Consistency, Faith, Holiness in 2020

Christmas and New Years was good. Lot of my buddies came back home for vacation. Always fun to see friends you haven't seen in years. Too many get together parties to count. So much good food. I got to take off over two weeks of work. It's was nice to not have to worry about anything. Having a nice long break makes it hard to return back to the real life grind.

Resolutions throughout the year are important. But I guess even more so during the start of a new year. In a way, it feels like it's an opportunity to reset. Technically, we can choose to make a decision of change at any minute. The difficulty of making certain goals is that they are hard to measure and hard to stay committed to. Anyone can write a blog listing their goals, but few can actually maintain their resolve. Sometime goals aren't specific enough, sometimes they just aren't realistic, or there's a lack of consistency to keep up one's motivation and intention. 2019 had it's share of difficulties. At least next year I'll finally be able to see 20/20. lol. it's weird how we have to strive to be content in life, and yet also push ourselves to be better and happier. if we were fully content and happy in the present, then would we really need goals? my buddy told me, bruh i think u overthink all dis stuff. 

i started using one word to encapsulate my general goal for the new year. I've used words like confidence, health, self-discipline, self-love, grace, community, flourishing, being with God and peace. to an extent i grew in those areas. But I definitely need to continue focusing on these in particular. It is possible to be too critical on yourself and that's no bueno either. But at the same time, I think it's important to keep pushing yourself to strive to become the best version of yourself. In a way, a new year is a reminder of all these goals that I need to keep focusing on. a lot of these goals are achieved by consistency. As I contemplate on these goals, I really think my word this year should be Consistency. This year instead of starting up some new goals, i think i'm jus gonna work on being more consistent with my pre-existing goals I made. it's easy to try really hard for a day or week. But to continually work on your goals day in and day out is where you'll really see growth, change, and transformation. Creating good habits take weeks or longer to truly develop. Exercise, nutrition, sleep, meditation, etc.  
...

Looking for Alaska

Yesterday I finished a Hulu original called "Looking for Alaska". Alaska is one of the characters. and it's based off a novel by John Green. It's basically a high school drama show, but it really got me. They go to school in like a camp ground. They basically try to pull pranks without getting busted. It's a mixture of fun yet dealing with some heavy topics in life. It covers things like love, friendship, betrayal, coping with their mistakes in life, dealing with loss, world religions, etc. It has pretty good character development and dynamics. Too bad it's only on Hulu. I'm also excited to watch Jack Ryan season 2! on Amazon prime when it comes out. so good. 

CA, Enneagram, Greatest Goal

CA

There's kind of been a lot on my mind lately. usually that means it's time for a blog. So recently I let go of a part time job. that was a huge weight off my shoulders. then i went through some very challenging weeks dealing with a lot of pain, anger, depression and loss. Then I went up to California for my old roommate's wedding, and also a mini vacation. It was really nice to be part of the wedding party and getting to meet some really god honoring Christians. Some Christians just go above and beyond and you can see how genuine and authentic they are. Anyways, it was such a positive thing to witness a marriage focused on honoring God/ Jesus. 

There was a moment during the wedding, where the wedding music started to play, the bride started to walk down the isle, and all their friends and family stood up to surround them with love and support. Then I looked at my friend's face, and I could see he was also getting choked up and teary too. And I've never seen so much raw emotion jus hit at a moment. it was powerful to witness such a deep love, not only between the bride and groom but everyone present as well. And they purposely were intentional about making the wedding/ marriage about God more than themselves. 

Anywho... uhhh yeah, it was also nice to just relax and not have any work to stress about. I think I really value my personal free time. I enjoy freedom, rest and recreation. (I mean who doesn't, lol). I kinda already knew this, but it's becoming more evident in my life.. I put so much priority on protecting my free time. Sometimes it can lead to slothfulness if I end up being too much of a couch potato. 


So here's the 9 types of the Enneagram.

1. The Reformer/ Perfectionist - Principled,  "I do everything the right way"  
2. The Helper - Generous, Giving,  "I must help others"
3. The Achiever - Adaptable, Driven, "I need to succeed"
4. The Individualist/ Romantic - Expressive,  "I am unique"
5. The Thinker/ Observer, Investigator - Innovative,  "I need to understand the world"
6. The Loyalist - Engaging, "I am affectionate and skeptical"
7. Enthusiast/ Skeptic - Spontaneous,  "I am happy and open to new things"
8. The Leader/ Challenger - Self-confident,  "I must be strong"
9. The Peacemaker/ Mediator - Receptive, "I am at peace."

The Enneagram is this psychological archetype thing, kinda like a myer's brigg test of personality types and distinguishing differences of individual's core motivations, (if that makes any sense.) Uhh so apparently, out of the nine types, I'm a number Nine which is "The Peacemaker". I value interpersonal skills, relationships, communication and being aware of my body and emotions. I think exercise does a lot for all aspects of my self-awareness. 

"Nines are accepting, trusting and stable. They are usually creative, optimistic and supportive, but can also be too willing to go along with others to keep peace. They want everything to go smoothly and be without conflict, but they can also tend to be complacent, simplifying problems and minimizing anything upsetting. They are able to bring people together and heal conflicts."

I don't fully understand a lot of it, and I know that none of us can be summed up in one personality type but it's interesting to study. A lot of these types are interconnected, and we can move towards a certain type depending on our most healthy or unhealthy self. If anything, it sheds a little light to help people understand themselves and others a little more. 

Greatest Goal

When I think about the 8 dimensions of wellness, I really start to advocate that our Spiritual health is really the core. If any aspect of our health is struggling, it definitely effects our other dimensions of wellness. 

I was listening to someone's testimony.. and idk, it kinda hit me. They said, "Drawing closer to God should be our greatest goal." And I was like, "Yeah.. I agree with that statement." But then I look at my life and think.. hmm my life really doesn't pursue that goal as my top priority. If you were to look at how I spend my time, money and energy.. u'd see that I prioritize just being a lazy sloth who just wants to play and have fun. I guess, i feel convicted, because I know I want to put God first.. but my life really doesn't demonstrate that.. And i say, "Well God is so metaphysical.. and abstract sometimes." Yeah.. but that doesn't make our relationship with God any less important, real or true.. hmm ..perhaps I just make excuses of why I don't want to commit my time and energy into it because really I'm selfish and just want to stay home and chill. 

yeah.. so .. i feel like i have this inner conflict within myself of wanting to change, pursue what God has called me to, and strive towards being the best version of myself, and.... then.. also just being lazy cat who just wants to rest and not do anythin that requires energy.. lol that sounds pathetic. When I look at my spirituality.. I honestly don't feel close to God.. and that's cuz i don't put much focus towards growing closer to God. 

So to summarize... I think these are the questions I need to ponder more.. "What am I focused on? What is my greatest goal? Am I being purposeful to achieve my goals?" What do I need to do to flourish and thrive in all aspects of my health?" 

One Day at a Time

Have you ever had to make a big decision? well ofc u have. I can be super indecisive. There's always pros and cons to weigh. There's trying to predict what each possible future might look like. and well.. in short.. after a lot of contemplation, prayer and talking to a bunch of people, i decided to accept another part time job on top of my other job.

My previous jobs had a lot of flexibility. There's a lot of great things about this new job. But one of the tough parts is that it starts at 530am. Which means I hafta get used to sleeping around 9-10pm and waking up around 4am. I'm definitely a night person and not a morning person, so this will be challenging. This new job will basically involve individual counseling in mental health/substance abuse and group therapy groups. It's smething I feel that I can do, but sometimes I worry if I have what it takes to be faithful to everything, and juggle two tough positions. I know it'll get overwhelming and stressful, so part of me is just preparing myself to be ready for the challenge.

If i mess up my sleep schedule, i know life is gonna be hard. I gotta fix my sleep habits. Part of my personal philosophy is to be and become the best version of myself. And that ultimately requires me asking God for help, to receive the strength and energy to accomplish everything. And it's when I'm at the top of my game, I have the ability to educate, support and encourage others to grow in their holistic health and self-care. but yeah, lack of sleep makes me p miserable.

Just take one day at a time Chris, you'll be okay. You can do it! lol or not. we'll see.

Adulting / Trip to CA

Today was a busy day. Traveling all over the place, going to meetings, making appointments, doing work stuff, and trying to do everything right. And surprisingly, I was able to do everything right. Usually something goes wrong, ppl cancel, i forget something, or im running late. But today everything went right. And i kept thinking.. how much of trying to do things right is me being a perfectionist, and how much is me just trying my best to be responsible and professional. know what i mean? I started making a long mental list of things i'm constantly trying to do right.

taking care of your health
do all the things work requires
eating right consistently and avoiding all da sugar and junk food
going to church and being intentional with being with God
sleeping early, ugh that's kinda hard for me
managing money, saving money and investing money
do chores like laundry, cleaning house, yard work etc.
good hygiene practices ofc
dental care actually requires more effort then ppl think
Working out at the gym at least twice a week
being positive, caring and kind to others

like there's just too much stuff that adulting requires. something usually hasta give. i ain't even married or have kids..just a cat. and like.. how the heck am I supposed to take care of everything and make a healthy routine.. it requires so much energy, discipline and intentionality. i'm already hard on myself as it is. and then i pile these expectations on myself. i mean it's good to try your best, work hard, focus on holistic health and be disciplined. but man.. sometimes i just need to chill

it's funny that i feel so tired on a day off when i accomplish nothing. and yet when i hit the gym, go to work and i'm out doing errands i actually have more energy. 

So my old roommate, finally proposed to a girl... in the Biola school library lol. such a great idea lol. My old roommate is definitely one of the coolest guys. I can't speak enough praises about him, and he found a really godly girl too. So I gotta go up to California in October for a week. I'm definitely excited for him. and they're such a good example of Christian courtship, and i know they'll have a strong Christian marriage putting God first, and idk.. it just makes me feel behind in life. ah nvm, let's not dwell on that lol.  so yeah, i booked a flight, and hotel etc. It'll be like 5, almost 6 years since i've been back to CA. It'll definitely be nice to see some old friends. crazy how distance on this globe can really make friendships grow apart. My family is in Hawaii, but part of me is still in CA. And i guess that's why i feel torn. I definitely overthink and over analyze.. so for now, let's not do that lol. 

Distracted to Focused

You ever stop whatever you're doing and realize, wow i just need to take a moment to do nothing. And then while doing nothing, you automatically start to think, and then while thinking you realize.. I really need to talk to God, and come before Him.

Like.. i realized I go through most of my day preoccupied. And for some reason I feel so distracted from what's truly important. I feel like i've been absent from communicating with God. I feel like i've drifted away concerned about work, or hobbies, and all sorts of random things. And then i realized how much I block out the things that make me feel hurt or down.

signachuurs

Responsibility and tryin to grow up

I had a great childhood. I had so much freedom and energy. In elementary I remember after lunch we would have a long recess. I remember our class would challenge another class to a battle of freeze tag. Everyone would be so hyped to get out on the big field. People knew who were the super fast sharks to stay away from and to not bother competing with.  The soccer girls were always way too fast. I wasn't the fastest, but I knew how to juke people really well. We'd always yell at each other, "Hey no puppy guarding!" but we all knew that was the smartest thing to do. It was pretty dirty, but sometimes I would hide behind a tree or stand still like I was already frozen, and then unfreeze everyone once people weren't looking lol. 

We used to crush raw saimin for snack and put it in a zip lock bag, eat straight up sugar candy, or go to the snack stand for ice pops. We'd come back to class all sweaty, and our teacher was so cool he'd just let us watch mtv music videos. I remember we had like over 10 school dances in 6th grade. I don't think anyone really knew how to dance or slow dance, or actually talk to girls lol. So it was kinda awkward yet super fun. Tamagotchis had there quick fad. then Pokemon cards came along and ruined my life.

i don't think i ever really wanted to face adulting. I still don't tbh. But at this point, it's not a choice. everythin costs money, and there's aways too much stuff to take care of. Responsibility hits you smack in the face. And I really just want to be a kid and play freeze tag at school again. lol i used to do that with my little preschoolers and i wouldn't last 5 minutes against those little rascals. cuz now we're old and running is exhausting and too sweaty. 

brief thoughts

I had a co-worker tell me.. not to make it sound bad, but you spend too much time helping your clients.

and it got me thinking.. well yeah i've been trained that way. to let people talk if they want to talk and just sit there and listen. to trust others, to show empathy, compassion and care. to respond as soon as you can when someone calls

and in most scenarios those are usually good things, but with the population i work with, things work differently

i'm learning.. some folks are attention seeking, sometimes you're enabling their behavior. sometimes ur working harder to help others than they are willing to help themselves, and that doesn't help them become more independent

a lot of times i say, well, maybe, i don't know. uh, i guess, possibly, im not too sure. i'll hafta check to make sure, uh i think so, i'm not 100%.. there's a time to be tentative and a time to show more certainty

sometimes the right answer is to do to brief solution focus therapy

sometimes the right answer is to let people pay the consequences

sometimes the right answer is being more assertive, decisive, direct, and not letting people just take advantage or speak to you however they want

sometimes the right answer is to call people out on their BS if they're lying

sometimes i doubt my ability.. yeah i don't know every answer to people's questions and needs, but i am learning to speak with more confidence, even if there are times i feel incompetent. 

i seem to beat myself up too much for my mistakes. and this is why im usually so indecisive. i hafta learn to let go of my mistakes 

Keto Diet

Since I had success with keto and intermittent diet, i'm probably gonna go back on it. Cuz it definitely worked for me. and like all my co-workers are all hyped about it still. When it comes to our physical and biological health, nutrition really is everything. And once u get into the habit, it makes ya feel really good. I lost like 17 pounds in 6 months. 172 to 155, then i got off it and basically ate whatever.. then slowly gained back like 10 pounds.. so now im at 165. which is still comfortable.

for working out it's tough to build muscle and bulk and also want to cut fat. it's why body builders usually do one at a time than both at the same time. But gonna try get back onto the keto craze. I wrote up some keto foods that will basically make up my entire diet. Ideally, you want to have 70% Good Fats, 25% Proteins, and 5% Carbs. To me you don't need to count calories or macros. but generally follow the plan like 80% of the time. The trick is just finding foods you like and then cycling through them and avoiding the junk stuff.

Cooking is always kinda challenging for me because I just make stuff up and pray it turns out good. And like once u got all good stuff, cooking dinner can be kinda fun. Especially when the food comes out super bomb. It does take more thought and time but at the end it's always rewarding.

Chicken Breast 
fish, Salmon  - omega 3s
Eggs
egg whites
water
Greek Yogurt, Fage, Oikos 
Avocado
ground turkey
80/20 ground lean beef 90% or higher

tuna
Sardines
Bison 
salad 
broccoli  
cauliflower
celery 
asparagus
sweet potato
spinach
fruits apples bananas
macadamia nuts
cashews and almonds
berries blueberries
kim chi
bone broth 
coffee

whey isolate protein
creatine
Multivitamin
perfect keto
branch chain amino acids bcaa
probiotics
eat quality saturated fats

keto friendly but keep minimum
bacon
peanut/almond butter
cottage cheese
vegetable oils, olive oil, coconut oil
tacobell

low to zero dairy
low to zero carbs, bread

low to zero sugars, and processed food

Ketogenic Macros
70% fat
25% protein
5% carb

Coffee, Lessons and Other Good Stuff Too

Good point, thanks Snoopy.

Man. coffee is great. i feel like my mind is moving twice my usual speed.
...

Hope

a lot happened today. once in a while i'll have those days where it's like.. oh snap.. i cant wait to go home to blog about this before i forget all my awesome thoughts. lol
...

Soul Care

Work Hard
Save Money
Workout
Eat Clean
Sleep Early

Community
Virtues
Self-Love
Self-Discipline
Confidence
Positive Affirmations
Holistic Health
Power & Peace from God

Choosing to take control and responsibility for my life. One day at a time. One brick at a time. One step at a time. Laser point focus on my goals will make me stronger, happier, and healthier.

Fight to be the best version of yourself.

Dealing with Stress

I like to think that I can handle stress pretty well. But lately, i've been starting to question that. I can definitely feel when i start to build up stress. It's not good to hold it all in. This is why exercise is such a good therapeutic outlet for me. But the past few days I've been so tired, all you want to do is knock out..

"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." -Joshua 1:8-9
...

Taking a Break

You ever tell yourself, "hmm I think I really need a break from everything." lol and part of me also wants to include "..and everyone" but i know that's not true. An old friend once described it as taking a mental or internal vacation into your own mind. It's like taking time to purposely do deep self-reflection, self- exploration, meditation, and soul searching. I find myself contemplating my goals, ambitions, and resolves of who I want to be. Really I just need to re-center myself so my mind isn't so stressed out.

This year my goal was to find a greater sense of peace. So I wanted to take a few weeks of metaphysical solitude. lol whatever that means. Usually I fill up my free time binge watching shows, spending too much time playin games or on youtube, or on my phone texting or watching endless videos just out of boredom. i kinda get why old folks are always complaining about our millennial generation. I definitely need a break from screens for a while, maybe I might be a little more present. i don't think this will last very long. lol

It's funny how when u have too much time to yourself, you want to be busy, productive, out with friends and out pursuing your dreams. But then when your at work, or out with people too long there's really nothing you want more than to just go home and chill.
...

Tidying Up and Facing Challenges

you ever try to log into something, but you cant remember your login name or password. You start to have way too many passwords and variations of it, with capitals, numbers and symbols? lol well, that's not what i wanted to talk about.

i usually think to myself, oh yeah I definitely need to blog about that... and then when i get on, im like.. now what did i want to say again?

oh ya, so I watched a show on Netflix called Tidying Up by Marie Kondo..

Young Once

https://www.youngonce.ca/

Just watched this show called "Young Once." It's all on youtube. and season 2 is about to get released. It's cool cuz its not only filmed in CA but at Biola University! I went to their graduate school, Talbot. But yeah its cool to see the campus. It brings back memories. It has a Laguna Beach / Hills feel to it. The producers do set things up but you can tell that a lot of it is authentic conversations and reactions. It's about Christian dating / courtship and how Christian faith and values are part of those relationships and friendships. One of the main characters, Cassie, is also on the current bachelor season. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets picked for the next bachelorette. They have a comic relief named Tony, and they just film his random adventures and conversations with friends. Anyways, it's worth a watch. Makes me wish I went to Biola for my undergrad. It's pretty awesome to be in that Christian utopia. 

I watched the netflix movie called "Black Mirror Bandersnatch." That was cool cuz u actually make choices which determine the future timeline of events. Black Mirror in general is lit.

Lastly, I'm tryin to binge through 73 episodes of an anime called "World Trigger." It has a really good plot. It's not up to par with My Hero Academia, but it's still p good. 

I also caught up to "Fear the Walking Dead." Latest seasons are super good.

Over the past several months I binged like entire seasons of "The Office." Didn't realize I actually didn't see a lot of episodes before. Such a classic.

uhm oh there's a animated DC movie called, "The Reign of Superman." ima watch tmrw. There's also finally season 3 of "Young Justice"! but idk so far i like previous seasons better.

Also saw "Jurassic World." It was aight.
It's so nice to just watch a show and escape reality sometimes.

For the longest time i've been confused about if periods, commas and question marks go inside or outside of quotation marks. 


The most common question people ask about quotation marks is whether periods and commas go inside or outside, and the answer depends on where your audience lives because in American English we always put periods and commas inside quotation marks, but in British English periods and commas can go inside or outside.semicolons, colons, and dashes always go outside quotation marks.If the question mark or exclamation point is part of your quotation, it stays inside; but if the question mark or exclamation point are not part of the quotation, they go outside the closing quotation mark.

Ok thanks google