The past three days i played bball at the gym. I usually like to run a full court game jus for the sake of exercise. Friday n Saturday I scored about 4pts a game. Which honestly feels like 100, lol.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Intentionally Relational
If you know me, you know i'm not naturally the most outgoing person. I still consider myself shy and introverted. And if you don't know me, then why are u reading my blog! lol jus joke.. Growing up, both my parents kept trying to teach me how to communicate well with others. Both my parents are highly others minded and show a lot of consideration to how others may feel. I think we asians are too timid to open our mouths, and fear drawing any attention to ourselves. I always admired how more Caucasian people naturally have more confidence to speak, greet, and be social.
The tricky and difficult part is when the Holy Spirit kinda nudges you to greet someone or to speak words of encouragement. I think we need to overcome the nervous fears of interacting with people we don't know or don't relate to. I think of how Paul told Peter to not jus interact with the Jews, but that he should also be inclusive to the Gentiles. Sometimes, we just get comfortable talking to only our friends and people we know. God calls us to step outside our comfort zone, and to reach out to people.
Tonight, I met this girl after the church's grief share meeting. I tried to be intentional and asked the usual questions to get to know someone. She mentioned that she moved here for school and didn't have much friends. In fact she has a hard time making friends. I mentioned how it's hard and scary to move somewhere where you don't really know too many people. I encouraged her to come to the young adult group or sunday services. Sometimes we all go through pains, seasons of loneliness, or just times when we feel like no one is really there for us. Sometimes it just takes an ounce of courage to try and make a new friend. I think asking questions is the best way to start interacting with people.
When we're younger, it's somewhat easy to make friends since you see the same people in all your classes. But as you get older out of school, you really do need to make the intention of being social. God can use us in small ways to do big things. Sometimes i get so caught up with, how do i benefit out of this time, what am i getting out of this, how is this meeting my needs. When really God says, you're actually here to give, serve, pray and minister to people. God's loving spirit in community offers healing to brokenness. As Christians we need to be intentionally relational and to have the boldness to act when an opportunity arises.
The tricky and difficult part is when the Holy Spirit kinda nudges you to greet someone or to speak words of encouragement. I think we need to overcome the nervous fears of interacting with people we don't know or don't relate to. I think of how Paul told Peter to not jus interact with the Jews, but that he should also be inclusive to the Gentiles. Sometimes, we just get comfortable talking to only our friends and people we know. God calls us to step outside our comfort zone, and to reach out to people.
Tonight, I met this girl after the church's grief share meeting. I tried to be intentional and asked the usual questions to get to know someone. She mentioned that she moved here for school and didn't have much friends. In fact she has a hard time making friends. I mentioned how it's hard and scary to move somewhere where you don't really know too many people. I encouraged her to come to the young adult group or sunday services. Sometimes we all go through pains, seasons of loneliness, or just times when we feel like no one is really there for us. Sometimes it just takes an ounce of courage to try and make a new friend. I think asking questions is the best way to start interacting with people.
When we're younger, it's somewhat easy to make friends since you see the same people in all your classes. But as you get older out of school, you really do need to make the intention of being social. God can use us in small ways to do big things. Sometimes i get so caught up with, how do i benefit out of this time, what am i getting out of this, how is this meeting my needs. When really God says, you're actually here to give, serve, pray and minister to people. God's loving spirit in community offers healing to brokenness. As Christians we need to be intentionally relational and to have the boldness to act when an opportunity arises.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
just a thought
Have you ever wondered what you wanna do with your life? lol if not u should. Lately i have this deep yearning to do something big, courageous, daring and something that shares the gospel. I want to use this life to be self-sacrificing. It's so hard to die to the self. It's almost as if we're programed to self-gratify ourselves with comforts. As much as it always seems we don't have enough money. We're still the top 12% richest people on the planet. What's tricky is that, even if you desire to serve and give your life towards something, what are your true intentions and reasons why? I'm conflicted, because i know i desire to have a family, a stable career and a above average home. I guess.. i've been seeing all our education and work, as pretty self-centered.
When we're really honest with ourself, we really only care about ourselves. If we were to make a pie chart of how much we invest into serving, helping others, and sharing the love of Christ with others, we might make a 1% piece of pie. I guess i'm jus convicted that so many people don't know God, and that so many Christians including myself, aren't taking any action to do anything about it. And yet, even when we get super convicted and watch a sad commercial of hungry children, how often do we do anything about it. I find myself being greedy and selfish with money and possessions. I've considered doing small scale evangelism, starting up a simple ministry or doing a mission trip. I've even considered the peace core, cuz im sure it'd be a great experience. I feel like i wanna jus go somewhere, serve people, cut off technology and American luxuries. Perhaps it'd be easier to commune with God. But would i truly be serving for the sake of God's kingdom, or would it jus be to feel better about myself. Even tho i'm in seminary. I feel stagnant. I feel like it's all jus academics and head knowledge. Theology is necessary, but so is a deep intimacy and personal relationship with God.
It seems like fulfillment, purpose, and significance, don't really have anything in common with finical success. On one hand, i don't wanna be dirty poor working my butt off, working multiple jobs just to hold a roof over my head. It'd be nice to save money for kids, traveling vacations, and shiny household appliances. It'd be nice not having to worry about paying off debt. But would those things really make me happy? Wouldn't i jus be conforming to the big machine system of society and the american dream? On the other hand, i could see myself devoting my time towards really investing in people's lives and leading people closer to Jesus. And i guess some of my fears, keep those intentions as mere dreams.
I think jus thinkin about the future made me begin to think what i want to do with my life.. i mean.. should i go for more counseling MFT or MSW to become a professional therapist? If so, why did i go to seminary? Should i jus do pastoral counseling in the church? But no church offers that as a full time job. Do i need to pick up another career like biblical teaching in high school? God what am i supposed to do?
I feel like God is pressing on me to die to my selfish comfortable ways, and to become more bold in faith. Faith is trusting God, regardless of how tempting easier options look. I say to myself, "well maybe i'll jus do somethings for God on a smaller scale." And sure we can do little things here and there. But, how much greater would it be, if we were really able to give God all of ourselves? I want a simple yet strong faith, that says, all i really want and need is my God. All i want to do is praise Him, serve, obey and live in holiness. But realistically, it's hard to do that if your not a monk. In our world, distractions are luring. The enemy says, "What's wrong with living for yourself? You can be comfortable, safe, rich." I guess i'm starting to understand why Jesus always compared seeking first his kingdom to seeking after money. I guess it's hard when we can't jus completely ignore the use and need of money. John Piper said, being rich is almost always a curse. And i guess i don't think being rich is bad, but i think it jus makes u lose sight of what's really important in life. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world and yet forfeit their soul?
Honestly, whens the last time we prayed for someone? When's the last time we spent more than a few quick minutes, to intentionally be present with God? I know the christian life isn't by how much we do, and that God loves us regardless. However, arn't good trees naturally supposed to bear good fruit? Isn't faith without works dead? As Christians, we're commissioned by God to do great things! The church is supposed to be a vehicle that disciples, equips and sends people out to reach the lost and the broken. I think the majority of us are jus paralyzed with fear, lacking the boldness to start something new, or to do something daring, big and courageous. We fear rejection, persecution, a conflict, or get afraid they'll ask us hard questions. But what's the consequence if we don't open our mouths, and don't reach out? In a sense, we're allowing them to face judgement and condemnation for their sins. We need to overcome our fears and social pressures about sharing God with others. How the heck are we supposed to share Jesus when we barely talk about him with other christians? How can i share God with others, when i myself don't really spend any time with Him? I think.. if we really knew God, we would want to make him known. If we really encountered God's love and forgiving grace, I don't think we'd just wanna keep it to ourselves.
I watched a movie called "Moonrise Kingdom." And it was pretty darn good. It's about a young boy and girl who run away and try to escape their routine lives. Other things didn't matter, as long as they were together. Sometimes i really wonder what that'd be like. What if I were to surrender it all? If God asked, could i give up marriage? If God asked me, move to a 3rd world country and live there the rest of your life, could i do it? Is my faith strong enough to move when God directs me to? I guess those are more extreme scenarios. I guess i jus don't want to live a normal, boring, and mediocre life. What am i really living for? Who am i really living for?
lol i know this blog was about deeper things. But i jus watched a movie called "Silver Linings Playbook." and it was about a guy who's bipolar and is obsessed with this girl. And i guess he meets another girl who also has a bunch of dark issues. And his dad has OCD and is kinda chaotic too. So there's so much chaos, dysfunction and arguments. but practicing a dance routine with this girl became his therapy, and eventually they're able to heal and move on from their crazy past. Sometimes we get obsessed with something we think we want. but in reality maybe God has something else in mind. just a thought.
When we're really honest with ourself, we really only care about ourselves. If we were to make a pie chart of how much we invest into serving, helping others, and sharing the love of Christ with others, we might make a 1% piece of pie. I guess i'm jus convicted that so many people don't know God, and that so many Christians including myself, aren't taking any action to do anything about it. And yet, even when we get super convicted and watch a sad commercial of hungry children, how often do we do anything about it. I find myself being greedy and selfish with money and possessions. I've considered doing small scale evangelism, starting up a simple ministry or doing a mission trip. I've even considered the peace core, cuz im sure it'd be a great experience. I feel like i wanna jus go somewhere, serve people, cut off technology and American luxuries. Perhaps it'd be easier to commune with God. But would i truly be serving for the sake of God's kingdom, or would it jus be to feel better about myself. Even tho i'm in seminary. I feel stagnant. I feel like it's all jus academics and head knowledge. Theology is necessary, but so is a deep intimacy and personal relationship with God.
It seems like fulfillment, purpose, and significance, don't really have anything in common with finical success. On one hand, i don't wanna be dirty poor working my butt off, working multiple jobs just to hold a roof over my head. It'd be nice to save money for kids, traveling vacations, and shiny household appliances. It'd be nice not having to worry about paying off debt. But would those things really make me happy? Wouldn't i jus be conforming to the big machine system of society and the american dream? On the other hand, i could see myself devoting my time towards really investing in people's lives and leading people closer to Jesus. And i guess some of my fears, keep those intentions as mere dreams.
I think jus thinkin about the future made me begin to think what i want to do with my life.. i mean.. should i go for more counseling MFT or MSW to become a professional therapist? If so, why did i go to seminary? Should i jus do pastoral counseling in the church? But no church offers that as a full time job. Do i need to pick up another career like biblical teaching in high school? God what am i supposed to do?
I feel like God is pressing on me to die to my selfish comfortable ways, and to become more bold in faith. Faith is trusting God, regardless of how tempting easier options look. I say to myself, "well maybe i'll jus do somethings for God on a smaller scale." And sure we can do little things here and there. But, how much greater would it be, if we were really able to give God all of ourselves? I want a simple yet strong faith, that says, all i really want and need is my God. All i want to do is praise Him, serve, obey and live in holiness. But realistically, it's hard to do that if your not a monk. In our world, distractions are luring. The enemy says, "What's wrong with living for yourself? You can be comfortable, safe, rich." I guess i'm starting to understand why Jesus always compared seeking first his kingdom to seeking after money. I guess it's hard when we can't jus completely ignore the use and need of money. John Piper said, being rich is almost always a curse. And i guess i don't think being rich is bad, but i think it jus makes u lose sight of what's really important in life. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world and yet forfeit their soul?
Honestly, whens the last time we prayed for someone? When's the last time we spent more than a few quick minutes, to intentionally be present with God? I know the christian life isn't by how much we do, and that God loves us regardless. However, arn't good trees naturally supposed to bear good fruit? Isn't faith without works dead? As Christians, we're commissioned by God to do great things! The church is supposed to be a vehicle that disciples, equips and sends people out to reach the lost and the broken. I think the majority of us are jus paralyzed with fear, lacking the boldness to start something new, or to do something daring, big and courageous. We fear rejection, persecution, a conflict, or get afraid they'll ask us hard questions. But what's the consequence if we don't open our mouths, and don't reach out? In a sense, we're allowing them to face judgement and condemnation for their sins. We need to overcome our fears and social pressures about sharing God with others. How the heck are we supposed to share Jesus when we barely talk about him with other christians? How can i share God with others, when i myself don't really spend any time with Him? I think.. if we really knew God, we would want to make him known. If we really encountered God's love and forgiving grace, I don't think we'd just wanna keep it to ourselves.
I watched a movie called "Moonrise Kingdom." And it was pretty darn good. It's about a young boy and girl who run away and try to escape their routine lives. Other things didn't matter, as long as they were together. Sometimes i really wonder what that'd be like. What if I were to surrender it all? If God asked, could i give up marriage? If God asked me, move to a 3rd world country and live there the rest of your life, could i do it? Is my faith strong enough to move when God directs me to? I guess those are more extreme scenarios. I guess i jus don't want to live a normal, boring, and mediocre life. What am i really living for? Who am i really living for?
lol i know this blog was about deeper things. But i jus watched a movie called "Silver Linings Playbook." and it was about a guy who's bipolar and is obsessed with this girl. And i guess he meets another girl who also has a bunch of dark issues. And his dad has OCD and is kinda chaotic too. So there's so much chaos, dysfunction and arguments. but practicing a dance routine with this girl became his therapy, and eventually they're able to heal and move on from their crazy past. Sometimes we get obsessed with something we think we want. but in reality maybe God has something else in mind. just a thought.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Grief Share, Wonderment, Calling
i jus saw that i posted 115 blogs in 2012.. that averages to like 1 every 3 days, and i thought i didn't blog that much, lol.. geez chris..
the picture is from the young adult group, 18-25yr olds. It was encouraging and refreshing to worship with them, i'll probably continue going every week. Lemme know if any of u guys are interested in going. It was a little different being the new guy and trying to immerse myself into this community. I pretty much make up the whole asian population, lol. Tonight i went to a grief share thing at church. There were about 8 people there, and everyone had lost a loved one in their family.. Well except me. I jus went as an intern to observe, and i'll continue to go for a few weeks to see what it's like. We watched a video about losing a spouse. Each week, they cover difference aspects. I think it's a 14 week meeting thing. Anyways, the video had some pretty good insights.
When you lose a loved one, you don't realize that some of your hopes, plans and dreams also die. One girl later talked about how they were planning to take a trip because her dad was in remission for cancer. But now everything they wanted to do couldnt happen. Some people shared how hard doing everything the first time without a family member was hard. Like birthdays, Christmas and holidays. For spouses, being home alone, taking care of finances, sleeping alone, eating alone, and just the difficulty of losing someone so close. People made good use of those tissue boxes.
It made my heart hurt jus thinking how much these people were hurting. The lady next to me, had her father murdered, her mother also passed away from illness and her brother overdosed on drugs, all within two years. She said she turned to alcohol and couldn't deal with the responsibilities of handling money. But she shared that the experience also led her to come to church and become a christian.
.......
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
defeated
I feel stressed, tired, empty, sad, frustrated, depressed, worried, and defeated. School is kicking me in the butt. I get depressed on Monday and Wednesday from 430 on, because that's when i have hebrew. That class makes me feel really dumb. It's so hard to keep up and do all the work that gets assigned. I pretty much know everything about hebrew.. except the hebrew grammar, pronunciation, parsing, vocabulary, grammatical exceptions, conjunctions, pronouns, adjectives, suffixes, construct chains, and all the verbal paradigms. Besides all that i know it all.
It's strange that even tho i have probably the easiest hebrew teacher, the content and course is still ridiculously hard. He calls on people to read and translate sentences, sometimes randomly. So i did an easy one ahead, because if you volunteer he doesn't pick you later. So i was waiting for him to call number 2. And he doesn't always go 1,2,3,4,5 it's like number 15 on page 187, number 4 on page 189. So he said number 2, and i was like.. crap does he mean this number 2 that i did?! or another one, then some other dude raised his hand and stole the one i did. So i was panicking trying to improvise translating other sentences he might pick. Luckily class ended. It's like that everyday in class. I'm seriously so lost. I do my best to not complain about the class, but it affects me mood so much.
Gahh. and this new internship thing at this church is so time consuming. 9am Mon class with the Prof., Tuesday night for college group, 9am Wednesday morning meeting with the prof. Thursday i have class with the same Prof. then later that thursday night i hafta go to counseling groups, Sunday 9am small groups n service. And i'm supposed to get in contact with 2 other leaders to meet with them. All for a 1 credit internship course.. greaaaat... ima bout to blow up
I'm also worried about how i'll be able to form a full time career outta counseling. It seems like the 4-5yr masters of divinity degree really only gets me a part time job counseling in a church. So that makes me worry about the future. I wish everythin wasn't ran by money in this world. it jus seems to cause headaches. Sometimes i escape to a superhero fantasy dream world where everything is easy and fun. Every time i get sucked back to reality i feel like i jus endure the hard parts of the day. And I know things could always be harder and worst, but i guess i'm jus in a downer mood cuz i'm not happy with my current circumstance and responsibilities.
I was talking to my dad and he said, he woke up to leave at 6am, and he didn't wanna get outta bed, cuz he knew he'd be working till past midnight. And my mom always has tons of energy to work long hours every week too. My parents have such a hard work ethic and i feel like the complete opposite. I feel defeated when met with difficult challenges. If life was a video game, sometimes it'd be nice to put the setting on "very easy." Makes me reminisce how easy my childhood was.. play all day with your friends and have fun. Now it seems it's just school and work till you die.
least i'm goin snowboarding this weekend!!!! YAAHHH SNOOOOWWW!! AHHHH YEEAAAH!
It's strange that even tho i have probably the easiest hebrew teacher, the content and course is still ridiculously hard. He calls on people to read and translate sentences, sometimes randomly. So i did an easy one ahead, because if you volunteer he doesn't pick you later. So i was waiting for him to call number 2. And he doesn't always go 1,2,3,4,5 it's like number 15 on page 187, number 4 on page 189. So he said number 2, and i was like.. crap does he mean this number 2 that i did?! or another one, then some other dude raised his hand and stole the one i did. So i was panicking trying to improvise translating other sentences he might pick. Luckily class ended. It's like that everyday in class. I'm seriously so lost. I do my best to not complain about the class, but it affects me mood so much.
Gahh. and this new internship thing at this church is so time consuming. 9am Mon class with the Prof., Tuesday night for college group, 9am Wednesday morning meeting with the prof. Thursday i have class with the same Prof. then later that thursday night i hafta go to counseling groups, Sunday 9am small groups n service. And i'm supposed to get in contact with 2 other leaders to meet with them. All for a 1 credit internship course.. greaaaat... ima bout to blow up
I'm also worried about how i'll be able to form a full time career outta counseling. It seems like the 4-5yr masters of divinity degree really only gets me a part time job counseling in a church. So that makes me worry about the future. I wish everythin wasn't ran by money in this world. it jus seems to cause headaches. Sometimes i escape to a superhero fantasy dream world where everything is easy and fun. Every time i get sucked back to reality i feel like i jus endure the hard parts of the day. And I know things could always be harder and worst, but i guess i'm jus in a downer mood cuz i'm not happy with my current circumstance and responsibilities.
I was talking to my dad and he said, he woke up to leave at 6am, and he didn't wanna get outta bed, cuz he knew he'd be working till past midnight. And my mom always has tons of energy to work long hours every week too. My parents have such a hard work ethic and i feel like the complete opposite. I feel defeated when met with difficult challenges. If life was a video game, sometimes it'd be nice to put the setting on "very easy." Makes me reminisce how easy my childhood was.. play all day with your friends and have fun. Now it seems it's just school and work till you die.
least i'm goin snowboarding this weekend!!!! YAAHHH SNOOOOWWW!! AHHHH YEEAAAH!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Matthew 6:25-34
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
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