Rest, Peace, & Strength

Sometimes it's hard to find balance in life. Do you ever feel like it's hard to juggle responsibilities? How can you really give your all to something when there are so many other things to accomplish and do?

I feel like i've been running on a treadmill and it's at max speed. I've grown exhausted because even when i do find time to rest, i'm worried or anxious about the coming day. I feel like productivity has somewhat become an idol. Our culture tells us to load as much as we can do so we can can ahead and be successful. There is some truth to that, however, I don't believe we're supposed to put our walk with God on the back burner. When we are overly busy, we make less time for God and spiritual disciplines. We keep pushing ourselves to do as much as we can and more. We can kill ourselves with academics and work. We say God and family are the most important values in our life, but how much time is really given to spend with them? My point is that there may be a danger in trying to accomplish too much. We crave achievement for ourselves. Yes we should strive to do our best, but not at the expense of our relationship with God. Sometimes i think about the word "relationship" and i think, do i have this "relationship" with God? Do i truly depend on Him? Do i pray and communicate to Him? Do i make time to listen and read His Word? Sometimes God seems so abstract, that it can be difficult to have the patience to seek Him.

I propose we give our all to God. We must give God all that we are. Practically how can we do this? First off, it might start with acknowledging who God is, how loving our God is. It starts by seeing the beauty of the Gospel and the grace that cleanses our sins. Secondly, there needs to be an invitation of the Holy Spirit. God needs to help us in our daily spiritual disciplines. We need to depend on God and walk with Him. Transformation comes relationally.

Perhaps it seems difficult to hear God or sense God, because we're distracted by other desires. Instead of work, school, food, sleep, friends, internet, media, and other hobbies, we are to give ourselves entirely to God. This may require some sacrifice from other areas. Instead of filling our plates with busyness we are to put our spiritual life first. It's extremely difficult to live for God when we're too busy trying to live by the standards of our world and society. Money isn't everything. Degrees are not our highest accomplishments and achievements. Personal character, holiness, and giving our worship to God needs to be our first priority. He must be above all else.

When we are spiritual dry, empty, exhausted, burnt-out, and just plain tired, it's hard to love, serve and give our attention to anything. God must be our source of strength. We must be deeply rooted, satisfied, contented and engulfed in the love of God. I am resolved to make more time for God. I need to figure out a way to free myself up from demanding responsibilities. I need to focus on spiritual disciplines like simplicity, rest, slowing, relinquishment, meditation, contemplation, and prayer. I basically suck at doing daily devotions, and I need to figure out a way that I can commit to something simple enough for me to do.

Since Spring semester just finished, i felt like i had a short breathe of air to relax and not worry about school. I'm pretty sure there's a link between physical exercise and spiritual exercise. Working out and releasing stress and just moving my body seems to help clear my mind. It feels good to release energy out in weights, basketball or swimming. Fellowship is always extremely important. But sometimes alone time with God is much more intimate.

I watched a movie called "Chronicles" and it was about these teenagers who got superpowers. But towards the second half of the movie, it got dark. One of the kids had an abusive father, and it led to a lot of anger and hatred. It just made me think how important family, community and a support system is. The character was a good example of someone who felt misunderstood, lonely and didn't receive much love from others. As Christians we need to practice giving and receiving love.

God help me surrender my stresses and anxieties. Help me to be more intentional with my time. God i pray that i would be able to give my full attention to you. Gaurd me from getting tangled up in sins, idols and distractions. Help me to love others. Give me the patience and energy to accomplish the responsibilities you've entrusted me with. Help me be a good steward of my life. Father fill me with your Spirit and use me for your purposes. Help me to die to myself. I pray that your desires would become my desires. I want to know you more. I want to be closer. Help me when i am too weak. Help me to just sit at the foot of the cross, to see your glory and to embrace your love. Father comfort me when i grow weary. Energize me, teach me, and grant me self-control. God help me to be more disciplined. May i find rest, peace and strength in you. Amen.

Summer Begins

I feel like i can finally breathe!

I pumped out a 16pg paper today!

turn it in on wednesday

Sunghwa's graduation

Summer schooool starts next monday already!?

Sunghwa's bday

college retreat?

family youth retreat

isaac comes up

move into gregs apt

hawaii!

"I am thankful and excited for the break

But it worries me too.

I want to use my time wisely

When was last time that i truely was delighted by God's word?

I want to be able to enjoy his presence in my life.

아ㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏㅏ" -reba

ditto

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace." -Acts 20:24

What i learned from my classes this semester

Issues and Ethics Class

You can get sued if your not negligent or competent as a pastoral counselor

lol we basically went over all the different ways to protect yourself

i really need to make consent forms for ministry..

Apologetics Class

Cosmological Argument

Axiological (Moral) Argument

Teleological (Intellegent Design) Argument

Historicity of Jesus and Scripture

Witness of the Holy Spirit

The Problem of Evil

Religious Pluralism

Naturalism (only nature exist)

Scientism (scientific method only)

Epistemology (study of knowledge)

Theology 3 Class

Christology (doctrine of Christ)

harmatology (doctrine of sin)

pneumatology  (doctrine of Holy Spirit)

Perspectives Mission Class

Reaching the nations by assimilating to other cultures

understanding your role in missions

the amount of people who are unreached

how to effectively plant churches and build relationships

how to multiply yourself in training leaders

the need for praying for other religions, ethnic people groups

It's been a long semester. It was a lot harder than i expected it to be. The last few weeks had way more papers than i hoped for. The 18pg mission paper and the 16pg apologetic paper almost killed me. But now im finally done! but i cant believe Patristic Theology for summer school starts next week! i jus wanna move out and go to hawaii! its been so hot hur lately! .. im gonna miss my cats! Least crystal is gonna have her puppy and i can play with it all day!

Slowing Down

“The badge of busyness we so proudly wear is a demon of our times. Our competitive, survival of the fittest culture is unabashedly performance-driven. And so are we in the church. We find our identity and measure our worth in what and how much we accomplish.” -Bruce Demarest

Renewed Conviction

I jus watched a movie called ""Beyond the Next Mountain." It was about how a missionary went to a people called the Hmar tribe in India and spoke the Gospel of Jesus Christ in their language. He gave them a Bible in English but they couldn't understand it. A generation goes by and a father sends his son to go find someone to translate the "book" in their own language. So the boy goes off into the jungle equipped with some rice and bread. He finds another village that offers an elementary English class. then he goes to the "outside world" to find someone to translate the Bible. He gets caught up in a business of selling cigarettes, and his dad finds him on the streets caught up in worldly things. The boy becomes resolved to commit to his father's task of translating the Bible for his Hmar tribe people. He eventually talks to the prime minister and is given a scholarship to study in London, and then eventually America. It's funny how simple he is and how culture shocked he gets. He tries hard to resist falling into all the different opportunities and distractions. Oh btw, this whole time he writes letters to this girl he met back in his tribe. They eventually get married and teach English. But anyways.. the guy begins to study Greek and Hebrew, and after 3 years of dedicating himself to the translation he finishes. The guy is so happy he starts dancing like a bird and sings praises to God. He then mails it home to his tribe. His dad somehow makes copies for everyone in the tribe. The dad goes up to the mountain where he prays everyday, and finally holds up God's Word translated in his own language. It got super emotional because it showed how much he valued and cherished God's precious truth of the Gospel. The translated Bible later spread to other tribes in India. He then late becomes president of some Bible translation place and mails Bibles to everyone. Towards the end of the movie, he meets the missionary who first spoke the Gospel to his dad and tribe. The missionary is astonished at how his little seeds flourished and produced fruits of conversion in India. 

Too often we forget the power of the Bible and Prayer. We take it for granted. The truth of eternal life in Jesus Christ is more precious than gold and silver. When i'm 80, i want to look back on my life and see that i not only invested my life into growing in God's Word and in prayer, but that i also invested into loving those around me. It's so easy to get caught up in idols in America. It's so easy to turn to and depend on other things. In our pride, we try to satisfy ourselves with our lusts and we try to feed ourselves with inadequate substitutes. The answer is seeking intimacy with God and receiving His grace through faith. He is the only one who can truly satisfy our souls. What are we giving our lives to? When we look back on life, what will we have invested our lives into? Is there anything more important than enjoying the riches of God's love and sharing this good news with others?

I was talking to this woman, and she asked me, "How did you come to know the Lord." I told her my brief testimony. Then i asked, "How about you?" She began to tell me of when she was young and she her a sermon by Chuck Swindoll at EV Free Fullerton. She remembers him preaching out of Isaiah 6, and learning about God's holiness. She said she began to shake because at that moment she began to see how holy God really is. She began to talk about God's attributes and how she knew she needed to commit her life to God and take Him more seriously. She said, "I could no longer afford to take God lightly." She saw God and who He is in nature. By gaining a greater knowledge of who God is, one is given a greater sense of reverence, worship and awe. Paul says in Philippians 3:7, "I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Nothing is more important than personally knowing God and growing in knowledge of Him. And with that head knowledge, we are given the heart knowledge to receive Him into our lives more and more. As Christians we need to take our walk more seriously. We cannot take sin lightly. We need to die to our sin and flesh and walk in the freedom of the Holy Spirit.

“My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water." -Jeremiah 2:13

"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." -Hebrews 12:1-2

"Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord." -Corinthians 15:58

"The LORD also will be a stronghold for the oppressed,
A stronghold in times of trouble;
And those who know Your name will put their trust in You,
For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You." -Psalm 9:9-10

stress

anxiety in the heart

stress turning into pain

dont want to do anything

no strength, too weak, too tired

so much to do

stress from people

stress from school work

next few weeks will be very stressful

2weeks + finals week. 

4 papers, 3 projects, 2 finals

then immediately after it's summer school for 16hrs a week

then we have retreat

then i move
then ike comes up to cali

then i can finally go to hawaii

warning! reading this blog may cause you stress, lol

when i briefly talked to tim today he said, "I can't do anything because i have to do this paper. And i can't work on this paper, so i cant enjoy anything." thanks sunghwa for helping, cough i mean writing his paper. i went home early after church. i jus felt stressed out and tired. i rather remove myself then drag other people down. i almost fell asleep driving i was so tired. I have so many things that im worried about, that sometimes all i can do is worry. i really need to get stuff done. it's sad to admit that my goal right now is to jus pass classes. i started off with the do ur best in everything mentality, to jus survive and finish.

i really need to workout. it's one of my best ways of reliving stress. boba, beach, hiking, media, sleep, are nice. but God dwells in 24 hour fitness for me. Physical exercise, weights, basketball, the swimming pool and the jacuzzi make me feel at home. but lately i havnt had the time.

Avengers was better than my expectations. i kept my expectations low since the hype was so big. i actually really liked it. they coulda changed a few things here and there, but overall the action and small laughs made it enjoyable. i wish i had superpowers..

so wen i slept over gregs, melis and kris made visalus shakes. omgosh. they made banana cream, strawberry banana, peanut butterscotch, and cinnabon flavor shakes. There's a lsit of hundreds of simple recipes that you can do with visalus. So i went to walmart, bought a super cool $20 blender, jello powder packet thingys, vanilla extract, fruits, and milk. Went home and made banana cream.. omygosh.. i didn't think i could be so attracted to a shake. So fresh, healthy and tasty! ahh! gosh jus talkin about it makes me crave it more.. but it's too late to use my loud grinder.. delicious homemade shakes are the only thing keepin my mind off my stress.

God is always the best way to find peace and relieve our anxieties. but for some reason it seems very difficult right now. do i really experience this peace from God? Why is it so much easier to turn to a distraction or to a friend? I don't like dumping my stressful problems and venting to people because it might discourage and bring them down with me. There's a few people who tend to add stress whenever im around them. Some people jus have horrible manners, consideration and interpersonal skills. I know ive already vented about these self absorbed and obnoxious ppl before.. but they still get to me and create anger.. sometimes i jus wanna turn into the hulk and smash things.. God give me the patience and compassion to deal with these people.

Pretty sure i wanna move in to greg's gmas's place. it'd be sweet to actually live on my own and be close to church. I really wanna get a dog. i dont wanna hafta deal with all the responsibilities. but i want a fluffy soft smaller size dog. one that doesn't bark, or smell bad. one that stays still and likes to sleep with me. a happy dog makes a happy boy.

Why is there so much anxiety in my heart. it's so painful. why am i worried about so many things. perhaps im not trusting God in these areas. sometimes it's so easy to talk about God and talk about his truths, it's a whole nother thing to experience and to practice living by them though. God give me strength. Give me discipline. Give me joy. and then some more strength.

Tuesday-Wednesday

I really wanted to blog this on Tuesday. but now it's somehow Thursday. My Tuesday was such a good day. It may be difficult to recollect all my thoughts, but i'll try.

Ok.. it's coming back to me. I woke up around 11. Got to school around 12 to meet my friend Reena. She is such a godly woman. She is like a third mom for me, since i already have two. Anyways it was super refreshing just to catch up over lunch. She brings such a loving presence and is very easy to talk to. She told me that i looked well rested and not stressed out. Then i realized that i really was doing good. Sometimes i always think im stressed out, but really, life is going really well and i have lots of blessings to be grateful for.  We talked about a lot of things and it was nice to share the things going on in our life.  On our way out of the cafe we ran into Rob our spiritual formation cohort group leader, so that was nice too. Then went to get coffee, cuz the international koreans always have coffee on tuesdays..  i look korean enough to get some free starbucks, lol

There is something about Biola. The atmosphere is actually quite peaceful. Even when there's the stress of school, there is a sense of peace on the Biola campus. It's a Christian utopia, where people are usually full of smiles, greetings and the Holy Spirit. Then i got to class and saw this guy named Jon. He looked pretty out of it and stressed out. I saw that he had a sprite, which looked super good so i ran to the soda machine. And then i looked at my wallet and only had a $10. So i saw this dude by the machines i knew and asked if he had change for a $10. And no1 ever has change for a $10. I forget this guy's name but he is pretty cool. He's always so chill and he embodies faith. In some people it's really easy to see that Christ is the center and their joy.

Then i sat in class i listened to this lady named Victoria pray for our class time. This wasn't just an ordinary prayer to start things, but it was really patient and she invited God to be with us and that we'd be available for His will. She seriously has the most authentic smile, it brings a lot of peace when she's around. She's patient, polite and very soft spoken. But you can easily tell she wants to do her best to love and serve others.

Then we listened to this guy Mike talk about how he was in court this week. He's a Chaplin for this prison ministry and he had a call that one of the guys were tryin to commit suicide. They took 21 vicodin and drank it with alcohol. So he called 911 and the suicide support guys came within 3 minutes and were able to save this guy. Mike said that this guy was getting therapy. His therapist gave him fantasies to live in to distract him from reality. But mike noted that he asked the guy what he's afraid of. And the guy didn't want to answer because his therapist dont want him to think about his reality. He said he's afraid of dying alone. Then mike thought that his comment about "what are you afraid of?" might have lead the guy to commit suicide because he could control when and where he'd die. Mike went on to tell about how he felt really guilty. But God spoke to him and said that He would take him out of the situation and ministry if he wanted to. He realized that it wasn't his fault for other people's decisions and that he wanted to be used for God's purposes.

Then in class a few guys Matt, Don, Steve, Mike and some other guys were all joking around about a case we hadta do in class. It was fun to see how bringing in humor can really lighten up everyone's mood. It was also really fun to laugh at silly jokes and puns.

After class i talked more with Victoria and Mike. They began to talk about the chaplin classs that i'm probably gonna take next semester. They talked about how some people are really lonely and don't have anyone. Some ppl lie in hospital beds just watching tv all day with no1 to really talk to. As a chaplin, there is a ministry of presence. Just being there interested in listening to someone else's life shows compassion.

Victoria shared a story about what a joy it was to just listen to this older lady talk, even if she didn't have any teeth. Just showing the patience to listen and comfort her with the truths of scripture brought about divine revelation and peace. Chaplins remind people that God loves them and is always there for them. They remind them of the forgiveness through Christ and how they can let go of their anxieties. Most people in life are not surrounded by a solid community. Most people will keep to themselves and isolate themselves from others. Maybe they've tried to reach out but they can't find the right people who would receive it well and be understanding. So then, instead of finding support by sharing with others, they just internalize it and endure their problems.

Mike offered me an internship at his ministry. we began to talk more about the commitments of ministry and how we need to get an A in relationships. Instead of idolizing academics, i see how important it is to invest into other people's lives. I kinda got a little worried since Talbot classes, ministry, and then taking on an internship as a chaplin for school seems overwhelming. I feel like there's so many opportunities for someone to root themselves in, but there's only so much time and energy that we have. We have to discern where and what God wants us to focus on.

Anyways.. after i talked to them, i went to sit down with my friend Alex. Alex is super chill. He is so wise and knows when to bring godly correction. He has a great discernment. Anyways i got to share a good conversation with him and talk about school. It was refreshing because i haven't made time to sit down with him in a while.

Then i went to go meet up with 3 pastors. One is from talbot and is a youth pastor, his name is David. The other 2 pastors are married. Pastor Rachel is a youth pastor and Pastor Jay is taking a break from ministry. Their ministry, "Live Out Loud" is for disciplining and mentoring younger leaders like myself in ministry. This is great because i really need a group of leaders who can bounce ideas off each other. After we prayed. Pastor Jay ended with a longer prayer and it was good to see someone praying patiently and not just for the sake of praying. It was quite encouraging. Another thing they plan to do is a joint winter retreat. They already like to plan ahead, so it'll be easier with more people planning. Hopefully it's a good idea and our church kids feel comfortable with meeting other church ministries.

Then when i got home, my roommate mike came in and we started to talk around 12am. We didn't stop talking to 8am. lol.. it's easy to get into deep conversations about God, life, school, the future, and share experiences of our past. I really dont remember much cuz my brain was really lagging. I remember Mike talkin about how he wants to live life while he's single. Before he's bound by marriage and kids, he wants to go skydiving. And then we talked about him coming to hawaii. then i started to reminisce about hawaii and i began telling him of the beach, sharks, and the dangers of the ocean. lol so random. Then he talked about how he ran into a cactus in Arizona. We tend to like to talk about high school and childhood memories. It's probably why we like to watch the wonder years. Mike is planning to move back to Arizona for next semester. It kinda makes me sad cuz i wont have him to talk to late at night. im also gonna miss my little fat cats! snowball is so good when he's sleepy. and crow-crow is so fluffy, fat and lazy. he always looks at me and meows for water and treats. i don't think i'll miss wild thing. he's too antisocial.

The bulk of our conversation was about how we could be used most effectively for God's kingdom purposes. He debated doing something in the church, like being an assistant pastor who talks about apologetics. Maybe becoming a guest speaker or pastor. Then he talked about going into a secular university and teaching Christianity. Then he talked about a Christian college where he could teach Christian philosophy and apologetics. Then he also brought up the option of teaching at a seminary in Arizona where he could teach future leaders. What level of education should he go after. where should he apply. Where could he do the most for God? We didn't solve his questions, but it got me to think about where i'd be after i graduate and what type of ministry i'd be in.

  I then skipped class on Wednesday because i thought it'd be more prudent to get some rest. I woke up at 130pm and started cleaning the house. Tried to get some finical aid things done online. Changed my class schedule for next semester. Then i had to help mike get this huge table in his car trunk. that took a while.. Then i drove him to school to drop his papers off and then we went to dennys. I'm tryin to eat healthier, but it's so hard when cheese burgers are so good! Then.. what did i do? I think i came home and continued cleaning up a little. Then i took a nap. mike left for Arizona. Then i talked to my other roommate Jon for a while. Then i cleaned up my room a little. then i lied in bed again. Talked to Reba for a little. Then i made a sandwich and put goldfish in some chicken noodle soup and watched cartoons. then... i started blogging. Sorry i write things that don't have much significance. jus speed read or don't read, lol

I have a paper due in 9 hours and i havent finished it.. it's 1:08am and i have no energy to write a paper.. sigh.. i'll probably do it and hopefully finish it around 3am. uhh... oh yeah.. Avengers comes out Thursday night. i'm some what excited even tho im not a big avengers fan. I jus like super heroes, lol. uhhhh praise night is on Friday, hopefully it's not too much for our worship team to do. They do such a great job putting in the time to make sure they can give it their best. then leaders meeting after.. and then on Saturday i'll go hiking with Pastor Jay, Pastor Rachel and Pastor David. It'll be good to meet people from other ministries.

Then there's only two more weeks of school and then finals week. Then it's summer school. gah.. then i hafta figure out about moving closer to Cerritos and what that'll look like. Then it's off to HAWAII for July! but right now i need to finish up my paper.. but my back is so sore, i might jus go lie down into i get more energy to type up a paper.. lol even tho i jus wrote this long blog.. lol ok bye!

__________

wait i also wanted to mention some things. first.. some ppl really frustrate me. i feel like i jus tolerate it and hold it in. cuz i dont want to start an angry conflict of hurt feelings and say things i might regret. There are jus some ppl who i dont think i can be around for too long. I guess the lesson is to jus keep certain people at a distance because they might drain, exhaust and anchor you down with them. Keep your close friends the jelly cream filling, well if life were a doughnut. lol..

I was also kinda thinkin of things i suck at. lol. I was a little emo on Sunday cuz i somehow ended up at a karaoke. And i jus don't like karaokes. lol.. It was fun to watch Sunghwa, Chrissy, Reba sing. But they sing so well. and singing should be a fun activity. how come i cant jus have fun too? but i get nervous and shy because i dont like to sing in front of other people, esp at karaokes. One of the main reasons i don't like karaokes is because i have had bad karaoke experiences in the past. I wonder if we're afraid of things today because we've been slightly traumatized from our relationships, parent attachments, past failures and insecurities.

The worst was on a cruise ship, and everyone was having fun picking songs to sing. So i decided to pick a song i like. "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" And so i got on stage in front of tons of other kids. then the music came on.. and i didn't realize that they dont sing the lyrics to the song, so u jus gotta read the words quickly on the screen with perfect tune and rhythm. So i basically bombed. and one stupid boy shouted "Boo, You Suck!" Then this lady who was like a leader came up and tried to help me sing, im grateful she came to help, but it was even more embarrassing because it showed how much i didnt kno what i was doing.. so much shame.. Then there's other karaoke parties with friends, and it takes so much out of me to overcome singing in a group.. I usually jus get really quiet and dont want to participate. Then ppl keep asking me what's wrong. sigh..

sorry i hafta say this kinda stuff on my blog instead of being a man and sayin it in person. lol.. But you guys are all so musically talented! i get a little jealous. How come i cant play guitar well? how come i dont know piano, bass, or drums? Chris it's probably because u never learned and don't have the discipline to learn now. Yeah.. that's true. But then how come i cant sing well either? How come i don't speak Korean? How come i can't cook? How come i can't ice skate like everyone else! I kno we all have our different areas of different skill, but still.. i want to at least be decent, and not suck so much!

Singing really isn't that bad. I think dancing in public is probably the most embarrassing thing for me. probably cuz at school dances, there's the pressure of fast and slow dancing. and then the speculation and critique of all your peers. if u dance like an idiot, people jus talk and say how lame you are. then if u don't dance, ur a wimpy party pooper and have no courage. Then i started to think of more things i wish i was better at. i wish i was a better leader. I wish i had a stronger pursuit to know and love God. I wish i was a better son. I wish i was a better student. And even when i wish these things, i get really angry at myself because i don't put any more effort into tryin to get closer to those ideals. I get angry at myself that i cant even communicate these fears. why do i hafta be such a girly baby sometimes!

i need to learn to have grace for myself and to just have fun even if i'm not that great in an activity. God help me devote myself to you and not beat myself up so hard when i don't practice spiritual disciplines and grow in my sanctification. I pray that'd i learn to simply be accepted by you and that i'd continue to walk with you. I give you my insecurities, fears, failures, frustrations, worries, and disappointments. Discipline me and fill me with joy. sorry my blogs are so long! even i wouldnt wanna read them, lol lalala ok bye

Conviction

Got home 10:30pm and said to myself.. "well i am kinda tired, minus well jus go straight to sleep." Now i woke up and it's 4:30am. This is why i never sleep early. Whenever i sleep before 11 i jus wake up at an odd hour and feel extremely confused.
should i go to the gym?   psh that's silly..
should i read a book?   Chris when do you ever read?
should i do homework?  ..nope
should i play a game? that's pretty useless..
should i go on the internet? that's mindless too, even tho im doin it now
should i eat?  ..but i have no food..
should i go out to find food? what's open? it's so cold outside
should i take another hot shower? ..but i take too many already..
should i jus lie in bed, pretend im sleepy? blankets are still warm..
should i stare at the clock..   lol why?
should i blog and think of things to do? man..  it jus makes me hungry
should i wake up my cats and play with their fat? hmm..
should i watch cartoons? hmm... maybe later
wow it's pretty sad that only then intentionally spending some time with God crosses my mind..


it's kinda weird how when we're faced with free time, we go straight to feeding our physical and mental needs. how comes spiritual needs seem to get the back-burner? Why does food, sleep, recreation, media, and other comforts seem more of an immediate need or desire than communicating with God? I guess i could technically be abiding in God whatever i'm doing. but i'm probably not that in tune with God while im playin a silly game. How come i seek to occupy myself with little insignificant distractions rather then coming before my God in worship?

If God is everything we say He is and truly believe He is God Almighty, then why do often we lack such reverence and awe? When we truly see His sovereignty and how loving He is in nature we are filled with a sense of wonder and then automatically long for a deeper faith of devotion. The reason we don't treat God as first in our lives very often, is because we don't truly see who God really is very often. Seeing His glory, holiness and tasting His perfect love is what leads us to worship Him for who He is.

We don't need to restrain ourselves to a strict set of bible reading or amount of prayer as our only way of coming before God. Sometimes it seems like it becomes more of a task than a joy. Find new avenues to worship God, it could be taking a walk, drawing a picture, listening to a song, journaling, or focusing on another spiritual discipline such as confession, repentance, fellowship, rest, retreat, or other varieties of prayer and scripture meditation. In every activity, open yourself to God and invite Him to be a part of it.

I used to be confused if fasting was a spiritual discipline or not cuz of what certain professors have said. But when i really think about it, fasting is just denying your physical hunger and replacing it with an absolute need and dependency on God. It's so hard do deny ourselves and resist stuffing food in us every few hours. I'm not saying we should all jus stop desiring temporal needs. By no means! lol.. however we are to relentlessly pursue our eternal needs first. and if we really think about it, God satisfies even our temporal needs too by the strength and power of His love. In our weakness, God is magnified, because we realize that we've been trusting in other idols to uphold and sustain us. Now that i'm really thinking about it, isn't spending time with God in a daily devotional, or maybe jus in a few moments of quietness often the highlight of our day? if not, shouldn't it be?

I was driving home from school yesterday. i had my windows down.. and i was making airplane wings with my arm out the window, but then i stopped cuz i got kinda embarrassed.. But jus listening to a soft worship song directed on bringing glory to God, and having the cool wind engulf you while you slowly drive through the streets is quite relaxing. We need to find solitude not jus every now and then. we need to be consistent.. would you only talk to your spouse every once a week on sunday? in order to grow closer to God, we need to cultivate our relationship with Him everyday. We need solitude not just to clear our thoughts, but so we can open ourselves to God in prayer. We need make time to be available to Him and become more intentional on receiving from the Holy Spirit. Sometimes it may seem hard to find God because we arn't really seeking Him. “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

Make Time for God

You don't build a house in a day. It takes one brick at a time. I have many long term goals that i want to achieve, but daily tasks and present distractions seem to prevent me from gaining closer to my goals. I want to grow in my relationship with God. I want to grow in my relationships with others. I want to grow in God's Word. I want to grow in prayer and in many other spiritual disciplines.I want to grow in knowledge and in counseling/ministry skills. I want to grow in righteousness, holiness and purity. I want to grow in my love for other people. I have all these areas that need sanctification and the work of the Holy Spirit. We need to partner with the Holy Spirit, because God doesn't just magically do all our spiritual transformation for us. We also can't attempt to grow spiritually by solely depending on our own strength. We need to practice spiritual disciplines that allow the Holy Spirit to work and grow in us towards spiritual maturity.

God disciplines us for our growth. Yes we can train and discipline ourselves to grow in many areas. But when it comes to spiritual formation we need the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit transforms our beliefs, desires, will, emotions, imagination, etc. so that we can become more like Christ. I want to invest my life into knowing God and sharing Him with others. I feel like i haven't been growing lately. I make excuses and turn to other things to try and satisfy. Perhaps this struggle of trying to be with God and resisting temptations of idleness are part of the sanctification process. What has my heart been concerned with lately? Where has it been? Turn to God, put your trust in Him. Deliver me from my wickedness and idleness Lord. Destroy the things that hinder me and draw me closer to you.
 
God can communicate to us in a variety of ways. How is God trying to get your attention? When do you hear God? When do you feel God's presence? There are also a variety of ways to worship God. We not only need the intellectual knowledge of who God is, but we also need the experiential knowledge of who He is. God as an emotionally charged being is always pursuing after us relentlessly. No matter how disobedient we've been lately or no matter how far we've ran, God still welcomes us graciously.

Making time for a daily devotional with God makes a tremendous difference. If we don't practice any spiritual disciplines and are inconsistent we probably aren't relying on God enough. We replenish our bodies with food every few hours, but we don't replenish our souls as often. We need patience, reverence, and the desire to receive from Him. Now days everything is go, go, go. I get impatient just waiting for a 1 minute hulu commercial. I get impatient jus waiting for an iphone app to load. I get impatient waiting for food in a fast food drive through. The problem is that we have a short attention span and have lost the spiritual discipline of waiting on God. Yes we can abide with God and talk to Him anywhere at anytime. But there's something to being intentional with giving God your full attention. There just always seems to be so much running through my mind. I need peace, solitude and tranquility.

We get so easily burnt out, exhausted, stressed out, worried, and anxious because we don't greatly value making time to receive from God. If you really wanted to seek Him more, you would already be doing so. If you really wanted to watch a movie or television show, you would make time in your busy schedule to watch it. God cannot just be one aspect of our lives. Growing in our relationship with God and growing in the fruits of the spirit need to be our greatest desire. Everything else will flow from our walk with God.

We are in dire need of patience. We need to slow ourselves down in order to block out all the noise in our life. How can we say, "Oh yeah, God is first and most important" when our lives don't? Honestly, shouldn't spending time with God, worshiping, serving and being in fellowship be our greatest desire? Isn't God supposed to be our greatest joy? Then why don't we simply make ourselves available to Him? Slow down, stop, enjoy and savor the riches of God's love. What is the Holy Spirit doing in your life? How is God challenging or disciplining you? In what area is God calling you to grow in? K stop reading my blog and get off the internet. Make time for God.

In Need of Prayer, In Need of God

Abba, please grant me the patience to seek you when i am anxious. When my thoughts are flooded with fears, worries, doubts, and concerns, i pray that I would trust in your sovereignty. I need you in my life daily. I want to depend and trust on you more in my life. Help me to surrender my own agendas and submit to your perfect will. Life is meaningless without you. I pray that my greatest joy would be being in intimacy with you. Sometimes i worry about the future, if i'll be trained well enough at seminary, if i'll be a good leader to others, if i'll find the right career, and if i'll be able to overcome the obstacles that hinder me. Remind me that you are my Rock. That you are in charge, and that you work all things for my good. You are the prize. To be and to know you is why i exist. Help me to shine your glory. May i be your instrument. May i faithfully proclaim your truth and express your love to those around me. I want a deeper trust, a deeper walk, and a greater awe of you. I want to worship you louder! I want to sing you praise! I want to be apart of your plan for humanity. Show me your will and help me be faithful to it. I want to take my faith more seriously. I don't want to get tangled in idols and carnality. I want to pursue living in your righteousness. I want to fully embrace and receive your love for me. Your love has no limits. You cannot love me any more or any less because you already perfectly love me. I want to praise and rejoice in your salvation. Even if I am in the midst of trials or suffering, i pray that you would be my joy. That I can delight in you because you are my strength, my refuge, and my hiding place. I want to become more aware of your presence. I want to become more aware of the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. Father i am in desperate need of you. Discipline me in all areas of my life so i may grow closer into the likeness of your Son. Father i don't want my prayers to be empty words. I want a sharper revelation of your word, will and way. I want to learn more about you and seek you with greater desire. Father may i shine the light of Jesus. May i be an arrow that gives you all the praise. Humble me where there is pride. Shield me from being distracted by lustful temptations. Where there is anger or bitterness, turn it into authentic love. You alone are God. I want to surrender all that i am, but i don't possess the full ability to give you all that i am. Help me to surrender. God there are things in my life that have been snowballing into big problems. I'm not quite sure how to approach the situation. But i know that you need to be the One who guides me to reconciliation. God thank you for always being with me and providing me the means to accomplish being obedient to your will. Give me the strength and courage to speak when you shall have me speak. I pray for boldness even if there are unknown risks. I can't see clearly into parts of the near future. But i know that your hand is with me guiding me. Father i have been kind of exhausted, drained, confused, aloof, agitated, and unstable in certain areas of my life. May i be rooted, unwavering, steadfast, immovable, and grounded in you. Give me the discipline and perseverance to be faithful in what you have called me. I want to abide and remain in you. Father lead me, transform me. Life right now seems a little crazy and I really really need to find rest in you, so help me to slow down, and receive. There are certain people that seem hard to love. Give me the patience, compassion and forgiveness to be at peace with them. Speak to me Father, give me eyes to see, and ears to hear. Make my desires your desires. May you be my superior joy, pleasure, delight and the source of my satisfaction. When i drift away, or when i sin against you, draw me back into fellowship with you. May i receive your grace for my sins, failures, and disappointments. Help me to see myself and others the way you see them. Oh and God help me to be a better steward of my time, i seem to waste a lot of time being unproductive. Guard me from being a sluggard and also from falling into workaholism. May i have the correct view of myself, and also forgiveness and grace instead of being overly critical. I pray that you wouldn't just testify about yourself to my friends and family, but that you would also stretch me and prepare me to be a witness for you. May your kingdom come. May your will be done. Bring peace to the weary, comfort for the weak, and fellowship for the lost and lonely. God, you never cease to amaze. Your beauty is mind blowing. You make my heart tremble. You are so good, i want to know you more and more. I want to be with you now and forever. May you receive all glory and praise, amen!

Finding Rest in God

if you were to ask me, "Chris, how are you doing right now?"
I would probably respond, angry, depressed, discouraged, tired, exhausted, and very stressed out.

However that's not how we are to go about living life. I guess we are supposed to have those times in our lives, but i don't think it's a great place to stay for too long. I find myself getting angry at small things. The stresses in life jus seem a little heavier lately. It sounds silly to say that when life really is good. I probably have it easier than most people. I'm sure most people are dealing with even harder circumstances. I jus seem to be a little pessimistic because i know i can do and be better. Sometimes life jus seems so crazy and demanding responsibilities that require your best effort and performance. But if you just go, go go, eventually you'll burn out. I'm kinda confused what i'm talking about.

Here's some things that have been adding some anxiety in my life..

My self condemnation
My self talk, and perception of myself, we need to stop our negative talk to ourselves
(We need to change our negative self talk, to one of confidence and self encouragement)
My own expectations
My lack of self discipline
My lack of compassion for others
How i get overly critical of myself that i take everythin to serious
Not using my time wisely
Not being able to turn to God for rest, instead turnin to other outlets
Not being able to sleep peacefully or on normal schedule
Test and Papers, sometimes i don't really see the meaning of some classes, assignments
School is actually really stressing me out,
And it's weird that seminary is about learning about God, and yet they make it so demanding
Frustrating sins and idols
Certain people that i just don't know how to deal with,
Some people have no consideration for others, and have horrible communication skills
Then i get angry at myself for being overly irritated at these people
and some other stuff

It's okay to rely on these to distress a little, but i need to train myself to find true rest in God. I need to run to Him, and not to silly games. i need to draw strength, comfort and peace in the loving presence of His Spirit.. I learned that i need to take better care of myself. I need to make time for just me and God. Everything seems to pour out from my spiritual walk with God. If i'm spiritually dry i find myself easily angered, impatient, and grumpy. We need better soul care. In a worship song at church they sang, "I will be still and know you are God." I need to be still. I need to communicate with God, and allow Him to help me through my trials. Before we do anything, we need to find rest in God. Than we can have peace even through stressful situations.

Father i pray for those who are going through hard times. Fill me with your love, so i can love others. Thank you for all that you provide. I am blessed to have you as a loving God. I want a deeper relationship and communion with you. May i grow in my desire for you. Draw me into your presence, i find rest just being with you. Shape and grow me in the areas that i struggle in. Make me more others minded. In the same way you laid down your life for me, help me to be a servant to others. Grant me patience, endurance, and the strength to accomplish the work and ministry you have for me. Keep me on your path and focused on your mission for me. Fill me with joy once again. Help me to slow down and simply receive from you. I also pray for self discipline and consistency. Provide me with the strength to be faithful, disciplined, consistent, loving an obedient. Help me to put you first above all else. With you all things are possible. If you are for us, who can stand against? With you on my side, i gain confidence, because i know you are with me. You are my shepherd, i lack nothing. Make me lie down in green pastures, lead me beside quiet waters, refresh my soul, guide me and comfort me. I give you all that i am, i rejoice in your name and give you my praise. Thank you for hearing my prayers.

Psalm 23
 ¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
 ² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
 ³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.
 ⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Psalm 42:5
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Easter Day

It's 2 am now, and yesterday was easter. Our easter play and song went really well. i wish we had a video of it. It was encouraging to see students step up to get involved in certain roles. Even more encouraging was observing how well some students interact with others. Small gestures like a pat on the back, a smile, or a laugh actually go a long way. Some kids really crack me up.




Have u ever had a friend that constantly undermines you or doesn't really even acknowledge you when you come around. Sometimes a greeting goes a long way. It can be pretty challenging to be intentionally relational with all our friends and family members

Easter has kinda been confusing for me. Through all the eggs, hanging out, productions, and putting on your sunday best, one can easily miss the point. (i think it's like the second time i dyed eggs, it was really fun).. For the past few years, Easter has actually meant a lot more to me than when i was a younger believer. The fact that Christ is risen, is the world's greatest truth. That while we we're still sinners, Christ died for us. By God's grace and sovereignty, He gave us a way to be reconciled to Him. To enter into a deep loving relationship with Him. That truth should blow our minds daily. But i guess we often become numb, distracted, and aloof to the power of the gospel. Easter is a reminder of our daily need of Him. Give us this day our daily bread. Because Christ is risen, we too have hope that we will one day see Him face to face.

On Good Friday, i tried to make a prayer room. I wish we had christmas lights and much more time to stay in the room to pray. It seemed a little rushed because we had to practice. Nonetheless, it was strengthening to pray with some students. I was goin through the prayer book we had, and i was greatly inspired to see how much some of our students long to continue growing closer to God.

I heard one pastor talking saying, "make sure you have you're ticket and reservation in Heaven." That kinda bothered me a little, because so many ppl want to go to heaven and avoid hell. Everyone wants a Savior, but not many want a Lord. The point isn't jus making sure you got insurance for the next life. The point is that we can begin a new life by living in communion with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. God simply wants us to be with Him. In faith we know that our sins we're nailed to the cross, and there is redemption in Him. There is now no condemnation for those in Christ, but a new life in the Spirit. Christ conquered over sin and death, so that we might live with Him in His heavenly kingdom. We have a God who loves, and He doesn't stop loving us. His love never ceases. His love is unfailing. He is our refuge and our fortress. As Christians we ought to make it a priority to find peace, joy, and rest in these truths found in scripture. Personally i need to be more intentional with how i use my time. There are still so many who don't know Him and that are in dire need of salvation. There are also a lot of struggling Christians that also need a fresh touch of His love. There is still so much God has in store for us. Will you be open to receiving and responding to His will?

After church i went to greg's aunty's house. His aunt and uncle are ideal Christian parents. They seem so godly, and talk about God so casually. They are usually full of praise and joy too. Plus they seem to serve other people a lot and try to bless others in some way. Their words and prayers are encouraging. I kinda got distracting playing draw something and other iphone apps. I wish i got to talk to them more. my friend's aunty offered me food to go, and i said "Oh no thank you, cuz that's the polite asian response" but i really did want the food to go. and now im stuck at home with no food. My other friend said, "Oh yeah, can you also add some rice too?" Then while we were leaving the uncle asked if we wanted something to drink to go, and held up arizona green tea.. i said "oh no thank you," but i really did want it cuz i was super thirsty, but i always feel bad for taking stuff. We already imposed enough by goin to a family dinner without bringing a dish. Then my friend said.." Oh uh yeah okay, i'll take the arizona green tea." I guess i need to learn to accept offers more. Later, i took a nap in the car. Car naps are so good! zzz..then i took a warm shower and it was rejuvenating, cuz it was extremely humid.

I spent way too much money today. I went to fill gas, wash my car, get laundry quarters, get groceries, and then i went to target jus to get one thing, and somehow i ended up spending over a $100. I guess printer ink is kinda expensive tho. Buying house supplies, food and rent are killing me. Lately, the topic of marriage, kids, work, and living on your own have been flooding my mind. I guess there's just a lot of people transitioning into these more adult responsibilities. I'm in no rush to jump into them, but it just makes me think what it'd be like..

it's interesting how someone can really affect your day. Some brighten up your day and are great to be around. Others will drag you down and piss you off. I've been having a hard time dealing with the latter. God calls us to be at peace with everyone and to love them. I wonder if this includes people who always cut you down, people who laugh at you, people who have horrible communication skills, and those who don't know how to handle conflict. I guess i just need to vent a little.. I guess there are jus some people who i kinda tolerate and don't like talking to. I've tried a numerous of times to reach out, show compassion and serve them. But it just get exhausting. These type of people tend to be a little arrogant, conceited, highly selfish, loud, obnoxious, unsympathetic, bad listeners, super inconsiderate, argumentative, self-absorbed, and often assertive in always getting their own way. Sure they can be fun to be around sometimes, but lately i've jus been irritated. God help me deal with these people.

Draw Me Close

had less than 4 hours of sleep. Woke up at 630am and now im feeling awake.. Taking pills with caffeine yesterday really confused my body. then i took half a sleeping pill and i was out cold. i havnt woken up at 630 in a long time. it's usually, closer to 11 or noon, lol.. i woke up wishing i didn't put that banana bread back that i was gonna buy. man.. what a bad decision chris.. you shoulda jus spent the $3.50 and bought the banana bread! 

well.. sometimes when i gather enough courage, i walk down a block to a breakfast cafe called "Kimmie's" It's so good. Country fried steak, eggs, pancakes, oh man. But anyways, i actually decided to cook rice, and cook breakfast. i got eggs and turkey sausage links ready to go! Man i'm actually feeling responsible waking up early and cooking breakfast.. i have a few hours before my class at 1030.. so im gonna do some stretches take a long hot shower.. snap! i should really sit down and be intentional with having a early quiet time. hmm...

random thought.. i kinda wish i was like other people who drink coffee. well not those addicted starbucks type of people. but kinda like the guy who walks into a cafe orders a hot cup of coffee and opens up the newspaper. sometimes coffee makes my stomach sore, even when i've eaten. Since my stomach has become sensitive to so many things now and i've felt the consequences of consuming the wrong things, i'm slightly paranoid of trying things that might upset my insides. sometimes i wonder if what i write is coherent, or if im the only one who really understands what i'm saying..  

i also kinda wish i was a runner. like those people who make it a daily habit to put on their jogging shoes and run at 6 in the morning. lol.. nvm i don't wish that. that's crazy talk. sleep is best. 

anyways, i saw anyways too much

but uhm, i say but uhm too much

so yeah, ya'know.. hah cool, awesome, really? lol 

sometimes we really overuse the words and phrases we're comfortable with.

i really like beef jerky. since i like to bite my nails, i think beef jerky somehow comforts me, the chewing and the gnawing.. but then it gets stuck in my teeth.. then my tongue goes to a 27min war with it.

 i like the song.. Everlasting by Chris Tomlin, it's playin on my itunes.. i like the lyric, "Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord"  sometimes worship music really makes it easy to.. worship, haha


okay, better go check on my rice and cook breakfast! WHOO!

_____
Haiku time..

Ah my back is sore
Insomnia keeps me up
Don't want to go school  


Cat why you so fat
want me to make you salad
make sure you brush teeth


Pheobe- Smelly Cat

Smelly Cat, Smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, smelly cat it's not your fault...

They won't take you to the vet.
You're obviously not their favorite pet.
You may not be a bed of roses,
And you're no friend to those with noses.

Smelly cat, smelly cat what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat it's not your fault



Today i went to issues and ethics class, our case was about how a Pastoral Counselor can get sued for claiming to work with specific psychological disorders, when they don't have the right credentials and licensing of a clinical psychologist. They can however address the spiritual aspects of those problems. There is a dire need for both clinical professionals and spiritual counselors.

Then our professor started to talk about the Korean guy who shot and killed 7 students at a school She said that the guy lost his mother and brother in the same year. He was also teased at school for not being able to speak English very well. He was probably not involved in any therapy and was most likely experiencing depression from severe trauma. If he had sought more help or was surrounded by a stronger community he probably wouldn't have committed his crime.

I guess this all made me think of if i should go for further education in psychology after the mdiv, so would be more competent in ministering to those troubled with various issues. Could i see myself as a licensed christian counselor.. perhaps.. could i be a pastoral counselor in the church, yah i could see that. But what is God's will for me? How will he use me?  How will he prepare and train me to minister to people? How can i be most effective for his kingdom?

____

after school i went to Stater Bros, and bought lots of food. I gotta start eating healthier. I always say that. Eating healthier takes more time and is kinda expensive. I guess i'm gettin a little tired of my cycle of Dennys, Jack n Box, Subway, Panda Express. Later i watched young justice. cuz i like superhero cartoons. so good. lol.. i also secretly started playing pokemon platinum again. forgot how fun pokemon is, lol, so addicting.. then i went to workout with sunghwa. (wow this is the first time i'm mentioning anyone by name from church in my blog. You and my friend Tom are like the only ones who actually read my blogs. So thank u 2 for caring enough to read what i write)

 Today I was still sore from yesterday's 24 set class. It was a class full of women, i was the only guy. and i was really struggling, maybe i had too much weight, but then again, some girls were carrying more than i was. I guess i assumed i could do more. These girls were like the most coordinated and athletic ppl ever. We did a lot of squats and lunge thingys. I'm also working on perfecting my new impossible workout that include fun full body exercises. lol, i took these creatine multivitamin pills that also made me full of energy. I had so much stamina, focus, and concentration even 8 hours after working out. I don't like to take them often cuz it makes me too energized that i can't sleep at night. So now im dizzy and my stomach feels funny. I was wondering if i should now take melatonin to help me sleep, cuz i kno i'll be up to 5-6am.

Uhhhh.. then i came home, and started talking to my roommate mike at 830, we didn't stop talking till 1230. That's 4 hours of deep talk. lol. We usually lose track of time and get into great conversations about God, life, the future, anxiety, scripture, etc. Tonight we talked a lot about spiritual disciplines. We talked about my struggle of making time for God. He began talking about visualizing ourselves in how we'd like to be. Followed by the intentions of how we'd accomplish the specific goals. And then finding the correct means to carry out our sanctification. For instance, i visualize myself having more peace and joy from God. My intentions are to practice spiritual disciplines of solitude, and meditation. The means are having the time, place and energy to complete those intentions. It was kinda confusing but it was really interesting. He brought up a good book by Dallas Willard, which is called Renovation of the Heart. How do we transform our emotions, will, thought life, etc to those of Christ. How do we grow closer to God? Stuff like that..

Then my other roommate Jon came in. The subject kinda got changed, and i still really wanted to talk about my own questions.. but somehow we began talking about the spiritual discipline of fasting. Exactly how does fasting work and how should we go about practicing that spiritual discipline. Then we prayed, which is always encouraging. We also talked about a lot of other things that i jus don't remember now. Oh we talked a lot about Romans. About Jews, Gentiles, the Mosaic Law and how we're under the new covenant. Then i made a tuna sandwich, and we're gonna watch Wonder Years since it speaks to the soul of our youth. Omygosh, kevin arnold in the show always thinks about himself first. he's selfish, individualistic, usually a bad friend, occasionally tries to do the right thing, usually says the wrong thing, and is way to obsessed with his self image. I guess that is kinda how i was in high school too though, man that show is way too deep for me.

Give Us Clean Hands

We bend our knees

Oh Spirit come make us humble

We turn our eyes

From evil things

Oh Lord we cast down our idols

So give us clean hands

and give us pure hearts

Let us not lift our souls to another

Oh give us clean hands

and give us pure hearts

Let us not lift our souls to another

Oh God let us be

a generation that seeks

that seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob

Oh God let us be

a generation that seeks

that seeks Your face, Oh God of Jacob

We bow our hearts

We bend our knees

Oh Spirit come make us humble

We turn our eyes

From evil things

Oh Lord we cast down our idols

I was listening to this song in the shower, cuz i blast my iphone. but it was really refreshing because it makes me think of all these great reasons to come to God and praise him. Let us cast our idols. Let him break down our walls and deliver us from our sins. What joy it is to come with clean hands and a pure heart. Christ cleanses us of our sins, and we get to have deep intimate fellowship with a God who loves us intensely. My prayer is to be with God. Abba you are so wonderful. You love us so much. Thank you. Fill me with joy.

jus a few verses i've kinda been thinkin about.. i definitely need to meditate more on scripture and continue to apply these biblical principles and truths to my life. I want to train in righteousness, be consumed by God's love, and walk in purity. I want to have the correct image of myself, and see myself how God sees me.

"But Gd demonstrates his own love for us in this; While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8

 "In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus." -Romans 6:11

 "For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." 1 Tim. 4:8

 "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win." -1 Cor. 9:24

"For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." -Heb. 12:10-11

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand" -Romans 5:1-2

"Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you" - Psalm 55:22
"Now, brothers and sisters, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand.  By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you." -1 Cor. 15:1-2

oh yah, Easter is coming up. When i was younger i didn't really care much about Easter. But for the past few years, Easter has been a huge reminder of our daily need of the gospel and the power salvation, grace and resurrection. Now that you're done reading my blog, try taking a few moments to reflect on your relationship with God. See how much he loves you, How much He values you. What a loving God we have. Receive his tender love. Walk in the freedom of His Spirit. Rejoice! Delight in Him. We are redeemed in Christ! The ransom was paid! We are accepted, reconciled and made righteous in Christ! Find rest in Him. Be satisfied in Him. Give Him all the praise, for He is worthy.