bball

   The past three days i played bball at the gym. I usually like to run a full court game jus for the sake of exercise. Friday n Saturday I scored about 4pts a game. Which honestly feels like 100, lol.

It feels good to juke someone, blow past someone, and knock down a shot when it counts. I usually make a bunch of mistakes, or barely get to do much since all the show offs hog the ball. But today, I was the top scorer for our team. Everyone thought i was better than i really am. They kept passing it to me because they thought i was a good dribbler point guard. But i'm very average at dribbling. So since everyone kept feeding me the ball, i kept taking shots and everything seemed to go in. I was surprised i kept making shots. Most were really lucky. It's rare to have games where everything goes right. It's kinda like life.. Some days it seems like everything goes wrong, and then other days things jus naturally turn out good.

   I play a lot harder when i play against people i don't know. I guess i get more competitive. There's usually a few guys who have way too much pride and get really angry tho. My trick is to always make friends with the biggest dudes, so if anyone ever gets mad at me i got a big guy to back me up, lol. After the game, i went to drink water, and water went down the wrong pipe, lol. I couldnt stop coughing, and my heart was on fire. It's funny how you can endure so much physical pain, and then accidentally drink water wrong and start dying.

   Basketball intramurals at Biola start soon, so I feel like i should get in better condition. I like having time to focus on health, eating right, and working out. There's definitely some sort of spiritual correlation too. I think for guys, it's all about the pursuit of getting better. It's fun to push your body pass it's normal limits and to put your mind towards physical training. I also think it's a good therapy.

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 a friend and i were talkin about what we wanted to do in the future. Eventually we discussed if I wanted to become a pastor. I explained that the position also comes with an overwhelming amount of pressures and expectations. He hinted that maybe my expectations of who a pastor is supposed to be is too high. Perhaps he's right. I talked about how hard it is to take care of yourself spiritually, and if i'm feelin spiritually dry, how can i be effective in ministry? Perhaps that's one of my biggest fears.

I think a counselor still feels like a better fit. but every now and then, i question if i really am called to be a pastor. Perhaps I can shepherd people in counseling better than in a congregation. I think an assistant pastor is ideal. My other options are to become a high school teacher, go back for a masters in psychology for professional counseling, become a full time pastor, or do counseling in the church part time and pick up another job. The future jus freaks me out, and the present kinda brings me down too. I feel like i'm becoming more pessimistic sometimes. I become morbid over thinking and analyzing too much.