Survive or Thrive?

i hate when my blogs are jus venting
it seems a lot of people are struggling with present circumstances
it feels like we jus want to be out of a certain situation
and not hafta deal with stressful things
i crawled through Japanese for 6 semesters
then college had another 2yr language requirement
so again i hadta suck it up and persevere through hawaiian for 4 semesters
then i met my worst enemy called Greek
i don't know how i survived 6 semesters
i remember watching each second on the clock
trying not to think about the pain and how lost i was
i was so happy to be done with greek forever
now i hafta go back into a new darkness called Hebrew
ive had 8 years of learning language
and have absolutely nothing to show for
tryin to learn grammatical concepts and rules
jus makes me wanna barf and cry
so now i find myself avoiding studying as usual
i wouldnt mind learning things if they were more useful
maybe if i was tryin to become a linguist or something
i jus want to complain and avoid
every time i attempt to study i feel like i'm reading another language
oh wait it is
so now i'm very low on motivation
what's the point if i won't even use it
i dont care about grades, i jus want to pass
why spend hundreds of hours investing
into something that i'm not even slightly interested in
ok im done whining
it's my fault for signing up to take this masters curriculum
there's no turning back, and there's no way around it
back in high school
i learned the real smart people
are the one's who know how to avoid subjects they don't like
so i avoided science, history, and language classes
why these u ask? well because they should be called extreme memorization class
why cant we take classes on playing video games or
classes on working out in the gym

lately i find myself reminiscing of easier childhood days
i really had a great childhood
i enjoyed running around like a little kid
having my mom take care of all of my needs
i enjoyed playin with other kids
watching cartoons all day and playing games
for some reason i remembered how my mom and i made
a blanket fort in my room
it was a safe place, a fun place
but eventually blanket forts needed to come down
eventually we hafta grow up to take care of ourselves
get a education, make a living, get married
i don't think i want to take on the world
i still want to live in a blanket fort
where things are easy and full of laughter
but things dont work that way
and i know i need to mature
in faith i need to step up to challenges
and ask God to help me not jus get through with it
but to sharpen me in the process by being with me
even if it seems very painful
lol instead of analyzing it all and blogging
i should be actually doing my hebrew
lol nah i think ill save it for tmrw