybe im jus shy around ppl i dont know too well. i feel like i have a hard time speaking up, especially if it's in regards to a conflict. Let's say someone does something that you disagree with, or something you don't like. It's kind of tricky to confront someone nicely, without hurting their feelings. even sandwiching it with positive feedback can still be hard. It's easy to bottle up our feelings, but then holding everything in isn't really dealing with it either.

Everyone has pet peeves. One of my pet peeves is when people talk too much. I know quite a bit of people who can talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. And i'll literately sit there for 10-30 minutes basically politely listening. I try to show that i'm actively listening, but after awhile i just can't endure it. Sometimes i don't get how people think they're having a conversation when they're just talking about themselves non-stop. I can usually tolerate a little, but man, sometimes it's so hard to make an escape without seeming rude. I think i filter all my thoughts and i really hesitate or think about what I really want to say. With friends you don't really need to filter and choose your thoughts and words carefully. And I guess some people just say every little thought they're thinking. Sometimes I just wish conversations were a little more balanced. some people are jus so oblivious at how inconsiderate and obnoxious they're being. I had a guy jus start talkin about all his own interpretations of scripture that were really messed up. he had different views about religion, Jesus, the bible, and all sorts of tangents that jus made me wanna puke and pull my hair out.  im too polite to jus say i dont wanna listen to you, cuz you talk too much, goodbye. I noticed talkers tend to be more assertive and very opinionated. it's really hard to listen to ppl when you actually have things that you want or need to accomplish. some people just need more conversational curtsy and awareness.

you know what really grinds my gears? When technology doesn't work! jjtsdhfghksjafdfjadklfsjfjld lol sorry jus need to rant about that sometimes

I started a counseling program at Chaminade not really sure if i'd ever complete it. I After factoring in the time, money and energy it takes, i think i'm gonna take a break from it for a while. It's not that it was too challenging, i think i just need one less thing on my plate right now so I can focus on just work. Im so far from graduating it makes me wonder if i'd ever be able to complete it all. I'm also kinda getting tired of listening to people, lol. it really does take a lot to listen to people sometimes.

I know i can't do preschool teaching forever. It takes lot of energy policing little kids. Sit down please, shh no talking, no running in the classroom! please stop smashing those grapes with your feet.. please listen to mr. chris, pleaaase. lol, it's like trying to herd cats at times.

i wish kids were good all the time. lately ive really been able to see human nature in kids. They're all primarily concerned with their own needs and doing everything they can to fulfill what they want. kids are super adorable and lovable, but they can also be kind of mean to each other. everyday there's conflict, whining, crying and disobeying. physically i'm just so burnt out lately. my free time, i basically just want to sleep.

Some things i have learned from kids are.. 1) be more present with people 2) Say sorry, forgive, and let go 3) Laugh and be silly

inspired by a first grader

One of my co-worker teachers has a girl in first grade. she comes to stay in the afternoon and usually waits till all my preschool kids go home. She makes sure i reserve a few hours to just play with her and give her some quality attention. She showed me her bible that she got from school. She started telling me how she understood historical narratives like Adam and Eve, Moses and how Jesus died for our sins. She told me how Jesus is God, and how she accepted him as her Savior. Then she told me about how to pray. And how it's like talking to anyone else, or like a mom or dad. And how we can thank God, or say that we're sorry for things we've done. She then told me of all the things she was thankful for.

She talked about certain character traits or virtues like forgiveness, kindness, and loving others. I was impressed at how much she knew and how proud she was to have a relationship with God. i definitely wasn't as smart as how some kids are now. A first grader reading the bible and praying kind of blew my mind. In a way, it was refreshing to hear the basic theological concepts through a little girl. She understood them quite simply and accepted them as truth to live by. Her faith and trust were very genuine and simplistic. In a way it was a fresh reminder to pray and give thanks to God. oh and then she painted my nails with glittery nail polish.

There are some preschool students in particular that always really brighten my day. It's such a joy to spend time with them and care for them. They are so playful and full of smiles. It's nice getting a bunch of hugs and listening to all the things on their mind. They really like being thrown in the air, which usually takes a lot of energy after 5-10 times. And they reach up saying, "Again! Again! One more time! pleeeease!" A lot of them really enjoy pretend play. They pretend im the airplane pilot and we're going to disney land. They pretend to be babies, puppies and kittens. They also really like imaginary food lol. They teach me to live in the present and to enjoy simple pleasures.

work really isn't work

I feel pretty honored and lucky that i get to spend most of my day with kids. Working with kids really isn't work. If you get to do what you love, it's not really work that you grudgingly have to do. It's a lot to do and be responsible for and it can get stressful, but overall it's great getting to hangout with silly kids. I love that i also live super duper close so i don't get any traffic! i still need to work on sleeping earlier.

These past few weeks have been so busy, but it's also been a lot of fun. It's been challenging trying to do everything well. It takes a lot of energy trying to do (and be) your best consistently. I got the junior kindergarten class. Basically if they haven't turned 5 yet they can't go to kindergarten because of the new law that got passed. So all the late borns are held back.

I'm grateful I got such great kids. They all have different personalities. Some are super playful, affectionate and social. Some are really well mannered, while some aren't as much lol. Some are super adorable. Some are very independent. Some are really really silly and laugh at everything. Some are outgoing, while some of our new students are more quiet. It can be a little tricky teaching the academic side of it because there's a big difference in how much each student knows already. Some can read, while others don't know their ABC's. sometimes i wish i wasn't the teacher, and i was just another kid in the class.

I like that the kids get to learn through play. You can see them making new friendships too. When's the last time you played with blocks, dinosaurs, play dough, trains, trucks, puzzles, and did arts and crafts? Remember how exciting field trips were? Or getting to play hide and seek and tag? i wish when i was younger i got to go to a fun preschool like this. They have awesome school lunch, lol. There's extra speech pathology, hawaiiana, sports, swimming,and gymboree stuff too.

So far we've made cheerio and friendship bracelets. We do a lot of art projects with cutting, gluing, painting, and drawing. We're gonna be making sock puppets really soon, which i'm really excited about. (Even though i shouldn't be trusted with a hot glue gun.) We're also gonna make rainbow fruit cups that'll  be fun. After we finish academic assessment, we'll dive more into reading/ writing, math, science and social studies.

One of the hardest parts is waking them up from nap time. They look so cute, innocent and peaceful sleeping. some still suck their thumbs, it's too adorable lol. Some don't move an inch when you try to wake them up. some kids cry because they miss their parents, it's so sad when little kids cry. It can also be more challenging since you have to give that child more individual attention while the rest of the class is going wild.

Sometimes i like to think what these kids will be like when they grow up. it makes me think, how much of an influence or impact i might have on them this year. It makes me a little sad i won't get to see them grow up. There's some moments that are just so priceless. 

Sometimes it can be tough to prep and plan everything in advance. It can be tricky to give each child individual attention. It can be tricky to want to validate everyone's thoughts when they're so talkative or have many needs. 

All my co-workers and bosses are really nice, i mean it is a preschool lol. I was gonna throw a dinner at my house for everyone, but there's really a lot of people and my mom said the house is a bit too messy. 

It's hard not to be really happy being in such a fun environment with kids. It's not uncommon to get kids who want to sit on you, or want a hug, or having kids poke you and call you silly names. one girl wraps around my leg while i try to walk, and she just looks up at me and laughs lol.

Yesterday while I was playing on the ground, one kid hugged me, another pulled my shirt, and then another came up behind me and wrapped my neck.Then 5 other kids saw what was happening, and i literately got tackled to the ground, and wasn't able to get up lol. I was like, "no! stop! get off me! Mr. Chris isn't a jungle gym!" They all started to dog pile on me and hold me down. luckily tickles are super effective, lol. it was seriously the most fun i had in forever.

Everyday i get asked, "Mr. Chris, can you read me this book?" "Hey do you want to play with me?" "Mr. Chris are you going to chase me?" "Can we play hide and seek? Sometimes it's so hard to say, "sorry no i can't right now." Some kids sneak up on me and try to poke me. And then they run away while i try to tickle them lol. they have so much laughter and the biggest smiles. there's so much joy in simplicity.

More then teaching, it seems like the children all just want love, affirmation and attention. In a way, i think we all need those at times. Positive reinforcement and encouragement mean a lot to them. I can see when they're proud of themselves, or want to show their parents their work. never underestimate the power of a sticker and a reward sheet. 

Time goes by so fast in preschool. I honestly enjoy staying there more then being at home. Even though i only get paid till 245, it's easy to stay till 530 or even late like 830. There's always something i can prep for. The first few weeks are usually the hardest since I have to organize/clean the classroom, label everything, and plan out all my schedules. I think the hardest part is really just prepping ahead of time.

Every morning we have a morning circle time. It's such a blast! I try to make learning really fun, exciting and engaging. Sometimes things do get a little chaotic. We greet people, then sing a song. There's a children's song that's been stuck in my head called, "Slippery Fish." Then we do our alphabet sign language and phonics song, sometimes i'll read a short book, then we talk about the calendar/weather and all the songs that go with that. We briefely go over manners/ rules/ colors, shapes and coins. I like to play simon says with them, or do a silly boom chicka boom boom dance and popseekoo dance with them. Sometimes we do my morning stretching routine. Then i say "Who are we?!" and they respond, "We are the pandas!" and they get excited and loud repeating that. Then we stand up and huddle in with our hands and quietly chant, "Pandas, Pandas, Pandas, PANDAS!, PANDAS! PANDAAAS!!" It's so fun.

I learned a bunch of fun prompts to help keep them orderly. i learn so much off youtube and pinterest. We have them grab an air bubble to be quiet, or i'll count down 5,4,3,2,1! and they go "zip!" and then i give them star stickers. If they do good, i say give me an "Ah Yeaah!" or give me a firework! and they clap their hands above their head and say, "pshhh!"

I was finally able to get all my kids to be quiet. And they were sitting in line. I said, only raise your hand and whisper if you really need to say something. A little girl raises her hand, i kneel down, and she whispers to me, "I love you." it was the most adorable thing ever.

This week i got really sick. Probably cuz kids keep putting their hands in my face and coughing in my face. i had to take 5 sick days and it was so boring jus watching tv. i much rather be having fun with the kids. just wish this fever would go away. it sucks not being healthy and not at your best.

It's nice being able to make income. but i really gotta learn how to manage money better. it' takes a lot of work to earn money and yet it's so easy to spend. i spend so much money on things i really don't need.

it worries me that i like my job too much because it makes me wonder if i'll ever finish my MFT counseling program, Im wondering if maybe i should take a break from my classes.. Im concerned that i might not go into professional counseling, or go back and be more invested in ministry.Those are still some of my aspirations and passions, but at the same time i really enjoy just being present with my little kids.

I used to really want kids. Then a friend talked about it practically. i started to think about all the time, expenses, responsibilities, and expenses again. So for a while i was pretty content if i never had any kids. But when i look into the face of a child and see absolute joy, im starting to see that perhaps having a child one day would be worth all those sacrifices.

quote

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next." -Glida Radner

"To enjoy the future, accept God's forgiveness for the past."

For the unknown things in our future, we need to let go of our mistakes in the past, embrace where we are in the present, and place our faith and trust in God. 

The Pandas

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