brief thoughts

I had a co-worker tell me.. not to make it sound bad, but you spend too much time helping your clients.

and it got me thinking.. well yeah i've been trained that way. to let people talk if they want to talk and just sit there and listen. to trust others, to show empathy, compassion and care. to respond as soon as you can when someone calls

and in most scenarios those are usually good things, but with the population i work with, things work differently

i'm learning.. some folks are attention seeking, sometimes you're enabling their behavior. sometimes ur working harder to help others than they are willing to help themselves, and that doesn't help them become more independent

a lot of times i say, well, maybe, i don't know. uh, i guess, possibly, im not too sure. i'll hafta check to make sure, uh i think so, i'm not 100%.. there's a time to be tentative and a time to show more certainty

sometimes the right answer is to do to brief solution focus therapy

sometimes the right answer is to let people pay the consequences

sometimes the right answer is being more assertive, decisive, direct, and not letting people just take advantage or speak to you however they want

sometimes the right answer is to call people out on their BS if they're lying

sometimes i doubt my ability.. yeah i don't know every answer to people's questions and needs, but i am learning to speak with more confidence, even if there are times i feel incompetent. 

i seem to beat myself up too much for my mistakes. and this is why im usually so indecisive. i hafta learn to let go of my mistakes 

Keto Diet

Since I had success with keto and intermittent diet, i'm probably gonna go back on it. Cuz it definitely worked for me. and like all my co-workers are all hyped about it still. When it comes to our physical and biological health, nutrition really is everything. And once u get into the habit, it makes ya feel really good. I lost like 17 pounds in 6 months. 172 to 155, then i got off it and basically ate whatever.. then slowly gained back like 10 pounds.. so now im at 165. which is still comfortable.

for working out it's tough to build muscle and bulk and also want to cut fat. it's why body builders usually do one at a time than both at the same time. But gonna try get back onto the keto craze. I wrote up some keto foods that will basically make up my entire diet. Ideally, you want to have 70% Good Fats, 25% Proteins, and 5% Carbs. To me you don't need to count calories or macros. but generally follow the plan like 80% of the time. The trick is just finding foods you like and then cycling through them and avoiding the junk stuff.

Cooking is always kinda challenging for me because I just make stuff up and pray it turns out good. And like once u got all good stuff, cooking dinner can be kinda fun. Especially when the food comes out super bomb. It does take more thought and time but at the end it's always rewarding.

Chicken Breast 
fish, Salmon  - omega 3s
Eggs
egg whites
water
Greek Yogurt, Fage, Oikos 
Avocado
ground turkey
80/20 ground lean beef 90% or higher

tuna
Sardines
Bison 
salad 
broccoli  
cauliflower
celery 
asparagus
sweet potato
spinach
fruits apples bananas
macadamia nuts
cashews and almonds
berries blueberries
kim chi
bone broth 
coffee

whey isolate protein
creatine
Multivitamin
perfect keto
branch chain amino acids bcaa
probiotics
eat quality saturated fats

keto friendly but keep minimum
bacon
peanut/almond butter
cottage cheese
vegetable oils, olive oil, coconut oil
tacobell

low to zero dairy
low to zero carbs, bread

low to zero sugars, and processed food

Ketogenic Macros
70% fat
25% protein
5% carb

Coffee, Lessons and Other Good Stuff Too

Good point, thanks Snoopy.

Man. coffee is great. i feel like my mind is moving twice my usual speed.
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Hope

a lot happened today. once in a while i'll have those days where it's like.. oh snap.. i cant wait to go home to blog about this before i forget all my awesome thoughts. lol
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Soul Care

Work Hard
Save Money
Workout
Eat Clean
Sleep Early

Community
Virtues
Self-Love
Self-Discipline
Confidence
Positive Affirmations
Holistic Health
Power & Peace from God

Choosing to take control and responsibility for my life. One day at a time. One brick at a time. One step at a time. Laser point focus on my goals will make me stronger, happier, and healthier.

Fight to be the best version of yourself.

Dealing with Stress

I like to think that I can handle stress pretty well. But lately, i've been starting to question that. I can definitely feel when i start to build up stress. It's not good to hold it all in. This is why exercise is such a good therapeutic outlet for me. But the past few days I've been so tired, all you want to do is knock out..

"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:8-9
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Taking a Break

You ever tell yourself, "hmm I think I really need a break from everything." lol and part of me also wants to include "..and everyone" but i know that's not true. An old friend once described it as taking a mental or internal vacation into your own mind. It's like taking time to purposely do deep self-reflection, self- exploration, meditation, and soul searching. I find myself contemplating my goals, ambitions, and resolves of who I want to be. Really I just need to re-center myself so my mind isn't so stressed out.

This year my goal was to find a greater sense of peace. So I wanted to take a few weeks of metaphysical solitude. lol whatever that means. Usually I fill up my free time binge watching shows, spending too much time playin games or on youtube, or on my phone texting or watching endless videos just out of boredom. i kinda get why old folks are always complaining about our millennial generation. I definitely need a break from screens for a while, maybe I might be a little more present. i don't think this will last very long. lol

It's funny how when u have too much time to yourself, you want to be busy, productive, out with friends and out pursuing your dreams. But then when your at work, or out with people too long there's really nothing you want more than to just go home and chill.
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Tidying Up and Facing Challenges

you ever try to log into something, but you cant remember your login name or password. You start to have way too many passwords and variations of it, with capitals, numbers and symbols? lol well, that's not what i wanted to talk about.

i usually think to myself, oh yeah I definitely need to blog about that... and then when i get on, im like.. now what did i want to say again?

oh ya, so I watched a show on Netflix called Tidying Up by Marie Kondo..

Young Once

https://www.youngonce.ca/

Just watched this show called "Young Once." It's all on youtube. and season 2 is about to get released. It's cool cuz its not only filmed in CA but at Biola University! I went to their graduate school, Talbot. But yeah its cool to see the campus. It brings back memories. It has a Laguna Beach / Hills feel to it. The producers do set things up but you can tell that a lot of it is authentic conversations and reactions. It's about Christian dating / courtship and how Christian faith and values are part of those relationships and friendships. One of the main characters, Cassie, is also on the current bachelor season. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets picked for the next bachelorette. They have a comic relief named Tony, and they just film his random adventures and conversations with friends. Anyways, it's worth a watch. Makes me wish I went to Biola for my undergrad. It's pretty awesome to be in that Christian utopia. 

I watched the netflix movie called "Black Mirror Bandersnatch." That was cool cuz u actually make choices which determine the future timeline of events. Black Mirror in general is lit.

Lastly, I'm tryin to binge through 73 episodes of an anime called "World Trigger." It has a really good plot. It's not up to par with My Hero Academia, but it's still p good. 

I also caught up to "Fear the Walking Dead." Latest seasons are super good.

Over the past several months I binged like entire seasons of "The Office." Didn't realize I actually didn't see a lot of episodes before. Such a classic.

uhm oh there's a animated DC movie called, "The Reign of Superman." ima watch tmrw. There's also finally season 3 of "Young Justice"! but idk so far i like previous seasons better.

Also saw "Jurassic World." It was aight.
It's so nice to just watch a show and escape reality sometimes.

For the longest time i've been confused about if periods, commas and question marks go inside or outside of quotation marks. 


The most common question people ask about quotation marks is whether periods and commas go inside or outside, and the answer depends on where your audience lives because in American English we always put periods and commas inside quotation marks, but in British English periods and commas can go inside or outside.semicolons, colons, and dashes always go outside quotation marks.If the question mark or exclamation point is part of your quotation, it stays inside; but if the question mark or exclamation point are not part of the quotation, they go outside the closing quotation mark.

Ok thanks google

Peace

This year my main 2019 new year's resolution and goal sort of just came to me this week. It can be summed up in one word. Peace. In previous years, I had words like Confidence, Discipline, Community, Flourishing, Self-Love, and the phrase "Being with God." These are all still important self-improvement goals that I need to continue to work on. But this year, for some reason I was less concerned with trying to be the best version of myself all the time. I'm usually very critical on myself and try all sorts of things to better myself. But instead of focusing too much on trying to grow in my holistic health, I thought I could really just use a sense of peace.

Peace isn't the absence of problems, but the addition of power to overcome them. Even if life can feel like a thunderstorm, we can find peace knowing that God is with us, that he is sovereign and in control.

My mind wanders and ponders way too much. I think about the past and the future too much. It causes me to worry or spiral into negative thinking. I realize that these thoughts aren't helpful. Sometimes I find it better to just go exercise, play games or watch a movie so that I become numb. So I'm not exactly where I thought I'd be by now. I have too much debt, I stress out about money, I struggle with loneliness and singleness, and have issues of depression. I think we all search for a sense of belonging, and a sense of fulfillment. If we are living without purpose and not utilizing our potential, I think its common to feel unsatisfied with ourselves. Even if life isn't the way you dreamed it would be and you're not exactly how you'd like to be or where you'd like to be, you can still find peace. 

I have had to deal with a conflict recently, and it's caused me unnecessary stress. Some people are just oblivious to how obnoxious, insensitive and rude they are. It can be super annoying. But instead of fighting back, i'm trying to just forgive and let go. 

I think the most important thing for me right now is finding a deeper sense of peace. How? I think it goes back to "Being with God" and receiving rest and peace in the love of God. Also, it helps to just notice when i'm having negative thoughts, and then  trying to switch that off and just live in the present. Every moment is a chance we can abide in God. Sometimes just 30 seconds of connecting with God can really change everything. God is always with us and sometimes I forget that. God help me to be at peace. Help me to share that peace with others. Hope everyone has a peaceful new year!

Renovation of the Heart

Feels like I haven't blogged in a while. Just haven't taken the time. Here's what's new. 

My mom decided to renovate the house. So we got some dudes who apparently aren't licensed contractors.. but they did a decent job. Renovations never go according to plan. Houses require a little too much attention if you ask me. Anyways, we redid my entire bathroom. Like the flooring and everything. We also redid my bedroom so now I have more space and closet space. I didn't realize how much clothes I have. Oh yeah, the big thing is we put in some air conditioners finally! So that's really nice. Oh and we had wood rot so that was a lot of repairs as well.

While doing my bathroom we realized we needed to call a plumber. He then said we have to change out a lot of our water system piping to prevent future water problems. And that was super expensive. Everything is expensive. Anyways, we're close to being finish. We're just gonna get our carpet clean. I like carpet. Like legit awesome carpet. I don't get how ppl live with hard floors.

Renovations are like getting a hair cut. It's something new and fresh. It also reminds me of how God renovates our heart. Everyday is a brand new start. We have all these thoughts, dreams and ideas. But then from there, it's a matter of taking intentional action to achieve our goals. A lot of times I have something I want to do or pursue and then something else comes up and we realized we're distracted from pursuing what's important to us. (like trying to go to the gym but instead taking a nap). Change, transformation, growth and becoming a better version of yourself is basically internal renovation. It's cleaning up all the junk and replacing it with the right perspective.

help

God,
Sometimes it feels so easy to get distracted. to fall away from your word, will and way. I feel frustrated right now. i go through so many negative emotions i'm not quite sure what to do. i continue to sin and lust and live for myself rather than for your glory. sometimes it's very hard for me to come to you when I know how much i sin. I understand your grace but sometimes i have a really hard time trusting and receiving it. I guess, sometimes i have these expectations and plans for myself and they never seem to go right. help me to pursue holiness and to grow in repentance. I feel like i'm often struggling, and no matter how hard I try things just don't go the way I hoped. Help me to trust you more and to not lean on my own strength. Forgive me for all my sins of commission and sins of omission. Help me to put you first. Help me to grow in confidence, self-discipline and self-love. Help me to abide in you even when it seems hard or when I don't quite feel like it. Heal the brokenness inside me, renew and restore me.